May 15, 2014
Prescription-strength delicious
It’s party time! The night is full of possibilities. You have your date lined up. You are pretty sure things are good to go. So don’t leave the cocktails to chance. Class wherever you’re going up with some watermelon ice cubes. You can turn a boring vodka soda into a superbly subtle recipe for delectable debauchery. Watermelon is a bonafide aphrodisiac that has the same compounds that Viagra offers to get guys’ pistons firing at full speed. The juicy melon is mostly water, with a refreshing flavor that does your body right. Allow the cube to melt and the watermelon particles break away, turbo-charging your drink for the night ahead. If an erection lasts for more than four hours…go with it! Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, bang, booze, chilly, cocktail, cold, cube, delicious, drunk, easy, fancy, frozen, fruity, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, ice, intercourse, kitchen, mixer, naked, natural, new years eve, party, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sweet, Viagra, watermelon, Watermelon ice cubes, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 12, 2014
Tequila to kill ya inhibitions and ability to tell right from wrong.
Tequila makes you crazy. No one who’s ever spent a night in college trying to bang an empty keg will argue with that. But that is what we love about it. Any and all sordid and possibly illegal acts we perform can be blamed on the mysterious Mexican firewater. I blame tequila even when I’m sober, usually when apologizing for banging someone I shouldn’t like my brother’s “off limits” friends. So this drink gives you carte blanche to act like a total madman/woman. And while you’re at it, you get a healthy dose of vitamin C from fresh squeezed OJ (there is no substitute for fresh squeezed; concentrate is totally whack). And if your health and taste aren’t enough, just think about that purty sunrise you can watch at any time of day or night. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | libation lubrication, mexican, RECIPES | Tagged: alcohol, bang, banging, bevvy, booze, carte blanche, cocktail, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fresh-squeezed, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grenadine, guarantee, homemade, illegal, intercourse, kitchen, libido, madman, maraschino cherry, Mexican firewater, mexico, naked, off limits, oj, oranges, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sober, sunset, tasty, tequila, tequila sunrise recipe, tequila temptation sunrise, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 7, 2014
Open your mouth and take it all in...
Happy 2010 to my beloved readers! Here’s to another year full of dirty dishes and used condoms. You deserve to pour yourself a cocktail to celebrate. Go ahead. Don’t be shy. Take it all in. Suck it all the way down and then ask for more. Taste it? That’s the flavor of a mimosa supped up with all kinds of sexy. Sure you could have poured orange juice from concentrate, but we both know you are your date deserve better. Nothing but the goods for you, superstar. Get right up in it and take ownership over this non-cock-blocking cocktail. You are starting the day off with a bang. Hopefully more than one bang considering you are the embodiment of hot sex on a platter. Gulp-to-gulp, kitchen-to-bed, enjoy some fine morning head. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | holidays, libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: 2010, alcohol, anti-oxidant, bang, banging, booze, champagne, cock-blocking, cocktail, concentrate, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, food, fresh-squeezed, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hot sex on a platter, intercourse, kitchen, libation lubrication, libido, mimosa, mimosuck it, naked, new years, nye, orange juice, pomegranate juice, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sparkling wine, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 3, 2013
Frankly, my dear. I don't give a damn if you're tired. Let's bang.
I do declare! Watching all these thoroughbreds at the Kentucky Derby sure does make me hot under the collar. The horse racing is nice too. The Southern belles wearing their summer hats and sundresses easily bests watching graceful four-legged beasts kick up fresh grass. Hot to fucking trot! It seems this race is nothing more than an excuse for bourgeois people to socialize and fornicate. Fine with me. It’s like a guy in a threesome. He’s only there so the girls don’t feel like they are lesbians. Don’t worry, girls. Guys will always be willing to be your reason du jour. Naturally, girls peeling sundresses off in the summer heat makes you want to cool off with a classic Southern beverage like the mint julep. Plays your cards right, mix the drink well, and you gents might be lucky enough to be the excuse for a threesome. Just remember, you’re really only there to watch. Enjoy the show! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | libation lubrication, southern, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, bang, beverage, bourbon, bourgeois, delicious, drink, drinkable, drunken, easy, elegant, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, horse racing, horses, intercourse, Kentucky, Kentucky derby, kitchen, ladies hats, lick your lips, mint, Mint julep recipe, naked, recipe, romance, scarlet O’Hara, SEDUCTION, sex, smarty Jones, south, southern, southern belle, tasty, thoroughbred, whiskey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 17, 2012
Via Bangria via mi cama
This recipe comes from Mandy in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had to include a boozy recipe with summer finally here. Mandy writes:
Sangria in summer is necessary for me as the free clinic is to a hooker. I can’t live without some cold fruity wine as the sun beats down. The best way to enjoy it is with as little clothing as possible. No clothing is best. There’s no better way to cool you down after stick summer sex. Plus you can pick out the fruit and eat them off your play pal. The best part of this recipe is that it’s a portable party for backyard BBQs, pool parties, or orgies. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | greek, libation lubrication, Mediterranean, RECIPES, spanish, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, apple, bang, banging, bangria, bbq, blackberry, booze, delicious, DIY, easy, Florida, food, free clinic, fruit juice, fruity, Ft. Lauderdale, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mandy, mix, naked, on the go, orange, pool parties, portable, recipe, refreshing, refrigerate, sangria, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soak, spanish, summer, summertime, tasty, via, white sangria, white wine, white wine sangria recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 23, 2011
Forget the little blue pill. Try the big green melon!
Are you feeling weak-willed, pathetic and flaccid? You no longer have an excuse with this outstanding summer soup recipe. Studies have proven that the citrulline in WATERMELON triggers arginine, the chemical in Viagra that gets male pistons pumping. This soup will turbo charge your libido so you can take plenty of prisoners in the bedroom who won’t want to be released. Stockholm Syndrome will be in effect with the amount of good loving you will be dishing out in a soup bowl. Did I mention how refreshing chilled watermelon soup tastes, especially when you go for seconds after a particularly exhausting banging session? Now get yourself to the market and then blow your dates mind, body and soul. Boom-chicka-wah-wah! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, libation lubrication, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, arginine, bang, beta-carotene, butter, cancer-fighting, chilled, cialis, citrulline, club soda, delicious, DIY, easy, erectile dysfunction, flaccid, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hot, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, limejuice, lycopene, melon, mint, naked, recipe, refreshing, sauté, seduce, seedless, sex, Stockholm syndrome, sugar, summer soup, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, Viagra, vodka, Watermelon soup recipe, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 15, 2011
Ginger ale never tasted so damn innapproprate!
I’m the first to admit that I’ve had relations with a fire crotch. Actually more than one. More than…uh, never mind! I may have a problem. All I see is red. I probably should see a shrink about this. The red menace of the Cold War ain’t got nothing on my compulsion for banging red heads. Maybe it’s something primal like I was a bull killed by a matador in a past life. Ole my ass! At least now I get that red instead of being teased and tormented before being slaughtered for the crowd’s delight. This refreshing and APHRODISIAC bombshell hits the spot and lures those gingers right in. Be warned that it’s a bitch cleaning up all the red hairs gingers leave behind. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, libation lubrication, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, alcoholic, aphrodisiac, bang, bombshell, booze, chasing ginger tail, club soda, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, fire crotch, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gingers, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, Homemade ginger ale recipe, homemade new york cream soda recipe, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, limejuice, mint leaves, naked, ny cream soda, raw cane sugar, recipe, red head, red-headed stepchild, seduce, sex, tasty, vanilla-infused vodka, vodka, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 2, 2011
photo: Noah Abrams
Wine is without a doubt the sexiest of all drinks. It ages better than most humans and is good for your heart. The variety of flavors, aromas and textures titillate your senses in oh so many special ways. With wine comes wisdom. It never hurts to talk a good wine game. You can’t deny that the aroma can be tantalizing and the taste seductive. Don’t be surprised if you get the yearning to fuck the glass. Read the rest of this entry »
5 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, italian | Tagged: alcohol, beverage, blanc, cabernet, champagne, chardonnay, drinks, food, french, german, italien, merlot, noir, pairing, pinot, riesling, sauvignon, SEDUCTION, veritas, vino, wine | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 28, 2011
This is one type of blood you would never fear.
Blood oranges are bulbous citrus-filled orgasms. They bring me more joy than I can possibly articulate with earthly language. Suffice to say that everything they touch gets better and classier. The fact you don’t have any in your kitchen makes me question your commitment to your libido. Now’s your chance to earn my respect back: truck on over to the store to get what’s yours. Got some now? Good. We may proceed with mixing up a sexsational cocktail that will leaving your date begging for more. I fully expect you to take credit for inventing this drink. Your date will be all the more impressed that you are a master mixologist in addition to being a cunning linguist with your cunnilingus. Now make it rainy, you bloody bastard! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: alcohol, bang, banging, blood orangasmic martini, blood orange, blood orange martini, booze, citrus, cocktail, cunning linguist, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, earthly language, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gin, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, libation lubrication, libido, lime, martini, mixologist, naked, orgasm, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexsational, tasty, tonic water, vitamin c, vodka, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 24, 2010
This Bellini for me? Ain't you a pureed peach!
Most of us can’t claim to have a 100-foot yacht, 10 personal assistants, and our own private island. That privilege belongs to me. These lavish riches are made possible by blogging about cooking and banging in my drafty garage. Sorry, suckers. But fear not, for you can simulate this dilettante existence with a few simple adjustments: Cook with real potatoes rather than microwave tater tots you bought with food stamps; light your dining room table with candles instead of your Winnie the Pooh nightlight; make a classy drink from scratch rather than drink 3 bottles of Night Train in front of the Home Depot. Easy enough even if you don’t light your Cuban cigars with $100 bills like me. May I introduce this bubbly taste of class known to the civilized world as the Bellini? It’s like a Mimosa remix that keeps them coming back for seconds, thirds and their tenth glass. And what perfect timing with Valentines Day around the corner! Serve this with dessert or the morning after following a night of carnal consummation. You could also just pour it all over your naked body and invite your sweetie to lick you clean. Regardless, know that you are in fact a peach. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, alcoholic, bang, bellini, Bellini recipe, breakfast, brunch, bubbly, carbonated, champagne, classy, delicious, dessert, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, naked, party, peach, peach bellini recipe, puree, recipe, romantic, sauce, saucy, seduce, sex, strawberry, tasty, valentines day, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 