May 29, 2015
Pancake poonany perfection
So you’ve just wrapped up a sexual escapade that lasted all morning. Your date is ravenous and is threatening mutiny if you don’t fill their gullets stat. You can do nothing and risk never hearing from them again, which may be the right choice if it’s some skank or bozo. But chances are you wouldn’t have allowed them to stay the night if they weren’t worth making a little effort to feed. If all goes to plan, the afternoon can be a sequel to the morning’s kinky adventures between the sheets. This recipe originated from a severe lack of ingredients. I had only one egg, frozen blackberries and a very hungry girl in my bed. So I improvised and made the morning carry on into the evening, flaking on set plans to have dinner with my mother. Sorry, mom! She forgave me and my date did not erase me from her phonebook. One last thought, why settle for bisquik and water, when the from scratch method takes two extra seconds and yields randy results? Read the rest of this entry »
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APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, blackberries, Blackberry pancakes, bread, breakfast, butter, classic, delicious, easy, eggs, flour, from scratch, game changer, get laid, gourmet, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, milk, morning, naked, pancakes, post-coital, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, syrup | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 27, 2015
These are lemon bar none the best way to make somone sweet into a tart
Lemon bars are a fairly innocuous sweet treat favored by WASPy church ladies and the uptight men that don’t get to bang them. Even I can appreciate the wholesome nature of these lovely lemon luxuries. But that doesn’t mean we must have undying reverence for the sacred lemon bar. Make them right and lemon bars can be a citrus-soaked ticket to Boom-Shaka-Laka-Land. Praise be to the dessert treat that can lure in the do-gooder with the do-great ass using sweetness, then convince them to get naked with sour tart. Think of these lemon bars as the bait on a trap, a decoy if you will. Plant a seed with that sexy new coworker, naughty neighbor, or coffee shop acquaintance. Hand them a bar, allow them to experience the orgasmic indulgence in private and wait. Compliments and praise for your culinary prowess will surely follow. This is the part where you invite them over to your place for more of the same, but in a more intimate setting. Game, set and match! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bait, bake, baking powder, bang, bar, boom shaka laka, butter, church lady, coconut, conservative, delicious, dessert, easy, eggs, flour, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, Lemon bar recipe, lemony, lunch, lure, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy lemon bars, snack, Sour, sugar, sugary, sundry, sweet, tart, tasty, trap, treat, vanilla, vegetarian, WASP, wholesome, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 18, 2015
This egg dish brings out the whore in anyone.
Who said breakfast can’t be quick, cheap and gourmet? These purveyors of untruths are likely terrorists or, at the very least, buzz kills. Ignore these fools for they know not what they say. Prepare to class up the morning after tainting it with unmentionable activities that would make the church ladies blush. Eggs Whorentine to the rescue! It’s got all the sexiness of Eggs Benedict, but with the spinach power of Popeye. Let your breakfast speak for itself when you have a sleeping beauty in your bed. Sure she/he is eager for you to report for duty, but damnit, you just gave them good loving and need a recharge. That’s where the protein in the eggs, carbohydrates of the English muffin and the famed Popeye power of spinach keep you going long and strong. Your first bite will send steam out of your ears and you’ll both be off for the next round and round. Toot toot! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, breakfast, delicious, easy, eggs, eggs Florentine, Eggs Florentine recipe, English muffin, fancy, Florentine, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hollandaise, hollandaise sauce recipe, intercourse, kitchen, morning, naked, poached, recipe, romance, sauté, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, toast | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 25, 2015
Make sure they’re on their knees begging before serving them what they want.
They’ll beg and beg and beg. Let them. It’s only natural. They want what you got. Basic law of supply and demand. Make like OPEC fixing the price of your commodities. Make outrageous demands they have no choice but to meet. It’s not like they can go elsewhere. Right? You’re wondering about alternative sources of sexual energy? Ha! There is no substitute for the man tested, woman approved real thing. 4 billion years of Earthlings banging can’t be wrong. So embrace the goods granted to you by God, evolution or your preferred “Where did we come from?” dogma. Now make them beg long and HARD. Afterwards, serve them breakfast as a reward for the respect shown. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bacon, bang, banging, basil, beg a dick, breakfast, butter, cayenne pepper, dairy, delicious, dijon mustard, DIY, dogma, early, earthlings, easy, eggs, eggs beg-a-dick, eggs benedict recipe, English muffin, evolution, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, gourmet eggs benedict, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, oil, opec, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sunrise, supply and demand, tasty, turkey bacon, veggie bacon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 9, 2015
He will massage your mornings and satiate your soul.
Your mornings will never be the same once Mr. Morning Magic Hour takes control. He is sure to wow and might even sing opera classics if you ask nicely. The date you hosted is catching up on asleep after an exhausting night of physical activity. You wore ‘em out being incendiary in the sack. Your plan is to keep it going all afternoon and into the evening, but you both need fuel for that triumph. So bring the delectable lunatic lothario out of retirement and serve him up on a plate. Sure you could serve the same ingredients on a plate without the face, but why? You might as well become a eunuch and expire watching CSPAN. Bring some flare back to breakfast and let Mr. Magic out of his cage. AVE MARIA!!! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES | Tagged: avocado, bacon, bacon mustache, bang, bread, breakfast, breakfast face, butter, cspan, delicious, DIY, early, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, immature, intercourse, kitchen, kiwi, lothario, morning, Mr. morning magic hour, naked, parsley, recipe, seduce, sex, silly, sustenance, tasty, toast, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 26, 2014
It’s Silly Willy the love dish, Horny thru and thru, Your tongue’s on fire you’re date’s turn on, Awe ee ooh ooh!
That silly willy gets all over the place! Feed it spicy food and watch it zoom around the room like a monkey on a meth/Viagra cocktail. Shenanigans shall ensue and it will get messy! But isn’t that why you make ridiculous culinary creations? You best inspire a fever-pitch amount of naked naughtiness with your vittles or surrender your libido. Seriously. Welcome to advanced Cook To Bang! This recipe is not for the microwave dinner daters. My uncle’s Indonesian wife Frida taught me this chili crab recipe/love potion cooked by men the night they propose to their future wives. The thought behind this is only a crazy woman lacking taste buds and common decency could turn you down after consuming food this awe-inspiring. I’m not saying Cook To Propose (although this would be a worthy dish), but expect you will own the night. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Indonesian, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: awe-inspiring, bang, banging, blue crab, candlenuts, chili crab recipe, chilies, cook to propose, delicious, DIY, Dungeness crab, easy, eggs, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, indochine, Indonesia, Indonesian, intercourse, jalapeños, king crab legs, kitchen, lemongrass, libido, lime leaves, love potion, meth, monkey, naked, olive oil, propose, recipe, salt, scallops, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shallots, shellfish, southeast asia, spicy, tasty, tomato, turmeric, vegetable oil, Viagra, white pepper, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 29, 2014
Rock it all night long, til the break-a-break-a-dawn-let!
The butt crack of dawn will reveal its cruel self after you’ve been up all night dancing the horizontal mambo. But shame mixed with glee over the unspeakable acts of last night will subside when you take control in the kitchen. Sure you are short on sleep and long on orgasms. Your day may be shot being a productive worker bee turning society’s cogs. But don’t give up on today. Those bleary-eyes should see a world full of possibilities and reassessed plans. Get yourself the right nutrients and you can push right on through into the evening, banging all the way. Nothing says, “Good morning, now let’s get back to bed!” like an omelet. It’s got protein, veggies and the challenging flip that will fuel your body so you can break yet even more of God’s laws. Remember that in the name of banging, sometime you have to crack a few eggs. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | french, fusion, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bacon, bacon pear mushroom brie omelet recipe, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, brie cheese, dawn, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, god, good morning, gourmet, gourmet omelet recipe, guarantee, homemade, horizontal mambo, intercourse, kitchen, libido, meat, milk, morning, mushrooms, naked, nutritious, olive oil, pear, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, sunrise, tasty, til the break of dawn-let recipe, veggie, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 14, 2014
- Experimenting in the kitchen leads to experimenting in the bedroom.
Experimentation makes the world go round. Where would we be without Ben Franklin accidentally barbecuing himself with a kite? I approach cooking with the same punk rock philosophy. My instincts usually lead to success, but every once in a while I crash a burn. My culinary experiments usually take place behind closed doors, the windows drawn, and a former Mossad security team keeping out the paparazzi. I can’t have my cooking rep suffer should I create a black hole of shame in my kitchen. There were these peanut butter cookies I made without sugar that were so bad they will follow me to into grave and end up stuffed in my suit pocket. Every once in a while a new recipe needs to be attempted on the spot. This skeptical lawyer whose ass still looks banging under her pantsuit was concerned when she saw me peel a tangerine and shell shrimp. “You’re putting that in my eggs?” I calmed down this sexpot lawyer that dominates in the courtroom and bedroom by pouring coffee into one of my beloved PHOTO MUGS. She drank the java, then ate her words, and entire plate, even forking away one of my shrimp! my lawyer lover ended up being late to her deposition because she subpoenaed me between the sheets. CTB 1 – LAW 0. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beat, black hole, black pepper, bodyguard, calivirgin, cilantro, delicious, deposition, DIY, easy, eggs, electricity, experiment, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, inventor, kitchen, lawyer, libido, low-carb, mossad, naked, olive oil, peanut butter cookies, protein, recipe, salt, sauté, scramble, security team, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp tangerine scramble, skeptical, sweet, tangerine, tangy, tangy bangy shrimpy scramble, tasty, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 25, 2014
This dish's sexy quotient runs deeper than the Rio Grand
Hola, muchachos! So it’s breakfast once again. You’re ready for enough sustenance to satisfy the biggest machismo tough guy, but delicate enough to seduce the daintiest of conquests. Good thing you have juevos grande…rancheros of course! This classic Mexican desayuno is packed to the brim with black bean APHRODISIAC goodness, loaded with protein egg power and filled with veggie delights to keep you banging for years to come. Your date’s health can only improve with you in their life because making a dish like this is incredibly thoughtful. Well played! I prepared this meal for a senorita of my own who was surprised that a gringo was able to serve up authentic juevos rancheros. They were nearly as tasty as the siesta we took after breakfast. Adios, mi amigos! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, mexican, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, black beans, breakfast, cilantro, corn tortilla, delicious, desayuno, easy, eggs, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jack cheese, Juevos grande rancheros recipe, juevos rancheros, juevos rancheros recipe, kitchen, manana, mexican, mexico, morning, naked, onion, recipe, romance, salsa, SEDUCTION, sex, Texas, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 9, 2012
Turn the key and turn them on!
Sometimes banging someone is a struggle to achieve from the get go. Whether they have morals, romantic notions, or are gold diggers that expect a signed contract allocating your internal organs, it can be a pain in the ass. Wouldn’t it be much easier if said piece of ass would open with a simple twist of the key? My thoughts exactly. So I locked myself in the CTB R&D lab for months trying to figure out the formula to turn any meal into a panty skeleton key, but alas I was foiled. But during the course of my CTB travels, I stayed at one such challenge’s home. While she was at work, I rummaged through her kitchen and shopped for a few extra goodies. When she came home on her lunch break, I had this sandwich waiting for her. Let’s just say she was a little late to work and had to explain a questionable stain on her pantsuit. These pics are the meal I made that cracked the code…and bed frame. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, MORNING WOOD, poultry, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baguette, bang, banging, breakfast, cayenne pepper, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gold diggers, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Italian parsley, kitchen, lab, libido, morning, naked, olive oil, pantsuit, panty skeleton key, r&d, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, turkey breakfast sandwich recipe, turkey burger patty, Turkey turnkey sexfast sinwich, turnkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 