October 9, 2015
Mamacita Carnitas will make you bang like cheetahs
Hey hey Mamacita!
So glad to meet ya!
Come over, I’ll treat ya
So sit and down eat, yah?
Mexican food brings me much joy and comfort. Somehow I don’t feel unique for that. Pretty much every date I’ve served sumptuous South of the border nibbles responds in kind. The hot like a cheetah mamacita just comes out. It’s on at that point with no turning back. You can’t close Pandora’s box of bodacious body bumping. So heed my disclaimer: Unimaginable pleasure will result from whipping these carnitas up. Those with whack taste buds and distaste for debauchery should probably find a new recipe site. Read the rest of this entry »
August 14, 2015
Too hot to handle, Too cold to hold. They call this an aphrodisiac, Now go and be bold!
I feel ya! Now feel me. Go on. Reach out and take hold. Wondering what that hot sensation is? It’s my caliente Latin vibe making your brow sweat, heart race, and loins go pitter-patter. Who says boozy drinks can only be sweet, sour, or bloody boring? A pox on thy lame house! How about a spicy alcoholic beverage that is sure to prime them for the night’s inevitable conclusion? That, my friends, is taking the initiative. Your date will never accuse you of having an apologetic palette. Now be sure to feel them as they feel ya tequila. Read the rest of this entry »
July 18, 2014
Come on a banging safari with me!
The Beach Boys sang about surfing safaris. They’d travel the world surfing and singing their little hearts out. Not a bad idea, except substitute banging for surfing, and singing for grilling. Now we’re talking about a trip to remember. We can squeeze in some waves and singing while in the final throes of banging. But it’s all about beach time fun time all the time. You don’t have time to waste in the water when you have hot tanning bodies waiting for you to invite them to chill out while you grill out. Use the surfboard as a prop and hint that you just won a lifetime supply of sunscreen. Offer to rub some of your grand prize onto their shoulders and lure them over to your beach shack. Demonstrate your skills out of the water and grill them up some crazy easy, low-calorie tacos that won’t harm their swimsuit bod. Now comes the easy part of the safari. Read the rest of this entry »
April 25, 2011
Oodles of naughty noodles
This salad’s got everything you need for simple satisfaction. I’m talking the whole tit and caboodle. Sure it looks simple, but the flavor shall dance on your tongue and tickle your balls/girly parts. This is a new member of my salad repertoire, but goddamn does it bring out the smiles! Refreshing, light, and totally tasty. Come summertime, you will be glad you have this in your arsenal. Few dishes will refuel as cleanly after sweaty summer sex. You’re welcome! Read the rest of this entry »
February 6, 2009
Class up the Jell-O by setting them in citrus rinds
Jell-O shots are a symbol of youthful indiscretion. The very use of them conjures up memories of high school or college parties. Turning alcohol into a solid, easily tossable form indicates a clear problem with authority. Anyone making, serving or slurping these lacks maturity and predictability. Shame shame, they know your name! If the kid in you still wants to play hard, read on. If you are shaking your head with disappointment, might I recommend the AARP website where they offer great tips for keeping your shuffleboard skills tip top during winter. Fact: Jell-O shots are silly. Fact: Jell-O shots are a crapshoot of adventure. Part of the fun is seeing how hard they’ll hit you (CTB recommends caution, of course). Chances are good that you’ll end up drunkenly manhandling someone who will hopefully molest you right back. Both your chins will be stained from gelatin and your brains tainted with booze. Do Bill Cosby proud and say it loud, “There’s always room for Jell-O!”
Total time: approximately 4 hours
Projected cost: $6 (excluding vodka)
Drinking Buddy: You’re eating your drink, Mm mm!
1. 1 package of Jell-O, chef’s choice on flavor
2. 2 cups of vodka
3. 2 cups of water
4. Handful of separated mint leaves
5. 6 lemons or oranges to half & hollow out
Bring the water to a roaring boil. Dump in the Jell-O mix and stir until the powder dissolves completely (approx 2 minutes). Turn off the heat and pour the cold or room temperature vodka into the mix.
Cut the lemon or oranges in half and hollow them out. Use a ladle to pour the unformed Jell-O liquid to the brim of each hollow rind. Place in the fridge and allow them to cool and harden (approx 4 hours). Halfway through the process, place a mint sprig in each half and allow them to set. Serve the Jell-O shots up
There's always room for Jell-O!