May 7, 2014
What did one ball say to the other? "Who's the prik king in the middle?"
I know what they’ve been saying. All that negativity and name-calling! I can dismiss it as petty jealousy, a result of being this awesome. But even though you can interpret it as a compliment, it still hurts. You know? Packing heat is a blessing, but goddamn! Even the most gifted culinary Casanovas have feelings that get bruised when mean things are said. So what if someone calls me the Prik King? Clearly they are jealous of my royal status and largess of dowry. All the red curry and green beans in the world won’t change the fact that I am living the dream, while they can only dream. It’s a start. But why can’t we compromise? Perhaps the haters could learn from me instead and in turn use their new skills to create a better life. OR they can keep smack talking and in turn make me look even cooler and more dangerous to the opposite sex. Either way, I win. But there’s room for more winners on the podium. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
asian, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, thai | Tagged: bang, banging, chicken, classic, culinary Casanova, delicious, DIY, dowry, dream, easy, food, game changer, get laid, goddamn, gourmet, green beans, guarantee, haters, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, largess, libido, meat, naked, name-calling, negativity, onion, packing heat, podium, poultry, prik king recipe, recipe, red curry, royal, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smack talking, spicy, sugar, tasty, thai, thai food, Thailand, vegetable oil, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
February 26, 2014
Inhale my kale
This simple as sin noodle dish’s got everything. Want healthy green kale? You got it, bub, Feel like the tart of lime, a hint of Vietnamese with the fish sauce, maybe the tang of sun-dried tomato? Indoubely-deed. How about an aphrodisiac triple threat? Bim bam boom. That mean old Dr. Atkins will shake his immortal head in shame over the carbs, but in their defense, they are pretty light and airy. And that will come in handy when all the colors swirling around this healthy noodle dish spin you and your date off your feet and into bed. Feel free to watch the kaleidoscope in the air when you’re both lying panting, post-coital, feeling it. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, fusion, healthy, hippie, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, spicy, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, avocado oil, bang, banging, basil, bim bam boom, carboluscious, carbs, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, fish sauce, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hippie, homemade, intercourse, kale, kale rice noodles recipe, kale-idoscope rice noodles, kaleidoscope noodles, kitchen, libido, lime, naked, post-coital, recipe, rice noodles, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, southeast asian, spicy, stirfry, sun dried tomato, tasty, vegetable oil, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 24, 2014
Miso ready to get randy with these radishes!
Not to sound like a braggart, but I am so rad and shit. At least that’s what my neighbors’ teenage son told me when I explained the Cook To Bang method. This poor misguided kid figured wearing moppy hair and hipster pants that cut off circulation to his free will would get him chicks. ‘Fraid not, Fredo! The only thing that will make girls notice you is indifference and brash confidence. Once you have that, allow them to come over to your house, and wow the shit out of them with some food you happened to throw together. This kid has grown up watching my dinner guests leave the next the morning in the same clothes figured I might know what I’m talking about. So my young protégé has been putting my methods to the test. Now I’m starting to notice a series of girls coming in and out of his place after school while his parents are working. I might have created a monster. Hopefully his parents won’t blame me if he knocks one of these princesses up. One thing’s for sure, these radishes went from meh to rad and shit. Read the rest of this entry »
6 Comments | asian, fusion, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, braggart, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fredo, game changer, get laid, gourmet, granulated sugar, guarantee, homemade, indifference, intercourse, kitchen, libido, marinate, mirin, miso paste, miso radish recipe, naked, protégé, recipe, sake, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, teenager, vegan, vegetarian, white radish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 30, 2013
You a pimp or a shrimp?
This recipe comes courtesy of Pete in Brooklyn, NY. Great title, great combination of things I love. Pete writes:
When that Portobello just won’t do as its told, shrimp slap it. Yank at it, scrape it up, stuff it good and proper. There will be no more of that disrespecting your taste buds. You will get yours with this recipe. If you fail with this dish, you fail at living the good life. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, contests, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, thai | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baked, bang, banging, Brooklyn, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, gills, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, ny, nyc, olive oil, pimp slap, Portobello mushrooms, raw shrimp, recipe, scrape, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, shower, shrimp slap the portobell-ho, shrimp stuffed Portobello mushrooms recipe, shrooms, spicy, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, stuff, taste buds, tasty, thai, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 29, 2013
If some asks if you have balls, assure them you got plenty flavored with ponzu sauce
Looking for a side dish that will steal the show and make your guests go “Ooh ooh!”? Look no further than this Japanese/Israeli fusion. Truth be told, I ate it a fancy restaurant that served seared ahi strips over it. The tuna was aight, but the couscous smacked me in the face and left me smiling 7+ years after the fact. Sadly, this restaurant shut down shortly thereafter. So I was left with little choice but attempt to recreate it in my own kitchen. I’m certainly glad that I did because this little side has been wowing girls ever since. Repeat CTB dates will often demand I whip up a batch, even if I’m serving PASTA. Apparently it left more of an impression that my naked body did after the meal. Fair enough. So long as one of my dishes pulls in repeat visitors willing to gratify my ego and libido alike, I will always have enough ingredients on hand should they be called for. And with that, I must whip up another batch because the ponzu couscous-hungry zombies have surrounded my house once more. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | asian, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, fusion, healthy, Japanese, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, carboluscious, couscous, delicious, DIY, easy, ego, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, giant pearl couscous, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Israeli, Japanese, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, ooh ooh, Ponzu couscous recipe, ponzu sauce, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, side dish, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy, zombies | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 13, 2013
Give ’em a good talker before giving ’em a shocker!
You could almost call this the “shocker” of salads. There you are serving your date up some salad and they’ll assume it’s some sort of noodle salad. Ha! You will laugh uproariously when you inform them this gluten and low-carb salad ain’t got none of that noise. We’re talking healthy to the point of being almost impossible to fathom. How could a salad taste so freakishly awesome with a texture akin to licking an angel’s naught bits? Unfortunately for you, my lawyers have informed me that these are trade secrets. But I fought back and insisted in at least giving out the recipe to my readers. So COOK TO BANG in good health knowing that somewhere out there you have a digital chef wingman looking out for your baser needs. Who loves ya? Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, atkins, fusion, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, atkins, avocado, bang, banging, cilantro, delicious, digital chef, DIY, easy, fathom, food, game changer, get laid, gluten-free, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, lime, low-carb, naked, naughty bits, noodle salad, recipe, roast, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, soy sauce, spaghetti squash salad, spaghetti squash shocker salad recipe, tasty, the shocker, tomato, vegan, vegetarian, wingman, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 13, 2012
The resourceful bird gets the worm and makes their lovers squirm with glee.
One good spaghetti squash recipe deserves another. The first round was ITALIAN PASTA STYLE; this is an Asian spicy noodle version that maximizes the low-carb way of life. Truth be told, these spaghetti squash strands were leftovers I had no clue how to make. But I was hung over one morning with some random piece of strange from the night before whose name I couldn’t remember for the life of me sleeping in my bed. I thought perhaps some sustenance would jar my brain into remembering who the hell this naked hottie was still snoring. Carbs help soak up alcohol, but to my chagrin, my roommate finished up my rice noodles. My head was pounding too hard to act anything but resourceful. Many thanks to the leftover spaghetti squash strands that were a champion noodle substitute. My mystery date dug them too. And my roommate redeemed herself for her early offense by introducing herself to the beautiful stranger, hence arming me with a name. It made things easier when I asked the less-mysterious girl to leave before my lunch date arrived. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, atkins, Chinese, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, spicy, thai, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, Chinese, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, egg, fast, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, hung over, intercourse, italian, kitchen, leftovers, libido, low-carb, mystery girl, naked, recipe, red cabbage, resourceful, roommate, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soy sauce, spaghetti squash, Spaghetti squash asian noodles recipe, spaghetti squash nudey noodles, spicy, spicy spaghetti squash recipe, sriracha chili sauce, stir fry, strange, tasty, thai, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 5, 2012
Chase down that wet dream of yours!
I’ll be totally unoriginal and admit that I am a white man that loves the Asian ladies. The way they smell, their svelte bodies, their graceful ageing, their wiry pu…I’ll stop there. But unlike the majority of clichéd white boys chasing something exotic they’ve never tried, I actually started off my banging career with an Asian girl. My first girlfriend, and subsequently the girl who took my V card, was Thai. She told me her mother was Thai royalty, which I want to believe, but don’t quit buy since she drove a Hyundai. But it’s funnier saying I lost my virginity to a Thai princess. Regardless of royal lineage and dowry, this girl taught me well. Every lover who followed has benefited from her tutelage. The sad part is I started off with such a bang that many of the white girls that followed were boring by comparison. I am an equal opportunity banger, and get down with all colors of the rainbow. But part of me is still chasing those first tender, somewhat innocent moments with some choice yellowtail. This choice sashimi plate loved up by the ponzu sauce and fired up from the jalapeño slices should seal just about any Cook To Bang deal. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: appetizer, asian fetish, asian girl, equal opportunity banger, finger food, food, game changer, guarantee, healthy, Hyundai, intercourse, jalapeño, Japanese, libido, light, ponzu sauce, princess, recipe, sea salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, spicy, starter, sushi-grade, thai, v card, virginity, yellowtail | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 9, 2012
Don’t commit hari kari! You got so much banging to do…
Dead sexy. That is how they describe those who got in my way. To my nemeses, you are on notice: don’t mess with my cooking or banging game! I trained in mountains of Japan not only to cook amazing Japanese dishes and bang geishas by the bushel, but to kill when necessary. Wielding a knife is already second nature to me. That’s merely in addition to my ability to climb walls with suction cups, assassinate foreign dignitaries in their sleep, and then bang their mistresses. It’s almost unfair to my rivals, but life is a series of injustices that I am slowly correcting. I have to make up for my yellow Walkman being smashed by a neighborhood bully when I was 8. If that means cooking, banging, and occasionally killing bad guys, so be it! These oysters are one of many tricks up my ninja sleeves. They render prudes powerless to control their unbridled lust. Hi-ya! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, assassinate, broil, bully, deadly, figs, food, foreign dignitaries, game changer, geisha, get laid, ginger, green onion, guarantee, intercourse, japan, Japanese, Japanese baked oyster recipe, libido, mayonnaise, oysters, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, Sex ninja oyster recipe, spicy, sriracha chili sauce, walkman | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 12, 2011
- Thank you, cum again!
Namaste, my friends! I hope your lovers have their bags packed for India. One bite and you shall be transported away to a mystical land full of Gods, elephants and tuk-tuk cabs. The doughy goodness of the naan perfectly compliments the mango chutney, which all comes together with a paprika spiced chicken breast. This sandwich was inspired by 1 month I spent in India earlier this year. The sights, the sounds, the flavors and smells smacked me upside the head with pleasure. Clearly this country of 1 billion has much to teach the kitchen Casanovas of the world (count on many more India-inspired posts). The passion the good people of India approach life is something we could all take note of. My advice is to incorporate this dish into your repertoire, much like the positions of the Kama Sutra. Ghandi would be proud. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 