May 20, 2009
At least you won't have to worry about these crabs.
I hear it’s pretty hard to get rid of crabs. But not so when you have a dip this deceptively simple. This is a perfect fast snack that screams out that you are one classy bastard. Serve this up with the beverage of your choice and take the date from conversation to heavy petting by their third bite. You can pull it off in two bites if you hand feed them. So what are you waiting for slacker? Slack off all the way into their pantalones!
Total time: approximately 3 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: White wine or a CHASING GINGER TAIL
Ingredients:
1. 1 box of round crackers
2. 2 tablespoons of cocktail sauce
3. 1 brick of cream cheese
4. 1 small can of CRAB MEAT
Step 1
Spread cream cheese around the edges of a deep bowl. Drain the crab meat and then rub it evenly into the cream cheese. Scoop the cocktail sauce and rub it evenly into the crab. Create a wheel of crackers and place the dip bowl in the middle. Drag the crackers along the edge of the bowl and scoop yourself up some good times.
1 Comment | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, classy, cocktail sauce, Crab dip recipe, crabmeat, crackers, cream cheese, cream cheese crab dip, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, heavy petting, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, pantalones, recipe, seafood, seduce, sex, shellfish, slacker, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 13, 2009
The meatballs keep a rolling rolling rolling!
Behold these sexy balls o’ mine! Why are you acting so shocked? My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble. Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic delight. I understand. I get it. You just try to appear that you are up for anything, but in truth you turn tail when presented with something bold that gets right to the meat of a situation. Not to worry for there are plenty of prospects who will be more than happy to embrace my raw essence. The barbarian inside shall be released in us ready and willing who shall indulge in an orgy of carnage and carnal delights. You’ll just have to sit outside my cave and listen to the pleasurable Neanderthal grunts of eating and banging. You’ll just have to read the erotic play-by-play cave paintings. I’d love to offer you our leftovers, but you know how grudges go. Can’t let it go until you admit you were wrong and willing to play by my rules.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 pound of ground beef (or turkey)
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
6. 1 can of tomato sauce
7. ½ pound of dried spaghetti
8. 2 garlic cloves minced
9. 1 large celery stalk cut into tiny nibbles
10. 1 onion chopped finely
11. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Step 1
Boil spaghetti al dente while you make the meat balls: mix in ½ the onions, ½ the celery celery, garlic, ground beef, salt, and pepper together in a bowl and create balls.
Step 2
Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep pan on medium heat. Throw in the meatballs and cook the bottom side until they brown (approx 3 min). Flip the meatballs and douse the remaining olive over the balls and brown the other side (approx 2 min). Sauté the remaining onions and celery and cook them down (approx 2 min). Bring the tomato sauce to a boil on and then lower the heat and simmer until the meatballs cook through (approx 15 min).
Step 3
Place a healthy serving of al dente spaghetti on each place, then set a few meat balls on plate and then smother it all with sauce. Serve with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD and top it off with Parmesan if you are feeling cheesy.
1 Comment | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: al dente, balls, bang, barbarian, carboluscious, carnage, carnal, carnivore, cave paintings, celery, circular, crushed red pepper, delicious, dinner, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, gourmet meatballs, ground beef, guarantee, homemade, hot, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, libido, meaty, Mediterranean, naked, Neanderthal, olive oil, onion, paprika, pasta, pepper, recipe, rolls, rumble, salt, sauté, seduce, sex, spaghetti, Spaghetti and meatballs recipe, spheres, spicy meatballs, starch, tasty, tomato sauce, turkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 11, 2009
The stuffed pepper party train has left the station!
It’s time to throw down! The week ain’t over yet, but you’re leady to let the dogs out. Woof to the M-F’ing woof! I suggest you get funky in the kitchen rather than unleash potentially rabid beasts onto the populace. Sure it may not be as thrilling as sending cooped up canines out into your neighborhood to attack mailmen and Xanaxed housewives alike. You will however avoid a lawsuit and a stern warning from animal control. Why not invite someone sexy over for a little party for two instead? What better way to do that than with bell peppers, chicken and apples? I do declare you are both in for a treat! Once you guys stuff yourselves with these aphrodisiac-stuffed peppers, it’s time for someone to get stuffed. Don’t be surprised if those same dogs howl along with as you both scream pleasurable expletives into the night. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, SEDUCTION | Tagged: animal control, aphrodisiac, apple, bake, bang, banging, basil, calivirgin, canine, chicken apples stuffed bell peppers, chicken breast, delicious, DIY, dogs, easy, food, game changer, get laid, get stuffed, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, housewives, howl, intercourse, jack cheese, kitchen, lawsuit, libido, mailmen, naked, olive oil, pine nuts, recipe, red bell pepper, red wine vinegar, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, Stuffed bell pepper recipe, stuffed pepper party, tasty, who let the dogs out?, woof, xanax, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 13, 2009
Let me see you cha cha chicken!
Can you cha cha? It’s only the simplest dance in the known universe. I saw syphilitic lab monkeys doing it by accident and that was after an experiment with excess wine consumption. If a drunken monkey can do it, you should be able to pull it off blindfolded. This dish is on same page as the cha cha. It’s almost impossible to screw the pooch on this one. You could try pouring turpentine into the mix (CTB discourages this wholeheartedly), but then it would have a cool, briny taste. Just follow the protocol below and spend your extra time kicking game. That will leave you with plenty of time to kick game while you dance the half-naked cha cha. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, Mediterranean, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: alfredo sauce, aphrodisiac, artichoke, ballroom, bang, blindfold, cha cha, cheese, creamy, Creamy artichoke chicken recipe, dance, delicious, DIY, drunken monkeys, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, italian, kick game, kitchen, lab monkey, libido, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, pan-steam, parmesan, pre-seasoned chicken breast, recipe, screw the pooch, seduce, sex, strictly ballroom, tasty, turpentine, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 3 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 