June 4, 2010
Where's the beef? Check my pantaloons.
This final edition in the 2010 CTB Recipe Challenge comes from Karin in Ft. Collins, CO. Here’s to bringing on the foux da fafa French connection. Karin writes:
I satisfy my man with a hearty meal and with his pleasure fulfilled I can be pleased in return. This recipe may seem daunting but believe me it is well worth the foreplay. With the right prep the ‘oven’ does the majority of the work and gives the strength the to keeps everything up all night long and keep the au jus flowing. This recipe is surely is femme fatale. Ooh la la! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | 
beef, french, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: au jus, bacon, bang, banging, bay leaf, beef bangin’on recipe, beef bourguignon recipe, black pepper, blanch, calivirgin, carrots, Colorado, contest entry, delicious, DIY, easy, femme fatale, flour, food, foreplay, foux da fafa, France, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Karin, kitchen, libido, ménage a trios, mushrooms, naked, olive oil, onions, protein, recipe, recipe challenge, red meat, red wine, rich, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slow cook, stewing beef, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
January 27, 2010
T&A is easy as pushing play on your CTB Music Mix
T&A is what every straight dude seeks when they CTB. Pull it off right and all will be revealed. The important thing is not to rush it or appear too eager. Naturally, in an era where we want what we want now and quit wasting my goddamn time, it’s hard to exercise restraint. But a smooth seduction is like roasting asparagus. Let it happen. The last thing you want is to crank the heat up so you can get the green aphrodisiac out of the oven faster in order to get on with the show. That will only lead to overcooked, underappreciated slop. Did I mention your kinky campaign will be totally FUBAR? Ease into it, sucka. If you add the right amount of flavor with the right amount of heat and the right amount of time, you will be more than all right. And to my female and gay male readership, the same rules apply minus the whole T&A thing.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: All depends on ENTREE, but dry white wine is asparagus’ friend
Ingredients (Serves 4):
1. 1 dash salt
2. 1 dash black pepper
3. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
4. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
5. 1/2 lb ASPARAGUS
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350∞F/175∞C. Wash the asparagus and chop off the tips, and discard. Spread out the asparagus flat in a baking pan. Sprinkle evenly with garlic, salt and pepper, and then drizzle with olive oil.
Step 2
Throw the asparagus in the oven and roast until they brown slightly (approx 30 min). Serve that delicious goodness up with something equally healthy and banging.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asparagus, bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, campaign, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fubar, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, recipe, roast, roasted asparagus recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slop, T&A, tasty, tits and ass, tlc, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 12, 2010
Stuff with care
This main dish is meant for your main squeeze. Don’t prepare this outstanding entrée for one of your breezies on the side. The effort and effect are not worth it unless you want them to get hooked on you. It goes back to the essence of the Cook To Bang philosophy. Eat amazing food; have amazing sex. This hearty dish is perfect for a winter evening in. Why would you go out when you have the two essentials for a perfect night of carnal lust and consumption? At least that’s what I discovered when I laid this culinary mack down on a girl I’m seeing. She hasn’t stopped calling, texting, sexting, and facebooking since. Homegirl is officially addicted…to me. Ever since, I’ve been getting stuffed and busting nuts all over the place. Use this dish cautiously, unless you are eager to build your own harem.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red red wine
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 3 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
3. 1 butternut squash
4. 2 dashes black pepper
5. 3 dashes sea salt
6. 2 GREENSBURY MARKET organic chicken breasts
7. 1 pear
8. 2 large carrots
9. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
10. 1 lime wedge
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350∞F/175∞C. Slice the squash lengthwise and scoop out the guts, leaving a nice cavity. Rub olive oil into each half, and then salt and pepper them and roast until the squash meat is soft (approx 30 min).
Step 2
While the squash roasts, cube the chicken and marinate in limejuice, cayenne pepper, and sea salt (approx 10 min).
Step 3
Peel the carrots and chop into bite-sized pieces. Slice the pears thinly. SautÈ the carrots and pears until they soften (approx 5 min). Add the chicken and sautÈ thoroughly.
Step 4
Finally scoop the sautÈed chicken and veggies into the cavities of the squash (once soft) and throw back in the oven and roast until it’s all heated through (approx 5 min). Crown each with green onions and serve.
This ENTRÉE kills it on it’s own, but a simple SALAD could shoot your date’s lust into the stratosphere.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, winter | Tagged: addicted, bang, banging, black pepper, breezies, bust a nut, butternut squash, carnal lust, carrot, cayenne pepper, chicken breasts, consumption, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, get hooked, get laid, get stuffed, gourmet, green onions, greensbury market, guarantee, harem, healthy, hearty, homemade, hooked, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, main dish, main squeeze, marinate, naked, olive oil, organic, pear, recipe, roast, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 7, 2010
Cook To Fingerbang!
Using your fingers is often the only way to go. No time for squeamishness when it comes to cooking to bang. Just spread them fingers wide and dive right in. Remember that your date will thank you after for your keen attention to details. Their oral pleasure zone isn’t going to satisfy itself. Fingerling potatoes are coming back in a big way. Some famous chef somewhere some how said something like, “Fingerling potatoes are now and very much it.” Just think how cool you will appear serving up a sensational side with the hottest carb in town. The fact that they resemble human fingers that you will be using to entice and engorge later is the popped cherry on top. So fingerbang away!
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Depends on entrée, but red wine should do you both nicely
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash sea salt
2. 1 dash black pepper
3. 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
4. 2 tbsp olive oil
5. 1 dash thyme
6. 1/2 lemon
7. 1 sprig ROSEMARY
8. 3 garlic cloves chopped finely
9. 1 lb fingerling potatoes
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 450°F/232°C. Wash the taters thoroughly and then split them. Toss them with the garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper, thyme, and rosemary.
Step 2
Spread the marinated fingerlings on a small baking pan, laying the flat ends down. Bake the potatoes until they brown and can be forked easily with a fork (approx 25min), flipping halfway through cooking. Toss the roasted potatoes in the balsamic vinegar and serve.
Serve these fine carbs up with any number of meaty ENTRÉES.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, irish, RECIPES, vegan | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, black pepper, carbohydrates, carbs, delicious, DIY, easy, engorge, famous chef, fingerbang, fingerbanging fingerling potatoes, fingering, fingerling potatoes, flavorful, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hearty, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, olive oil, oral pleasure, recipe, rosemary, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, squeamishness, tasty, thyme, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 4, 2009
Go ahead. Cop a feel.
Ever woken up next to someone WAY out of your league? Last night is a blur, you’re unsure of this hottie’s name, and you’re wondering if your benefactor is Make A Wish Foundation. However you got here is irrelevant should you wish to see this stone-cold sexpot after they walk out your door. Sure if it was another skank you assured your friends, “I know. It’s been a while. But seriously, dude, I know!” you wouldn’t bother with an Eggo waffle. But on rare occasions where your lucky ass hits the hookup jackpot, you need to bring your morning A-game. This is one such meal memorable enough to get a repeat or three-peat or possibly a repeat with a three-peat of conquests. Just ask the ballerina I’m told I picked up at a black tie Art Gala I crashed. Pictures of the two of us in the BG behind celebrities smiling like douches confirms the story, but you could have told me I saved her from a crazy Sheik’s harem and I’d take your word for it. This girl was in a hurry, presumably to pirouette across some stage, so I had to hook her up on the quick. The cabbage cups made one hell of a carb-light wrap for my tiny dancer to chow on the go. Later on it was she who called me and texted me and facebooked me and…Chill, homegirl! This dish may just be too effective.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Fresh OJ or BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 intact cabbage cups
2. 1 dash paprika
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
6. 1 handful fresh spinach
7. SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
8. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
9. 2 sausages (pork/chicken/veggie) sliced thinly
10. 3 eggs
Step 1
Crack the eggs and whisk them together with the salt, black pepper and paprika.
Step 2
Sauté the sausage with olive oil until they brown on both sides (approx 3 min). Mix in the spinach and sauté until it wilts (approx 2 min). Pour in the egg mixture and scramble like a champ (approx 2 min).
Step 3
Scoop half of the eggs in each cabbage cup. Crown with avocado and salsa.
The odds of stopping this BREAKFAST from sealing the seduction package deal are not good.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: a-game, aphrodisiac, art gala, atkins, avocado, ballerina, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, breakfast burrito, cabbage cups, calivirgin, celebrities, delicious, DIY, double e-cup mornings, douches, easy, egg lettuce cups recipe, eggo waffle, eggs, facebook, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harem, healthy, homegirl, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, make a wish foundation, morning, naked, olive oil, paprika, pirouette, recipe, repeat, salsa, salt, sausage, sauté, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexpot, sheik, spinach, tasty, threepeat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 3, 2009
Antioxidize your sexual frustration!
I am most inclined to bang in the morning. My attention is, shall we say, piqued? Not sure if has to do with the fact I’m well rested of that my dreams are so goddamn sexy that I turn myself on. Considering my dreams are essentially Red Shoe Diaries episodes minus David Duchovny, I’d go with the latter. When I have company come morning time, then the whirlwind of screams, moans and panting expressions of gratitude before and after breakfast are assured. But there are occasions when I wake up alone, hungry for something that is not there. Wondering what I do during those moments of frustration? I forego the desire to go postal and channel my energy into a badass breakfast that will get my brain charged and inspired to not repeat another sexless morning. This little treat was concocted and it satisfied most of my needs. This weekend I remade this breakfast delight for my late night Halloween guest before homegirl did the walk of shame dressed like a slutty ice cream cone. Could you blame me for going for the girl dressed like food? I do after all, Cook to Bang…or in this case, lick to bang.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 2 sausages cut in bite-sized pieces
3. 1 dash salt
4. 1 dash black pepper
5. 3 eggs
6. ½ pomegranate worth of seeds
7. 1 handful shredded jack cheese
8. ½ onion chopped coarsely
Step 1
Beat the eggs with salt, pepper and half the pomegranate seeds. CLICK HERE if you want to know the trick to getting removing the seeds.
Step 2
Sauté the onions and sausage with the olive oil. Pour in the eggs mixture and scramble like a champ. Turn off the heat, throw the cheese over the top and cover until the cheese melts (approx 2 min). Scatter shot the remaining pomegranate seeds and serve.
Serve this classy, antioxidant breakfast with some SWEET ASS-BROWNS or FORBIDDEN FRUIT SALAD.
Leave a Comment » | fusion, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: badass, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, calivirgin, dairy, david duchovny, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, going postal, gourmet, guarantee, Halloween, homemade, intercourse, jack cheese, kitchen, libido, morning, naked, olive oil, onion, pomegranate, pomegranate scramble recipe, pomegratify your morning desires recipe, recipe, red shoe diaries, salt, sausage, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexless, slutty ice cream cone, tasty, walk of shame, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 13, 2009
If they ask "Should I stay or should I go?", just shrug.
Sometimes the f@$%-it-all attitude is the best approach to life. Whether we’re talking dating, cooking or anything that involves sheer pleasure, take a backseat and let it be whatever it will be. I know that may sound difficult when you want something badly. Trust me, I’ve been there and learned late in life the importance of not sweating the details. Heed my advice and settle down, tiger. The eager beaver gnaws on wood and not much else. This breakfast is a perfect metaphor. The previous night I grilled my best SPANK MY HALIBUT yet along with some BOAST THE MOST ASS-PARAGUS for a date in who enjoyed it enough to let me sleep over. Come morning time after my second round of banging the cobwebs out of my eyes, I stumbled casually into the kitchen and made this dish in a matter of minutes. We dined, we banged and I slipped out the door, all at a leisurely pace, yet made it to work…only 15 minutes late!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $3 (plus whatever it cost to make leftovers)
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 dash black pepper
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 tbsp olive oil
4. 3 eggs
5. 4 tbsp SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
6. 2 slices cheddar cheese
7. Leftover GRILLED FISH
8. Leftover ASPARAGUS
Step 1
Beat the salt and peppered eggs.
Step 2
Sauté the chopped leftover asparagus and fish with the olive oil (approx 2 min). Pour in the eggs, but don’t scramble, just let the egg form around the leftovers like a pancake. When the eggs cook through (approx 3 min), chop up the cheddar cheese and toss them on top, turn off the heat and cover, and allow it to melt. Split eggs in half, serve up on plates and throw down some salsa.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: @$%-it-all, asparagus, attitude, bang, banging, bbq, black pepper, breakfast, casual, cheddar cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, fish, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, halibut, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leftover eggs, leftovers, leisurely, libido, morning, morning sex, naked, olive oil, pancake, recipe, salsa, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, settle down, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 6, 2009
Stuffing your talkative guest's mouth is a Brie-liant move!
Are they still talking? Sheesh! You haven’t said a word in the last five minutes. Don’t they need to breathe at some point? I’ve spent long periods of time with ramblers who keep blabbering about topics I stopped commenting on hours ago. Being crazy passionate about something is sexy, but at a certain point you should hand the conch off to someone else to talk. This rambling generally occurs after a night of unscrupulous dalliances when you are ready to sleep soundly. You banged someone physically hot enough, but mentally a little on the dim side. Don’t worry for they will eventually get the hint when the sound of your snoring pierces their conversation bubble. But sure as the sun rises, the ramble train will keep rolling come morning. You’re best stuff something into that mouth stat. You can go many different routes, many of which are perverted, kinky or slightly illegal. But in this case, try filling those unwavering noise boxes with some delicious food. At least the conversation will move towards the topic of food, your food. At that point you can steer the conversation from your food to your bed.
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp olive oil*
2. 2 bacon strips (*if using turkey or veggie bacon)
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
6, 4 eggs
7. 2 handfuls sliced mushrooms
8. I small handful of Brie chunks
Step 1
Crack the eggs, salt and pepper them, and then beat vigorously.
Step 2
Cut the bacon up into small slices and fry them until they brown. Add olive oil if you need and then sauté the mushrooms until they soften (approx 3 min)
Step 3
Add the egg mixture and scramble them dry (approx 3 min). Turn off the heat, toss the Brie pieces on top of the eggs, and then cover with a lid, letting the trapped heat melt the cheese.
Serve up with some BED & BREAKFAST POTATOES or SWEET ASS-BROWNS.
1 Comment | french, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bacon, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, brie, cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, illegal, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, libido, morning, mushrooms, naked, noise box, olive oil, passionate, perverted, ramblin’ man, Rambling, recipe, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sheesh, shroom, snoring, tasty, unscrupulous, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 23, 2009
Raw and raunchy is was better than being blah and paunchy!
It has indeed been an oyster filled wonderland here at COOK TO BANG these last few weeks. I would apologize and offer some sort of assurance that something like this will never happen again. But I’m not some sucker embarrassed by the fact that I have a strong passion for sexy foods and sexier times. Oyster are among my favorite ingredients not only for that unique taste and texture, but because you rarely see aphrodisiacs effects demonstrated quite so obviously. You know that when you serve a plate of raw oysters, raunchy things are sure to follow. It’s almost like an unspoken contract two people enter into when the plate of raw goodness arrives at the table. You both accept that any frolicking that follows is not only appropriate, but expected. A word to the unwilling: refuse to eat or order them if you are going to be a prude buzzkill. For the rest of you lovelies, shuck and jive all the way to bed!
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: White wine or just about any LIBATION LUBRICATION
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ dozen raw OYSTERS
2. 2 tbsp red wine vinegar
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. ¼ lemon
5. 1 pinch BASIL finely chopped
6. 1 pinch onion finely chopped
7. 1 pinch GINGER finely chopped
8. 1 micro pinch CHILI finely chopped
Step 1
Create the oyster dip by mixing the red wine vinegar, onion, ginger, basil, lemon juice, black pepper and chili. Serve up with the raw oysters and let the naughty games begin!
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, RECIPES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, buzzkill, chili, delicious, DIY, easy, food, frolicking, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, New Orleans, onion, oyster sauce recipe, Raw & raunchy oysters recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, southern, tart, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2009
They host, you boast...to your friends after the act.
The COOK TO BANG has been proven by the superstring theory via that supercollider in the Swiss Alps. Effective as CTB may be, every once in a while you want to take your sexy cooking show on the road. Why not take your wares to your dates pad? It’ll seem spontaneous and romantic, even if you just don’t feel like cleaning up the mess after your done banging. The plot is to show up to their place with a bag of groceries and commandeer their kitchen like some hungry pirate. Soon you will be swashbuckling about with their pots and pans and will eventually end up without shirts or pants, just an eye patch and a dirty-talking parrot. Sure your date may be technically hosting, but you will both know who’s in control. This salad will be a great first mate as you pillage and plunder your date’s booty.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup balsamic vinegar
2. 2 tbsp HONEY
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. ½ tbsp olive oil
6. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
7. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
8. 2 heirloom tomatoes
9. 4 fresh BASIL leaves
10. ¼ lemon
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Slice each heirloom tomato in half and set them in a baking pan. Drizzle the tomatoes with olive oil, sprinkle them with salt and pepper, place a basil leaf on each and crown them with mozzarella. Toss them in the oven and roast until the tomato softens and cheese melts (approx 35 min).
Step 2
Make the balsamic reduction dressing by turning stove onto medium heat and adding the honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring vigorously. Cook the liquid down to 1/3 of its original volume. Pour the dressing into a container and allow it to cool.
Step 3
Split the spinach between plates. Place two roasted heirloom tomatoes on each bed of spinach and pour over the balsamic reduction. Squeeze some lemon juice over if your craving some sour.
Serve up as a perfect lunch after a quickie (hint, bang while the heirloom tomatoes roast) or as a starter for an ENTRÉE.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, booty, commandeer, delicious, dirty-talking, DIY, easy, eye patch, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom tomato, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, parrot, pillage, pirate, plunder, recipe, roast heirloom tomato salad recipe, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, spontaneous, supercollider, superstring theory, swashbuckling, swiss alps, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 