November 6, 2009
Yes, mistress. Please, mistress. Thank you, mistress.
Kinky is my middle name. Actually it’s Patrick, but I’m considering changing it. I wouldn’t call myself an S&M guy, but I do enjoy pushing the envelope behind closed doors with consenting adults. What’s the point of boring sex? Why half-ass your goal after you put all this effort into convincing someone to get naked? I don’t personally own handcuffs, but I’ve been cuffed to a bed with leopard print bonds. My mistress/lover for the night was rough at times, and then sweet, then rough and so on. It was pretty hot. Melting candle wax on my nipples was just painful, but it was still an experience I remember fondly. The best part is after we were done, we had takeout Pad Thai that she fed me since my hands were still attached to her headboard. That was one of my favorite Thai food memories, which I have since relived in subtle, less painful ways. So here’s my own take on this classic recipe with a little extra sexy thrown into the mix. Just be sure to have a safety word when engaging in Thai-style COOK TO BANG.
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Thai iced tea or beer
Ingredients (serves 2, with post-coital leftovers):
1. 2 tbsp vegetable oil
2. 1-package rice noodles
3. 1 tbsp fish sauce
4. 1 tbsp soy sauce
5. 2 OZ Pad Thai sauce
6. Limejuice to taste
7. 2 eggs
8. 6 green onions chopped coarsely
9. FRIED TOFU
10. 1 red CHILI chopped finely
11. 2 handful chopped peanuts
12. ½ lb SHRIMP
13. ½ lb chicken cut in bite-sized pieces
Marinate the raw chicken with the soy sauce, fish sauce and limejuice (approx 15 min). Cook the chicken in a pan until they brown (approx 3 min). Add the shrimp and cook it all together (approx 2).
Bring a pot of water to a boil, turn the heat low and cook the rice noodles al dente (approx 4 min) and drain. Heat up the oil in deep pan or wok. Add the noodles and mix in the pad Thai sauce thoroughly. Cook in the chicken, shrimp, fried tofu and green onions.
Beat the two eggs and cook flat in a pan like a pancake. Jimmy the eggs off the pan an crown the noodles with it. When serving, throw a handful of peanuts and squeeze some lime over it.
These kinky noodles go great with a BANGO YOUR MANGO CHICKEN CURRY.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, poultry, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, thai | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, candle wax, carbohydrates, carbs, chicken, chili, delicious, DIY, dominatrix, easy, eggs, fish sauce, food, fried tofu, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, libido, limejuice, mistress, naked, nipples, noodles, pad thai me up recipe, pad thai recipe, pad thai sauce, peanuts, recipe, rice noodes, s&m, sado-masochism, safety word, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, soy sauce, takeout, tasty, thai, Thailand, tie me up, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 1, 2008
Spicing up the bedroom is key to successful sexual relations. You never want your partner to get bored with your maneuvers between the sheets. They might end up blogging about your short-cummings or jump ship for Craigslist Casual Encounters. Getting upstaged by cyber-players that live in their mother’s basements is never good for the self-esteem. But don’t you dare give up on yourself just yet. Kick-start that faltering tryst with some flavors you already know and love. Below are some delicious twists in foreplay to eat off your play pal:
Only the finest ingredients belong on your lover
FOODS THAT BELONG IN BED:
• WHIPPED CREAM: A true bedroom classic. Need we say more?
• BERRIES: Fruity nipples you can eat artfully off your partner’s reclined body.
• SASHIMI: Subtle flavor, protein-loaded and simulates another lickable treat.
• CHOCOLATE: Melt over your favorite body parts and eat the aphrodisiac off.
• ICE CUBES: Sugar-free hardened nipples.
• POPSICLES: Cold, refreshing, phallic.
• HONEY: Perfect for licking off the naughtier bits.
• WATERMELON: Light, refreshing, organic Viagra substitute.
The tastier side of lust
FOODS TO AVOID:
• SANDWICHES: Breadcrumbs don’t belong between the sheets.
• CLAM CHOWDER: Hot, white and creamy? This ain’t no hardcore porno.
• PIZZA: Hot melted cheese is tasty, but are 3rd degree burns worth it?
• MAYONNAISE: Belongs on a sandwich, not your naughty bits.
• SALAMI: Unless you’re making object porn, just hide your own salami.
• CHILI PEPPERS: Like pouring battery acid down your shorts.
• TACO SALAD: There is nothing less sexy than this culinary abomination.
Avoid foods with less sex appeal than an STD
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SEDUCTION | Tagged: bang, berries, chili peppers, chocolate, clam chowder, delicious, easy, edible, erotic, fluff, food, foreplay, game changer, get laid, gourmet, honey. Watermelon, ice cube, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, lick, mayonnaise, messy, munch, naked, nipples, orgasm, pizza, popsicle, recipe, romance, salami, sandwich, sashimi, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy time, simple, sinful, sushi, taco salad, Whipped cream | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang