December 7, 2009
It's important to catch up with old friends with benefits.
It’s always a trip banging someone you haven’t seen in a long while. The experience seems so foreign, yet so familiar. You remember their curves, their scent, and that thing they do with their tongue. There was definitely a reason that you once engaged in erotic research together. A three-course meal that will require half the day to prepare isn’t in the cards with that much catching up to do. In order to relive those misty watercolor memories of carnal connections, you should make something slamming that can be whipped up in a hurry. This is the concoction I threw together when such an occasion occurred. A long forgotten ex in town for business for a night was the lucky recipient of this accidental bang-de-force. I sent home-girl to her sales meeting with a bounce in her step from a pleasant evening catching up with ketchup.
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Red vino always
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 dashes salt
2. 1 dash BASIL flakes
3. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
4. 3 tbsp ketchup
5. 2 handfuls kale
6. 8-OZ spaghetti
7. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly
8. 1 handful goat cheese
9. 1 small eggplant chopped coarsely
10. ½ apple sliced thinly
Step 1
Create the sauce by sautéing the garlic with olive oil. Add the eggplant and a shot glass of water and cook until the water is absorbed (approx 3 min). Throw in the apples, smother them in olive oil, then toss in the kale, spice with salt and basil and cook down the ingredients (approx 4 min). Squeeze in the ketchup, mix around and slow simmer while you move onto Step 2.
Step 2
Salt the boiling water and cook the pasta al dente. Drain the pasta and add it to the pasta sauce and toss thoroughly. Plate up the pasta and crumble goat cheese over.
Serve this up quick and get back to the thick.
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
August 4, 2009
Squish squash, let's get sauced!
This side dish is soft to the touch, yet crunchy in all the right places. As described, this does not sound like the hard-body of summer vegetable concoctions. But this dish could help you get that hard beach body all the cool kids seem to be having these days. This casserole is light, full of flavor and pack a wallop of flavor-filled fungasms. This particular dish was an experiment in how to cook summer squash besides on the grill. A tough act to follow. It provided great company for the grilled chicken I served to this annoying date. The date was a bust, but luckily I got my jollies from this casserole. The silver lining never tasted so good.
Total time: approximately 55 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Nice cold beer or white wine
Ingredients:
1. 1 tbsp breadcrumbs
2. 2 tbsp olive oil
3. 1 dash paprika
4. 1 dash salt
5. 1 onion chopped coarsely
6. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
7. 4 globe squash
8. 2-ounces goat cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a baking pan or deep wide pie-pan with olive oil. Chop the squash into ½ inch rounds. Line the pan with a layer of squash rounds, throw the onions over and crown with half of the goat cheese. Set down another layer, use the rest of the goat cheese and crown with green onions. Pour the remaining olive oil, season with paprika and salt, and evenly distribute the breadcrumbs over the top.
Step 2
Throw the squash in the oven and bake until the veggies soften and the top browns (approx 45 min). Serve up on plates as a lunch or to compliment an ENTRÉE.
2 Comments | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baked squash, bang, banging, breadcrumbs, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fungasm, game changer, get laid, globe squash, globe squash casserole recipe, goat cheese, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, paprika, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, squishy squashy casserole recipe, summer, tasty, vegetables, vegetarian, veggies, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 20, 2008
Simple and seductive? You can't beat a beet salad.
A naysayer might claim that beets are a boring vegetable on par with brussel sprouts or kale. Punch this ignoramus in the face because they are clearly ignorant to just how goddamn sexy beets can be. First, beets are an aphrodisiac used since Roman times to increase male virility due to the high boron content. “Take favors in the beetroot fields” was a popular early 20th Century euphemism for visiting prostitutes. Happy ending history aside, beets are amazing for your circulatory system and freshen your breath, which comes in handy for horny people with heart problems and halitosis. But they also taste amazing and with the right combination of foods become an unstoppable force at motivating hanky panky. Goat cheese and beets together form an alliance on par with Hall and Oates or Siegfried and Roy (minus the tiger mauling). They are your friends and allies when it comes to the horizontal mambo. Beet salad is a classy choice for a first date because it’s neither expensive nor expected. It’s refreshing, invigorating and will cue you up for some felating. Combining the salad with a bottle of wine will equate to a sublime time oh so divine.
Ingredients (for two):
1. 1 pear sliced long ways
2. 8 ounces of goat cheese cut into rounds
3. 2 steamed, peeled beets cut into rounds
Step 1
Steam or boil beets until a fork can easily be stabbed through them. Throw the beets into a container filled with ice-cold water and allow them to cool in the fridge for 30 minutes or so. The skin should easily peel off. Cut the beets into rounds.
Step 2
Create stacks of the holy trinity, sandwiching the goat cheese between the beets and pears. Cover them in balsamic vinegar and olive oil and serve. Two or three per plate should suffice for a spectacular starter or a healthy lunch before an afternoon quickie.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, beet, Beet salad, blood, circulatory system, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, healthy, kitchen, naked, pear, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, simple | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 17, 2008
Grab me, grill me, kill me...with grilled veggies
Long before humans had microwave ovens and George Forman grills, we had fire: beautiful, enchanting, burning fire. Vegetables grilled on an open flame make them fun again. Why boil these bounties of the earth when you can bring the flavor out with fire and chutzpah? And your date will no doubt be impressed by your mastery of the elements. Short of a picky vegan, anybody can eat this fine dish and only a cold-hearted monster could say it sucks. Your bland backyard barbecue has suddenly been legitimized, thus making you the savior, sort of like Jesus, but tastier. Be sure to mention that to your conservative date who hasn’t removed their chastity belt yet. Blaspheme and grilled veggies are sure to win them over. If that doesn’t work, just use reverse psychology asking What Would Jesus Not Do? Amen.
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
2. 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
3. 1 red bell pepper sliced into long thin strips
4. 1 small eggplant cut into large bite size chunks
5. 1 large portabella mushrooms sliced into long thin strips
6. 1 onion sliced into long thin strips
7. 2 tablespoons of goat cheese
Step 1
Place all the chopped veggies into tin foil and pour olive oil over them. Cover the oil-doused veggies with a top tinfoil layer and place in the grill on medium heat. Cook in foil until the veggies soften, then put them directly on the fire until they char slightly.
Step 2
Remove the veggies from the grill. Place them in a pan and drop the goat cheese on top. Pour the balsamic vinegar over the veggies/goat cheese and mix up thoroughly. Serve on a plate with your main course, a grilled halibut or turkey burger perhaps. Just know in your heart that you are a culinary super star and the evening should progress nicely.
1 Comment | GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES | Tagged: balsamic vinegar, bang, barbecue, bbq, bell pepper, cheap, delicious, easy, eggplant, goat cheese, gourmet, grilled vegetables, grillin' like a villain, kitchen, naked, olive oil, onion, portabella mushroom, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, veggies | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 