PANTY PLUNDER CUCUMBER SALAD

January 20, 2016

X marks the G-spot

Arrr! Ahoy, maties! I spot a hard body off the starboard bow! Land ho (or was that hos?)! We shall not rest until we collect all the doubloons in their pantaloons. Plunder everything you can before we make off into the night. We shall woo them with our finest spices traded from the far East. The healthier, shinier, and tastier the treasure, the better! If you don’t like your captain’s skullduggery, walk the plank!

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ROUND 2 SALMON SALAD

August 12, 2015
One good bang deserves another.

One good bang deserves another.

Sometimes the second round of banging can top the first. Sure it isn’t as fresh as the first kill (figuratively speaking, Rambo) during a conquest. But your sexy time date’s flavor sets in a little and becomes familiar and welcoming. Soon you will be reaching for them on a regular basis, happy for more of the same. While I’m enjoying my salad days where I’m sampling everything at the buffet before I get serious about one dish, I see the appeal. It’s like that perfect slice of fish that you can’t pass up in favor of the juicy chicken cordon bleu. The same rules apply with this salad. I grilled an outstanding slab of salmon for party of 20 (sorry I didn’t document) and ended up with a fridge full of leftovers. Adding the salmon to the salad was almost an afterthought, like banging the person sleeping next to you while you’re half asleep. Good thing for that. This salad satisfied the hungry girl from the party who stayed the night…and half the next day.

simple salmon salad prepTotal time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Chardonnay or an Arnold Palmer (w/ vodka if you’re hardcore)

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp of feta cheese
2. 1 cucumber sliced thinly
3. 1 tbsp vinegar (chef’s choice)
4. 1 tbsp lemon juice
5. 1 tbsp olive oil
6. 2 massive handfuls romaine lettuce chopped coarsely
7. ½ onion chopped finely
8. 1 carrot peeled, sliced thinly
9. 2 handfuls leftover SALMON
10. 1 handful kalamata olives

Step 1
Create the dressing by mixing up the onion, olive oil, vinegar and lemon juice.
simple salmon salad dressing copy
Step 2
Toss the lettuce, cucumber, carrots, de-pitted olives and dressing.
simple salmon salad toss
Step 3
Spoon plates of salad and crown with the salmon and feta cheese
simple salmon salad toppings
Serve up the salad solo, or with a SINWICH or SOUP or both!
simple salmon salad served 2

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MUY MACHO PAPAYA GAZPACHO

July 7, 2015

Sweet, spicy, totally macho.

I know what you’re thinking. How could a cold fruity summer soup be so macho? I’m glad you asked. The flavors don’t dance delicately like a ballerina upon your tongue. Fuck no! They river-dance to speed metal all over that tongue of yours with more flavors than you can shake your genitals at. Walls will bust open like the Kool-Aid Man’s back for revenge. Your date won’t wait for permission to ravish you. Mediterranean nymphs shan’t flutter, but grind into your ears with rubber mini-skirts. Does that answer your question? Read the rest of this entry »


GOING GREEK SALAD

September 5, 2014
Once you go Greek, you don't go back...unless you're squeamish

Once you go Greek, you don’t go back…unless you’re squeamish

The Greeks sure know how to live. They have amazing islands, beautiful tan people and ouzo that pours out of every faucet. Seriously. I actually took an ouzo shower in Mykonos. But the shower was in a club and my Greek friends were pouring it over my head. My first thought was I had pissed off one of the girls by telling her she looks like the homely older sister of the goddess Athena. Thankfully this goddess-like mortal didn’t lose my sarcasm in translation. The ouzo shower was her mating call. Naturally the boorish American read it wrong thinking I had offended her. Believe it or not, that happens a lot. It took a few more alcoholic hosings and a passionate kiss on the dance floor to finally get it. I was crystal clear as the Mediterranean Sea when she led me down to the beach like a Trojan horse. Now I fully comprehend what it means to go Greek. Interesting. What’s also interesting is the island nation’s produce. Super healthy, tasty Greek Salads will fuel many ouzo shower-filled evenings. Do Zeus proud and go Greek! Read the rest of this entry »