TOTALLY NUDE-LES FOR PAPAYA!

June 15, 2009
Noodles = Nudity

Noodles = Nudity

That’s it. Take it all off.  Every last article must be removed.  You know the deal.  No naked, no nosh!  There you go.  Don’t you feel so much better without all those pesky clothes?  I know I feel liberated.  See?  I’m nude too.  Watch me do this cartwheel.  Whee!  Now it’s your turn.  I want to see your naughty bits fly in all directions.  Again!  Again!  All this exercise made me hungry.  Let’s break.  The only proper way to dine on noodles is in the nude. Sure they are spicy, but I know how randy you get when your mouth is on fire.  Let the papaya cool you down before things heat back up after the meal.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a CHASING GINGER TAIL

Ingredients (serves 2):papaya nude-les prep
1. 8-ounces of dried rice noodle flakes
2. 1 tbsp of Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce
3. 1 tbsp of soy sauce
4. ½ tbsp of vegetable oil
5. 1 onion cut in strips
6. 1 handful of crushed pecans
7. ½ a lime
8. ½ of a papaya
9. 2 handfuls of cilantro
10. 1 egg
11. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely

Step 1
Bring a pot of water to a boil.  Scoop the seeds out of the papaya, and then cut the fruit meat out.  Discard the shell and chop up the papaya coarsely.
papaya nude-les scoop chop
Step 2
Sauté the garlic, onion and ½ the cilantro with vegetable oil on medium-high heat (approx 3 min).  Throw in the papaya and cook it with the soy sauce and Sriracha sauce (approx 2 min).
papaya nude-les saute
Step 3
Boil the rice noodle flakes (approx 4 min), drain, toss them into the magic pot of flavor, and then mix it all together.
papaya nude-les boil
Step 4
Crack an egg into the pan, and then mix the contents together.  Crown the noodles with the crushed pecans and cilantro, and finally squeeze the limejuice over your creation.
papaya nude-les stir-fry
Serve up the nude-les solo or with some BANGO YOUR MANGO CHICKEN CURRY.
papaya nude-les served 2

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HOW YOU LIKE THEM PINEAPPLES? RICE

April 9, 2009
Who lived in a pineapple inside my gut?

Who lived in a pineapple inside my gut?

This pineapple before you was the last know residence of one Spongebob Squarepants. The market ran out of pineapple I needed for this ridiculous rice dish and impressing my hot date called for desperate measures.  So I improvised.  You know Spongebob wouldn’t mind helping Patrick Star get laid if he wanted to bang a whorish whale or hammerhead hottie.  So I figured that the courtesy would be extended to me since I’ve watched enough episodes to render me with the maturity of a 12-year-old.  The only problem is I then used the spongy little bastard to scrub the wok. Spongebob’s usual giggle was replaced by a gurgle.  But I know in his heart he was happy to aid my Cook to Bang quest.  But don’t worry.  I replaced his pineapple house with an empty vodka bottle.  The sponge is soaking up liquor fumes as we speak.

Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: A beer or a SLUTTY TEMPLE

pineapple-rice-prepIngredients (serves 2):
1. 1 cup of basmati rice
2. 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
3. 1 tablespoon of curry paste
4. 1 pineapple
5. ½ can of coconut milk
6. 1 LEEK chopped
7. ½ pound of chicken cut into bite-sized pieces
8. 1 egg
9. 2 tablespoons of freshly chopped GINGER
10. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Wash the rice in the sink.  Fill up a pot with the 1 cup of rice and 2 cups of water.  Bring water to a boil on high heat, and then turn the heat down and simmer covered until the rice absorbs the water (approx 15 minutes).
pineapple-rice-wash-boil
Step 2
Split the pineapple length-wise.  Use a pairing knife to cut out the meat from the middle, but leave enough around the edges so it holds it’s form.  Chop the meat up into bite-sized pieces.  Set aside.
pineapple-rice-pineapple
Step 3
Heat the oil in a large deep pan or wok on high heat.  Toss the garlic, ginger and leeks and cook down (approx 2 minutes).  Add the curry paste and pineapple and stir in the flavor (approx 1 minute).  Mix in the rice thoroughly, stir in the coconut milk and finally crack the egg over and mix it in.
pineapple-rice-stirfy
Step 4
Scoop the rice into the hollow pineapple halves until the overflow like a mound above the fruit’s lip.  Cover the stuffed pineapples with tinfoil and bake through in the oven (approx 20 minutes).  Serve up on a plate with your favorite ENTRÉE.
pineapple-rice-stuff-bakepineapple-rice-served

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GO NUTS COCONUT CURRY

December 10, 2008

Curry some favor with these spicy flavors

Curry some favor with these spicy flavors

This Thai curry dish is like a hot night of indiscretion in the steamy city of Bangkok. That’s where I first had a dish at a small restaurant right off of PatPong 2 before witnessing the seedier side of Southeast Asia.  So delicious and decadent. Curry can be a little dangerous and on the edge, like watching a tiger cage fight while telling the lady boys that you are not interested in boom boom tonight. Welcome to the spicy side of COOK TO BANG.  You will instantly become the bad boy or girl that your date’s parents warned them about.  They will sweat before you even touch them.  If you have that kind of effect with your food, your date can only assume that the night will only get steamier.  Yes, indeedy.  So relax and enjoy the happy ending.

Total time: approximately 35-45 minutes

Projected cost for ingredients: $10

Drinking buddy: Beer, Thai or Indian

coconut-curry-prepIngredients:
1. 1 tablespoon of flour
2. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
3. 1 cup of coconut milk
4. 2 teaspoons of curry paste (1 teaspoon of curry powder)
5. 1 teaspoon of oyster sauce
6. 1 tablespoon of rice vinegar
7. 1 tablespoon of soy sauce
8. 1 large eggplant cut into bite-sized pieces
9. 1 handful of mushrooms cut
10. 1 pound of chicken cut in bite-sized pieces
11. ½ a lemon
12. Meat of 1 mango sliced and diced
13. 1 yellow bell pepper cut into bite-sized pieces
14. 1 handful of cilantro
15. 4 green onion chopped coarsely
16. 3 garlic cloves minced

Step 1
Mix the cilantro, oyster sauce, curry paste, coconut milk and flour in a bowl.  Stir vigorously like you’re still in Jr. High until the curry sauce becomes a pinkish-orange.  Set aside.coconut-curry-curry-prep

Step 2 (Skip this step if you want to make it vegetarian)
Marinate the chicken in the rice vinegar, soy sauce and lemon.  After 15 minutes, use 1 tablespoon of olive oil and cook the chicken until the meat turns white. Set aside.
coconut-curry-curry-chicken
Step 3
On high heat, use the remaining and sauté the garlic and green onions.  After a minute add the mango and cook it down.  Throw in all the remaining vegetables except the eggplant and cook for another two minutes until the veggies soften.  Now add the eggplant and cook until they soften and absorb the mango/garlic.coconut-curry-veggies

Step 4
Pour the curry sauce over the veggies and stir thoroughly, making sure the eggplant has softened considerably.  Toss in the chicken and mix it all together with the veggies and curry sauce.  Cook another minute to ensure the flavors all absorb before serving over rice with some beer.
coconut-curry-curry-chicken1

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