February 11, 2009
Krispy on the outside, soft and juicy on the inside.
Your favorite childhood treat is back with a black and blueberry attitude. This ain’t your momma’s Rice Krispie Treat. The team of molecular physicists on staff at COOK TO BANG developed a groundbreaking improvement to this noble confectionery. The naysayers who said our research grant money was worse spent than Sarah Palin’s Bridge To Nowhere can suck it. Now that haters are off to ruin someone else’s day, behold: I reveal to you the revolutionary Krispie Treat supercharged with blueberry bomb blasts. The consumer will be too busy rolling their eyes into the back of their heads to notice the antioxidants going to work. Serve these treats to someone you’re sweet on in full confidence that you’re holding your conquest’s health in the utmost regard. It’s low in fat, rich in fiber, and overflowing with awesomeness. Keep in mind you’ll have plenty of leftovers that are great for post-coital snacks or to lure future dates to your place. No blue balls for you, my friend!
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: HOT COCOA
Ingredients:
1. 6 cups of Rice Krispies (or generic brand)
2. 10 ounces of marshmallows
3. 1 small container of fresh blueberries
4. ¼ stick of butter
Step 1
Melt the butter completely in a deep pan or pot on low heat. Toss in the marshmallows, and then cook and stir them until they become one big tasty goop (approx 5 minutes).
Step 2
Turn the heat off and dump in the Krispies and blueberries. Mix them all together thoroughly. Dump them all into a greased baking pan, and pat them down with a spatula (ideally sprayed with cooking spray). Allow them time to cool (approx 30 minutes). Cut up your preferred sized squares and distribute to the beautiful people.
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
February 6, 2009
Class up the Jell-O by setting them in citrus rinds
Jell-O shots are a symbol of youthful indiscretion. The very use of them conjures up memories of high school or college parties. Turning alcohol into a solid, easily tossable form indicates a clear problem with authority. Anyone making, serving or slurping these lacks maturity and predictability. Shame shame, they know your name! If the kid in you still wants to play hard, read on. If you are shaking your head with disappointment, might I recommend the AARP website where they offer great tips for keeping your shuffleboard skills tip top during winter. Fact: Jell-O shots are silly. Fact: Jell-O shots are a crapshoot of adventure. Part of the fun is seeing how hard they’ll hit you (CTB recommends caution, of course). Chances are good that you’ll end up drunkenly manhandling someone who will hopefully molest you right back. Both your chins will be stained from gelatin and your brains tainted with booze. Do Bill Cosby proud and say it loud, “There’s always room for Jell-O!”
Total time: approximately 4 hours
Projected cost: $6 (excluding vodka)
Drinking Buddy: You’re eating your drink, Mm mm!
Ingredients:
1. 1 package of Jell-O, chef’s choice on flavor
2. 2 cups of vodka
3. 2 cups of water
4. Handful of separated mint leaves
5. 6 lemons or oranges to half & hollow out
Step 1
Bring the water to a roaring boil. Dump in the Jell-O mix and stir until the powder dissolves completely (approx 2 minutes). Turn off the heat and pour the cold or room temperature vodka into the mix.
Step 2
Cut the lemon or oranges in half and hollow them out. Use a ladle to pour the unformed Jell-O liquid to the brim of each hollow rind. Place in the fridge and allow them to cool and harden (approx 4 hours). Halfway through the process, place a mint sprig in each half and allow them to set. Serve the Jell-O shots up
There's always room for Jell-O!
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, fusion, libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, bang, booze, creeper, delicious, dessert, disguise, drink, drunk, easy, game changer, gathering, gelatin, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, halves, hidden, immature, intercourse, Jell-O, Jell-O shots recipe, Jello shots recipe, jelly, kitchen, lemon, mint, naked, orange, party, party time, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, solid alcohol, sweet, tasty, vegetarian, vodka, water, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 24, 2008
This Naughty Nog, ba-rumpa-pum-pum
So it’s Christmas time. You may need to bring something to your (or your significant other’s) family holiday party or perhaps you and a sexy someone have decided to do your own Christmas thang. It’s about that time to bust something homemade out to leave an outstanding impression. Make this homemade eggnog recipe you will just do that. If all goes to plan everyone will be too tanked to think of you as anything but a champ. Encourage the lot of them to drink up, be merry. Not merry yet? Have another glass of this naughty nog. After enough glasses of this creamy cocktail and they’d forgive you for banging the dog (do us all a favor and abstain from this). My first experiment with this drink happened during a frightening visit to the ex-Navy colonel father of a girl I was dating after college. She told me about his medals of valor, not to mention his collection of antique guns. This was a delicate situation that was easily defused by strong eggnog I threw together on a whim. By the end of the night Colonel Kill You In Your Sleep was crooning along to Bing Crosby Christmas carols and calling me “son.” The eggnog was like Kevlar and I was the drunken Baby Jesus.
Total time: approximately 1¼ hours = 3 minutes to prep, the rest to chill
Projected cost: $5 (not including liquor)
Eating Buddy: Christmas cookies
Ingredients (for 6 sexy servings):
1. 2 ½ cups of whole milk
2. ½ cup of dark rum
3. ½ cup of brandy
4. 2 cups of heavy cream
5. 1 cup brown sugar
6. 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
7. Nutmeg to taste
8. 6 eggs
Step 1
In a large mixing bowl, add each ingredient separately and beat them in this order: eggs, brown sugar, and vanilla extract. After beating it all together, toss in some ground nutmeg.
Step 2
Like in Step 1, add each ingredient and mix thoroughly in this order: heavy cream, milk, rum and brandy. Beat it together again and chill in the fridge for at least an hour before serving. After chilling, mix it up again and then ladle up some glasses and sprinkle more nutmeg. Ho ho ho! 
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, holidays, libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: Alcoholic eggnog, bang, beverage, brandy, Christmas, cold, cream, creamy, decadent, delicious, drink, drunk, easy, eggnog recipe, eggs, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, holidays, homemade eggnog, intercourse, kitchen, milk, naked, recipe, romance, rum, SEDUCTION, sex, soothing, wet, winter | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 24, 2008
Even a man without taste buds would have an edible orgasm from this treasure.
I challenge anyone to make these brownies and not succeed in melting the heart of your intended conquest. This dish is so sensual and irresistible that I seduced myself. It was quite the challenge to share it with my date. She couldn’t keep her finger out of my batter and licked my bowl clean. We nearly finished it off before it made it into the oven. Good thing we did because these brownies were radioactive with awesomeness. This is an aphrodisiac double feature with more chocolate than Willy Wonka could pull out of his hat with the antioxidant raspberry remix. Just thinking about these brownies brings a tear to my eyes because I know what dessert in heaven will taste like, minus the annoying harp music. Accept the raspberry brownies into your heart and sing a post-coital Hallelujah!
Ingredients:
1. 2/3 cup of baking flour
2. ¼ teaspoon of baking powder
3. ¾ cup of sweet ground chocolate/cocoa (Ghiradelli recommended)
4. ¼ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ a small package of fresh/frozen raspberries
6. 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
7. 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips
8. 1 stick of butter
9. ¾ cup of sugar
10. 2 eggs
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Sift together the flour, cocoa mix, sugar, salt and baking powder. Melt the stick of butter and beat in with eggs and vanilla extract. Mix the eggs/butter combination with the dry cocoa/flour/sugar mix into a batter. Blend in the chocolate chips and you have mind-blowing batter that you can bake or lick off your date’s naughty bits.
Step 2
Grease that small pan (9 inch square recommended) like its never been greased up before. Pour in half the batter like a pleasure-delaying seduction. Tuck those babe-licious berries into the brownie batter bed before smothering it with the other half of cocoa-laden chaos. Throw the baking pan into the oven and bake for 25-35 minutes. When in doubt, us a toothpick to dip into the brownie: if the pick comes out dry you got yourself a decadent dessert. Allow to cool for 15 minutes, then serve with ice cream, a glass of milk, or with your best deal-closing move.
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bake, bang, berry, brownie, chocolate, classy, delicious, dessert, easy, eggs, from scratch, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, naked, raspberry, Raspberry brownies, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, sugar, sweet, vanilla | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 16, 2008
Kahlua brownie will make 'em go downie on you
If you are sweet on your sweetheart, use chocolate to seal the deal. Chocolate is an amazingly effective aphrodisiac that gets the heart rate up, increases blood flow and creates a natural feeling of well being, euphoria, and with any luck, wanton lust. Ancient Aztec’s thought it invigorated men and made women less inhibited and they consumed it before battle or intense rounds of sexual activity. Have we learned nothing from history? Do as the Aztec do and do it all night with some natural aphrodisiacs. The fact that it tastes like food reserved for the Gods is beside the point. Take it a step further with Kahlua. The Mexican liqueur makes bad coffee tastes superb, a white Russian worthwhile and stands alone like champ just on ice. Combine chocolate and Kahlua into homemade brownies and you are well on your way to a tasty, triumphant evening. If the magnificent meal you made can’t seal the deal, go for the knockout punch. Hand feed your date a Kahlua Brownie and follow it up with a chocolate flavored kiss. Mmm…
Ingredients (for 2):
1. ½ stick of butter
2. 4 ounces of unsweetened baking chocolate
3. 2 cups of sugar
4. 3 eggs
5. 1 teaspoon of baking powder
6. 1½ cups of flour
7. 1 teaspoon of salt
8. 2 cups of Kahlua
9. ½ cup of shredded coconut
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In one mixing bowl combine the flour, salt and baking powder and mix together thoroughly. In a second bowl, mix the eggs and sugar together so they are united, like the 13 original US colonies.
Step 2
Use a saucepan to heat the butter and melt down the chocolate. Add 1½ cups of the Kahlua (saving the other ½ cup) and mix until it is one chocolate river of goodness.
Step 3
Bring together the flour/salt/baking power with the egg/sugar and melted chocolate/Kahlua into one big party. Blend it all into a batter and make it all better by adding the shredded coconut. Pour the better batter into a greased baking pan and spread it out evenly.
Step 4
Throw the baking pan in the oven and bake for 35-40 minutes. If you are unsure if it is ready, dip a toothpick into the brownie: if it comes out clean you have yourself bake brownies. Finally, use a brush or flat spoon to spread out the remaining ½ cup of Kahlua and let it settle for 5 minutes into a glaze. Cut the brownies up and serve with milk, ice cream or use them to bribe a cop out of a speeding ticket.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baked, chocolate, coconut, delicious, dessert, eggs, flour, food, homemade, hot, Kahlua, Kahlua brownie, love, lust, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, sugar, sweet | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 24, 2008
- If this doesn’t get you laid, you might consider a monastery.
Nothing will make your date say, “I’m going to bang them for making the extra effort,” like a delicious dessert to cap off an awesome meal. This recipe has morphed over the years and is always deal closer. Plus you usually have leftovers for those straight out of the fridge with a spoon after marathon sex moments.
Ingredients:
1. 3 apples peeled and sliced thinly like potato chips
2. 1 package frozen blueberries (fresh are always better)
3. 1/2 cup of oats
4. 1/2 cup of brown sugar
5. 1/2 a stick of butter
Step 1
Preheat oven to 375 degree. Grease a casserole dish or baking pan with butter. Then lay out the apple slices and berries evenly through the pan. Sprinkle cinnamon for extra flavor.
Step 2
On low heat, melt the butter in a saucepan. Throw in the brown sugar and stir until it becomes the consistency of gooey molasses. Add the oats and stir so the oats begin to cook and expand.
Step 3
Cover the apple/berry mix with the brown-sugary oats so you have a think crust over the entire dish.
Step 4
Bake in the oven for 45 minutes until the apples/berry appear soft and the crust is a golden brown. Remove from the oven and allow it to cool. Serve with ice cream if things get too steamy.
Variations:
• You can substitute the fruits such as mangoes, bananas, kiwis, but never EVER use orange!
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: a la mode, apple, blueberry, brown betty, brown sugar, crisp, delicious, dessert, ice cream, oats, SEDUCTION, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 