January 31, 2009
Red Pepper 42, Black Bean 42, Hut Hut Hike!
I’m gasping for air as I write this post. Good god is this veggie chili sexy, healthy and satisfying. Trust me when I say this is going to be a challenge to not eat it all before I bring it to the Super Bowl party this weekend. It’s like waiting for marriage to engage in sexual relations. It’s a nice idea in theory. But seriously, why? Sure it might feel great to finally experience pure ecstasy with the person you will spend the rest of your life. But then again it might be a huge let down when you finally claim what’s yours. Luckily you don’t have to worry about that with this chili dish. It actually tastes better the next day once the flavors have wrapped their legs around the veggies and grinded until they make culinary cunnilingus. If you do manage to keep this ridiculously healthy chili around for the Super Bowl or other party, you will certainly be busy taking down phone numbers from eager foodies with an appetite for you. Take a number.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: A beer, margarita or other football-watching beverage
Ingredients (serves a party or 2 hungry people for days):
1. ½ cup of vegetable oil
2. 1 tablespoon of dried oregano
3. 1 8-ounce can of corn
4. Sour cream for garnish
5. 1 teaspoon of salt
6. Shredded cheddar cheese for garnish
7. 2 tablespoons of ground cumin
8. 1 28-ounce can of whole tomatoes
9. 1 can of garbanzo beans
10. 1 can of black beans
11. 2 stalks of celery chopped coarsely
12. 1 green pepper chopped coarsely
13. 1 red pepper chopped coarsely
14. 4 cloves of garlic chopped finely
15. 2 dried New Mexico chilies
16. 1 large carrot peeled and chopped coarsely
17. 1 yellow pepper coarsely
18. 1 onion chopped coarsely.
19. 2 handfuls of mushrooms chopped coarsely
Step 1
Heat up the vegetable oil in a stockpot on medium-high. Sautee the garlic solo until they brown (approx 30 seconds). Cook the onions until they become translucent (approx 2 minutes). Throw in all the carrots, celery, yellow, red and green peppers and cook until they soften, stirring occasionally. (approx 15 minutes)
Step 2
It’s time to spice things up. Cup up the New Mexico chilies, then toss them into the pot with the mushrooms let it simmer (approx 2 minutes). Now smack it all up with ground cumin, oregano and salt and cook in the flavor (approx 10 minutes).
Step 3
Open up the can of tomatoes and drain the juice into a bowl before chopping the tomatoes up coarsely. Add the tomatoes and juice onto the pot and cook until the tomatoes dissolve and become part of the sauce (approx 10 minutes).
Step 4
Drain the liquid from the cans of corn, garbanzo beans and black beans, then dump them all into the pot and cook them with all the other goodies until they become united in their chili power (approx 10 minutes). Serve up with a sexy selection of toppings like shredded cheddar, sour cream and diced red onions.
Leave a Comment » | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, HOT LIQUID LOVE, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bell pepper, black beans, carrot, celery, cheddar, cheese, chili, corn, cumin, delicious, easy, game changer, garbanzo beans, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green pepper, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, kitchen, mexican, mushroom, naked, new Mexico chilies, onion, oregano, party, recipe, red pepper, romance, salt, Santa fe, SEDUCTION, sex, sour cream, south beach diet, spicy, Super bowl, tailgate, tasty, tomato, vegetable oil, vegetarian, Vegetarian chili recipe, veggie chili recipe, winter, yellow pepper, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 9, 2009
- This Spanish Rice is certifiably spankingly spectacular!
Barcelona in the later summer is a guaranteed whirlwind for the weary traveler with a backpack. Flamenco guitars serenade beauties in the balconies above and capture the heart of even the biggest hater. I remember one thing with absolute clarity: the quality of the food and women are top notch. Black designer mini dresses flapping behind Vespas. Plates piled high with raw shellfish and overflowing bowls of the best rice I had ever tasted. One night after a sangria or three and a plate full of OYSTERS, I found myself being led to a discotequa by a Nigerian Dr. Dre wannabe I befriended at a coffee shop. My evening soundtrack became hip hop beats to Catalan** lyrics. I don’t speak a word. My 3rd grade level Spanish was all I had to flirt with a Barcelona pure-bred hottie. She awarded me an A for effort and danced with me out in a plaza off Las Ramblas. We were good to go back to my place until she found out I was at a hostel sharing a room with three strangers. She vanished into the nearest cab leaving me bummed out with blue balls. So I cheered myself up with a perfect consolation prize: a plate of Spanish rice. I suppose that it was almost as good as spanking a Spaniard.
**In Barcelona, they speak Catalan, a derivation of Spanish that is a bitch to learn.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends what you serve with it. Tequila, beer or sangria if you are feeling especially Spanish
Ingredients:
1. 1 cup of white rice
2. 2 cups of chicken broth
3. 1 dash of salt
4. ¼ cup of olive oil
5. 1 handful of chopped cilantro
6. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
7. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
8. 1 onion chopped coarsely
9. 1 red bell pepper chopped coarsely
10. 1 small carrot chopped or grated coarsely
Step 1
Toast the rice first by heating up the oil in a pan on medium heat and cook until they brown, stirring occasionally (approx 5 minutes). Throw in the garlic and cook another minute. Throw in the rest of the veggies: cilantro, tomato, onion, bell pepper and carrot and cook them down with the toasty rice (approx 5 minutes).
Step 2
Pour in the chicken stock and salt it up a bit. Crank the heat up until the stalk begins to boil, then turn the heat down super low and simmer until the rice absorbs the stock (approx 20 minutes). You officially have some spectacular spanking Spanish rice to serve with something equally outstanding like ORANGASMIC CATFISH, FISHY PINK TACOS or MOLE. Go get those chicas and hombres!
Leave a Comment » | CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, mexican, RECIPES, spanish | Tagged: bang, Barcelona, carbohydrate, carboluscious, carrot, chicken stock, cilantro, dance, delicious, easy, fancy, flamenco, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, mexican, naked, olive oil, onion, recipe, red bell pepper, rice, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, simmer, spain, spaniard, spanish, Spanish Rice recipe, spanking, starch, toast, tomato, white rice | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 6, 2009
Rub-a-dub-dub all over my grub.
The time has come to essentially grill one aphrodisiac in the essence of another. No, I’m not talking about boiling vodka and Viagra together, although I hear they serve that ice cold in Tijuana. In a matter of 10 minutes you can have two salmon steaks grilled to perfectly in avocado butter. The creamy nutrients and silky texture of the avocado absorbs naturally into the tender, protein-packed salmon, essentially becoming one perfect package. It’s as if these two supernaturally sexy ingredients were destined to be together like Romeo and Juliet or Thelma and Louise. Let fate take over your date and you’ll be naked and out of breath on your bed before you can say, “Another glass of wine?”
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $12
Drinking Buddy: White wine or beer
Ingredients (for two):
1. 2 salmon steaks
2. ½ teaspoon of garlic powder
3. ½ teaspoon of onion powder
4. A dash of salt
5. ½ a lemon of juice
6. 2 green onions diced
7. 1 avocado
Step 1
Mix up the green onions, avocado (scooped out of skin), lemon juice, onion powder and garlic powder in a bowl, smashing it all up with a fork, whisk or hand blender. The avocado butter will look much like guacamole.
Step 2
Spread the avocado butter evenly over each side of the salmon steaks, beginning with the topside. On medium heat, heat up a portable grill or frying pan and put the avocado butter side of the salmon down. Cover the other side of the salmon steaks with avocado butter and squeeze lemon juice over them. Once the outside of the salmon turns pinkish-white (approx 3 minutes), flip the steaks making sure not to lose the grilled avocado butter. Grill the other side so the salmon is cooked thoroughly (approx 2 minutes) and serve up with some righteous veggies like asparagus.
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, avocado butter, bang, delicious, dinner, easy, entree, fancy, fish, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green onion, Grilled salmon in avocado butter, grilled salmon recipe, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, naked, onion, recipe, romance, salmon steaks, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 8, 2008
- This hearty Italian classic will make anyone sing falsetto. Ave Maria, baby!
“Ave Maria!” you sing from the plaza of the Italian village. Your intended conquest comes out onto the balcony to gaze down at the lust in your eyes. You continue with your falsetto, beckoning your lovely to join you for a magnificent meal that will knock their socks and knickers off. They will smell the slow cooked perfection of this hearty, meaty dish from the “old country” and naturally follow you like a lemming on its way to an orgy. This is the power of great Italian food. The Italians pay such keen attention to the details whether it’s their fine tailored clothes or renowned culinary creations. Why should you treat the food any differently? You may or may not be Italian, but that doesn’t mean you should boil spaghetti and cover it with sauce from a jar. Cooking without passion is like banging without an orgasm. There is really no point. Don’t waste your date’s time or your charm on forgettable food. This dish is guaranteed to spice up your night. COOK TO BANG is not responsible should your lover scream aloud, “Mama Mia!”
Total time: approximately 1-3 hours depending on level of perfection desired
Projected cost for ingredients: $15 (still cheaper than a restaurant, many ingredients will last many more meals, and there will be leftovers)
Ingredients:
1. ½ cup of red wine
2. 1 tablespoon of salt
3. 1 28oz. can of crushed tomatoes
4. 1 tablespoon of crushed red pepper flakes
5. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
6. ½ cup of heavy cream (optional)
7. 1 pound of ground beef or turkey
8. 2 pork or chicken sausage links chopped into bite-sized pieces
9. Parmesan cheese
10. 2 handfuls of thinly sliced mushrooms
11. 2 carrots peels and shredded
12. 5 celery stalks chopped
13. 1 red onion minced
14. 1 pound pack of spaghetti
15. 5 garlic cloves minced
Step 1
Turn the stove on to medium heat. Heat the olive oil in a large stockpot and throw in the garlic and onions and cook until they are translucent. Throw in the mushrooms, carrots and celery and cook the veggies down, adding the crushed red pepper flakes for spice (adjust to your preference: ½ tablespoon = snore, 2 tablespoons = hot damn!).
Step 2
Add the ground meat and sausage to the stockpot, mix it up with the veggies and cook until the meat turns grey. Pour in the red wine and cook until the liquid dissolves.
Step 3
Boil water in a separate pot and cook the spaghetti al dente.
Step 4
Pour the crushed tomatoes into the stockpot with the veggies and meat and mix together thoroughly. Bring it all to a boil, then turn the heat down to its lowest setting and cook for 1-2 hours, occasionally stirring or adding water when sauce becomes too thick. If desired, stir in the heavy cream a few minutes before you are ready to eat and allow the sauce to thicken. Now serve the sauce over spaghetti with garlic bread and a bottle or red wine. Sing falsetto as you present the food if possible.
Leave a Comment » | asian, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, italian, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, carrot, celery, classic, classy, delicious, dinner, easy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, ground beef, guarantee, hearty, intercourse, italian, kinky, kitchen, meat sauce, meaty, naked, onion, pasta, red pepper flakes, romance, sausage, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, spaghetti bolognese, spicy, tomato, turkey | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 27, 2008
Break me off some of that morning delight
You don’t often hear people lamenting a lack of carbohydrates in their diet. That mean old Dr. Atkins scared people off from the potato, a respectable source or sustenance that kept the Irish alive through the worst of times. The tater and his friend the loaf of bread hid out in the attic away from the anti-carb Gestapo. The bread and potato would surely have joined their “fattening counterparts” in the trash had they not been convinced they aren’t solely responsible for making people fat. Luckily science has proved carbs innocent since good health requires balance, not extreme diets driven by fear. Potatoes are once again en vogue so I suggest you grab yourself some bounties of the soil. This simple method will allow you plenty of time to cook some eggs or just grope your date. The smell of the roasting potatoes will be too enticing for them to resist.
Ingredients:
1. 1 potato cut into bite-sized pieces
2. 1 onion chopped coarsely
3. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
4. Rosemary (fresh if possible)
5. 4 garlic cloves diced
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. Arrange the potatoes, onions, garlic evenly around a pan. Crown it all with rosemary, then add the olive oil, and salt to taste. 
Step 2
Cook the potato and friends for 25-30 minutes. You will know they are done when the potatoes have softened and can be easily pierced with a fork. Serve it up to accompany an awesome scramble, compliment a breakfast burrito or throw it at the cult members going door to door trying to convert people on their Saturday mornings.
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, breakfast, breakfast burrito, Breakfast potatoes, carbs, cilantro, compliments, delicious, easy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, naked, onion, onions, potatoes, protein, roast, romance, rosemary, rosemary potatoes, SEDUCTION, set and forget, sex, side dish, simple, sinful, taters | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 17, 2008
Grab me, grill me, kill me...with grilled veggies
Long before humans had microwave ovens and George Forman grills, we had fire: beautiful, enchanting, burning fire. Vegetables grilled on an open flame make them fun again. Why boil these bounties of the earth when you can bring the flavor out with fire and chutzpah? And your date will no doubt be impressed by your mastery of the elements. Short of a picky vegan, anybody can eat this fine dish and only a cold-hearted monster could say it sucks. Your bland backyard barbecue has suddenly been legitimized, thus making you the savior, sort of like Jesus, but tastier. Be sure to mention that to your conservative date who hasn’t removed their chastity belt yet. Blaspheme and grilled veggies are sure to win them over. If that doesn’t work, just use reverse psychology asking What Would Jesus Not Do? Amen.
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
2. 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
3. 1 red bell pepper sliced into long thin strips
4. 1 small eggplant cut into large bite size chunks
5. 1 large portabella mushrooms sliced into long thin strips
6. 1 onion sliced into long thin strips
7. 2 tablespoons of goat cheese
Step 1
Place all the chopped veggies into tin foil and pour olive oil over them. Cover the oil-doused veggies with a top tinfoil layer and place in the grill on medium heat. Cook in foil until the veggies soften, then put them directly on the fire until they char slightly.
Step 2
Remove the veggies from the grill. Place them in a pan and drop the goat cheese on top. Pour the balsamic vinegar over the veggies/goat cheese and mix up thoroughly. Serve on a plate with your main course, a grilled halibut or turkey burger perhaps. Just know in your heart that you are a culinary super star and the evening should progress nicely.
1 Comment | GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES | Tagged: balsamic vinegar, bang, barbecue, bbq, bell pepper, cheap, delicious, easy, eggplant, goat cheese, gourmet, grilled vegetables, grillin' like a villain, kitchen, naked, olive oil, onion, portabella mushroom, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, veggies | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients (serves a party or 2 hungry people for days):
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 