February 28, 2009
Do wop babaloo bop do wop BANG BOOM!
Just imagine yourself a young, horny kid in the 50’s. Too bad societal pressures would keep you from indulging your every whim like James Dean. No, you would be expected to settle for some awesome chrome car and a letterman jacket or pressed Donna Reed blouse. Sounds good in their theory, but do you really want to wait until marriage to bang to your hearts content? Chances are you would be locked in to a loveless marriage fueled by Dean Martin, scotch, and keys in the punchbowl parties. Luckily, 50+ years and a sexual revolution later, we can indulge our carnal desire milkshake without having to buy the whole rancid cow. Bear in mind that back then the concept of lactose intolerance was not even a glimmer in the milkman banging the bored housewife’s eye. But we can thank the 50’s for the malt shop culture. Back then they couldn’t bang so they consumed high calorie treats. Now we can do both. So sip your milkshake while you lift up that poodle skirt and doo wop to your heart’s content.
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: If you are hardcore you could pour in some vodka
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream
2. 2 cups of milk
3. 2 tablespoons of honey
4. 1 banana
5. 1 handful of pistachios
Step 1
Break the banana in half and drop it in the blender along with the ice cream, honey, pistachios and milk and blend it to perfection. Serve it up cold before things get really hot!
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
February 18, 2009
Lay that cod on the bed and cook it's brains out
You’ve been rocking that cod all night. Your filet so cooked it’s crispy from all the heat. You’ve ridden it hard and put it away wet. It’s time to put it to bed…of veggies. Welcome to the CTB jungle, baby! You’re gonna die…from an orgasm overdose. This dish overflows with aphrodisiac-loaded potential for seducing even the most prude of Prudences. Sure the price of ingredients ain’t cheap, but you can’t build a rocket to the moon out of sardine cans from the 99cent store. I tried and crash-landed outside of Tijuana where I got a great FISH TACO. This recipe is quality over quantity for that quality someone you really really want. I warn you that it will be rather HARD to determine which orgasm you prefer. The sexual or culinary? Just consider it a multiple orgasm and be done with it.
*Special shout out to master chef Jane for this audaciously awesome recipe.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $20, but worth every goddamn penny!
Drinking Buddy: White wine; just drink the rest of the bottle (see below)
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 Portobello mushroom
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. ½ cup of white wine
4. 1 leek
5. 1 tablespoon of salt
6. Pepper to taste
7. 2 strips of bacon (or turkey or veggie bacon)
8. 2 8-ounce filets of black cod
9. 1 large carrot peeled
10. 1 handful or dried porcini mushrooms
11. 2 garlic cloves minced
Step 1
First you must prep the leeks and Portobello mushrooms that are filthier than your mind. Cut the stem and most of the dark green off the leek, then spilt in half and wash them thoroughly, being sure to wash out the grit between the folds, then chopping thin slices. Peel, filet and dice the carrots. Finally, wash off the Portobello mushroom thoroughly, pull out the stalk gently, scrap out the black gills and chop them into 1-inch thick strips.
Step 2
Heat a large pan on medium-high. Throw in the bacon and cook out all the fat before tossing in the leeks, garlic and carrots and cook them down (approx 5 minutes). Slice the mushroom strips into bite-sized pieces, throw in the salt and cook down further (approx 3 minutes). Dump in the white wine, and turn down heat and allow to simmer while you do Step 3.
Step 3
Take the dried porcini mushrooms and pulverize them in a coffee grinder (if you don’t have grinder, use mortal & pestle, or chop with knife). Throw the shroom dust in a deep container and rub each side of the black cod in it. Heat the olive oil up in another pan on high heat and throw on the coated cod filets cooking each side until crispy before flipping (3 minutes each side). Serve each filet over a bed of veggies.
Who’s getting laid tonight? You are!
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bacon, bang, bed of veggies, black cod, black cod recipe, carrot, delicious, DIY, dried porcini mushrooms, easy, fiber, filet, fish, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leek, naked, olive oil, pepper, porcini mushroom coated fish, Porcini Mushroom coated grilled cod on bed of leeks carrots and Portobello mushrooms, Portobello mushroom, protein, recipe, romantic, salt, sauté, seafood, seduce, sex, shroom coated cod recipe, take to bed, tasty, turkey bacon, veggie bacon, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 11, 2009
Krispy on the outside, soft and juicy on the inside.
Your favorite childhood treat is back with a black and blueberry attitude. This ain’t your momma’s Rice Krispie Treat. The team of molecular physicists on staff at COOK TO BANG developed a groundbreaking improvement to this noble confectionery. The naysayers who said our research grant money was worse spent than Sarah Palin’s Bridge To Nowhere can suck it. Now that haters are off to ruin someone else’s day, behold: I reveal to you the revolutionary Krispie Treat supercharged with blueberry bomb blasts. The consumer will be too busy rolling their eyes into the back of their heads to notice the antioxidants going to work. Serve these treats to someone you’re sweet on in full confidence that you’re holding your conquest’s health in the utmost regard. It’s low in fat, rich in fiber, and overflowing with awesomeness. Keep in mind you’ll have plenty of leftovers that are great for post-coital snacks or to lure future dates to your place. No blue balls for you, my friend!
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: HOT COCOA
Ingredients:
1. 6 cups of Rice Krispies (or generic brand)
2. 10 ounces of marshmallows
3. 1 small container of fresh blueberries
4. ¼ stick of butter
Step 1
Melt the butter completely in a deep pan or pot on low heat. Toss in the marshmallows, and then cook and stir them until they become one big tasty goop (approx 5 minutes).
Step 2
Turn the heat off and dump in the Krispies and blueberries. Mix them all together thoroughly. Dump them all into a greased baking pan, and pat them down with a spatula (ideally sprayed with cooking spray). Allow them time to cool (approx 30 minutes). Cut up your preferred sized squares and distribute to the beautiful people.
1 Comment | CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: antioxidant, bang, berry, blueberry, butter, cookie, crispy, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, low fat, lunch, marshmallow, naked, no bake, recipe, refreshing, rice, Rice krispie treat recipe, rice krispie treat with blueberries recipe, sex, snack, sugary, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, treat, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 6, 2009
Class up the Jell-O by setting them in citrus rinds
Jell-O shots are a symbol of youthful indiscretion. The very use of them conjures up memories of high school or college parties. Turning alcohol into a solid, easily tossable form indicates a clear problem with authority. Anyone making, serving or slurping these lacks maturity and predictability. Shame shame, they know your name! If the kid in you still wants to play hard, read on. If you are shaking your head with disappointment, might I recommend the AARP website where they offer great tips for keeping your shuffleboard skills tip top during winter. Fact: Jell-O shots are silly. Fact: Jell-O shots are a crapshoot of adventure. Part of the fun is seeing how hard they’ll hit you (CTB recommends caution, of course). Chances are good that you’ll end up drunkenly manhandling someone who will hopefully molest you right back. Both your chins will be stained from gelatin and your brains tainted with booze. Do Bill Cosby proud and say it loud, “There’s always room for Jell-O!”
Total time: approximately 4 hours
Projected cost: $6 (excluding vodka)
Drinking Buddy: You’re eating your drink, Mm mm!
Ingredients:
1. 1 package of Jell-O, chef’s choice on flavor
2. 2 cups of vodka
3. 2 cups of water
4. Handful of separated mint leaves
5. 6 lemons or oranges to half & hollow out
Step 1
Bring the water to a roaring boil. Dump in the Jell-O mix and stir until the powder dissolves completely (approx 2 minutes). Turn off the heat and pour the cold or room temperature vodka into the mix.
Step 2
Cut the lemon or oranges in half and hollow them out. Use a ladle to pour the unformed Jell-O liquid to the brim of each hollow rind. Place in the fridge and allow them to cool and harden (approx 4 hours). Halfway through the process, place a mint sprig in each half and allow them to set. Serve the Jell-O shots up
There's always room for Jell-O!
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, fusion, libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, bang, booze, creeper, delicious, dessert, disguise, drink, drunk, easy, game changer, gathering, gelatin, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, halves, hidden, immature, intercourse, Jell-O, Jell-O shots recipe, Jello shots recipe, jelly, kitchen, lemon, mint, naked, orange, party, party time, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, solid alcohol, sweet, tasty, vegetarian, vodka, water, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 