June 19, 2015
You say Menudo, I say Backstreet Boys, Serve them up at 98 Degrees
What’s the first thing you think of when I say MENUDO? You probably are thinking about a crappy Latin boy band from the 80’s. This is truly unfortunate. You are letting outdated pop culture byproducts cloud your judgment. Let me educate you unfortunate souls on menudo mix. This simple Mexican blend of herbs and spices (oregano, crushed red pepper flakes, onion powder, cumin, and onion powder) can take some dishes from bueno to AY CARUMBA! Like Ricky Martin’s career, this is certainly the case with this dish. Shrimp have the glorious ability to absorb almost any flavor into its awesome texture. Keep them in their shells and you will have flavor to spare. You just have to bring the same amount of flare into the bedroom as Menudo brought on stage for the millions of 80’s teenage girls in their neon leggings and jelly shoes. I have faith in you. So next time you think about Menudo, eat without prejudice. Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: 80’s, Antoine, aphrodisiac, atkins, bang, boy band, cumin, delicious, DIY, easy, flavor, game changer, get laid, gourmet, Grilled shrimp recipe, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jelly shoes, kitchen, leggings, lemon, menudo mix, menudo shrimp recipe, mexican, mexico, naked, neon, olive oil, onion powder, oregano, recipe, red pepper, Ricky martin, salt, seafood, seduce, sex, shrimp, south beach diet, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
March 10, 2015
If you’re looking for trouble, you’ve come to the right site.
If you’re looking at this site, you are most certainly asking for trouble. This is not a nice blog to share with your grandmother. Perhaps your mom, if she’s open-minded or a hot MILF. The Cook To Bang staff warns you that our content may cause increased heart rate and libido. But can you blame us? We are all hopped up on this Atkins-friendly low-carb protein-blast salad. Every bite brings us closer to walking confidentially in thongs in South Beach. We employed the countless fad diets and a massive dose of steroids to make us beach ready. You’re wondering if the risks to my health and mental state for bedlam rock-star food orgies were worth it. You think this hot ass and glistening bedroom muscles are some accident? Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asking for trouble, atkins, atkins for trouble burger salad, avocado, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, bedroom muscles, black pepper, burger salad recipe, carbs, carrots, cilantro, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, egg, fad diets, food, food orgies, food orgy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, greens, grill, ground beef, ground turkey, guarantee, hard-boiled, homemade, hot ass, intercourse, kitchen, libido, milf, naked, olive oil, raspberry vinaigrette, recipe, rock star, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, south beach, south beach diet, spinach, steroids, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 10, 2014
Get ready for some non-spaghetti in beddy!
This one goes out to all the sexy singles marching blindly to Atkins’ carb-free tune. Myself included. All this cooking and banging has put a hold on my underwear-modeling career. But only temporarily! I’m coming back hotter and more in your face awesome than ever. Healthy food is always the sexiest. We’ll skip the carbohydrated pasta in favor of nature’s non-processed solution. Spaghetti squash is an adventure of ingenuity and texture. It takes to a pasta sauce like a hooker to a free bag of crack. This simple sauté recipe should set you right. But pesto would convince just as many of your dates to drop trow. Now get roasting, my health-minded friends. I’m hitting the gym to work on my glutes. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, atkins, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, calivirgin, carbohydrates, crack, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, low-carb, naked, non-processed, olive oil, parmesan cheese, recipe, red cabbage, roast, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spaghetti squash, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2014
I wrapped these tasty morsels up in lettuce and God said it was good.
You read that right. These lettuce wraps are no joke. Dr. Atkins is saluting them from his cloud in heaven. How could this much flavor be packed into such a low carb treat? Is it a miracle? Did God communicate this recipe to me from atop the mountain like Moses on Mount Sinai? The answer to all these questions is “You damn skippy!” This creation has absolutely nothing to do with the fact there was no bread in my house. Poppycock to those heretics who suggest otherwise. And the crowd of one I served it was certainly happy and surprised by the result. She too doubted that it would work. But I converted her into a believer. Can I get an amen? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, dairy, healthy, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: amen, atkins, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, believer, calivirgin, cheese, chicken, chicken lettuce wrap, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, grilled, guarantee, healthy, heretic, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, low-carb, mayonnaise, moses, mount Sinai, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, onion, pear, poppycock, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 16, 2014
Be invested in vestal virgins devirgination.
Being a vestal virgin in the Roman Empire was a pretty sweet gig. The priestesses had only to perform sacred duties in the temple and not give into sexual temptation. It must have been difficult laying around all day in loose fitting togas in bathhouses. You can be sure that there were a few brash Roman dudes who wanted a piece of that priestess ass. Luring one of these holy hotties over to the baser world of grunts and fluids required finesse. No doubt, some of these young fools would fight each other to the death in gladiator style. Suckers. The smart ones would employ the Cook To Bang method. This simple sandwich with vivacious veggies courtesy of Gods Pomona & Facunditas could break their cursed celibacy spell.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 4 spreads of Dijon mustard
2. 2 handfuls of mozzarella
3. 2 English Muffins
4. ½ an AVOCADO
5. 4 BASIL leaves
6. ½ a pear cut sliced thinly
7. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
8. ½ a tomato sliced thinly
Step 1
Split the English Muffins and spread Dijon mustard on each half. Place slices of pear, tomato, basil and avocado. Drop a handful of mozzarella cheese and crown it with green onions.
Step 2
Toast the sandwiches to dark brow or bake them at 350 degrees F until the cheese melts.
Serve the sinwiches up some HOT LIQUID LOVE.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SINWICHES, vegetarian | Tagged: ancient rome, aphrodisiac, atkins, avocado, bang, banging, basil, dairy, delicious, dijon mustard, DIY, easy, English muffins, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mozzarella cheese, naked, pear, recipe, roma, roman, sacred fire of vesta, seduce, sex, tasty, toast, tomato, vegetable melt recipe, veggie melt recipe, vestal virgin, vestal virgin veggie melt recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 13, 2013
Give ’em a good talker before giving ’em a shocker!
You could almost call this the “shocker” of salads. There you are serving your date up some salad and they’ll assume it’s some sort of noodle salad. Ha! You will laugh uproariously when you inform them this gluten and low-carb salad ain’t got none of that noise. We’re talking healthy to the point of being almost impossible to fathom. How could a salad taste so freakishly awesome with a texture akin to licking an angel’s naught bits? Unfortunately for you, my lawyers have informed me that these are trade secrets. But I fought back and insisted in at least giving out the recipe to my readers. So COOK TO BANG in good health knowing that somewhere out there you have a digital chef wingman looking out for your baser needs. Who loves ya? Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, atkins, fusion, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, atkins, avocado, bang, banging, cilantro, delicious, digital chef, DIY, easy, fathom, food, game changer, get laid, gluten-free, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, lime, low-carb, naked, naughty bits, noodle salad, recipe, roast, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, soy sauce, spaghetti squash salad, spaghetti squash shocker salad recipe, tasty, the shocker, tomato, vegan, vegetarian, wingman, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!
The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen. This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness. The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right? Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold. The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble. It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts. A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health. Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast. Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, biblical, bra, calivirgin, cancer, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, feta cheese, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, health, healthy, heart disease, homemade, intercourse, juggernauts, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, pay it forward, pear, pomegranate, pomegranate pear feta salad recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, roughage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexually satisfied, shake your pom pomegranate salad recipe, super food, tasty, ugliness, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 19, 2010
Hey Bonita, glad to meet ya!
Food is the great equalizer. No matter how rich, poor, hot, or totally busted you are, we all gotta eat. That’s why the CTB method works so well. Unless you are some enlightened monk impervious to hunger pangs and lascivious loins, we all need to cook and bang. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, mexican, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, cook, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, glad to meetya, gourmet, great equalizer, greens, guarantee, hail mary, healthy, herpes harpies, homemade, hunger pangs, kitchen, lascivious, lemon, libido, Lindsay lohan, low-carb, mexican, mexico, monk, naked, pears, poach, recipe, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 29, 2009
I am the Cook To Bang Chef, and I am an aphrodisaddict.
Any alcoholic or drug addict will tell you that the first step in battling an addiction is to admit you have a problem. So let’s start there. I am addicted to aphrodisiacs. No judgments, right? The problem has become severe enough that I cannot function like a normal human being. Everything I cook seems to have one of these mood-altering, loin-enticing ingredients. The other day I made boring old scrambled eggs and I still had to smother it all in hot sauce and avocados. The girl I made it for who insisted I didn’t “sex it up as usual” was disappointed that I couldn’t just make something simple. She left shortly after explaining things weren’t going to work out. Good riddance to her. Granted she was trying to help me see my flaws, but damn it, it’s going to be on my terms. There has to be a happy medium where my every meal isn’t loaded with flavorful and healthy ingredients that cause chemical reactions leading to bigger libidos and more explosive orgasms. This breakfast is yet another example of me not being able to make a meal simple and earnest like something you would consume on an Amish farm. It’s a work in progress people so please tolerate the aphrodisiac overload in the meantime.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 can BLACK BEANS
3. 2 dashes sea salt
4. 3 eggs
5. 1 can TUNA
6. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
7. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
8. 1 sprig ROSEMARY
Step 1
Drain the black beans and tuna cans. Sauté the beans and fish in olive oil, adding rosemary, cayenne pepper, and sea salt.
Step 2
Crack the eggs over the mixture and cover with a pot top so they will cook from steam rising (approx 3 min). Add extra salt if you desire and crown with the green onions.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: alcoholic, amish, aphrodisiacs, Aphrodisiaddicts breakfast, atkins, bang, banging, black beans, breakfast, cayenne pepper, chemical reactions, delicious, DIY, drug addict, easy, eggs, explosive orgasm, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, judgment, kitchen, libido, loin-enticing, mood-altering, morning, naked, olive oil, overload, recipe, rosemary, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spicy, tasty, tuna, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 4, 2009
Go ahead. Cop a feel.
Ever woken up next to someone WAY out of your league? Last night is a blur, you’re unsure of this hottie’s name, and you’re wondering if your benefactor is Make A Wish Foundation. However you got here is irrelevant should you wish to see this stone-cold sexpot after they walk out your door. Sure if it was another skank you assured your friends, “I know. It’s been a while. But seriously, dude, I know!” you wouldn’t bother with an Eggo waffle. But on rare occasions where your lucky ass hits the hookup jackpot, you need to bring your morning A-game. This is one such meal memorable enough to get a repeat or three-peat or possibly a repeat with a three-peat of conquests. Just ask the ballerina I’m told I picked up at a black tie Art Gala I crashed. Pictures of the two of us in the BG behind celebrities smiling like douches confirms the story, but you could have told me I saved her from a crazy Sheik’s harem and I’d take your word for it. This girl was in a hurry, presumably to pirouette across some stage, so I had to hook her up on the quick. The cabbage cups made one hell of a carb-light wrap for my tiny dancer to chow on the go. Later on it was she who called me and texted me and facebooked me and…Chill, homegirl! This dish may just be too effective.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Fresh OJ or BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 intact cabbage cups
2. 1 dash paprika
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
6. 1 handful fresh spinach
7. SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
8. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
9. 2 sausages (pork/chicken/veggie) sliced thinly
10. 3 eggs
Step 1
Crack the eggs and whisk them together with the salt, black pepper and paprika.
Step 2
Sauté the sausage with olive oil until they brown on both sides (approx 3 min). Mix in the spinach and sauté until it wilts (approx 2 min). Pour in the egg mixture and scramble like a champ (approx 2 min).
Step 3
Scoop half of the eggs in each cabbage cup. Crown with avocado and salsa.
The odds of stopping this BREAKFAST from sealing the seduction package deal are not good.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: a-game, aphrodisiac, art gala, atkins, avocado, ballerina, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, breakfast burrito, cabbage cups, calivirgin, celebrities, delicious, DIY, double e-cup mornings, douches, easy, egg lettuce cups recipe, eggo waffle, eggs, facebook, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harem, healthy, homegirl, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, make a wish foundation, morning, naked, olive oil, paprika, pirouette, recipe, repeat, salsa, salt, sausage, sauté, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexpot, sheik, spinach, tasty, threepeat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 