November 4, 2008
Caprese them up against the mattress
Insalata caprese is the quintessential simple Italian salad. Stacks of tomatoes, cheese and basil make for quite the sexy threesome. Each flavor is in perfect harmony, never getting jealous that one is getting more attention because they are all so damn fine. The tang of the tomato, soothing taste of mozzarella, and the earthy basil twist = KISS THE COOK. That’s what makes this classic clever. Picky dates looking for a reason to leave you taking a cold shower can’t say no to something so seductively simple. Just ask Stephen Hawking. He’d tell you it’s against the laws of astrophysics. You can’t argue with science, nor can you argue with this desirable salad. One way or another, you won’t be sleeping alone. Bear in mind a human body tends to be more comfortable to spoon with.
Ingredients:
1. 2 buffalo mozzarella balls cut into 1 inch thick slices
2. fresh whole basil leaves
3. 2 tomatoes cut into 1 inch slices
4. 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar
5. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Step 1
Stack the tomato, mozzarella and basil, like you stack the card deck cheating at poker. Same principle, but one is way tastier and slightly more honest.
Step 2
Serve up your insalata caprese on a plate and drizzle with the desired amount of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Serve solo, with bread, or with a little serenade.
Variations:
• Substitute tomatoes with roasted red or yellow peppers
• For a creamier, more foux de fa fa version, use burrata cheese
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LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: balsalmic vinegar, basil, caprese, drizzle, LEAFY & LOVELY, mozarella, quick, salad, simple, stacked, tomato | 
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Posted by cooktobang
November 4, 2008
For a good time, call Sweet Potato Ass-Browns.
After a night of making sweet sweet love down by fire, sweet potatoes are a fine way to warm things back up in the morning. Whether that’s eating cold sweet potato pie off your lover or making hash browns between weekend sex marathons. The sweet complex carbohydrates will do you oh so right and happen to be among the most nutritional of all vegetables. Fiber? No doubt. Protein and Iron? Mos def. Calcium, Vitamins A & C? Yes, indeed, and oh yeah! So your dinner date evolved into a breakfast date? Did your new play pal make your toes curl like slices of sweet potatoes soaking in hot, saucy, satisfaction? Then keep ‘em hooked so they come back for round 2 and 3 and 87. Did I mention the ingredients are cheap and easy to find? Always keep you fridge stocked with a few sweet potatoes and great things are sure to cum.
Ingredients:
1. 2 sweet potatoes skinned and shredded into bit size pieces
2. 2 garlic cloves thinly sliced
3. 1 onion chopped coarsely
4. 1 handful of mozzarella (or chef’s choice) cheese
5. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Step 1
Turn the stove onto medium heat and pour 1 tablespoon of olive oil into a pan, heat for 30 seconds, then toss in the garlic, stirring for 15 seconds. Bombard the garlic with the chopped onions and stir until they soften and brown. (approx 3 min)
Step 2
Add another tablespoon of olive oil and toss in the shredded sweet potatoes. Stir in the sweet potatoes with the onions all together until they become soft too. (approx 6 min)
Step 3
Turn off the heat. Throw a handful of cheese over the sweet potatoes and cover the pan. Allow the heat to melt the cheese all over your marvelous creation (approx 1 min) and pull up the lid like Dr. Frankenstein. Serve up your masterpiece on a plate with scrambled eggs or fruit or an indecent proposal. Salt to taste.
Leave a Comment » | MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: breakfast, cheese, MORNING WOOD, mozarella, side dish, simple, sweet potato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 30, 2008
Four slices of fig-tastic cheesy goodness.
Just when your toaster oven thought it was safe from your simple seduction sundries, here comes a kinky quesadilla. Buying the ingredients should be the toughest part. Figs can be pricey, but are technically aphrodisiacs of Biblical significance. But isn’t a night of unspeakable acts worth the effort? These quesadillas also make great appetizers to pre-assemble and take to backyard barbecues, Superbowl parties, or swingers orgies.
Ingredients:
1. 1 medium sized tortilla
2. 4 thin slices of brie
3. 1 tablespoon of fig jam (or sliced figs)
4. 1 handful of crushed candied walnuts
Step 1
Spread the fig jam evenly over half the tortilla, place brie and candied walnuts on the other half, and close together.
Step 2
Place it in toaster oven and cook for dark toast mode or grill in a pan until each side is browned. Cut into four pieces and serve plain, with sliced avocado or with mango salsa.
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, brie, cheese, figs, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, quesadilla, SEDUCTION, toaster, tortilla, walnuts | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 24, 2008
- If this doesn’t get you laid, you might consider a monastery.
Nothing will make your date say, “I’m going to bang them for making the extra effort,” like a delicious dessert to cap off an awesome meal. This recipe has morphed over the years and is always deal closer. Plus you usually have leftovers for those straight out of the fridge with a spoon after marathon sex moments.
Ingredients:
1. 3 apples peeled and sliced thinly like potato chips
2. 1 package frozen blueberries (fresh are always better)
3. 1/2 cup of oats
4. 1/2 cup of brown sugar
5. 1/2 a stick of butter
Step 1
Preheat oven to 375 degree. Grease a casserole dish or baking pan with butter. Then lay out the apple slices and berries evenly through the pan. Sprinkle cinnamon for extra flavor.
Step 2
On low heat, melt the butter in a saucepan. Throw in the brown sugar and stir until it becomes the consistency of gooey molasses. Add the oats and stir so the oats begin to cook and expand.
Step 3
Cover the apple/berry mix with the brown-sugary oats so you have a think crust over the entire dish.
Step 4
Bake in the oven for 45 minutes until the apples/berry appear soft and the crust is a golden brown. Remove from the oven and allow it to cool. Serve with ice cream if things get too steamy.
Variations:
• You can substitute the fruits such as mangoes, bananas, kiwis, but never EVER use orange!
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: a la mode, apple, blueberry, brown betty, brown sugar, crisp, delicious, dessert, ice cream, oats, SEDUCTION, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 24, 2008
- Mambo mango cook to bango
Regular salsa shouts out “yum!” but mango salsa says you’re both, “classy and well-endowed (with ability to cook).” This little condiments can take the mundane like a healthy (boring) baked chicken and make it magical. You can assure that anorexic supermodel that the calories are minimal. Besides, you’ll burn through those calories soon enough, you sex machine.
Ingredients:
1. 1 mango roughly chopped and depitted
2. 1 tomato roughly chopped
3. 1 handful of cilantro roughly chopped, stems removed
4. 1 green onion roughly chopped
5. ½ a lime
6. 1 jalapeño, deveined and deseeded, and roughly chopped
Step 1
Throw the chunks of mango, tomato, cilantro, green onion and jalapeno into a bowl and mix like a champ. Squeeze the lime.
Step 2
Mix vigorously so the ingredients are battered around like a 50’s housewife. Serve with chips, Mexican food, salad, or over fish/chicken.
4 Comments | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, chips, cilantro, healthy, jalepeno, lime, mango, mexican, salsa, SEDUCTION, spicy, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 24, 2008
Flatbread pizza + wine = boom-chicka-wa-wa
This recipe has been an old stand that never fails to make panties drop. It also works great for parties because it’s fast, simple, aesthetically pleasing, low in carbs, and makes you look like America’s Next Top Chef. For some reason, this deceivingly simple dish gets me more props than a high school drama student. You can throw almost any combination of cheeses, meats and veggies to make your own masterpiece, but below is a classic crowd pleaser.
Ingredients:
1. 1 Lavash flatbread
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. 1 handful of spinach
4. 1 half a red pepper sliced thinly
5. ½ a chicken sausage link sliced thinly
6. 1 handful of mozzarella cheese
7. Thin slices of brie (1/4 of a triangle of brie)
Step 1
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drizzle olive oil over the lavash and spread it around evenly.
Step 2
Place the veggies, meat and cheese over the lavash. It’s best to do veggies first, meat second and cheese last to hold your ingredient down. Like a pizza crust, make sure to leave some room around the edges so it’s easy to hold onto.
Step 3
Place pizza in the oven and bake for about ten minutes. The goal is to have the lavash crust golden brown.
Step 4
Remove from oven and chop into 6-8 pieces. One cut long ways and either two or three cuts short ways then serve with a bottle of wine. Go get em, tiger!
Variations:
• Fig jam, brie, thin pear slices, candied walnuts
• Beets, goat cheese, artichoke hearts
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, brie, cheese, fast, flatbread, italian, lavash, mozarella, pizza, sausage, SEDUCTION, spinach, vegetables | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 24, 2008
Simple enough so you can figure out how to get that damn bra off.
If only seduction was as simple as making salsa. But simplicity is the root of innovation so go with it. Salsa with chips can be a nice light meal or compliments countless dishes. Over fish, tacos, eggs, you name it. Be sure to tell your date you made it from only the finest ingredients, even if you bought them off a truck.
Ingredients:
1. 2 tomatoes roughly chopped
2. 1 green onion roughly chopped
3. 1 handful of cilantro roughly chopped, stems removed
4. 1 jalapeño, deveined and deseeded, and roughly chopped
5. ½ a lime
6. Salt to taste
Step 1
Throw the chunks of tomato, green onion, cilantro and jalapeno into a bowl, squeeze the lime and throw in salt to taste.
Step 2
Mix like an 80’s hip-hop DJ until the salsa break-dances on your date’s tongue via a tortilla chip or your finest taco sampler.
1 Comment | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, cilantro, condiment, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, jalepeno, lime, mexican, onions, salsa, spicy, tacos, tomato, tortilla chips | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 23, 2008
Only your time together should be more tender than this fillet.
This recipe is a variation on a dish made for an ex-girlfriend and I by the housekeeper of a rental house in Tulum, Mexico. Naturally the ex went ape shit over this dish. The sweetest revenge has been to employ this outstanding dish to bed a number of rebounds. It’s best served with Mexican rice, steamed veggies and, if possible, a roasted peach or mango. But a lazy slug can certainly get away with minute rice or over a simple salad.
Ingredients:
1. 2 catfish filets
2. 1 tablespoon achiote seasoning
3. 2 cloves of garlic chopped finely
4. 1 orange quartered
5. 1 Tablespoons of Olive Oil
Step 1
Rub the catfish filets with achiote seasoning and let it absorb for 15 minutes.
Step 2
Pour the olive oil in the pan and sauté the garlic for 30 seconds.
Step 3
Put catfish filets in the pan and squeeze the entire orange, pulp and all, into the pan. After a few minutes flip the filets so they cook evenly.
Step 4
Cook the fish until the orange juice has absorbed into the fish filets. Now the fish serve over rice or a salad.
Leave a Comment » | IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: catfish, entree, garlic, mexican, orange, orgasmic, seafood | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 23, 2008
A Cheesy Meaty Date for your charming magical date.
Appetizers and wine are usually all you need in the spirit of “keeping it casual.” This little ditty makes you look like a fancy French gourmand, ooh la la! If this dish takes you any longer than 7 minutes to prepare then you probably too drunk, stupid, or both. For an extra classy touch, have the dates cooking as your date walks in the door. So impressed they will be, the fact these finger foods were an afterthought will be completely lost.
Ingredients:
1. 7 jellybean-sized chunks of goat cheese
2. 7 fresh medjoula dates split and de-pitted
3. 7 thin strips of bacon (turkey and veggie bacon work great)
Step 1
Stuff each split date with a piece of goat cheese and push them back together. Wrap a bacon strip around each date.
Step 2
Place the dates on a section of tinfoil turned up on the sides so no grease runs. Place in broiler (easy with a toaster oven) and cook until bacon browns. Allow to cool and let them loose along with her animalistic attraction to you.
Variations:
• Stuff with brie or bleu cheese
• Wrap with prosciutto instead and serve cold
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, bacon, broil, cheese, cheesy, dates, fast, goat | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 23, 2008
Sorry, babe. This dish is the apple of my eye.
Crisis mode! You have been obsessing over your hair or possibly a microscopic zit and now your date is minutes away. Dinner is nowhere in sight. No problem. You can have this simple recipe ready by the time they walk through the door ready to put something in their mouth! This also kills at dinner parties and potlucks where you can dazzle the single hotties their with your prowess…in the kitchen.
Ingredients:
1. 1 apple sliced into slices the size of thick potato chips
2. slices of brie cheese equal in size to the apple
3. candied walnuts or pecans (found at most grocery stores)
Step 1
Take an apple slice and place a brie slice above and then a candied walnut on top. Repeat until you have enough.
Step 2
Serve it up with some wine either before dinner or just say fuck it and drink the wine and get down to business.
1 Comment | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, apples, brie, cheese, fast, pecans, SEDUCTION | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients:
Step 2
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 