And along comes the second installment of the emotional Douche Bags VS. Cook To Bang guy saga. This time the douches crash and burn spending serious coin at a fancy restaurant. The Cook To Bang guy kills it by simply cooking and banging at home.
Stay tuned for the final DBag chapter. 1 week until the CTB BOOK hits bookshelves! I know you’re waiting with baited breath.
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SEDUCTION, video | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bar, book, breakfast, cheesy, commercial, cook to bang, crash and burn, ctb book, dbag, delicious, douche, douche bag, douchey, ed hardy, euro, euro trash, fancy, food, frat boy, funny, get laid, horny, hot girl, kegs, love, pick up artist, preppy, promo, pua, restaurant, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, shannon kingston, short, trust fund baby, video, wrigley, youtube | 
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Posted by cooktobang
Naughty nursery rhyme time!
This little figgy went to the market (to buy ingredients and condoms)
This little figgy stayed home (and Cooked to Bang)
This little figgy had roast beef (curtains)
This little figgy had none (because he was cooking for a vegan)
And this little figgy went “Wee! Wee! Wee!” all the way home (bragging about the latest CTB conquest).
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: akins, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, beat, breakfast, calivirgin, cook, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, figs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, nursery rhyme, olive oil, recipe, sausage, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, this little figgy eggs, this little piggy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
He/she shoots...he/she scores!!!
That goalie is one cock-blocking bastard! They are intent on keeping you both from experiencing Shangi la. You better be clever if you’re going to score. My trick is to act like I never intend to shoot for glory until their guard is down. Nonchalance and heaping bowl of sarcasm usually accomplish this. When that isn’t enough, I revert to my Cook To Bang practices and end up scoring a weekend hat trick. Aioli does not qualify as sexy on its own. For some reason mayonnaise never caught on like whipped cream in the art of culinarylingus. But alas, you can use it as a FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY dip, a spread for SINWICHES, or eat this CONDOM-MENT with a spoon. In the immortal words of a soccer/football announcer GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!
Total time: 3 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking buddy: All depends on what you serve with it
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 4 tbsp mayonnaise
2. 1 dash sea salt
3. 1 small handful fresh BASIL
4. 1/2 lemon
5. 1 small handful sun-dried tomatoes
Step 1
Fill up a food processor or blender with the mayonnaise, sun-dried tomatoes, basil, sea salt, and squeeze in the lemon juice. Puree it into a gorgeous orange hue and serve, garnishing it with a basil leaf and sun-dried tomato.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, french, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, bastard, blend, cock-blocking, condiment, condom-ment, culinarylingus, delicious, DIY, easy, food, football, game changer, get laid, gourmet, hat trick, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mayonnaise, naked, nonchalance, recipe, sarcasm, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shangi la, sneak past the goalie aoili, soccer, sun dried tomato, sun-dried tomato aioli recipe, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Wrap it right, wrap it tight.
A fine ass like that deserves to be wrapped up in life’s fineries. Exalt that perfect behind with the TLC it deserves. At least that’s how I approach the perfect booty. Damn close to worship. I show it a good time, probably a better time than the body and mind attached. One surefire method to be hospitable to said ass is to wrap up the asparagus aphrodisiac amazingness with meaty magic. Roll roll, drip drip, sizzle sizzle, mmm mmm! They’re so good your collective lusts may win out over your hunger for the rest of dinner.
Total time: 7 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking buddy: Pinot Noir or Pinot Gris
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 8 ASPARAGUS spears
2. 8 strips bacon (piggy, turkey, or veggie)
3. 2 dashes salt
4. 1 lemon wedge
Step 1
First wash the asparagus and cut 1 inch off the bottoms. Wrap the asparagus in bacon at an angle tightly. Salt as you wish.
Step 2
Warm up the griddle or pan on medium heat. Throw the bacon-wrapped asparagus in and cook, squeezing the lemon juice over as the bacon starts to sizzle. Cook until the down side of the asparagus browns (approx 3 min) before rolling them over. Salt the other side and cook the other side until it browns (approx 2 min).
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, asparagus, ass, atkins diet, bacon, bacon wrapped asparagus recipe, bang, banging, booty, delicious, DIY, easy, fineries, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hospitable, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, lust, naked, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sizzle, tasty, tlc, wrap, wrap that ass-paragus, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Frisee makes them easy peasy, but never sleazy
The easy route isn’t always the sleazy route. It can be downright classy if you do it up right. Few lettuce varieties scream sophistication and debonair style like frisee. You might as well be wearing a monocle and waistcoat when you serve it up. And easy doesn’t just apply to the simplicity of this salad’s assembly. Your date will certainly be up for it, whatever “it” may be. So get with it while the getting is good and easy. Take it frisee!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Chardonnay, like a classy suburban housewife
Ingredients (serves 6)
1. 1 bunch frisee lettuce
2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
3. 1 tbsp rice vinegar
4. 1/2 tbsp HONEY
5. 1 pear sliced thinly
6. 1/2 AVOCADO in bite-sized pieces
7. 1 lemon wedge
Step 1
Create the dressing by mixing the olive oil, lemon juice, rice wine vinegar, and honey.
Step 2
Rinse the frisee, cut off the stems, and chop coarsely into pieces you can stuff in your mouth. Throw in the pear and avocado. Toss it all with the dressing and hot damn do you have yourself a salad.
This is the perfect warm up for a hearty main like PORTOBELLO BORDELLO or DATEY CHICKEN CHA CHA.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, calivirgin, debonair, delicious, DIY, dressing, easy, food, frisee, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, libido, naked, olive oil, pear, recipe, rice vinegar, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sleazy, so easy, so easy frisee salad, sophistication, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy, yuppie salad | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Sometimes a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a bag of stale Cheetos just don’t do the job when it comes to seduction. My apologies to the corner store Casanovas. Sometimes a little elbow grease can oil the joints keeping your date’s legs stuck together. And what better way to do that then a familiar bar food favorite that happens to be loaded with APHRODISIAC power? In case the artichoke wasn’t enough sex appeal, we threw in the silky avocado to guide deliver you a foolproof contingency plan. You’re welcome. This became a last minute creation needed for an impromptu Super Bowl date with a pack of three football-loving ladies. These girls clearly knew their shit when it came to pig skin and potato skins. Making a good impression was crucial for the touchdown that followed with my girl there. There was most certainly necessary roughness. The extra point was the phone number her sexy friend wearing the Steelers jersey slipped me.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $11
Drinking Buddy: A MO MOJO MOJITO or RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves a party or 2 hungry people for days):
1. 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise
2. 1 8-ounce can of artichoke hearts in water
3. 1 round roll of foccacia bread
4. 4 ounces of cream cheese
5. 2 ROASTED RED PEPPERS
6.½ an avocado sliced
7. ½ a lemon worth of juice
8. ½ cup of parmesan cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Chop up the artichoke hearts and roasted red peppers and toss them into a bowl with the avocado, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, cream cheese and mayonnaise. Work out your pent up sexual frustration by mashing up the ingredients.
Step 2
Cut the top of the focaccia roll and set aside. Pull out the center breading, leaving the sides and bottom in tact. If need be, use your right and left hooks and pound the sides in. Crown the bread top with some parmesan cheese, toast it brown, then cut it up in slices to serve with the dip.
Step 3
Pour in the mashed up raw dip into an oven safe bowl and heat through (approx 20 minutes). Remove the heated dip from the oven and dump in evenly into the bread bowl you have created. Crown it with some parmesan cheese and throw it back in the oven and heat up the bread and melt cheese on top (approx 10 minutes). Serve it up with those toasted slices and tortilla chips. Super job! I knew you had it in you.
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac artichoke dip, appetizer, artichoke, artichoke bread bowl recipe, Artichoke dip recipe, avocado, bang, bar food, cream cheese, delicious, dip, easy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, focaccia bread, game changer, game day, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, mayonnaise, naked, parmesan cheese, recipe, roasted red peppers, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, sports bar, spread, tasty, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Be sure not to spill spinach on your Birkenstocks!
The vegans deserve some love from time to time. Neglecting their needs would be insensitive of me as the apex of a modern gentleman. Besides, I have had a parade of smoking hot, not too hippie chicks passing through my boudoir recently to ignore their needs. Their picky palette must be satisfied too before my insatiable appetite gets its finger-licking fix. Creamed spinach was my bag that night, but my no-cream cutie wasn’t having it. Alas, the Thai cuisine saved the day. Coconut milk was a satisfactory cream-substitute for little miss animal freedom fighter. Smiles all around. Homegirl got her way; homeboy got to play. Plus a new dish was born for the next vegan Thanksgiving when we need something to go with the organic tofurkey.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Beer
Ingredients (serves 6)
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1/2 can coconut milk
3. 1 dash sea salt
4. 1 small handful sun-dried tomato roughly chopped
5. 1 small handful GINGER finely chopped
6. 2 massive handfuls fresh spinach
Step 1
Sauté the ginger in olive oil (approx 30 sec) before adding the sun-dried tomatoes (approx 1 min). Throw in the spinach and sauté with a dash of salt until it wilts (approx 2 min). Pour in the coconut milk and slowly cook on low heat until the liquid mostly evaporates and absorbs into the spinach (approx 5 min).
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, hippie, holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, THANKSGIVING, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: animal freedom fighter, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, boudoir, calivirgin, coconut milk, cream in your pants, cream in your patchwork pants spinach, cream-substitute, creamed spinach, delicious, DIY, easy, finger-licking, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, hippie, hippie chicks, homeboy, homegirl, homemade, insatiable, intercourse, kitchen, libido, modern gentleman, naked, olive oil, parade, recipe, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, sun dried tomato, tasty, thai, thai cream spinach, THANKSGIVING, tofurkey, vegan, vegan creamed spinach recipe, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Rub a dub dub, let's bang after this grub
Feel that. Cup your hand and take it all in. Yeah, that’s nice right? I worked hard to firm up my buttercups just so. This I assure you is no accident. Take another and another. You can’t resist, can you? I don’t blame you. With this much sex appeal turbo-loaded into one little dessert, I have a hard time leaving the house. You really don’t have to when you have such a delicious bait to lure the luckies in who get to bang you after eating your kitchen’s delights. Brownie/peanut butter cookie hybrids are dangerous and should not be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. Jihadists and ex-KGB scientists alike could destroy the world with sweet satisfaction. That much unchecked power can overwhelm even the most ethical of culinary Casanovas. So when you’re getting your buttercups rubbed, remember that with great flavor comes great responsibility.
Total time: approximately 60 minutes
Projected cost: $15
Drinking Buddy: Milk
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 cups flour
2. 2 3/4 cups brown sugar
3. 3/4 cup cocoa
4. 1 tsp salt
5. 2 tsp vanilla extract
6. 1/2 cup HONEY
7. 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
8. 1/2 cup peanut butter
9. 3/4 tsp baking powder
10. 4 eggs
11. 2 sticks butter
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 375°F/190°C. Sift together 3/4 cups flour, cocoa mix, 3/4 cups brown sugar, salt and 1/4 tsp baking powder. Melt 1 stick of butter and beat in 2 eggs, and 1tsp vanilla extract. Mix the eggs/butter combination with the dry cocoa/flour/sugar mix into a batter. Blend in the chocolate chips and you have mind-blowing batter that you can bake or lick off your date.
Step 2
Grease a large baking pan and spread the brownie batter flat. Bake solo until the brown batter begins to harden (approx 25 min).
Step 3
Melt the remaining stick of butter and mix with the peanut butter. Mix in the remaining 2 eggs and 1 tsp vanilla. Next mix the 1/4 tsp baking powder, honey, and 2 cups brown sugar. Finally mix in the 1 1/4 cups flour.
Step 4
Carefully pour out and spread the peanut butter brownie, making sure not to unsettle the brownie bottom. Bake in the oven until the peanut butter cookie top cooks all the way through (approx 30 min). You should be able to poke a toothpick all the way through without getting any batter. Allow them cool before cutting and serving.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baked goods, baking powder, bang, banging, batter, brown sugar, butter, cocoa, culinary Casanovas, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, eggs, flour, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, hybrid, intercourse, jihadist, kgb, kitchen, libido, naked, peanut butter, peanut butter cup recipe, recipe, rub my butt, rub my butt-ercups, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, semi-sweet chocolate chips, sex, sex appeal, tasty, unchecked power, vanilla extract, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Bango my mango? Yes please!
This Caribbean nod to all things breakfasty brought a smile to my face and the lucky recipient who was awoken by the smell. It was like an old Tom & Jerry cartoons where the scent literally drags sleeping Jerry out of safe slumbering mouse-hole. But instead of a cartoon mouse, picture a hot young thing dressed in nothing but her pride. Breakfast was served, Cook To Bang style. I swear I could hear the faint sound of steel drums as morning became afternoon in the comfort of my own bed.
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: MIMOSUCK IT
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 dash paprika
4. 3 eggs
5. 1/4 lb chicken minced
6. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
7. 1/2 mango cubed
8. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
Step 1
Beat the eggs with green onions and salt.
Step 2
Season the chicken with paprika. Heat up the oil on medium heat and brown the chicken.
Step 3
Throw in the mango chunks and pour in the beaten eggs. Scramble to your liking.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Caribbean, MORNING WOOD, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, beat, breakfast, calivirgin, carribean, cartoons, chicken, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Jamaican, kitchen, libido, mango, mango chicken scramble recipe, minced, morning sex, mouse-hole, naked, paprika, recipe, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, steel drums, tasty, tom & jerry, vintage cartoon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
This ginger beverage has been approved by the ginger council run by the ginger people.
We all get sick sometimes. Odds are that if you’re reading this, you are sick in the head. Welcome to the club. But the sick I speak of is where your body has broken down from your hedonist existence and let in something yucky. Time to take care of yourself so you can return to being a culinary Casanova. Whether you are taking care of yourself, or that hot number you’ve been banging, this tea will nurse you back to health with nutrients galore. The fact that it’s aphrodisiac-laden and delicious will only aid your quest. Sometimes you just need to bang away the nasty. Here’s to your health, you sicko!
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Eating Buddy: Fresh fruit
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp HONEY
2. 1 handful fresh chopped GINGER
3. 1 lemon quartered
4. 1 handful fresh mint leaves
5. 2 splashes brandy (optional, not pictured)
Step 1
Fill up a pot with 3 cups of water. Throw in the ginger, lemon, and half the mint leaves. Bring to a roaring boil, then lower the heat, and simmer until the flavor absorbs (approx 10 min).
Step 2
Pour the tea through a strainer into your cups of choice. Add the honey, mint leaves, and brand if you so desire and mix up.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, libation lubrication, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, boil, brandy, Casanova, culinary, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, ginger tea recipe, gingerbanger tea, gourmet, guarantee, hedonist, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mint, naked, nutrients, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sick, sicko, simmer, tasty, tea, winter, yucky, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Buy the CTB Book NOW
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 
