July 30, 2009
They host, you boast...to your friends after the act.
The COOK TO BANG has been proven by the superstring theory via that supercollider in the Swiss Alps. Effective as CTB may be, every once in a while you want to take your sexy cooking show on the road. Why not take your wares to your dates pad? It’ll seem spontaneous and romantic, even if you just don’t feel like cleaning up the mess after your done banging. The plot is to show up to their place with a bag of groceries and commandeer their kitchen like some hungry pirate. Soon you will be swashbuckling about with their pots and pans and will eventually end up without shirts or pants, just an eye patch and a dirty-talking parrot. Sure your date may be technically hosting, but you will both know who’s in control. This salad will be a great first mate as you pillage and plunder your date’s booty.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup balsamic vinegar
2. 2 tbsp HONEY
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. ½ tbsp olive oil
6. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
7. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
8. 2 heirloom tomatoes
9. 4 fresh BASIL leaves
10. ¼ lemon
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Slice each heirloom tomato in half and set them in a baking pan. Drizzle the tomatoes with olive oil, sprinkle them with salt and pepper, place a basil leaf on each and crown them with mozzarella. Toss them in the oven and roast until the tomato softens and cheese melts (approx 35 min).
Step 2
Make the balsamic reduction dressing by turning stove onto medium heat and adding the honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring vigorously. Cook the liquid down to 1/3 of its original volume. Pour the dressing into a container and allow it to cool.
Step 3
Split the spinach between plates. Place two roasted heirloom tomatoes on each bed of spinach and pour over the balsamic reduction. Squeeze some lemon juice over if your craving some sour.
Serve up as a perfect lunch after a quickie (hint, bang while the heirloom tomatoes roast) or as a starter for an ENTRÉE.
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, booty, commandeer, delicious, dirty-talking, DIY, easy, eye patch, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom tomato, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, parrot, pillage, pirate, plunder, recipe, roast heirloom tomato salad recipe, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, spontaneous, supercollider, superstring theory, swashbuckling, swiss alps, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
March 4, 2009
Send in the Hostess with the Most-Ass!
This dish most definitely boasts the most ass-paragus. Kim Kardashian ain’t got nothing on this dish. Plus this is way better for you than following the exploits of yet another celebutant. No question about it. It packs such a walloping APHRODISIAC punch that the world falls to its knees to service the asparagus’ needs. Behold, if you can handle it. You instantly class up even the most bland and healthy meals. The phytochemicals in this dish nourish even the filthiest minds, bodies and souls. So reignite the passion in your kitchen and go green!
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $12
Drinking Buddy: Depends on what you serve with it.
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
2. 1 pound of asparagus
3. Manchego cheese
4. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. Wash off the asparagus and chop the stubby part of the stalks. Cover a bake sheet or pan with tinfoil. Lay out the asparagus neatly with no overlapping. Smother the asparagus with olive oil and roast them in the oven (approx 20 minutes).
Step 2
Once the asparagus is the right soft texture, place them on a serving tray and douse with the balsamic vinegar. Cut up as much manchego cheese as you like and scatter it on top, allowing it to melt a little before serving with a CHICKEN or FISH.
2 Comments | RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asparagus, ass, bake, baking pan, balsamic vinegar, bang, delicious, DIY, douse, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kim kardashian, kitchen, leafy and lovely, manchego cheese, manchego cheese asparagus, naked, nourish, olive oil, oven, recipe, Roast asparagus recipe, seduce, sex, shred, side dish, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 24, 2008
The caprese salad has more disguises than a Scooby Doo villain
Caprese salad is the simplest Italian salad, but punches you in the nose with the complex flavors it yields. The buttery mozzarella, crisp tomato, and basil’s hint of the Italian countryside can put you a pimping pedestal. But sometimes delicious and light aren’t going to cut it when you are hungry enough to eat a Buick. Not to worry. This versatile salad leads a double life as a sandwich. So it’s easy to take this dish on afternoon picnics in areas secluded enough for you to make sweet love in the great outdoors. Should your date lack taste buds entirely and not like this sensational sandwich, the more for you to savor. “Sorry, sucka! But I still think your cute…wanna get busy in this grassy meadow?”
Ingredients (for 2 sandwiches):
1. 2 fresh baked sandwich rolls
2. Olive oil for drizzling
3. Balsamic vinegar for drizzling
4. ½ an avocado sliced
5. 1 tomato sliced
6. 8 ounces of fresh buffalo mozzarella sliced
7. 2 handfuls of fresh whole basil leaves
Step 1
Slice open the bread rolls and lay out the basil leaves, tomato slices, buffalo mozzarella, and avocado. Drizzle olive oil and balsamic vinegar to your liking. You want the sandwich to be moist, but not soggy. Cut the sandwich in half and serve up on a plate with a green salad or wrap up to enjoy in the park with your head in your dream girl/guy’s lap.
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: avocado, balsamic vinegar, bang, basil, caprese salad, Caprese sandwich, cheese, classy, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, healthy, intercourse, italian, kinky, kitchen, lunch, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, refreshing, romance, sandwich, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, SINWICHES, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 20, 2008
Simple and seductive? You can't beat a beet salad.
A naysayer might claim that beets are a boring vegetable on par with brussel sprouts or kale. Punch this ignoramus in the face because they are clearly ignorant to just how goddamn sexy beets can be. First, beets are an aphrodisiac used since Roman times to increase male virility due to the high boron content. “Take favors in the beetroot fields” was a popular early 20th Century euphemism for visiting prostitutes. Happy ending history aside, beets are amazing for your circulatory system and freshen your breath, which comes in handy for horny people with heart problems and halitosis. But they also taste amazing and with the right combination of foods become an unstoppable force at motivating hanky panky. Goat cheese and beets together form an alliance on par with Hall and Oates or Siegfried and Roy (minus the tiger mauling). They are your friends and allies when it comes to the horizontal mambo. Beet salad is a classy choice for a first date because it’s neither expensive nor expected. It’s refreshing, invigorating and will cue you up for some felating. Combining the salad with a bottle of wine will equate to a sublime time oh so divine.
Ingredients (for two):
1. 1 pear sliced long ways
2. 8 ounces of goat cheese cut into rounds
3. 2 steamed, peeled beets cut into rounds
Step 1
Steam or boil beets until a fork can easily be stabbed through them. Throw the beets into a container filled with ice-cold water and allow them to cool in the fridge for 30 minutes or so. The skin should easily peel off. Cut the beets into rounds.
Step 2
Create stacks of the holy trinity, sandwiching the goat cheese between the beets and pears. Cover them in balsamic vinegar and olive oil and serve. Two or three per plate should suffice for a spectacular starter or a healthy lunch before an afternoon quickie.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, beet, Beet salad, blood, circulatory system, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, healthy, kitchen, naked, pear, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, simple | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 17, 2008
Grab me, grill me, kill me...with grilled veggies
Long before humans had microwave ovens and George Forman grills, we had fire: beautiful, enchanting, burning fire. Vegetables grilled on an open flame make them fun again. Why boil these bounties of the earth when you can bring the flavor out with fire and chutzpah? And your date will no doubt be impressed by your mastery of the elements. Short of a picky vegan, anybody can eat this fine dish and only a cold-hearted monster could say it sucks. Your bland backyard barbecue has suddenly been legitimized, thus making you the savior, sort of like Jesus, but tastier. Be sure to mention that to your conservative date who hasn’t removed their chastity belt yet. Blaspheme and grilled veggies are sure to win them over. If that doesn’t work, just use reverse psychology asking What Would Jesus Not Do? Amen.
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
2. 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
3. 1 red bell pepper sliced into long thin strips
4. 1 small eggplant cut into large bite size chunks
5. 1 large portabella mushrooms sliced into long thin strips
6. 1 onion sliced into long thin strips
7. 2 tablespoons of goat cheese
Step 1
Place all the chopped veggies into tin foil and pour olive oil over them. Cover the oil-doused veggies with a top tinfoil layer and place in the grill on medium heat. Cook in foil until the veggies soften, then put them directly on the fire until they char slightly.
Step 2
Remove the veggies from the grill. Place them in a pan and drop the goat cheese on top. Pour the balsamic vinegar over the veggies/goat cheese and mix up thoroughly. Serve on a plate with your main course, a grilled halibut or turkey burger perhaps. Just know in your heart that you are a culinary super star and the evening should progress nicely.
1 Comment | GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES | Tagged: balsamic vinegar, bang, barbecue, bbq, bell pepper, cheap, delicious, easy, eggplant, goat cheese, gourmet, grilled vegetables, grillin' like a villain, kitchen, naked, olive oil, onion, portabella mushroom, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, veggies | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients (serves 2):
Step 2
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 