GET STUFFED EGGPLANT

January 21, 2016
Stuff Me?  Stuff You!

Stuff Me? Stuff You!

I’m sure someone has told you at some point in your life to “Get Stuffed” or something like that in one language or another.  In essence they are telling you to get banged, which in some ways is a rather considerate suggestion.  We all could do with a little more stuffing.  Everyone would be a whole lot nicer without sexual frustration inspiring dickishness to the masses.  It very well could be the solution to terrorism, the recession and what really happened to the dinosaurs.  Attention Nobel Foundation: Please send the peace prize directly to my underground lab. In celebration, let’s stuffed some eggplant with our favorite meat and recognize that even in turbulent times, we still need to enjoy life.  Cook To Bang, making the world a better-fed and sexier place. Read the rest of this entry »


MÉNAGE À TOFU TRIANGLES

December 18, 2015
There's room for one more, three's never a crowd.

There's room for one more, three's never a crowd.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a hard time saying no to a three-way.  Even if that just means three-sided tofu treats, I’m down.  So many good things come in threes.  Comedy gold is done in trifecta.  My favorite nights of carnal connections involved a third party.  Clearly three is company and never a crowd.  And what better way to ignite such an evening of exploration and fornication than with some edible treats?  These tofu triangles are classy, sassy and won’t leave you gassy. Plus you can appeal to the free loving hippie in all of us by serving tofu.  A little curiosity never hurt no one no how! Read the rest of this entry »


TOFU TACO TANGO

October 26, 2015
Wango Tango Bango!

Wango Tango Bango!

The tango is an Argentinean dance unparalleled in its complexity.  Yet it is oh so much more than an awesome way to sweep someone off their feet in Buenos Aires.  The seductive essence of tango runs deep in all things done with panache.  You can tango on the tennis court, in the kitchen, and most decisively in the bedroom.  Tango requires skill, passion and attitude unparalleled.  But you are clearly clever enough since you are reading this.  Pulling off a culinary seduction tango should be no more difficult than unsnapping a bra.   So invite over the vivacious vegetarian, or vegan if you have the patience, or just someone sexy who likes fabulous food.  Keep that rose in your teeth as you serenade them from the dining room to the bedroom.  Bravo!  Bravo! Read the rest of this entry »


TOFU SUMMER ROLLS IN THE HAY

June 8, 2015
Summer rolling with the homies

Summer rolling with the homies

Summertime calls for lighter fare so we can hone our buns, abs and groins of steel.  Gone are the big coats that hide our blubbery bits.  If you want to bang you gotta look bangable.  So it’s time to put the dairy and beef products aside and get healthy.  Vegan food can be boring if you let it.  But how many obese vegans do you know?  My advice is to embrace the Asian fusion hippie party time.  Be sure your date notices how cultured and sensitive you are.  Play it off like you’ve gone green, instead of just greedy for more banging. If you want to roll in the hay, you better start rolling. Read the rest of this entry »


STIR-FRY UP SOME TOFU TROUBLE

October 23, 2009
Double trouble looking for a piece of that bubble!

Double trouble looking for a piece of that bubble!

You know the deal.  Society tells us to behave, to color within the lines, to speak when spoken to.  That’s all well and good if you’re a eunuch.  But what about those of us with a spine flowing with spunk?  We’re not just going to lie down and endure our master’s cruel, but fair beatings for stepping out of line.  No bloody way!  We are our own masters and being as such, we color way outside the lines and even off the page.  That’s why we Cook to Bang and not Cook to Cuddle.  So whose to say a tofu stir-fry has to marinate in apologetic afterthought?  Why not be bold with that palette so it grabs your date’s collar and shake them, screaming, “I’m an interesting person!”  Glad you see it my way.  Now stir up some trouble with that healthy meal of yours.

tofu peanut stirfry prepTotal time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Kombucha or some dank, heady beer, bra

Ingredients (for two):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 tbsp peanut butter
3. 1 tbsp soy sauce
4. 1 tsp Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce
5. ½ onion chopped coarsely
6. 1 handful parsley chopped coarsely
7. 1 tofu block
8. ½ lime quartered
9. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly

Step 1
Cut the tofu block into bite-sized pieces.  Toss with soy sauce, Sriracha and limejuice and marinate (approx 15 min).
tofu peanut stirfry marinate
Step 2
Sauté the garlic and onions in olive oil until they become translucent (approx 3 min).  Add the peanut butter and stir until in melts into the onion.  Throw in the tofu with the marinade and sauté along with the parsley until the tofu softens (approx 5 min).

tofu peanut stirfry make

Squeeze limejuice over it and serve solo or with some RICE.
tofu peanut stirfry served 2

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