May 28, 2009
How far down? All the way down!
That mouth don’t belong nowhere but way down south. You best get to work with this much flavor on the line. You’ll need all your oral skills to suck out every last morsel of sweet sweet satisfaction. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about the flavor explosion in your mouth. It may shock you a little as it slides down your throat or dribbles onto your chin. But that’s nothing to be alarmed about. Just an unexpected ingredient popping by at the last second to make you think, “How about that?” Now be sure to spread the love out evenly. It could get messy otherwise. This is banging bait at its bangingest!
Recipe courtesy of Terrence, my favorite South Boston son.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Milk or the beer of your choice
Ingredients:
1. ½ a can of Shoestring Potatoes (Potato Sticks)
2. 3 tablespoons of peanut butter
3. 1 small bag of soft caramel or butterscotch
Step 1
Unwrap the caramel or butterscotch. Slowly melt them in a large pan on low heat (approx 4 min). Scoop in the peanut butter and dump in the potato sticks. Mix it all up thoroughly and use the spatula to spread it out into a small baking pan. Allow it to cool off in the fridge (approx 20 min) and chop it up into smaller chunks to serve. 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 26, 2009
Unleash the banging beast from your Cajun soul!
There’s a ragin’ Cajun in each of us eager to get out and start bangin’. Even those who’ve never been down south around Louisiana parts have one. It’s in the fine print of your body’s owners’ manual. He or she comes out every once in a while after you’ve fed yourself enough spicy food. It tingles at first, and before you know it, your body has been possessed like in some voodoo incantation ceremony. Your body dances, shakes, drinks and bangs to some mysterious West Indian drum beat. Those who know you best won’t recognize the crazy person speaking in barely coherent tongues. The words you say will fall somewhere between English, French, and marbles in your mouth. But don’t you worry. As soon as your ragin’ Cajun is done bangin’, they’ll become dormant and leave you to clean up the aftermath. Should you wake up next to some sexy, you’re welcome. If you wake up in jail, I ain’t paying your bail.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $11
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a BANGARITA
Ingredients:
1. 1 lb of SHRIMP
2. ½ tsp of Cajun seasoning
3. 1 tbsp of vegetable oil
4. 1 small handful of chopped celery
5. 1 tbsp of fresh chopped ginger
6. 2 cloves of chopped garlic
Step 1
Sauté the garlic, ginger and celery with vegetable oil on medium-high heat (approx 2 min).
Step 2
Peel the tails and shells from the shrimp. Sauté the shrimp in the oil until they pinken (approx 2 min per side). Sprinkle Cajun seasoning other the shrimp and cook in the flavor (approx 1 min).
Serve it up on a plate solo or with some SPANKING SPANISH RICE.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, IT’S ON!-TREES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bangin’ Cajun shrimp recipe, banging, Cajun, Cajun shrimp recipe, ceremony, crazy person, delicious, DIY, easy, English, food, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, incantation, intercourse, jail, kitchen, libido, Louisiana, naked, New Orleans, owner’s manual, raging Cajun shrimp recipe, recipe, seduce, sex, spicy, tasty, true blood, vampires, voodoo, west Indian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 20, 2009
At least you won't have to worry about these crabs.
I hear it’s pretty hard to get rid of crabs. But not so when you have a dip this deceptively simple. This is a perfect fast snack that screams out that you are one classy bastard. Serve this up with the beverage of your choice and take the date from conversation to heavy petting by their third bite. You can pull it off in two bites if you hand feed them. So what are you waiting for slacker? Slack off all the way into their pantalones!
Total time: approximately 3 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: White wine or a CHASING GINGER TAIL
Ingredients:
1. 1 box of round crackers
2. 2 tablespoons of cocktail sauce
3. 1 brick of cream cheese
4. 1 small can of CRAB MEAT
Step 1
Spread cream cheese around the edges of a deep bowl. Drain the crab meat and then rub it evenly into the cream cheese. Scoop the cocktail sauce and rub it evenly into the crab. Create a wheel of crackers and place the dip bowl in the middle. Drag the crackers along the edge of the bowl and scoop yourself up some good times.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, classy, cocktail sauce, Crab dip recipe, crabmeat, crackers, cream cheese, cream cheese crab dip, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, heavy petting, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, pantalones, recipe, seafood, seduce, sex, shellfish, slacker, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 13, 2009
The meatballs keep a rolling rolling rolling!
Behold these sexy balls o’ mine! Why are you acting so shocked? My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble. Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic delight. I understand. I get it. You just try to appear that you are up for anything, but in truth you turn tail when presented with something bold that gets right to the meat of a situation. Not to worry for there are plenty of prospects who will be more than happy to embrace my raw essence. The barbarian inside shall be released in us ready and willing who shall indulge in an orgy of carnage and carnal delights. You’ll just have to sit outside my cave and listen to the pleasurable Neanderthal grunts of eating and banging. You’ll just have to read the erotic play-by-play cave paintings. I’d love to offer you our leftovers, but you know how grudges go. Can’t let it go until you admit you were wrong and willing to play by my rules.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 pound of ground beef (or turkey)
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
6. 1 can of tomato sauce
7. ½ pound of dried spaghetti
8. 2 garlic cloves minced
9. 1 large celery stalk cut into tiny nibbles
10. 1 onion chopped finely
11. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Step 1
Boil spaghetti al dente while you make the meat balls: mix in ½ the onions, ½ the celery celery, garlic, ground beef, salt, and pepper together in a bowl and create balls.
Step 2
Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep pan on medium heat. Throw in the meatballs and cook the bottom side until they brown (approx 3 min). Flip the meatballs and douse the remaining olive over the balls and brown the other side (approx 2 min). Sauté the remaining onions and celery and cook them down (approx 2 min). Bring the tomato sauce to a boil on and then lower the heat and simmer until the meatballs cook through (approx 15 min).
Step 3
Place a healthy serving of al dente spaghetti on each place, then set a few meat balls on plate and then smother it all with sauce. Serve with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD and top it off with Parmesan if you are feeling cheesy.
1 Comment | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: al dente, balls, bang, barbarian, carboluscious, carnage, carnal, carnivore, cave paintings, celery, circular, crushed red pepper, delicious, dinner, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, gourmet meatballs, ground beef, guarantee, homemade, hot, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, libido, meaty, Mediterranean, naked, Neanderthal, olive oil, onion, paprika, pasta, pepper, recipe, rolls, rumble, salt, sauté, seduce, sex, spaghetti, Spaghetti and meatballs recipe, spheres, spicy meatballs, starch, tasty, tomato sauce, turkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 11, 2009
The stuffed pepper party train has left the station!
It’s time to throw down! The week ain’t over yet, but you’re leady to let the dogs out. Woof to the M-F’ing woof! I suggest you get funky in the kitchen rather than unleash potentially rabid beasts onto the populace. Sure it may not be as thrilling as sending cooped up canines out into your neighborhood to attack mailmen and Xanaxed housewives alike. You will however avoid a lawsuit and a stern warning from animal control. Why not invite someone sexy over for a little party for two instead? What better way to do that than with bell peppers, chicken and apples? I do declare you are both in for a treat! Once you guys stuff yourselves with these aphrodisiac-stuffed peppers, it’s time for someone to get stuffed. Don’t be surprised if those same dogs howl along with as you both scream pleasurable expletives into the night. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, SEDUCTION | Tagged: animal control, aphrodisiac, apple, bake, bang, banging, basil, calivirgin, canine, chicken apples stuffed bell peppers, chicken breast, delicious, DIY, dogs, easy, food, game changer, get laid, get stuffed, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, housewives, howl, intercourse, jack cheese, kitchen, lawsuit, libido, mailmen, naked, olive oil, pine nuts, recipe, red bell pepper, red wine vinegar, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, Stuffed bell pepper recipe, stuffed pepper party, tasty, who let the dogs out?, woof, xanax, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 