JUST THE STUFFED MUSHROOM TIP

October 20, 2014
Let's play a little game called Just the Stuffed Mushroom Tip.

Let’s play a little game called Just the Stuffed Mushroom Tip.

That’s how it all starts.  An innocent maiden voyage evolves into an exploration deep into the unknown.  Justify it any way you want to.  We can pretend it’s a game.  Start with the tip and see how it feels.  If it’s no bueno, fair enough.  But then again, we’ve already gone this far.  What’s a few more steps into the abyss?  I mean the collateral damage has already been sustained.  So why not enjoy it for what it’s worth?  We can write it off as youthful indiscretion.  An official OOPSIE!  Let’s blame the extra bottle of wine.  We both should have known better.  But we’re all adults and mature enough to move on.  I’m glad we had this discussion. I feel better. Don’t you?  Oh by the way, have you tried these killer stuffed mushrooms? Read the rest of this entry »


STUFFING POLENTY OF PEPPERS

September 15, 2014
Get hungry, then get stuffed!

Get hungry, then get stuffed!

Sometimes you just need to do some stuffing.  You have those sexy bits laying around waiting for some action satisfaction.  Who are you not to play those kinky reindeer games?  Get with the program and get stuffed.  The fun part is taking the random goodies and seeing what will fit.  It’s a lot like object porn where they stuff foreign objects into small openings.  Shocking?  Yes.  Intriguing?  Sure.  Delicious?  Most definitely!  The stuffing I created for this dish was from goodies lying around my fridge eager for their day in sun…found in my oven.   This is your chance to blow a few minds and other parts of the body with your stunning creativity.  So polenta some panties off and start stuffing! Read the rest of this entry »


SHRIMP SLAP THE PORTOBELL-HO

September 30, 2013

You a pimp or a shrimp?

This recipe comes courtesy of Pete in Brooklyn, NY. Great title, great combination of things I love.  Pete writes:

When that Portobello just won’t do as its told, shrimp slap it. Yank at it, scrape it up, stuff it good and proper. There will be no more of that disrespecting your taste buds. You will get yours with this recipe. If you fail with this dish, you fail at living the good life. Read the rest of this entry »


FREAKY FRIED CORN-FLAKY CHICKEN

April 30, 2009
Who get's freaky?  Who do? You do!  Now freaky fry your way to shangri la!

Who get's freaky? Who do? You do! Now freaky fry your way to shangri la!

Ain’t nothing wrong with getting a little freaky in the kitchen.  I get freaky every time I walk across the linoleum.  Sometimes I’ll grind against my oven, do the old in-out with my cupboards, or just stick my hand all up in my freezer just because.  Sure I could act my age and treat the kitchen with reverence usually saved for a church.  But to me, my kitchen is my church and I am a goddamn pagan.  Getting freaky with two chicken breasts is my way of giving thanks for all the bounty and booty that comes my way.  So ladies, won’t you join me in this freaky heathen worship of the sweet and the savory?  This chicken is baked, so it is far less fatty.  That means we can get way more chatty, before I drive you batty with desire.  So don’t be bratty or catty about getting freaky.  It’s natural and oh so delicioso!

Total time: approximately 70 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a margarita

fried-chicken-prep1Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 cup of Cornflakes
2. 1 tablespoon of milk
3. 1 egg
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ teaspoon of pepper
6. 2 chicken breasts
7. 1 green onion chopped finely
8. 1 handful of shredded Parmesan
9. 2 tablespoons of butter

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Dump the cornflakes into a bowl and punch them into submission.  Mix in the Parmesan, green onions, pepper, and salt.  In a separate bowl, mix together the egg and milk.fried-chicken-batter

Step 2
Pat dry the chicken breasts.  Dip them in the egg/milk mixture and then stick the meat in the cornflake breading mixture, making sure both sides are coated.  Place in a baking pan.  Melt the butter in a pan and pour it over the breaded chicken.  Throw it all into the oven and bake until the chicken is crispy on the outside and cooked through on the inside (approx 1 hour).

fried-chicken-dip-butter-bake

Serve with GARLIC GOING ON MASHED POTATOES.

fried-chicken-served-2

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FUN YOUNG ONION RINGS

April 27, 2009
Become the Lord of the Onion Rings

Become the Lord of the Onion Rings

It’s hard to say no to someone who is fun and young (and legal, obviously).  The same goes for a delicious side order liked baked onion rings.  These finger foods are lower in fat so it doesn’t feel like a brick floating in your rotting guts.  That’s one less reason to not get laid.  These will keep you satisfied, but limber enough to make your move.  Your date won’t complain about these rings being too oily and ruining their favorite outfit when you put your ungreasy paws all over them.  So grope away like Frodo, the Lord of the Onion Rings.

Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or soda

onion-rings-prepIngredients:
1. 1 cup of cornflakes
2. 1 teaspoon of Cajun seasoning
3. 1 tablespoon of sugar
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. 1 egg
6. 1 onion cut into ½ rounds, then rings separated

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.  First crush the cornflakes without pulverizing them. Combine together with Cajun seasoning, salt and sugar.  In a separate bowl, beat an egg thoroughly.  Dip the separated onion rings in the egg and then the cornflake breading.
onion-rings-batter
Step 2
Lay each dipped onion ring on a greased baking sheet.  Throw into the oven and cook until the breading is crispy and clings to the onions (approx 20-25 min).  Use a spatula to pry each onion ring off.  Serve them up on a plate with your favorite condom-ment or with a SINWICH.
onion-rings-bakeonion-rings-served-2

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GARLICKABLE FRIES

March 27, 2009

Lick it before you stick it!

Lick it before you stick it!

Agreed.  They are addictive.  Your first instinct is to run your tongue across them, indulging in as much essence as you can suck down.  It’s like a smoking crack: you know better, but you do it anyway.  You may not want to go on without it.  You will have postpartum depression and experience nasty withdrawals that will alienate those you love. We’re talking about high-grade lower fat* shit here.  The street value is ridiculous.  That is how these good baked garlic fries can be.  My advice is to get your date hooked.  Turned them into your garlic fry crack whore.  They will be under your spell and willing to do anything for their garlic fix.  I mean ANYTHING.  Be warned that garlic can be a smelly curse.  But if ye both eat of the stinking rose, neither of ye shall recoil.

*Baked garlic fries are not low fat, just less fattening than the deep fried version.

garlic-fried-prep1Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $2
Drinking Buddy: Beer, preferably Belgium like Chimay or Leffe

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. 2 teaspoons of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of black pepper
4. 2 large potatoes
5. 4 cloves of garlic chopped finely

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Peel the potatoes, and then slice the potatoes lengthwise every ½ inch on one side, and then flip them 90 degrees and cut more ½ inch strips, thus creating fries.
garlic-fried-taters
Step 2
Throw the fries in a bowl and toss in the garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper and toss it together with your hands.
garlic-fried-toss
Step 3
Lay out the fries evenly along the baking sheet, leaving space between them.  Bake them for approximately 40 minutes, flipping the fries halfway through cooking.  The fries will be crisp and slightly browned.  Dump them onto a plate with a paper towel and blot out the excess grease.
garlic-fried-bake
Serve on a platter with your favorite condom-ment!

Baked Garlic Fries are the Devil's plan

Baked Garlic Fries are the Devil's plan

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MY HONEY BAKES MY APPLES SPICY

March 26, 2009
Wake and Bake!

Wake and Bake!

My honey’s got it going on.  She knows just how to handle my fruit. Ooh, baby!  You know just how to peel ‘em naked, rub ‘em down with your sticky icky, and then heat ‘em up.  Dessert will never be the same. Every bite is crazy healthy and bursting with flavor G spots.  Hot damn!  We can indulge all our flavor fantasies guilt-free.  No one can judge us because we are technically playing by the rules.  The calorie police don’t have to know how much pleasure we’re soaking up.  It’s none of their taste-hating business what we bake behind closed doors.  So enjoy with reckless abandon just because you can.  It will be our little secret.

baked-apples-prep1Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: HOT COCOA or a HOT TODDY

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 3 tablespoons of HONEY
2. ½ a lemon of juice
3. 4 Fuji apples
4. 1 cinnamon stick
5. 1 pinch of cloves
6. Plain yogurt to pour on top of apples (not pictured)*
*Optional

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Peel the apples and cut halves off each side, leaving the cores intact.  Cut the smaller slivers off each core.  Add all the apple meat to a small baking pan with the cut sides up.
baked-apples-peel-cut-place
Step 2
Warm up a pan on medium heat.  Squeeze in the lemon, and then add the cinnamon stick, cloves and honey.  Mix it together and allow the spices to soak into the liquid.  Once the mixture bubbles up, remove it from the heat and pour the honey evenly over the apples in the baking pan.
baked-apples-spiced-honey
Step 3
Throw the apples in the oven and cook until they soften (approx 20 minutes), and then flip them and bake the other side through (approx 10 minutes), pouring sauce scooped from the baking sheet over the topside.  Serve up on plate with a little yogurt if you are so inclined.
baked-apples-bake-serve

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