April 11, 2016
Don't forget the milk with them titties
Don’t forget the milk with them titties

Give it up for KISS MY PEANUT BUTTER TITTIES.  They are stupidly simple to make, show imagination and a touch of humor, the essentially ingredient in attraction.  If you’re a guy, these say, “I love your breasts so much I had to commemorate them with a high calorie treat.”  If you’re a woman, the cookies say, “Just to remind you how amazing my breasts are, take a nibble, baby.”  Everybody wins with these edible mammaries!  An added bonus is that you can make a ton of these if you are dating more than one person.  Plus they make great gifts for your friends, coworkers and family that aren’t easily offended.  You best get baking.

peanut-kisses-prepIngredients (makes 20-30 cookies):
1. 1 cup of brown sugar
2. 1 cup of white sugar
3. 1¼ cups of flour
4. ½ teaspoon of baking soda
5. ½ teaspoon of baking powder
6. ½ cup of peanut butter
7. 1 teaspoon of vanilla
8. ½ cup of honey
9. 2 eggs
10. Hershey Kisses
11. ½ cup of margarine or butter

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.  Mix the butter/margarine and peanut butter.  Mix in the eggs and vanilla.  Next mix the baking powder, baking soda, honey, white and brown sugars.  Finally mix the flour in (the mixture will be thick so be careful not to burn out the engine if you use a hand blender).peanut-kisses-mix
Step 2
Unwrap all the Hershey Kisses and set aside.  Roll small balls of cookie dough the side of walnuts in their shells.  Set two balls side by side, leaving a ½ inch between them.   Make sure each pair has enough room to expand.  Bake 7 to 9 minutes until the edges of the cookies brown.  Remove from the oven and transfer onto wax paper to cool, immediately setting 2 Kisses on each cookie.  After a minute, pinch the tips and push down softly until you get your desire areola look.  Allow to cool, then package for gifts or each with milk, soymilk or by itself.


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March 21, 2016
Your D-cups fill out nicely!

Your D-cups fill out nicely!

This dish is stacked!  I mean the cups are full and voluptuous.  Ain’t no flat-chested FINGER FOOD here. No need for implants to help these fill out. The chicken breasts are supple and pouting, not to mention double-D-licious!  I have enjoyed this dish many times in the company of dates at fine Chinese restaurant and not so fine ones that rhyme with PF WANGS.  But only when I made it at home did I realize how simple, tasty, and awesome this dish can be.  Blow you date away with some familiar, but so much better since you made it with your own two hands.  Take a hold of those lettuce D-Cups, caress, fondle and then let your mouth get to work.

chicken lettuce d-cups prepTotal time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Beer or CHASING GINGER TAIL

Ingredients (for 2):
1. Plum or hoisin sauce (at your discretion)
2. 1 tbsp soy sauce
3. 1 tbsp vegetable oil
4. 1 tsp oyster sauce
5. 1 small lettuce head
6. 2 chicken breasts
7. 3 mushrooms sliced thinly
8. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
9. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly
10. 1 handful chopped peanuts

Step 1
Mince the chicken finely with your sharpest knife.  Marinate it in the soy sauce and oyster sauce (approx 15 min).
chicken lettuce d-cups marinate
Step 2
Sauté the garlic, green onions and mushrooms with vegetable oil until they soften (approx 3 min).  Throw in the chicken and the nuts and cook through (approx 4 min).
chicken lettuce d-cups saute
Step 3
Fill up the lettuce cups with the goods.  Add a teaspoon or so of the plum or hoisin sauce to each cup and then add a healthy scoop of the minced chicken filling.
chicken lettuce d-cups fill
Serve them up on a platter to share with the spirit of camaraderie and banging on your mind.
chicken lettuce d-cups served

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October 30, 2015
halloween suck-her punch served

It was a dark and stormy night. There was a knock on my door. I opened the door only to find a slutty vampire ready to suck me dry.

The time is upon us!  My favorite holiday has arrived and I am ready to indulge in all manner of costumed tomfoolery.  You have to love a holiday that is an excuse for girls to bring out their inner sluts.  And sluts are given a pass for being the whores they are.  Dudes can act like maniacs and blame the “character” they are playing.  This year I am dressing like a doctor with a cardboard box labeled: FREE MAMMOGRAMS.  Someone needs to get the word out about Breast Cancer Awareness and if that means fondling hot strangers frittatas, I accept.  Yet I digress from my main point which is encourage my readers to be reckless, drink heavily and sleep with someone dressed like a slutty nurse, hunky fireman or the 10 million lemmings dressed like Michael Jackson.  Halloween is a perfect time to recruit new dates to COOK TO BANG.  Serve this awesomely boozy and rather tasty orange punch and you’ll be well on your way.  When in doubt, blame the booze.  Boo! Read the rest of this entry »


March 24, 2009
Put down the chicken breast and no one gets hurt!

Put down the chicken breast and no one gets hurt!

Yeah, you heard me!  Take your hands off my chicken breasts and amscray!  You don’t see me walking around all cavalier and fondling other people’s breasts.  What?  Well that was consensual! Very very consensual!  Oh, and that other time.  You got me there.  But that was just to draw a laugh.  No, I’m not messing with you.  You can’t blame me for that!  It was a double dog dare!  And if I’m not mistaken, she did give me her number.  I cooked for her too.  We had a great evening and, yes, I did fondle.  But she insisted.  I was perfectly happy to just play Scrabble and discuss current events.  So once again, I’m not in the wrong.  You are!  Now are you going to put my breasts down so I can grill them or will I have to resort to fisticuffs?  I will defend my chicken breasts’ honor and then eat them if it’s the last thing I do!

Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red red wine

lemon-chicken-pasta-prep1Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. 1 teaspoon of salt
3. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
4. ½ teaspoon of dried basil
5. 2 teaspoons of black pepper
6. ¼ pound of dried Rotelle pasta
7. 3 tomatoes chopped coarsely
8. 2 handfuls of sliced mushrooms
9. ½ a lemon of juice
10. ½ pound of chicken breast sliced into bite-sized pieces
11. 2 handfuls of bite-sized broccoli pieces
Step 1
Mix up the chicken with the lemon juice and black pepper and allow it to marinate (approx 10 minutes).  Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a pan on medium heat.  Then cook the chicken through in it’s own juices until it goes white (approx 6 minutes).  Set aside.
lemon-chicken-pasta-marinate-grillStep 2
Heat up the rest of the olive oil in a pan and stir-fry the broccoli and mushrooms with more lemon juice until they soften (approx 4 minutes).  Finally add the tomatoes along with a liberal dashing of salt, crushed red pepper and basil, and stew and stir it all down into a sauce (approx 5 minutes).
lemon-chicken-pasta-sauce1Step 3
Boil water, cook and drain the pasta al dente.  Pour in the pasta in with sauce and stir it up.  Crown it all with the lemon pepper chicken, and serve.
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