cornstarch | Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid

Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

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CASHEW MONEY CHICKEN

January 9, 2016

Grass, Ass, or Cash-ews

Cash money makes our world go around. It’s the international language of “fuck you, I’m rich!” Here at Cook To Bang we like commerce as much as the next perverted food blog. But the whole spirit of CTB comes from the desire to take money out of the dating equation. Food is the great equalizer. Everyone needs to eat. Almost everyone wants to bang. You don’t have to bang your lover on 1000 gold thread count sheets. A sleeping bag over a La-Z-Boy could be just as much fun and certainly more of an athletic feat. Everyone wins when you Cook To Bang. And this CTB take on a classic Chinese dish will win you much props and improper propositions.

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3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: 1000 thread count, aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, cash money, cashew chicken recipe, cashew money chicken, cashews, chicken breasts, Chinese, commerce, cornstarch, dating equation, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, international language, kitchen, la-z-boy, libido, msg, mushrooms, naked, nuts ginger, onion, oyster sauce, propositions, recipe, scallions, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, soy sauce, tasty, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang

IT’S ON LIKE SZECHUAN EGGPLANT

October 22, 2014

Forgive the food slur and start to purr

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is not a test of the emergency broadcast center. There will definitely be something wrong with your TV once I unleash the fury. The Chinese have responded to a white man’s attempt at a classic dish. UN resolutions were passed, harsh censures and condemnations issued, apologies accepted that rebuked. Who would have thought me taking a little creative license in the kitchen to try to impress a cute Chinese citizen would cause such international crisis? Granted, homegirl wasn’t impressed for authentic it was not. But tasty it was. Perhaps I can explain that to the lynch mob surrounding my house with pitchforks. Newsflash, douche bags: my head on a platter won’t smooth things over. Only the diplomacy in my pants will do. Now fly me to Beijing! Read the rest of this entry »

3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: bang, banging, Beijing, chicken breast, china, Chinese, cilantro, cornstarch, delicious, DIY, easy, eggplant, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, it’s on! Szechuan eggplant, kitchen, libido, lynch mob, ms. Chinatown, naked, oyster sauce, proc, recipe, red chili peppers, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame chili oil, sex, soy sauce, stir fry, sugar, Szechuan eggplant recipe, Szechuan province, tasty, UN, united nations, yellow bell pepper, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang

POP THEIR CHERRY JUBILEE

July 29, 2009

Pop goes the cherry!

Everyone’s cherry gets popped at some point, save for a few devout priests and nuns. But I wager even these noble and holy rollers have indulged in some sort of debauch. Chances are, these indulgences are of the oral nature. Get your mind out of the gutter; I’m talking about food, fool! Belgium monks once made the greatest beers and chocolate in the world. You can still honor God with an edible orgasm so long as you don’t touch yourself inappropriately while you imbibe. The rest of us sinners have carte blanche to sin carnally while eating pigishly. I reckon it’s about that time to pop pop POP your cherry jubilantly. You will feel like you were touched for the very first time after your first bite. By the second and third and last bite, you will be a filthy culinary nympho eager for more. Next!

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Champagne

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash cinnamon
2. Vanilla ice cream
3. 1 tsp vanilla extract
4. 2 tbsp brown sugar
5. 8-OZ juice (chef’s choice)
6. 1 tsp cornstarch
7. 1/8 butter stick
8. 2 fat handfuls of cherries

Step 1
Bring the juice in a saucepan to a slow simmer on medium heat. Add the butter, brown sugar, vanilla extract, and cinnamon. Scoop out a little of the sauce, mix with the cornstarch, and add back to the sauce and reduce (approx 5 min).

Step 2
Remove the stem and pits from the cherries and throw them into the sauce, cooking until they soften and congeal to the sauce (approx 3 min). Scoop ice cream into bowls and crown with the jubilee, you jubilant bastard!