hot | Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid

Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

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SO READY TO MEAT MY BALLS

May 13, 2009

The meatballs keep a rolling rolling rolling!

Behold these sexy balls o’ mine! Why are you acting so shocked? My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble. Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic delight. I understand. I get it. You just try to appear that you are up for anything, but in truth you turn tail when presented with something bold that gets right to the meat of a situation. Not to worry for there are plenty of prospects who will be more than happy to embrace my raw essence. The barbarian inside shall be released in us ready and willing who shall indulge in an orgy of carnage and carnal delights. You’ll just have to sit outside my cave and listen to the pleasurable Neanderthal grunts of eating and banging. You’ll just have to read the erotic play-by-play cave paintings. I’d love to offer you our leftovers, but you know how grudges go. Can’t let it go until you admit you were wrong and willing to play by my rules.

Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine

Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 pound of ground beef (or turkey)
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
6. 1 can of tomato sauce
7. ½ pound of dried spaghetti
8. 2 garlic cloves minced
9. 1 large celery stalk cut into tiny nibbles
10. 1 onion chopped finely
11. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)

Step 1
Boil spaghetti al dente while you make the meat balls: mix in ½ the onions, ½ the celery celery, garlic, ground beef, salt, and pepper together in a bowl and create balls.

Step 2
Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep pan on medium heat. Throw in the meatballs and cook the bottom side until they brown (approx 3 min). Flip the meatballs and douse the remaining olive over the balls and brown the other side (approx 2 min). Sauté the remaining onions and celery and cook them down (approx 2 min). Bring the tomato sauce to a boil on and then lower the heat and simmer until the meatballs cook through (approx 15 min).

Step 3
Place a healthy serving of al dente spaghetti on each place, then set a few meat balls on plate and then smother it all with sauce. Serve with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD and top it off with Parmesan if you are feeling cheesy.

1 Comment | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: al dente, balls, bang, barbarian, carboluscious, carnage, carnal, carnivore, cave paintings, celery, circular, crushed red pepper, delicious, dinner, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, gourmet meatballs, ground beef, guarantee, homemade, hot, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, libido, meaty, Mediterranean, naked, Neanderthal, olive oil, onion, paprika, pasta, pepper, recipe, rolls, rumble, salt, sauté, seduce, sex, spaghetti, Spaghetti and meatballs recipe, spheres, spicy meatballs, starch, tasty, tomato sauce, turkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang

FRENCH KISS MY ONION SOUP

December 31, 2008

Taste my soup and Vive la France!

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? Yes indeed, mon ami. But before we get down to the task at hand, let’s get some sustenance. Oui? You have to love those Frenchy frogs with their many culinary innovations. The precision they employ to make their fabulous meals is unparalleled and has been turning us on for centuries. Merci to that! Who doesn’t love a bowl of French onion soup on a cold winter day? The salty tang of the onions, the soggy French bread and stretchy cheese that always ends up on your chin. My knees are knocking while I eat seconds as I write this. Tres joleis! This soup certainly stepped up to the plate of providing radical results. My date was clearly impressed by the TLC put into it, but it was love at first bite. Neither of us could finish the bowl due to the distractions of wine and spontaneous waltzing around the kitchen. The first post-coital bite made me want to put on a beret and write post-modern poetry in French. Sacre bleu!

Total time: approximately 1½ hours
Projected cost: $10 (gruyere cheese makes it costly)
Drinking Buddy: Wine of course, silly Yankee scum!

Ingredients:
1. 1 teaspoon of salt
2. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
3. ½ cup of cooking sherry
4. 6 cups of chicken broth
5. ½ teaspoon of black pepper
6. 1 tablespoon of dried thyme (or 6 sprigs fresh)
7. 2 tablespoons of butter
8. 6 yellow onion chopped in long strips
9. French baguette cut into ½ inch slices
10. 8 ounces of Gruyere cheese (can substitute for Swiss)

Step 1
Heat a stockpot up on medium heat and melt the butter and olive oil with the salt. Throw in the onions and mix them around. Cook the onions until they reduce in volume and brown. (approx 20 minutes)

Step 2
Pour in 2 cups of water into the onions and cook until the water evaporates, leaving the onions in a big brown clump. (approx 10 minutes) Pour in the sherry and repeat. (approx 5 minutes)

Step 3
Add the thyme and chicken broth. On high heat, bring it all to a roaring boil, then reduce heat and simmer. (approx 30 minutes)

Step 4
Preheat the oven to broil. Ladle soup into the small, deep bowls. Place French bread slices on top of each soup. Sprinkle the Gruyere cheese over each slice of French bread so they are covered evenly. Broil the soups (approx 5 minutes), allow to cool (another 5 minutes), and then eat up. Ooh la la!

1 Comment | french, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, broil, cheesy, chicken broth, delicious, easy, fancy, Francophile, french, French bread, French onion soup, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gruyere cheese, guarantee, hearty, hot, HOT LIQUID LOVE, intercourse, kitchen, naked, onions, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sherry, soup, thyme, warm, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang

BANG ‘TIL YOU’RE BLUE-A KAHLUA BROWNIES

November 16, 2008

Kahlua brownie makes your date go to townie

Kahlua brownie will make 'em go downie on you

If you are sweet on your sweetheart, use chocolate to seal the deal. Chocolate is an amazingly effective aphrodisiac that gets the heart rate up, increases blood flow and creates a natural feeling of well being, euphoria, and with any luck, wanton lust. Ancient Aztec’s thought it invigorated men and made women less inhibited and they consumed it before battle or intense rounds of sexual activity. Have we learned nothing from history? Do as the Aztec do and do it all night with some natural aphrodisiacs. The fact that it tastes like food reserved for the Gods is beside the point. Take it a step further with Kahlua. The Mexican liqueur makes bad coffee tastes superb, a white Russian worthwhile and stands alone like champ just on ice. Combine chocolate and Kahlua into homemade brownies and you are well on your way to a tasty, triumphant evening. If the magnificent meal you made can’t seal the deal, go for the knockout punch. Hand feed your date a Kahlua Brownie and follow it up with a chocolate flavored kiss. Mmm…

Ingredients (for 2):
1. ½ stick of butter
2. 4 ounces of unsweetened baking chocolate
3. 2 cups of sugar
4. 3 eggs
5. 1 teaspoon of baking powder
6. 1½ cups of flour
7. 1 teaspoon of salt
8. 2 cups of Kahlua
9. ½ cup of shredded coconut

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In one mixing bowl combine the flour, salt and baking powder and mix together thoroughly. In a second bowl, mix the eggs and sugar together so they are united, like the 13 original US colonies.

Step 2
Use a saucepan to heat the butter and melt down the chocolate. Add 1½ cups of the Kahlua (saving the other ½ cup) and mix until it is one chocolate river of goodness.

Step 3
Bring together the flour/salt/baking power with the egg/sugar and melted chocolate/Kahlua into one big party. Blend it all into a batter and make it all better by adding the shredded coconut. Pour the better batter into a greased baking pan and spread it out evenly.

Step 4
Throw the baking pan in the oven and bake for 35-40 minutes. If you are unsure if it is ready, dip a toothpick into the brownie: if it comes out clean you have yourself bake brownies. Finally, use a brush or flat spoon to spread out the remaining ½ cup of Kahlua and let it settle for 5 minutes into a glaze. Cut the brownies up and serve with milk, ice cream or use them to bribe a cop out of a speeding ticket.