May 1, 2015
Why spend another Friday night at home pissed off at yet another flake?
My number one frustration in the dating scene is flakes. Nothing pisses me off more than having a date lined up for the night and getting a call, or worse, a text message with some half-baked excuse about a forgotten lobotomy appointment. I erase their phone numbers on the spot and wipe their existence from my memory banks. This happens to all of us, especially with those you pick up without the benefit of an acquaintance’s introduction. Thems the breaks of being on the prowl. So what’s a player to do to avoid becoming a victim of the better offer? Wow the living shit out of them with a memorable meal. Granted these flaky whores and douches need to sample your cuisine first. But once they do, flaking will be the last thing on their mind. Their concern will be staying in your good graces so they never miss one of your epic meals. Crab cakes send a clear message that you are a keeper and deserve the utmost respect and courtesy. There are millions of sexy singles who would gladly take their place at your dinner table and boudoir. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2009
Pimp that shrimp like a chimp with a limp
First off, my apologies for yesterdays post. I think I ate the brown acid again. As penance, please accept this kick ass salad that is scrumptious, packed with protein and an aphrodisiac quadruple threat. This dish will not disappoint in the pimping department. All those flavors will be out working the corner for you, luring johns and janes in for a little cat scratch fever. Once they get a taste, they will be customers for life…or until you kick their ass to the curb in favor of a better paying/looking clientele. Always remember that a good pimp is a kind pimp. No need to rough up the goods by tossing that salad too hard. A couple good shakes will put the flavor hos in line to do your bidding. Now get out there and get that money, honey!
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $17
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. 1 small handful jack cheese
6. 1 red bell pepper chopped coarsely
7. ½ lb ASPARAGUS spears
8. 1 small handful BASIL chopped finely
9. 1 small handful parsley chopped finely
10. ½ lemon
11.½ lb cook SHRIMP, tails removed
12. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
Step 1
Cut the stems off the asparagus spears and blanch them in a thin layer of water (approx 5 min). Chop the asparagus in half.
Step 2
While the asparagus blanches, create the dressing by combining the basil, parsley, cayenne pepper, salt, red wine vinegar and olive oil.
Step 3
Toss the red bell pepper, shrimp, asparagus, dressing and lemon. Allow it to marinate in the fridge (approx 20 min).
Step 4
Place half the spinach on each plate and crown with jack cheese. Drain the dressing from the shrimp and veggies and split up the goods.
Serve as perfect lunch salad or follow it up with something meaty like ROASTED CHICKEN RUB DOWN.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asparagus, bang, banging, basil, brown acid, cat scratch fever, cayenne pepper, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hos, intercourse, jack cheese, janes, johns, kitchen, lemon, libido, low-carb, naked, olive oil, parsley, penance, pimp, pimp that shrimpy ass-paragus recipe, prostitutes, protein, recipe, red bell pepper, red wine vinegar, roughage, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp asparagus salad recipe, spinach, tasty, toss your salad, veggies, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 17, 2009
Eternal culinary salvation is at your fingertips.
Praise the Lor…no wait…praise the whores! May all the sinners of the world indulge without fear of reprisal from the cock-blocking conservatives. Who are they to say what body parts you can or can’t slather in salad dressing? Do my nipples smothered in Japanese miso dressing condemn me to eternal damnation? Alas, my conscience says NO! Fear not the reprisals from an angry God bent on you burning in hell fire with sharp pitchforks piercing your soft bum. Instead we must continue our hedonist ways for the sake of our fellow sinners. This salad is all about indulging without risking tainting your soul or your healthy diet regimen. So dig in and feel no shame. You are loved. Amen.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: White wine or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 chicken breast baked
2. 1 hard-boiled egg
3. Japanese miso dressing
4. 1 handful of dried cranberries
5. Lettuce
6. 1 tomato cut in wedges
7. ½ an AVOCADO sliced thinly
Step 1
Chop the lettuce into bite-sized pieces. Slice the hardboiled egg thinly. Cut the chicken into long strips.
Step 2
Lay out each plate in this order: lettuce, tomato, avocado, chicken, egg, cranberries and lastly Japanese miso dressing at your discretion.
Serve up without shame or fear of religious reprisal.
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: amen, aphrodisiac, atkins, avocado, bang, banging, chicken, cock-blocking, conservatives, delicious, DIY, dried cranberries, easy, eternal damnation, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hardboiled egg, healthy diet regimen, healthy salad, hell, homemade, intercourse, Japanese miso dressing, kitchen, lettuce, libido, naked, praise the lord, recipe, seduce, sex, sinful salvation salad recipe, tasty, tomato, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 