CHICKEN OUT YOUR (BEER) CANS

June 26, 2015
Beer Can Chicken got a whole lot easier.

Beer Can Chicken got a whole lot easier.

Behold: simplified beer can chicken for 2.  Sure you could go the badass route of stuffing a whole chicken with a leaking beer can, but that is both labor intensive and way too much food.  This little ditty is perfect for a summer evening date outdoors.  The object is to stay outside for the course of the evening.  That means banging under the stars. Make like your primitive ancestors who never heard of the concept of shame or waiting until marriage.  For those hairy bastards it was all banging all the time.  Use the beer marinade as an excuse for your barbaric behavior.  “It was the booze flavored meat that made me strip down to a fur loincloth, club you and drag you by the hair into my cave!” Read the rest of this entry »


GRILLED SEXTARINES

June 12, 2015
Grilled Nectarines reign supreme in the BBQ scene.

Grilled Nectarines reign supreme in the BBQ scene.

This is as close as you can get to grilling up sex appeal. Most grilling consists of men cooking meat for the pleasure of other men. That’s not gay. Right? But this little side dish/DESSERT breaks all the machismo boundaries and labels associated with backyard barbecues. You have the fire for the cavemen, the fruity fun for the ladies, and the sweetness for the kid in all of us. Plus these nectarines are so simple to make that you could develop quantum physic formulas simultaneously. You are running out of excuses not to make these sweet satisfactions for someone your sweet on. Best get down to the produce aisle then. Read the rest of this entry »


GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN

May 25, 2015
“Man love fire.  Man love meat. Man love Cook to Bang.”

“Man love fire. Man love meat. Man love Cook to Bang.”

The summer is upon us.  The snow and ice has melted. So has the clothing of your tempting targets.  Quit your bellyaching about cold streaks and grill up some hot steaks.  No more hibernating!  Put away the parkas and pull out your favorite fur loincloth. Dust off the BBQ and start grilling.  Calling all caveman!

Tap into your primitive side. You don’t need to bother with three-course meals. The smell of fire charring meat should suffice.  Grrrrrr!  Make like you’re strangling a Velociraptor and make some dino-kebabs.  Effort should be minimal so long as you pull it off with panache. Cooking to Bang in the summertime has never been more basic.

So visit the butcher, your fish monger, your hippie veggie/weed dealer.  Grab the goods and get with the grillin’.  A little charcoal, some lighter fluid and you got fire.  Try some of this fuego-fueled fare on for size, you caveman you! Read the rest of this entry »


UNDRESS ME, CAPRESES

May 5, 2015
“It takes 2 to make a thing go right.  It takes 2 to make it out of sight.” – Rob Base

“It takes 2 to make a thing go right. It takes 2 to make it out of sight.” – Rob Base

You gotta love appetizer and wine dates.  Combine these perfect companions and the two of you will be combined soon enough.  If one of you brings the wine and the other the appetizer, you’ll need to figure out who’s bringing the condoms.  These miniature caprese salads on a stick are easy to make, easy to take on the go, plus you can hand feed each other.  It doesn’t get more sensual and primitive than that. Who loves you? Read the rest of this entry »


WANNA HAVANA? SALAD

November 19, 2014

Do I wanna? You damn skippy!

Do I wanna Havana? It’s been a dream of mine since I was a small child. Seriously, I picture myself in the long long ago era of Havana’s heyday drinking mojitos on the street and puffing on fat cigars. Cuban girls, a preferred pastime of mine, my version of baseball, bring out the happy happy in me. So yes, absolutely I wanna Havana. Too bad I’m an American with that 50 year-old embargo cock-blocking my Havana cabana-existence. So I must resort to other means. Namely serving Cuban style avocado salad to the Cuban girls and hoping to not piss off Castro brothers in the process. Read the rest of this entry »


LAST GASP OF SUMMER BBQ PINEAPPLE

August 29, 2014
If this can't breathe some heat into your fall...you best get used to a cold empty bed.

If this can’t breathe some heat into your fall…you best get used to a cold empty bed.

Hold on tight to the memories. The warmth of the air made it unnecessary for people to wear layer upon layer of clothing. Summer flings are winding down, or in some cased winding up…for the long winter that lies ahead. Bikinis and mankinis are being put away in boxes to collect dust, dry as a bone. Can you blame us for being a tad wistful over the season we left behind? Fall’s great with the accessories (I’m partial to sweaters), but just for now, with this pineapple in my hand, I’m keeping things warm and shimmery. The succulent pineapple meat charred over fire sends me right back to that moment on the beach, laying post-coital on a hammock with a local lovely feeding me freshly grilled pineapple. So yeah, bring your own special memory of summer back with a vengeance. Chances are the lucky someone you grill this pineapple for has their own wicked summer senses to reignite. Read the rest of this entry »


SUMMERTIME ROLLS

June 9, 2014

Jane says, “I’m gonna kick tomorrow.” Yeah right! These summertime rolls are too damn good!

With much respect to Jane’s Addiction. Better music to bang to there could not be. Nothing beats a summertime roll in the hay. Summer sex is sweaty, sticky, and sumptuous. When all have been said and done properly, some light fare is in order. The summer appetite is for something light and refreshing. Heavy, saucy things just don’t do a body warmed by the sun good. That was my conclusion after hiking through the Angkor Wat and Thom ruins all day in the blazing Cambodian heat. The Canadian backpacking aspiring anthropologist/stone cold hottie I met by the tree growing out of the cracks of a crumbled temple and I collapsed into a booth at an empty restaurant when we got back to Siem Riep. Ms. Canada held up two fingers up and we were brought two Angkor beers and two shrimp spring rolls. The nibbles recharged my aching body and overwhelmed sense of wonder. It also got the ball rolling on a beautiful evening performing a clothing optional duet of “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »


VIAGRA ON ICE

May 15, 2014
Prescription-strength delicious

Prescription-strength delicious

It’s party time! The night is full of possibilities.  You have your date lined up.  You are pretty sure things are good to go. So don’t leave the cocktails to chance.  Class wherever you’re going up with some watermelon ice cubes.  You can turn a boring vodka soda into a superbly subtle recipe for delectable debauchery.  Watermelon is a bonafide aphrodisiac that has the same compounds that Viagra offers to get guys’ pistons firing at full speed.   The juicy melon is mostly water, with a refreshing flavor that does your body right.  Allow the cube to melt and the watermelon particles break away, turbo-charging your drink for the night ahead.  If an erection lasts for more than four hours…go with it! Read the rest of this entry »


THEIR LOSS GRILLED SQUASH

June 26, 2013
Rejection is merely a learning opportunity so you can pull hotter ass later.

Rejection is merely a learning opportunity so you can pull hotter ass later.

The way I look at it, anyone foolish enough to turn me down for sex is only punishing themselves.  They will spend the rest of their lives wondering “what if?” while hearing field reports from their friends and family members how amazing I am in the kitchen and sack.  No hard feelings on my end.  Their loss is another girl’s gain. I (you) will bang plenty of strange over the course of my (your) cooking and banging career.  Instead of kicking a can down the street in humiliation, I laugh off rejection and learn from my mistakes.  Perhaps I was too pushy, not pushy enough, wasn’t wearing nice enough shoes, or perhaps my devastating good looks and devilish charm brought our their insecurities.  Whatever the case may be, I adjust my approach as needed for the next date who understands how idiotic turning me down would be. The same rules apply with these squash I picked up from the farmer market along with a girl shopping for fresh berries.  We combined our wares in more ways than one.  Neither of lost because we seized the goddamn day! Read the rest of this entry »


COOK TO BANG BRINGS YOU ROOFTOP SUPPER CLUB

September 17, 2012

yes, this is the actual view from the rooftop

A little self-promotion now and again doesn’t hurt. So in an effort to share my love of cooking, I have started a New York City-based supper club. Our inaugural event is this Wednesday on a private rooftop in Greenpoint enjoy an intimate dining, drinking, and entertainment experience with a panoramic view of the New York skyline. My collaborator is Will Holloway, my college friend, fellow food elitist, now blogger  of Rooftop Brooklyn. We are locally sourcing our ingredients for a 6-course meal pairing them with seasonally inspired cocktails and fine wines. Classical guitarist Rupert Boyd who has played Carnegie Hall will round out the evening, creating an enchanting and unforgettable evening. Read the rest of this entry »