January 27, 2010
T&A is easy as pushing play on your CTB Music Mix
T&A is what every straight dude seeks when they CTB. Pull it off right and all will be revealed. The important thing is not to rush it or appear too eager. Naturally, in an era where we want what we want now and quit wasting my goddamn time, it’s hard to exercise restraint. But a smooth seduction is like roasting asparagus. Let it happen. The last thing you want is to crank the heat up so you can get the green aphrodisiac out of the oven faster in order to get on with the show. That will only lead to overcooked, underappreciated slop. Did I mention your kinky campaign will be totally FUBAR? Ease into it, sucka. If you add the right amount of flavor with the right amount of heat and the right amount of time, you will be more than all right. And to my female and gay male readership, the same rules apply minus the whole T&A thing.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: All depends on ENTREE, but dry white wine is asparagus’ friend
Ingredients (Serves 4):
1. 1 dash salt
2. 1 dash black pepper
3. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
4. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
5. 1/2 lb ASPARAGUS
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350∞F/175∞C. Wash the asparagus and chop off the tips, and discard. Spread out the asparagus flat in a baking pan. Sprinkle evenly with garlic, salt and pepper, and then drizzle with olive oil.
Step 2
Throw the asparagus in the oven and roast until they brown slightly (approx 30 min). Serve that delicious goodness up with something equally healthy and banging.
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
January 15, 2010
Get in, get out, get back to the task at hand.
Are you keen on getting your date to stare at you with slack-jawed
amazement? Time is a wasting if you¹re awaiting my answer. Sometimes the
slow deliberate seduction isn¹t right for the ones keen on the quickie. Sure
it¹s rushed, but you still want to rock that shit and leave them wanting
more. The same goes for a quick on-the-go delight. Here you have a treat so
tasty, so quick, it will seem like a wet dream. At least that is the
discovery I made on tour. There I was in some hot Chiquita bonita¹s bed
hungry as can be. Leaving her pad would mean dressing, which would mean
undressing again, something not necessarily guaranteed with the girl I only
met 48 hours prior. So I had to be quick on my feet. This is what I made
from the goods in her fridge. I¹m guessing it worked since we didn¹t leave
her place again until days later when my friends did a search and rescue
mission. At that point, she almost didn¹t let go. Perhaps it¹s best I got
out before she started naming our kids. At least she¹ll always have the
misty water-colored Cook To Bang memories.
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: BANGARITA
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 taco-sized corn tortillas
2. 1Ž2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
3. 1 tbsp butter
4. 1 tomato sliced thinly
5. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
6. 2 fat handfuls Gouda cheese chunks
Step 1
First assemble the quesadillas by laying a small layer of cheese, tomatoes,
green onions, avocado, and another layer of cheese.
Step 2
Use half the butter to grease a small pan cooking on medium heat. Add the
first quesadilla, cover it with the pot top, and cook until the cheese melts
(approx 3 min). Repeat with the second quesadilla and serve Œem up, champ!
This appetizer goes great with a little SIMPLY SEXY SALSA or GUAPO GRINGO GUACAMOLE.
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: 48 hours, amazement, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, bonita, butter, Chiquita, corn tortillas, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, get laid, gouda cheese, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, open-faced, open-mouthed quesadilla, quesadilla, quickie, recipe, search and rescue, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, tour, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 14, 2010
A sinwich in paradise is oh so very nice!
The Cook To Bang method makes getting your freaky-deak on so simple that must really try to blow it. The simple, effective method is beyond question. A millennium from now when alien explorers discover the remains of our extinct culture, they will come to one simple conclusion: we forgot how to CTB. My hope is that I can keep the human race going another half-century or so with my teachings. All bets are off after that. So with that in mind, try out this simple recipe I made while on vacation. The Latina that slept over after a killer dinner party I threw was certainly not expecting CTB in reverse. After a rowdy session of morning sex, I presented her with this sinwich. We devoured them quickly, and got back to the task at hand…banging each other senseless.
Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. ½ a baguette
2. Mayonnaise at your discretion (can substitute with mustard)
3. 2 handfuls rotisserie chicken pulled
4. 1 handful lettuce chopped
5. ½ AVOCADO sliced
6. ½ tomato sliced thinly
7. ½ apple sliced thinly
Step 1
Slice the baguette lengthwise and spread mayonnaise as you wish. Lay out the apple and tomato slices, evenly add the pulled chicken, stuff the lettuce and avocado, and force it all shut. Cut in half and you are ready for just about anything.
This SINWICH works just as well as a BREAKFAST as a lunch or DINNER.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: alien explorers, aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, baguette, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, human race, intercourse, kitchen, Latina, lettuce, libido, mayonnaise, millennium, naked, poultry, recipe, rotisserie chicken, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sinwich, tasty, tomato, vacation, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 12, 2010
Stuff with care
This main dish is meant for your main squeeze. Don’t prepare this outstanding entrée for one of your breezies on the side. The effort and effect are not worth it unless you want them to get hooked on you. It goes back to the essence of the Cook To Bang philosophy. Eat amazing food; have amazing sex. This hearty dish is perfect for a winter evening in. Why would you go out when you have the two essentials for a perfect night of carnal lust and consumption? At least that’s what I discovered when I laid this culinary mack down on a girl I’m seeing. She hasn’t stopped calling, texting, sexting, and facebooking since. Homegirl is officially addicted…to me. Ever since, I’ve been getting stuffed and busting nuts all over the place. Use this dish cautiously, unless you are eager to build your own harem.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red red wine
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 3 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
3. 1 butternut squash
4. 2 dashes black pepper
5. 3 dashes sea salt
6. 2 GREENSBURY MARKET organic chicken breasts
7. 1 pear
8. 2 large carrots
9. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
10. 1 lime wedge
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350∞F/175∞C. Slice the squash lengthwise and scoop out the guts, leaving a nice cavity. Rub olive oil into each half, and then salt and pepper them and roast until the squash meat is soft (approx 30 min).
Step 2
While the squash roasts, cube the chicken and marinate in limejuice, cayenne pepper, and sea salt (approx 10 min).
Step 3
Peel the carrots and chop into bite-sized pieces. Slice the pears thinly. SautÈ the carrots and pears until they soften (approx 5 min). Add the chicken and sautÈ thoroughly.
Step 4
Finally scoop the sautÈed chicken and veggies into the cavities of the squash (once soft) and throw back in the oven and roast until it’s all heated through (approx 5 min). Crown each with green onions and serve.
This ENTRÉE kills it on it’s own, but a simple SALAD could shoot your date’s lust into the stratosphere.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, winter | Tagged: addicted, bang, banging, black pepper, breezies, bust a nut, butternut squash, carnal lust, carrot, cayenne pepper, chicken breasts, consumption, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, get hooked, get laid, get stuffed, gourmet, green onions, greensbury market, guarantee, harem, healthy, hearty, homemade, hooked, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, main dish, main squeeze, marinate, naked, olive oil, organic, pear, recipe, roast, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 7, 2010
Cook To Fingerbang!
Using your fingers is often the only way to go. No time for squeamishness when it comes to cooking to bang. Just spread them fingers wide and dive right in. Remember that your date will thank you after for your keen attention to details. Their oral pleasure zone isn’t going to satisfy itself. Fingerling potatoes are coming back in a big way. Some famous chef somewhere some how said something like, “Fingerling potatoes are now and very much it.” Just think how cool you will appear serving up a sensational side with the hottest carb in town. The fact that they resemble human fingers that you will be using to entice and engorge later is the popped cherry on top. So fingerbang away!
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Depends on entrée, but red wine should do you both nicely
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash sea salt
2. 1 dash black pepper
3. 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
4. 2 tbsp olive oil
5. 1 dash thyme
6. 1/2 lemon
7. 1 sprig ROSEMARY
8. 3 garlic cloves chopped finely
9. 1 lb fingerling potatoes
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 450°F/232°C. Wash the taters thoroughly and then split them. Toss them with the garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper, thyme, and rosemary.
Step 2
Spread the marinated fingerlings on a small baking pan, laying the flat ends down. Bake the potatoes until they brown and can be forked easily with a fork (approx 25min), flipping halfway through cooking. Toss the roasted potatoes in the balsamic vinegar and serve.
Serve these fine carbs up with any number of meaty ENTRÉES.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, irish, RECIPES, vegan | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, black pepper, carbohydrates, carbs, delicious, DIY, easy, engorge, famous chef, fingerbang, fingerbanging fingerling potatoes, fingering, fingerling potatoes, flavorful, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hearty, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, olive oil, oral pleasure, recipe, rosemary, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, squeamishness, tasty, thyme, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 4, 2010
Why is not as important as when.
Quit with the questions already! I experiment with recipes sometimes to discover new and exciting methods to prepare banging food. Oftentimes I crash and burn with my noble attempts at cooking something groundbreaking. You have to stumble before you can walk; kiss before you bang. But there are times where I rock the living crap out of the ingredients I’m working for and then…BAM! It’s like being the first man to discover the clitoris. You always assumed there was something there, but it took some serious creative spelunking to get there. So that is what I offer you now. This is a little ditty made out of boredom for the standard breakfast fare. I knew there was some clever way to take the best parts of Middle Eastern and Western to create a fusion that all us infidels can enjoy. My date agreed after getting over her skepticism of the unfamiliar. She did not ask why I led her immediately back to bed after we were done eating. My perverted intent was implied.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: MIMOSUCK IT
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp vegetable oil
2. 3 dashes sea salt
3. 4 tomato slices
4. 1/2 onion sliced in strips
5. 2 eggs
6. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
7. 1 small handful queso fresco (Mexican cheese)
8. 1/2 large pita (one pictured infused with thyme)
Step 1
Heat up the oil in a skillet. Throw in the onions and fry until they caramelize (approx 3 min). Fry up the tomatoes next, salting them and flipping once (approx 2 min). Finally make room in pan to fry up pita.
Step 2
Scoop the fried onions and tomato onto the pita. Crack the eggs in the space now available, salt them, and fry sunny side up (approx 3 min). Split the eggs in two and serve over each half of the pita. Surround the egg yolk with avocado like a halo and crumble some queso fresco on top.
Split the pita in two and serve them up on separate plates with BED & BREAKFAST POTATOES.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Middle Eastern, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, boredom, breakfast, caramelize, clitoris, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, fry, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, groundbreaking, guarantee, homemade, infidel, intercourse, kitchen, libido, Middle Eastern, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, onion, pita, queso fresco, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, skepticism, spelunking, tasty, tomato, vegetable oil, Western, Why ask why fry breakfast, why asky why?, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 
