SEX CRAZY MOFO TOFU SCRAMBLE

September 17, 2014
Even prissy vegans can indulge in this walk on the wild side.

Even prissy vegans can indulge in this walk on the wild side.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  At least that is what nutritionists keep telling me.  Perhaps these know-it-alls with their charts and lab coats and rosy cheeks are right.  Filling your gullet with kickass nutrients prepares you for any crazy $%&@ thrown your way.  Eat a solid breakfast and you will be able to catch a blimp on fire hurtling down to the earth with your pinkie finger.  Sounds about right.  So here’s an uber-healthy recipe with protein to the extreme with plenty of fiber and lycopene without that Fatty McGee you get with scrambling eggs. You will be prepared to stop a flamingo stampede heading straight for a bus full of kindergartners, or at the very least, Cook and Bang your date from last night like a superhero.  Now you just have to work on your secret identity, you Sex Crazy Mofo! Read the rest of this entry »


SUN-DRIED SEX APPEAL PASTA

September 26, 2011
Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors.

Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors.

All that time in the sun will do one of two things: in youth, it makes you look hotter and more desirable; but as the years wear on, all that sunlight can reduce your body to a leather handbag.  I have witnessed many sun-worshipping hotties wither away in a matter of years.  What a waste of a perfectly hard body.  Anyway…this digression was brought to you by Coppertone suntan lotion.  The point to all this warbling is that drying yourself out in the sun is not sexy, but doing the same to a tomato makes my engines revs.  See I’m totally gay for tomatoes as is.  But when you concentrate the lycopene-laced flavor and it becomes like Spanish Fly.  Sex appeal oozes at your pores the moment you throw the sun-dried love into the mix.  This simple pasta dish went from a subdued “Yay…” to a scream-from-the-highest-rooftop “How you like me now?!”  Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors. Read the rest of this entry »


VIAGRA-MELON SOUP

August 23, 2011
Forget the little blue pill.  Try the big green melon!

Forget the little blue pill. Try the big green melon!

Are you feeling weak-willed, pathetic and flaccid?  You no longer have an excuse with this outstanding summer soup recipe.  Studies have proven that the citrulline in WATERMELON triggers arginine, the chemical in Viagra that gets male pistons pumping.  This soup will turbo charge your libido so you can take plenty of prisoners in the bedroom who won’t want to be released.  Stockholm Syndrome will be in effect with the amount of good loving you will be dishing out in a soup bowl.  Did I mention how refreshing chilled watermelon soup tastes, especially when you go for seconds after a particularly exhausting banging session?  Now get yourself to the market and then blow your dates mind, body and soul.  Boom-chicka-wah-wah! Read the rest of this entry »