February 18, 2009
Lay that cod on the bed and cook it's brains out
You’ve been rocking that cod all night. Your filet so cooked it’s crispy from all the heat. You’ve ridden it hard and put it away wet. It’s time to put it to bed…of veggies. Welcome to the CTB jungle, baby! You’re gonna die…from an orgasm overdose. This dish overflows with aphrodisiac-loaded potential for seducing even the most prude of Prudences. Sure the price of ingredients ain’t cheap, but you can’t build a rocket to the moon out of sardine cans from the 99cent store. I tried and crash-landed outside of Tijuana where I got a great FISH TACO. This recipe is quality over quantity for that quality someone you really really want. I warn you that it will be rather HARD to determine which orgasm you prefer. The sexual or culinary? Just consider it a multiple orgasm and be done with it.
*Special shout out to master chef Jane for this audaciously awesome recipe.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $20, but worth every goddamn penny!
Drinking Buddy: White wine; just drink the rest of the bottle (see below)
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 Portobello mushroom
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. ½ cup of white wine
4. 1 leek
5. 1 tablespoon of salt
6. Pepper to taste
7. 2 strips of bacon (or turkey or veggie bacon)
8. 2 8-ounce filets of black cod
9. 1 large carrot peeled
10. 1 handful or dried porcini mushrooms
11. 2 garlic cloves minced
Step 1
First you must prep the leeks and Portobello mushrooms that are filthier than your mind. Cut the stem and most of the dark green off the leek, then spilt in half and wash them thoroughly, being sure to wash out the grit between the folds, then chopping thin slices. Peel, filet and dice the carrots. Finally, wash off the Portobello mushroom thoroughly, pull out the stalk gently, scrap out the black gills and chop them into 1-inch thick strips.
Step 2
Heat a large pan on medium-high. Throw in the bacon and cook out all the fat before tossing in the leeks, garlic and carrots and cook them down (approx 5 minutes). Slice the mushroom strips into bite-sized pieces, throw in the salt and cook down further (approx 3 minutes). Dump in the white wine, and turn down heat and allow to simmer while you do Step 3.
Step 3
Take the dried porcini mushrooms and pulverize them in a coffee grinder (if you don’t have grinder, use mortal & pestle, or chop with knife). Throw the shroom dust in a deep container and rub each side of the black cod in it. Heat the olive oil up in another pan on high heat and throw on the coated cod filets cooking each side until crispy before flipping (3 minutes each side). Serve each filet over a bed of veggies.
Who’s getting laid tonight? You are!
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
December 10, 2008
- Slam that bed frame like you’ll Grand Slam your post-coital breakfast
Good god was last night off the chain. And this morning hasn’t exactly been a solemn day of Sunday school or the Sabbath either. Atonement is not an option, but chowing down is. Naturally after a long and fruitful roll in the hay you have both developed quite the appetite. You require the sustenance of protein and carbohydrates to keep you popping and locking into the afternoon. All hail eggs and their natural brain and libido boost! Scramble some of these bad boys up with some choice aphrodisi-tastic ingredients and you have yourself a full recharge. You may having a hard time choosing between this sandwich and your date’s naked body, but know in your heart of hearts that a patient chef can have both. Now hurry up and finish this dish! Your bed frame has an appointment with the wall and you have neighbors to disturb.
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost for ingredients: $6
Drinking Buddy: Orange juice or mimosas if you’re feeling saucy
Ingredients (per sandwich):
1. 1 teaspoon of salt (if desired)
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. ½ tablespoon of mayonnaise
4. 1 small baguette
5. ½ an avocado
6. 1 slice of cheddar cheese
7. 3 pieces of bacon (turkey or veggie bacon cool)
8. 2 eggs
9. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
10. ½ handful of mushrooms
11. 1 handful of lettuce
12. ½ a tomato sliced
Step 1
Fry the bacon and set aside. Throw in the olive oil and grill up the mushrooms.
Step 2
Mix the eggs and green onions in a bowl, adding salt if desired. Pour the mixture over the mushroom and scramble as if your lover’s husband or wife just walked into the house. Crown the eggs with cheddar cheese and allow it to melt like the hearts of the opposite sex.
Step 3
Spread the mayonnaise on the top side of the split baguette. Place the bacon, lettuce, tomato and avocado into the bread’s open mouth. Finally stuff the eggs in, cut the sandwich in half and serve it to your date in bed before round 3. Hot sauce can throw a tasty curveball your way.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bacon, baguette, bang, breakfast, breakfast in bed, breakfast sandwich, cheddar, cheese, delicious, easy, eggs, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet egg sandwich, green onions, guarantee, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, lettuce, mushrooms, naked, post-coital, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sinful, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 10, 2008
Scrumptious spankings because Baby’s Got BAPT!
When I hear the word BLT, I see a greasy diner filled with truckers and vagabonds shoveling down gruel at 4am. But you can’t underestimate the power of bacon to transform something lame into something with game. Bacon’s crispness can resuscitate flavorless iceberg lettuce and beefsteak tomatoes. It comes in so many variations that everyone from anemic vegans to carnivores gnawing on turkey legs can enjoy. So why waste bacon on lame ingredients when you can turn up the bass with something outstanding? This recipe came out of serendipitous dumb luck. I met a girl at a party with a feather boa and convinced her to come back to my place with the promise of a late night snack. But I forgot to mention my fridge was more barren than Jennifer Aniston. There were four near stale slices of bread, turkey bacon (she was one of those “vegetarians” who eats fish and poultry), ½ and avocado that needed to be eaten stat, and a healthy heirloom tomato. But there was no lettuce unless you count the fern in the kitchen. Luckily I had a neglected pear sit all by itself in the fruit bowl just begging to be eaten out. My hot hungry companion went from skeptical to agreeable in the time it took to toast the stale bread. The feather boa remained on the whole night, but her clothes were not so luckily.
Ingredients (per sinwich):
1. 3 crisp bacon strips
2. ¼ avocado sliced in strips
3. 4 thin round slices of tomato
4. 4 thin slices of a pear
5. 2 slices of bread (not pictured)
Step 1
Fry the bacon in a pan until crisp. Pat the grease dry with a paper towel and set aside.
Step 2
Toast the bread of your choice and add favorite condom-ments; CTB recommends sourdough or cracked wheat with wasabi mayonnaise spread on one side and goat cheese on the other.
Step 3
Assemble the sinwich however you like, spreading the ingredient evenly across the bread and close up shop. Cut the sinwich in half (or smaller) before serving because it’s both less messy and classier than San Diego.
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Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: avocado, bacon, blt, bread, pear, sandwich, SINWICHES, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 23, 2008
A Cheesy Meaty Date for your charming magical date.
Appetizers and wine are usually all you need in the spirit of “keeping it casual.” This little ditty makes you look like a fancy French gourmand, ooh la la! If this dish takes you any longer than 7 minutes to prepare then you probably too drunk, stupid, or both. For an extra classy touch, have the dates cooking as your date walks in the door. So impressed they will be, the fact these finger foods were an afterthought will be completely lost.
Ingredients:
1. 7 jellybean-sized chunks of goat cheese
2. 7 fresh medjoula dates split and de-pitted
3. 7 thin strips of bacon (turkey and veggie bacon work great)
Step 1
Stuff each split date with a piece of goat cheese and push them back together. Wrap a bacon strip around each date.
Step 2
Place the dates on a section of tinfoil turned up on the sides so no grease runs. Place in broiler (easy with a toaster oven) and cook until bacon browns. Allow to cool and let them loose along with her animalistic attraction to you.
Variations:
• Stuff with brie or bleu cheese
• Wrap with prosciutto instead and serve cold
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, bacon, broil, cheese, cheesy, dates, fast, goat | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients (serves 2):
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 