BANGRIA

November 6, 2015
Go ahead, drink up that mystical gypsy potion!

Go ahead, drink up that mystical gypsy potion!

The sound of castanets and Flamenco guitar riffs echo through the streets.  I see a momentary flash of a beautiful figure in a black dress sauntering towards, and then she’s gone.  Carmen?  Is that you again?    It seems that every time I eat Spanish tapas and drink sangria she appears.  That unattainable Spanish hard body has been haunting my subconscious ever since I first laid eyes on her in a bar in Valencia.  There I was, the gringo in the corner of the Spanish nightclub sipping my first sangria.  Carmen crossed the room towards me, took my glass and downed it, then led me onto the dance floor.  She wrapped on leg around my hip and I melted.  The filthy suggestions she breathed heavily into my ear in her native tongue sent my mind skitso.  Carmen sent me for one last round of sangria.  When I eagerly returned she had vanished.  To this day I don’t know if she was real or a hallucination brought on by a sangria overdose.  That is why I make sangria now.  Perhaps Carmen will return or, at the very least, I can turn the woman I serve it to into Carmen…for the night. Read the rest of this entry »


VIA BANGRIA

August 17, 2012

Via Bangria via mi cama

This recipe comes from Mandy in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had to include a boozy recipe with summer finally here. Mandy writes:

Sangria in summer is necessary for me as the free clinic is to a hooker. I can’t live without some cold fruity wine as the sun beats down. The best way to enjoy it is with as little clothing as possible. No clothing is best. There’s no better way to cool you down after stick summer sex. Plus you can pick out the fruit and eat them off your play pal. The best part of this recipe is that it’s a portable party for backyard BBQs, pool parties, or orgies. Read the rest of this entry »


SPANKING SPANISH RICE

January 9, 2009
This Spanish Rice is certifiably spankingly spectacular!
This Spanish Rice is certifiably spankingly spectacular!

Barcelona in the later summer is a guaranteed whirlwind for the weary traveler with a backpack. Flamenco guitars serenade beauties in the balconies above and capture the heart of even the biggest hater. I remember one thing with absolute clarity: the quality of the food and women are top notch. Black designer mini dresses flapping behind Vespas. Plates piled high with raw shellfish and overflowing bowls of the best rice I had ever tasted. One night after a sangria or three and a plate full of OYSTERS, I found myself being led to a discotequa by a Nigerian Dr. Dre wannabe I befriended at a coffee shop. My evening soundtrack became hip hop beats to Catalan** lyrics. I don’t speak a word. My 3rd grade level Spanish was all I had to flirt with a Barcelona pure-bred hottie. She awarded me an A for effort and danced with me out in a plaza off Las Ramblas. We were good to go back to my place until she found out I was at a hostel sharing a room with three strangers. She vanished into the nearest cab leaving me bummed out with blue balls. So I cheered myself up with a perfect consolation prize: a plate of Spanish rice. I suppose that it was almost as good as spanking a Spaniard.

**In Barcelona, they speak Catalan, a derivation of Spanish that is a bitch to learn.

Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends what you serve with it. Tequila, beer or sangria if you are feeling especially Spanish

spanish-rice-toast-prepIngredients:
1. 1 cup of white rice
2. 2 cups of chicken broth
3. 1 dash of salt
4. ¼ cup of olive oil
5. 1 handful of chopped cilantro
6. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
7. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
8. 1 onion chopped coarsely
9. 1 red bell pepper chopped coarsely
10. 1 small carrot chopped or grated coarsely

Step 1
Toast the rice first by heating up the oil in a pan on medium heat and cook until they brown, stirring occasionally (approx 5 minutes). Throw in the garlic and cook another minute. Throw in the rest of the veggies: cilantro, tomato, onion, bell pepper and carrot and cook them down with the toasty rice (approx 5 minutes).
spanish-rice-toast-veggies
Step 2
Pour in the chicken stock and salt it up a bit. Crank the heat up until the stalk begins to boil, then turn the heat down super low and simmer until the rice absorbs the stock (approx 20 minutes). You officially have some spectacular spanking Spanish rice to serve with something equally outstanding like ORANGASMIC CATFISH, FISHY PINK TACOS or MOLE. Go get those chicas and hombres!
spanish-rice-boil

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SHAKE YOUR FRIT-TATAS!

October 23, 2008
Shake it, baby!  Shake some salt on those eggs.

Shake it, baby! Shake some salt on those eggs.

Congratulations!  If you are making this dish, your date slept over.  This dish takes a while so they better be worth it or you’re better off toasting some Eggos and stuffing them in a cab.  But if this is the ONE, or just an incredible lay you want to keep around, try this dish on for size.  It also works great for brunch with friends or family too.  Note that not all these ingredients are necessary and you can throw your own favorites in there, but you need the tortilla and eggs.

Ingredients:
1. 4 eggs beaten
2. 2 medium or one burrito sized tortilla
3. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
4. 1 sausage (chicken or pork) cut into thin bite sized pieces
5. 1 handful of spinach
6. ½ a tomato chopped coarsely
7. 1 handful of shredded
Mozzarella or cheddar

Step 1
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease a small casserole dish with butter or olive oil.  Stuff the tortilla into the casserole dish so that it lines it.  Break up the tortilla if necessary.

Step 2
Add the spinach, sausage, tomato and green onions over the tortilla lined casserole dish.  Pour in the eggs, which should fall towards the bottom and submerge all the ingredients. Throw the shredded mozzarella on top.

Step 3
Bake the frittata for 35-45 minutes until it rises and the cheese on top should be browned like a crust.  Remove the dish from the oven and allow it to cool.  Finally cut it into squares and spatula up an appropriate sized chunk.  Serve with salsa, hot sauce or other flavors to sex it up.