November 18, 2015
Pimp my pumpkin like Cindarella’s, but with way more umph!
Halloween is upon us. Truth be told, I’d take Halloween over Christmas, Thanksgiving and Kwanzaa combined. Something about turning yourself into someone or something else just whets my appetite for destruction. Unspeakable acts of mayhem and perversion have occurred on my Halloween watch. The fact I don’t remember much of it seems beside the point. The pretentious side of me finds the whole transformation thing very Kafka, while the idiotic derelict in me just thinks it’s a great excuse become reckless. So I always apply this theory to my pumpkins each year. My Halloween tradition is to purchase two pumpkins, one to carve into sarcastic social commentary, and the other less pretty pumpkin I demand for free becomes something delicious. So I pimped my pumpkin into a soup with Thai-style flavor. The lucky lady who joined me for the jack-off-lantern carving party did agree and demonstrated her appreciation the old fashioned way…orally.
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: MO MOJO MOJITOS
Ingredients (for six):
1. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 4 cups chicken stock (use vegetable stock to make vegan)
3. 2 cups coconut milk
4. 2-3 lb pumpkin
5. Salt at your discretion
6. 1 teaspoon dried lemongrass
7. 1 onion chopped coarsely
8. 1 small handful of freshly sliced GINGER
9. Lime wedges to squeeze into soup
Step 1
Cut the ends off the pumpkin, skin it, slice in half, scoop out the seeds and gunk, and slice into chunks.
Step 2
Sauté the ginger and onions with 1 tbsp of olive oil, spicing it with lemongrass (approx 5 min). Add the pumpkin, throw in the remaining olive oil and sauté until the pumpkins soften (approx 7 min).
Step 3
Add the stock and bring to a boil. Turn the heat down low and simmer (approx 35 min). Puree the soup, add the coconut milk, and heat through. Squeeze some lime into each bowl you ladle up.
Serve up this with some Thai NOODLES and you’re sure to have a happy ending.
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
October 30, 2015
It was a dark and stormy night. There was a knock on my door. I opened the door only to find a slutty vampire ready to suck me dry.
The time is upon us! My favorite holiday has arrived and I am ready to indulge in all manner of costumed tomfoolery. You have to love a holiday that is an excuse for girls to bring out their inner sluts. And sluts are given a pass for being the whores they are. Dudes can act like maniacs and blame the “character” they are playing. This year I am dressing like a doctor with a cardboard box labeled: FREE MAMMOGRAMS. Someone needs to get the word out about Breast Cancer Awareness and if that means fondling hot strangers frittatas, I accept. Yet I digress from my main point which is encourage my readers to be reckless, drink heavily and sleep with someone dressed like a slutty nurse, hunky fireman or the 10 million lemmings dressed like Michael Jackson. Halloween is a perfect time to recruit new dates to COOK TO BANG. Serve this awesomely boozy and rather tasty orange punch and you’ll be well on your way. When in doubt, blame the booze. Boo! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | holidays, libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, beverage, black licorice, boobs, booze, breast cancer awareness, breasts, cocktail, dark rum, delicious, DIY, doctor, drunk, easy, fondle frittatas, food, game changer, get laid, ginger ale, gourmet, gourmet jungle juice, guarantee, Halloween, Halloween punch recipe, Halloween suck-her punch recipe, homemade, hunky fireman, ice, intercourse, kitchen, kool-aid, libido, Michael Jackson, mix, naked, orange, orange punch, party, pineapple juice, recipe, reckless, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slutty, sweet, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 3, 2009
Antioxidize your sexual frustration!
I am most inclined to bang in the morning. My attention is, shall we say, piqued? Not sure if has to do with the fact I’m well rested of that my dreams are so goddamn sexy that I turn myself on. Considering my dreams are essentially Red Shoe Diaries episodes minus David Duchovny, I’d go with the latter. When I have company come morning time, then the whirlwind of screams, moans and panting expressions of gratitude before and after breakfast are assured. But there are occasions when I wake up alone, hungry for something that is not there. Wondering what I do during those moments of frustration? I forego the desire to go postal and channel my energy into a badass breakfast that will get my brain charged and inspired to not repeat another sexless morning. This little treat was concocted and it satisfied most of my needs. This weekend I remade this breakfast delight for my late night Halloween guest before homegirl did the walk of shame dressed like a slutty ice cream cone. Could you blame me for going for the girl dressed like food? I do after all, Cook to Bang…or in this case, lick to bang.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 2 sausages cut in bite-sized pieces
3. 1 dash salt
4. 1 dash black pepper
5. 3 eggs
6. ½ pomegranate worth of seeds
7. 1 handful shredded jack cheese
8. ½ onion chopped coarsely
Step 1
Beat the eggs with salt, pepper and half the pomegranate seeds. CLICK HERE if you want to know the trick to getting removing the seeds.
Step 2
Sauté the onions and sausage with the olive oil. Pour in the eggs mixture and scramble like a champ. Turn off the heat, throw the cheese over the top and cover until the cheese melts (approx 2 min). Scatter shot the remaining pomegranate seeds and serve.
Serve this classy, antioxidant breakfast with some SWEET ASS-BROWNS or FORBIDDEN FRUIT SALAD.
Leave a Comment » | fusion, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: badass, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, calivirgin, dairy, david duchovny, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, going postal, gourmet, guarantee, Halloween, homemade, intercourse, jack cheese, kitchen, libido, morning, naked, olive oil, onion, pomegranate, pomegranate scramble recipe, pomegratify your morning desires recipe, recipe, red shoe diaries, salt, sausage, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexless, slutty ice cream cone, tasty, walk of shame, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 