November 13, 2012
The resourceful bird gets the worm and makes their lovers squirm with glee.
One good spaghetti squash recipe deserves another. The first round was ITALIAN PASTA STYLE; this is an Asian spicy noodle version that maximizes the low-carb way of life. Truth be told, these spaghetti squash strands were leftovers I had no clue how to make. But I was hung over one morning with some random piece of strange from the night before whose name I couldn’t remember for the life of me sleeping in my bed. I thought perhaps some sustenance would jar my brain into remembering who the hell this naked hottie was still snoring. Carbs help soak up alcohol, but to my chagrin, my roommate finished up my rice noodles. My head was pounding too hard to act anything but resourceful. Many thanks to the leftover spaghetti squash strands that were a champion noodle substitute. My mystery date dug them too. And my roommate redeemed herself for her early offense by introducing herself to the beautiful stranger, hence arming me with a name. It made things easier when I asked the less-mysterious girl to leave before my lunch date arrived. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!
The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen. This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness. The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right? Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold. The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble. It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts. A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health. Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast. Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, biblical, bra, calivirgin, cancer, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, feta cheese, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, health, healthy, heart disease, homemade, intercourse, juggernauts, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, pay it forward, pear, pomegranate, pomegranate pear feta salad recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, roughage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexually satisfied, shake your pom pomegranate salad recipe, super food, tasty, ugliness, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 19, 2010
Hey Bonita, glad to meet ya!
Food is the great equalizer. No matter how rich, poor, hot, or totally busted you are, we all gotta eat. That’s why the CTB method works so well. Unless you are some enlightened monk impervious to hunger pangs and lascivious loins, we all need to cook and bang. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, mexican, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, cook, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, glad to meetya, gourmet, great equalizer, greens, guarantee, hail mary, healthy, herpes harpies, homemade, hunger pangs, kitchen, lascivious, lemon, libido, Lindsay lohan, low-carb, mexican, mexico, monk, naked, pears, poach, recipe, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 29, 2009
I am the Cook To Bang Chef, and I am an aphrodisaddict.
Any alcoholic or drug addict will tell you that the first step in battling an addiction is to admit you have a problem. So let’s start there. I am addicted to aphrodisiacs. No judgments, right? The problem has become severe enough that I cannot function like a normal human being. Everything I cook seems to have one of these mood-altering, loin-enticing ingredients. The other day I made boring old scrambled eggs and I still had to smother it all in hot sauce and avocados. The girl I made it for who insisted I didn’t “sex it up as usual” was disappointed that I couldn’t just make something simple. She left shortly after explaining things weren’t going to work out. Good riddance to her. Granted she was trying to help me see my flaws, but damn it, it’s going to be on my terms. There has to be a happy medium where my every meal isn’t loaded with flavorful and healthy ingredients that cause chemical reactions leading to bigger libidos and more explosive orgasms. This breakfast is yet another example of me not being able to make a meal simple and earnest like something you would consume on an Amish farm. It’s a work in progress people so please tolerate the aphrodisiac overload in the meantime.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 can BLACK BEANS
3. 2 dashes sea salt
4. 3 eggs
5. 1 can TUNA
6. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
7. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
8. 1 sprig ROSEMARY
Step 1
Drain the black beans and tuna cans. Sauté the beans and fish in olive oil, adding rosemary, cayenne pepper, and sea salt.
Step 2
Crack the eggs over the mixture and cover with a pot top so they will cook from steam rising (approx 3 min). Add extra salt if you desire and crown with the green onions.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: alcoholic, amish, aphrodisiacs, Aphrodisiaddicts breakfast, atkins, bang, banging, black beans, breakfast, cayenne pepper, chemical reactions, delicious, DIY, drug addict, easy, eggs, explosive orgasm, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, judgment, kitchen, libido, loin-enticing, mood-altering, morning, naked, olive oil, overload, recipe, rosemary, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spicy, tasty, tuna, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 4, 2009
Go ahead. Cop a feel.
Ever woken up next to someone WAY out of your league? Last night is a blur, you’re unsure of this hottie’s name, and you’re wondering if your benefactor is Make A Wish Foundation. However you got here is irrelevant should you wish to see this stone-cold sexpot after they walk out your door. Sure if it was another skank you assured your friends, “I know. It’s been a while. But seriously, dude, I know!” you wouldn’t bother with an Eggo waffle. But on rare occasions where your lucky ass hits the hookup jackpot, you need to bring your morning A-game. This is one such meal memorable enough to get a repeat or three-peat or possibly a repeat with a three-peat of conquests. Just ask the ballerina I’m told I picked up at a black tie Art Gala I crashed. Pictures of the two of us in the BG behind celebrities smiling like douches confirms the story, but you could have told me I saved her from a crazy Sheik’s harem and I’d take your word for it. This girl was in a hurry, presumably to pirouette across some stage, so I had to hook her up on the quick. The cabbage cups made one hell of a carb-light wrap for my tiny dancer to chow on the go. Later on it was she who called me and texted me and facebooked me and…Chill, homegirl! This dish may just be too effective.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Fresh OJ or BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 intact cabbage cups
2. 1 dash paprika
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
6. 1 handful fresh spinach
7. SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
8. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
9. 2 sausages (pork/chicken/veggie) sliced thinly
10. 3 eggs
Step 1
Crack the eggs and whisk them together with the salt, black pepper and paprika.
Step 2
Sauté the sausage with olive oil until they brown on both sides (approx 3 min). Mix in the spinach and sauté until it wilts (approx 2 min). Pour in the egg mixture and scramble like a champ (approx 2 min).
Step 3
Scoop half of the eggs in each cabbage cup. Crown with avocado and salsa.
The odds of stopping this BREAKFAST from sealing the seduction package deal are not good.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: a-game, aphrodisiac, art gala, atkins, avocado, ballerina, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, breakfast burrito, cabbage cups, calivirgin, celebrities, delicious, DIY, double e-cup mornings, douches, easy, egg lettuce cups recipe, eggo waffle, eggs, facebook, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harem, healthy, homegirl, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, make a wish foundation, morning, naked, olive oil, paprika, pirouette, recipe, repeat, salsa, salt, sausage, sauté, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexpot, sheik, spinach, tasty, threepeat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 13, 2009
If they ask "Should I stay or should I go?", just shrug.
Sometimes the f@$%-it-all attitude is the best approach to life. Whether we’re talking dating, cooking or anything that involves sheer pleasure, take a backseat and let it be whatever it will be. I know that may sound difficult when you want something badly. Trust me, I’ve been there and learned late in life the importance of not sweating the details. Heed my advice and settle down, tiger. The eager beaver gnaws on wood and not much else. This breakfast is a perfect metaphor. The previous night I grilled my best SPANK MY HALIBUT yet along with some BOAST THE MOST ASS-PARAGUS for a date in who enjoyed it enough to let me sleep over. Come morning time after my second round of banging the cobwebs out of my eyes, I stumbled casually into the kitchen and made this dish in a matter of minutes. We dined, we banged and I slipped out the door, all at a leisurely pace, yet made it to work…only 15 minutes late!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $3 (plus whatever it cost to make leftovers)
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 dash black pepper
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 tbsp olive oil
4. 3 eggs
5. 4 tbsp SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
6. 2 slices cheddar cheese
7. Leftover GRILLED FISH
8. Leftover ASPARAGUS
Step 1
Beat the salt and peppered eggs.
Step 2
Sauté the chopped leftover asparagus and fish with the olive oil (approx 2 min). Pour in the eggs, but don’t scramble, just let the egg form around the leftovers like a pancake. When the eggs cook through (approx 3 min), chop up the cheddar cheese and toss them on top, turn off the heat and cover, and allow it to melt. Split eggs in half, serve up on plates and throw down some salsa.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: @$%-it-all, asparagus, attitude, bang, banging, bbq, black pepper, breakfast, casual, cheddar cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, fish, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, halibut, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leftover eggs, leftovers, leisurely, libido, morning, morning sex, naked, olive oil, pancake, recipe, salsa, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, settle down, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2009
Pimp that shrimp like a chimp with a limp
First off, my apologies for yesterdays post. I think I ate the brown acid again. As penance, please accept this kick ass salad that is scrumptious, packed with protein and an aphrodisiac quadruple threat. This dish will not disappoint in the pimping department. All those flavors will be out working the corner for you, luring johns and janes in for a little cat scratch fever. Once they get a taste, they will be customers for life…or until you kick their ass to the curb in favor of a better paying/looking clientele. Always remember that a good pimp is a kind pimp. No need to rough up the goods by tossing that salad too hard. A couple good shakes will put the flavor hos in line to do your bidding. Now get out there and get that money, honey!
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $17
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. 1 small handful jack cheese
6. 1 red bell pepper chopped coarsely
7. ½ lb ASPARAGUS spears
8. 1 small handful BASIL chopped finely
9. 1 small handful parsley chopped finely
10. ½ lemon
11.½ lb cook SHRIMP, tails removed
12. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
Step 1
Cut the stems off the asparagus spears and blanch them in a thin layer of water (approx 5 min). Chop the asparagus in half.
Step 2
While the asparagus blanches, create the dressing by combining the basil, parsley, cayenne pepper, salt, red wine vinegar and olive oil.
Step 3
Toss the red bell pepper, shrimp, asparagus, dressing and lemon. Allow it to marinate in the fridge (approx 20 min).
Step 4
Place half the spinach on each plate and crown with jack cheese. Drain the dressing from the shrimp and veggies and split up the goods.
Serve as perfect lunch salad or follow it up with something meaty like ROASTED CHICKEN RUB DOWN.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asparagus, bang, banging, basil, brown acid, cat scratch fever, cayenne pepper, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hos, intercourse, jack cheese, janes, johns, kitchen, lemon, libido, low-carb, naked, olive oil, parsley, penance, pimp, pimp that shrimpy ass-paragus recipe, prostitutes, protein, recipe, red bell pepper, red wine vinegar, roughage, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp asparagus salad recipe, spinach, tasty, toss your salad, veggies, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 