Can you cha cha? It’s only the simplest dance in the known universe. I saw syphilitic lab monkeys doing it by accident and that was after an experiment with excess wine consumption. If a drunken monkey can do it, you should be able to pull it off blindfolded. This dish is on same page as the cha cha. It’s almost impossible to screw the pooch on this one. You could try pouring turpentine into the mix (CTB discourages this wholeheartedly), but then it would have a cool, briny taste. Just follow the protocol below and spend your extra time kicking game. That will leave you with plenty of time to kick game while you dance the half-naked cha cha. Read the rest of this entry »
Spicing up the bedroom is key to successful sexual relations. You never want your partner to get bored with your maneuvers between the sheets. They might end up blogging about your short-cummings or jump ship for Craigslist Casual Encounters. Getting upstaged by cyber-players that live in their mother’s basements is never good for the self-esteem. But don’t you dare give up on yourself just yet. Kick-start that faltering tryst with some flavors you already know and love. Below are some delicious twists in foreplay to eat off your play pal:
Only the finest ingredients belong on your lover
FOODS THAT BELONG IN BED:
• WHIPPED CREAM: A true bedroom classic. Need we say more?
• BERRIES: Fruity nipples you can eat artfully off your partner’s reclined body.
• SASHIMI: Subtle flavor, protein-loaded and simulates another lickable treat.
• CHOCOLATE: Melt over your favorite body parts and eat the aphrodisiac off.
• ICE CUBES: Sugar-free hardened nipples.
• POPSICLES: Cold, refreshing, phallic.
• HONEY: Perfect for licking off the naughtier bits.
• WATERMELON: Light, refreshing, organic Viagra substitute.
The tastier side of lust
FOODS TO AVOID:
• SANDWICHES: Breadcrumbs don’t belong between the sheets.
• CLAM CHOWDER: Hot, white and creamy? This ain’t no hardcore porno.
• PIZZA: Hot melted cheese is tasty, but are 3rd degree burns worth it?
• MAYONNAISE: Belongs on a sandwich, not your naughty bits.
• SALAMI: Unless you’re making object porn, just hide your own salami.
• CHILI PEPPERS: Like pouring battery acid down your shorts.
• TACO SALAD: There is nothing less sexy than this culinary abomination.
Here is CTB’s very first promo. Stay tuned for many more video tutorials on recipes, seduction techniques, etc. This one is here to show you just how easy it is to COOK TO BANG. Senorita Fajitas recipe post coming soon. Thank you for your patronage and keep on COOKING TO BANG!
If you are sweet on your sweetheart, use chocolate to seal the deal. Chocolate is an amazingly effective aphrodisiac that gets the heart rate up, increases blood flow and creates a natural feeling of well being, euphoria, and with any luck, wanton lust. Ancient Aztec’s thought it invigorated men and made women less inhibited and they consumed it before battle or intense rounds of sexual activity. Have we learned nothing from history? Do as the Aztec do and do it all night with some natural aphrodisiacs. The fact that it tastes like food reserved for the Gods is beside the point. Take it a step further with Kahlua. The Mexican liqueur makes bad coffee tastes superb, a white Russian worthwhile and stands alone like champ just on ice. Combine chocolate and Kahlua into homemade brownies and you are well on your way to a tasty, triumphant evening. If the magnificent meal you made can’t seal the deal, go for the knockout punch. Hand feed your date a Kahlua Brownie and follow it up with a chocolate flavored kiss. Mmm…
Ingredients (for 2):
1. ½ stick of butter
2. 4 ounces of unsweetened baking chocolate
3. 2 cups of sugar
4. 3 eggs
5. 1 teaspoon of baking powder
6. 1½ cups of flour
7. 1 teaspoon of salt
8. 2 cups of Kahlua
9. ½ cup of shredded coconut
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In one mixing bowl combine the flour, salt and baking powder and mix together thoroughly. In a second bowl, mix the eggs and sugar together so they are united, like the 13 original US colonies.
Step 2
Use a saucepan to heat the butter and melt down the chocolate. Add 1½ cups of the Kahlua (saving the other ½ cup) and mix until it is one chocolate river of goodness.
Step 3
Bring together the flour/salt/baking power with the egg/sugar and melted chocolate/Kahlua into one big party. Blend it all into a batter and make it all better by adding the shredded coconut. Pour the better batter into a greased baking pan and spread it out evenly.
Step 4
Throw the baking pan in the oven and bake for 35-40 minutes. If you are unsure if it is ready, dip a toothpick into the brownie: if it comes out clean you have yourself bake brownies. Finally, use a brush or flat spoon to spread out the remaining ½ cup of Kahlua and let it settle for 5 minutes into a glaze. Cut the brownies up and serve with milk, ice cream or use them to bribe a cop out of a speeding ticket.
Posted by cooktobang 
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 