January 17, 2011
There's polenty of room for two, but we'll make room for your cute friend.
What are you worrying about? We have plenty of room. So what if my place is small? I ain’t rich…yet. Besides, Cozy = Cosmic Connection. Our auras will be touching. Aura friction is just what you need to cheer up over the state of the economy. Just think of me as the spark to jolt you back into positivity. Now come on into my cramp little slice of heaven and make yourself comfy. Enjoy this little something I whipped up to show you, there is indeed Polenty of Room or Two. My bedroom is just down the hall. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, aura friction, bang, banging, black pepper, cosmic connection, delicious, DIY, easy, economy, finger food, first, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grapes, green onion, guarantee, heaven, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, maple syrup, naked, olive oil, polenta, polenta with spinach and grapes, polenty of room for two recipe, positivity, recipe, salt, sauté, sautéed polenta recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, tasty, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 16, 2010
Be sure not to spill spinach on your Birkenstocks!
The vegans deserve some love from time to time. Neglecting their needs would be insensitive of me as the apex of a modern gentleman. Besides, I have had a parade of smoking hot, not too hippie chicks passing through my boudoir recently to ignore their needs. Their picky palette must be satisfied too before my insatiable appetite gets its finger-licking fix. Creamed spinach was my bag that night, but my no-cream cutie wasn’t having it. Alas, the Thai cuisine saved the day. Coconut milk was a satisfactory cream-substitute for little miss animal freedom fighter. Smiles all around. Homegirl got her way; homeboy got to play. Plus a new dish was born for the next vegan Thanksgiving when we need something to go with the organic tofurkey.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Beer
Ingredients (serves 6)
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1/2 can coconut milk
3. 1 dash sea salt
4. 1 small handful sun-dried tomato roughly chopped
5. 1 small handful GINGER finely chopped
6. 2 massive handfuls fresh spinach
Step 1
Sauté the ginger in olive oil (approx 30 sec) before adding the sun-dried tomatoes (approx 1 min). Throw in the spinach and sauté with a dash of salt until it wilts (approx 2 min). Pour in the coconut milk and slowly cook on low heat until the liquid mostly evaporates and absorbs into the spinach (approx 5 min).
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, hippie, holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, THANKSGIVING, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: animal freedom fighter, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, boudoir, calivirgin, coconut milk, cream in your pants, cream in your patchwork pants spinach, cream-substitute, creamed spinach, delicious, DIY, easy, finger-licking, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, hippie, hippie chicks, homeboy, homegirl, homemade, insatiable, intercourse, kitchen, libido, modern gentleman, naked, olive oil, parade, recipe, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, sun dried tomato, tasty, thai, thai cream spinach, THANKSGIVING, tofurkey, vegan, vegan creamed spinach recipe, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 8, 2010
This post brought to you unofficially by Planned Parenthood. "Got condoms? You god damn right!"
CTB is all about promoting responsibility in our depravity. Sure we cook and bang with reckless abandon, but never at the cost our health or our playthings’. I don’t mean this to sound like an after school special PSA with a crack addicted pregnant teenager fighting for the final spot on the cheerleading squad. But you should wrap that shit up before spelunking. That way you can bang from here to eternity. It’d be a damn shame to cut your CTB career so short. So how about getting some practice with this phallic dish? It’s win win: guys will become more mindful of the need to practice safe sex. Ladies will have a fine visual aid that can lead their minds to the dirty place. Now start wrapping before you start stuffing.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: KINKY PINKY LADY
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 9 large intact spinach leaves
3. 1 tbsp HONEY
4. 3 sausages (piggie or poultry)
5. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
6. 1/2 mango
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Peel away the mango skin and cut long thin slices. Split the sausage, leaving one side intact. Stuff the sausage with mango, mozzarella, and honey. Cut the stems away from the spinach and wrap the sausages, pinning the leaves with toothpicks.
Step 2
Drizzle a small baking pan with oil, rubbing it all in. Lay out the wrapped sausages evenly and throw in the oven. Bake until the spinach because crispy and the mozzarella melts (approx 25 min). Remove the toothpicks before serving.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, calivirgin, cheerleading squad, condoms, crack-addicted, ctb, delicious, depravity, DIY, easy, finger food, food, foreplay, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mango, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, phallic, pregnant teenager, psa, recipe, reckless abandon, responsibility, safe sex, sausage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, spinach wrapped stuffed sausage, stuffed sausage recipe, tasty, win-win, wrap that shit up, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 4, 2009
Go ahead. Cop a feel.
Ever woken up next to someone WAY out of your league? Last night is a blur, you’re unsure of this hottie’s name, and you’re wondering if your benefactor is Make A Wish Foundation. However you got here is irrelevant should you wish to see this stone-cold sexpot after they walk out your door. Sure if it was another skank you assured your friends, “I know. It’s been a while. But seriously, dude, I know!” you wouldn’t bother with an Eggo waffle. But on rare occasions where your lucky ass hits the hookup jackpot, you need to bring your morning A-game. This is one such meal memorable enough to get a repeat or three-peat or possibly a repeat with a three-peat of conquests. Just ask the ballerina I’m told I picked up at a black tie Art Gala I crashed. Pictures of the two of us in the BG behind celebrities smiling like douches confirms the story, but you could have told me I saved her from a crazy Sheik’s harem and I’d take your word for it. This girl was in a hurry, presumably to pirouette across some stage, so I had to hook her up on the quick. The cabbage cups made one hell of a carb-light wrap for my tiny dancer to chow on the go. Later on it was she who called me and texted me and facebooked me and…Chill, homegirl! This dish may just be too effective.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Fresh OJ or BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 intact cabbage cups
2. 1 dash paprika
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
6. 1 handful fresh spinach
7. SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
8. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
9. 2 sausages (pork/chicken/veggie) sliced thinly
10. 3 eggs
Step 1
Crack the eggs and whisk them together with the salt, black pepper and paprika.
Step 2
Sauté the sausage with olive oil until they brown on both sides (approx 3 min). Mix in the spinach and sauté until it wilts (approx 2 min). Pour in the egg mixture and scramble like a champ (approx 2 min).
Step 3
Scoop half of the eggs in each cabbage cup. Crown with avocado and salsa.
The odds of stopping this BREAKFAST from sealing the seduction package deal are not good.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: a-game, aphrodisiac, art gala, atkins, avocado, ballerina, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, breakfast burrito, cabbage cups, calivirgin, celebrities, delicious, DIY, double e-cup mornings, douches, easy, egg lettuce cups recipe, eggo waffle, eggs, facebook, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harem, healthy, homegirl, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, make a wish foundation, morning, naked, olive oil, paprika, pirouette, recipe, repeat, salsa, salt, sausage, sauté, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexpot, sheik, spinach, tasty, threepeat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2009
They host, you boast...to your friends after the act.
The COOK TO BANG has been proven by the superstring theory via that supercollider in the Swiss Alps. Effective as CTB may be, every once in a while you want to take your sexy cooking show on the road. Why not take your wares to your dates pad? It’ll seem spontaneous and romantic, even if you just don’t feel like cleaning up the mess after your done banging. The plot is to show up to their place with a bag of groceries and commandeer their kitchen like some hungry pirate. Soon you will be swashbuckling about with their pots and pans and will eventually end up without shirts or pants, just an eye patch and a dirty-talking parrot. Sure your date may be technically hosting, but you will both know who’s in control. This salad will be a great first mate as you pillage and plunder your date’s booty.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup balsamic vinegar
2. 2 tbsp HONEY
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. ½ tbsp olive oil
6. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
7. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
8. 2 heirloom tomatoes
9. 4 fresh BASIL leaves
10. ¼ lemon
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Slice each heirloom tomato in half and set them in a baking pan. Drizzle the tomatoes with olive oil, sprinkle them with salt and pepper, place a basil leaf on each and crown them with mozzarella. Toss them in the oven and roast until the tomato softens and cheese melts (approx 35 min).
Step 2
Make the balsamic reduction dressing by turning stove onto medium heat and adding the honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring vigorously. Cook the liquid down to 1/3 of its original volume. Pour the dressing into a container and allow it to cool.
Step 3
Split the spinach between plates. Place two roasted heirloom tomatoes on each bed of spinach and pour over the balsamic reduction. Squeeze some lemon juice over if your craving some sour.
Serve up as a perfect lunch after a quickie (hint, bang while the heirloom tomatoes roast) or as a starter for an ENTRÉE.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, booty, commandeer, delicious, dirty-talking, DIY, easy, eye patch, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom tomato, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, parrot, pillage, pirate, plunder, recipe, roast heirloom tomato salad recipe, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, spontaneous, supercollider, superstring theory, swashbuckling, swiss alps, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 28, 2009
Pimp that shrimp like a chimp with a limp
First off, my apologies for yesterdays post. I think I ate the brown acid again. As penance, please accept this kick ass salad that is scrumptious, packed with protein and an aphrodisiac quadruple threat. This dish will not disappoint in the pimping department. All those flavors will be out working the corner for you, luring johns and janes in for a little cat scratch fever. Once they get a taste, they will be customers for life…or until you kick their ass to the curb in favor of a better paying/looking clientele. Always remember that a good pimp is a kind pimp. No need to rough up the goods by tossing that salad too hard. A couple good shakes will put the flavor hos in line to do your bidding. Now get out there and get that money, honey!
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $17
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. 1 small handful jack cheese
6. 1 red bell pepper chopped coarsely
7. ½ lb ASPARAGUS spears
8. 1 small handful BASIL chopped finely
9. 1 small handful parsley chopped finely
10. ½ lemon
11.½ lb cook SHRIMP, tails removed
12. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
Step 1
Cut the stems off the asparagus spears and blanch them in a thin layer of water (approx 5 min). Chop the asparagus in half.
Step 2
While the asparagus blanches, create the dressing by combining the basil, parsley, cayenne pepper, salt, red wine vinegar and olive oil.
Step 3
Toss the red bell pepper, shrimp, asparagus, dressing and lemon. Allow it to marinate in the fridge (approx 20 min).
Step 4
Place half the spinach on each plate and crown with jack cheese. Drain the dressing from the shrimp and veggies and split up the goods.
Serve as perfect lunch salad or follow it up with something meaty like ROASTED CHICKEN RUB DOWN.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asparagus, bang, banging, basil, brown acid, cat scratch fever, cayenne pepper, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hos, intercourse, jack cheese, janes, johns, kitchen, lemon, libido, low-carb, naked, olive oil, parsley, penance, pimp, pimp that shrimpy ass-paragus recipe, prostitutes, protein, recipe, red bell pepper, red wine vinegar, roughage, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp asparagus salad recipe, spinach, tasty, toss your salad, veggies, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 15, 2008
- Hola, amigos. Breakfast burritos makes your game grow.
The breakfast burrito is amazingly versatile in its ease to make and ability to please. The only ingredients you absolutely need are eggs, tortilla and hot sauce. But the more sexy ingredients you can add, the greater the meal. Be bold, be imaginative, be victorious! Below is a recipe based on what was in my fridge at the moment. My date had no complaints since she downed the burrito in three large bites then dragged me by the hand back to bed. Much praise for the people of Mexico and their culinary masterpiece. Mornings have never been so easy. Ole!
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Orange juice or beer if it’s one of those mornings
Ingredients (for two burrito):
1. 2 tortillas
2. 1 teaspoon of salt
3. 1 tablespoon olive oil
4. Hot sauce (chef’s choice)
5. 1 sausage link cut into thin strips
6. ½ a jalapeño diced
7. 3 eggs
8. 1 handful chopped cilantro
9. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
10. 1 handful jack or mozzarella cheese
11. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
12. 2 handfuls of fresh, washed spinach
Step 1
Cook the sausage strips in a pan on medium heat without oil until they brown, set aside. Beat the eggs with cilantro and salt. Turn your oven to the lowest setting (about 150 degrees F) and warm up your tortillas.
Step 2
On medium heat, heat the olive oil into a pan and cook the green onions for 1 minute. Throw in the spinach and cook until it wilts. Pour in the egg mixture and scramble it until it is still moist but not runny. Turn off the heat, throw the cheese over the eggs and cover with a lid so the cheese melts.
Step 3
Remove the tortillas from the oven and place on separate plates. Drop half the sausage into each, and then place eggs into each pocket. Crown each burrito with tomatoes and hot sauce before rolling it up tight. Serve with orange juice or beer if you’re nursing a hangover.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, breakfast, breakfast burrito, burrito, delicious, easy, eggs, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jack cheese, jalapeño, kinky, kitchen, mexican, morning, mozzarella, naked, post-coital, romance, sausage, SEDUCTION, sex, spicy, spinach, tortilla | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 24, 2008
Flatbread pizza + wine = boom-chicka-wa-wa
This recipe has been an old stand that never fails to make panties drop. It also works great for parties because it’s fast, simple, aesthetically pleasing, low in carbs, and makes you look like America’s Next Top Chef. For some reason, this deceivingly simple dish gets me more props than a high school drama student. You can throw almost any combination of cheeses, meats and veggies to make your own masterpiece, but below is a classic crowd pleaser.
Ingredients:
1. 1 Lavash flatbread
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. 1 handful of spinach
4. 1 half a red pepper sliced thinly
5. ½ a chicken sausage link sliced thinly
6. 1 handful of mozzarella cheese
7. Thin slices of brie (1/4 of a triangle of brie)
Step 1
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drizzle olive oil over the lavash and spread it around evenly.
Step 2
Place the veggies, meat and cheese over the lavash. It’s best to do veggies first, meat second and cheese last to hold your ingredient down. Like a pizza crust, make sure to leave some room around the edges so it’s easy to hold onto.
Step 3
Place pizza in the oven and bake for about ten minutes. The goal is to have the lavash crust golden brown.
Step 4
Remove from oven and chop into 6-8 pieces. One cut long ways and either two or three cuts short ways then serve with a bottle of wine. Go get em, tiger!
Variations:
• Fig jam, brie, thin pear slices, candied walnuts
• Beets, goat cheese, artichoke hearts
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, brie, cheese, fast, flatbread, italian, lavash, mozarella, pizza, sausage, SEDUCTION, spinach, vegetables | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 