March 7, 2014
Open your mouth and take it all in...
Happy 2010 to my beloved readers! Here’s to another year full of dirty dishes and used condoms. You deserve to pour yourself a cocktail to celebrate. Go ahead. Don’t be shy. Take it all in. Suck it all the way down and then ask for more. Taste it? That’s the flavor of a mimosa supped up with all kinds of sexy. Sure you could have poured orange juice from concentrate, but we both know you are your date deserve better. Nothing but the goods for you, superstar. Get right up in it and take ownership over this non-cock-blocking cocktail. You are starting the day off with a bang. Hopefully more than one bang considering you are the embodiment of hot sex on a platter. Gulp-to-gulp, kitchen-to-bed, enjoy some fine morning head. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | 
holidays, libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: 2010, alcohol, anti-oxidant, bang, banging, booze, champagne, cock-blocking, cocktail, concentrate, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, food, fresh-squeezed, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hot sex on a platter, intercourse, kitchen, libation lubrication, libido, mimosa, mimosuck it, naked, new years, nye, orange juice, pomegranate juice, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sparkling wine, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
March 3, 2014
Make your date want S’more and more and more
So you long for the days of your youth sitting around the campfire telling ghost stories and roasting marshmallows over an open flame. The smell of the crackling fire mixed with the subtle sounds of nature. You slept under the stars and imagined what it would be like to finally do some banging. Fast forward to current times. You can’t go camping because it’s winter time, you can’t take the time off of work, and the person you are banging hates the outdoors. No problemo! You can bring back those memories in the comfort of your home with practically no money and little mess. All you need is a toaster. A girl or guy to make it for would also help. It certainly helped last night when I made this lazy-man’s dessert to great effect. My conquest…I mean date was taken back to one of her best childhood memories singing silly songs around the campfire during Girl Scout camping trips. What a perfect opportunity to pounce. I didn’t even have to experience a guilt-trip telling an adorable Girl Scout, “No, I don’t want any of your goddamn over-priced, but crazy addictive cookies. Now get off my property!” Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, boy scouts, campfire, camping, childhood, chocolate, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, game changer, get laid, girl scouts, gourmet, graham cracker, guarantee, homemade s’mores, intercourse, kitchen, marshmallow, naked, open fire, recipe, romance, romantic, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, smores, sweet, tasty, Toasted s’more recipe, toaster, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 28, 2014
Where the party at? In your pants of course!
Wondering where the party’s at? It’s wherever the hell you are at any given moment. You could walk into a nursing home and suddenly the geriatrics would be break-dancing and popping wheelies in their wheelchairs. Sound good? In order to make that shit happen, you better bring your A-game. That means throwing down something delicious, even it’s simple enough to assemble in total darkness underwater (not an ideal setting to cook, btw). So what is your lazy ass waiting for? Forget all the effort required to make pizza dough. Grab a big ass pita and make a big ass, booty-shaking pizza party for two…or more. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: a-game, aphrodisiac, bake, bang, banging, basil, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, geriatrics, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mozzarella, naked, nursing home, olive oil, pita, Pita pizza party recipe, pita pizza recipe, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, vegetarian, wheelchair, yellow bell pepper, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 26, 2014
Inhale my kale
This simple as sin noodle dish’s got everything. Want healthy green kale? You got it, bub, Feel like the tart of lime, a hint of Vietnamese with the fish sauce, maybe the tang of sun-dried tomato? Indoubely-deed. How about an aphrodisiac triple threat? Bim bam boom. That mean old Dr. Atkins will shake his immortal head in shame over the carbs, but in their defense, they are pretty light and airy. And that will come in handy when all the colors swirling around this healthy noodle dish spin you and your date off your feet and into bed. Feel free to watch the kaleidoscope in the air when you’re both lying panting, post-coital, feeling it. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, fusion, healthy, hippie, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, spicy, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, avocado oil, bang, banging, basil, bim bam boom, carboluscious, carbs, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, fish sauce, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hippie, homemade, intercourse, kale, kale rice noodles recipe, kale-idoscope rice noodles, kaleidoscope noodles, kitchen, libido, lime, naked, post-coital, recipe, rice noodles, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, southeast asian, spicy, stirfry, sun dried tomato, tasty, vegetable oil, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 24, 2014
Miso ready to get randy with these radishes!
Not to sound like a braggart, but I am so rad and shit. At least that’s what my neighbors’ teenage son told me when I explained the Cook To Bang method. This poor misguided kid figured wearing moppy hair and hipster pants that cut off circulation to his free will would get him chicks. ‘Fraid not, Fredo! The only thing that will make girls notice you is indifference and brash confidence. Once you have that, allow them to come over to your house, and wow the shit out of them with some food you happened to throw together. This kid has grown up watching my dinner guests leave the next the morning in the same clothes figured I might know what I’m talking about. So my young protégé has been putting my methods to the test. Now I’m starting to notice a series of girls coming in and out of his place after school while his parents are working. I might have created a monster. Hopefully his parents won’t blame me if he knocks one of these princesses up. One thing’s for sure, these radishes went from meh to rad and shit. Read the rest of this entry »
6 Comments | asian, fusion, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, braggart, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fredo, game changer, get laid, gourmet, granulated sugar, guarantee, homemade, indifference, intercourse, kitchen, libido, marinate, mirin, miso paste, miso radish recipe, naked, protégé, recipe, sake, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, teenager, vegan, vegetarian, white radish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 7, 2014
Bangerine your date's reluctance to smithereens!
Tangerines are a whorish fruit. While oranges, kiwis, and grapes are off to church to pray they won’t be eaten, tangerines rub their citrus all over everybody. I’ve never met a fruit so eager for you to eat them out. They are like that hot girl who realizes her true nature is to be a slut, regardless of what their family, friends and community think. Fair enough I say. Who am I to deny something so tasty the privilege of my mouth’s company? Since tangerines are in season now and cheap (insert hooker reference here), I’m throwing them into the mix just about everywhere. In my salad? Obviously! In my cereal? Why not! In my eggs? My mornings have never been so skank-er-licious! So inspire the whore in your date by serving up a salad with the sweet tangy flavor of bangerines! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bangerine salad, banging, calivirgin, church, citrus, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, pine nuts, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, skank-er-licious, tangerine salad recipe, tangerines, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, whorish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 3, 2014
Feeling melty yet? Give it time and you will melt right into the bed sheets
Inhibitions can be a raging bitch. They always seem to get in the way of a night of blissful mistakes. It’s like that annoying friend of the one you’re sweet on intent on preventing you from vanishing to do what is best accomplished behind. Troublesome as inhibitions may be, there’s a way to make them melt faster than a popsicle in a Bangkok sex show. It’s so simple and obvious. Disarm them with a delectable, easy to make like a BLT covered in melty cheese. Whether their fugly friend is literal or the metaphor for their unwillingness to throw their conservative values out the window, give them something fun, familiar, yet fantstic to indulge in and familiarity is sure to follow. Familiarity = comfort that dissolves inhibitions and results in getting naked. I’m glad we had this talk. Now go out and melt melt MELT the shit out of those inhibitions! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: bacon, bang, banging, Bangkok, bitch, blt melt away inhibitions recipe, BLT melt recipe, broil, cheddar, conservative values, delectable, delicious, DIY, easy, familiarlity, food, fugly, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, inhibition, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, mayonnaise, mozzarella, naked, platter, popsicle, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex show, sinwich, sourdough bread, sun dried tomatoes, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 27, 2014
Chicken noodle soup to the rescue!
We all get sick from time to time. You would think that since I made a pack with the devil for success in my blogging efforts, I would never get sick. I thought the same thing. But then I took home a hottie with a cough. Turns out the one nightstand turned into a 1 week lay down in my bed. Don’t worry, it wasn’t swine flu. But I was unable to even text booty calls to service my aching body. So when I was strong enough to leave the house, I bought myself all the ingredients to make me healthy once more. Winging a traditional wholesome recipe, I created a soup that nourished me mind, body, and tainted soul. I was up and at ‘em by days end, ready to get back to my tomfoolery. Being the good Samaritan, I even delivered some soup to that sickened hard-body who infected me. Pish posh to those who say I don’t give back to the community! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, poultry, RECIPES, winter | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, blogging, broth, carrots, celery, chicken noodle soup for the tainted soul, chicken noodle soup recipe, chicken soup for the soul, cold, community, crushed red pepper, delicious, DIY, easy, egg noodles, flu, food, game changer, get laid, good Samaritan, gourmet, gourmet chicken noodle soup, guarantee, h1n1, homemade, homemade chicken noodle soup, hottie, intercourse, Italian parsley, kitchen, libido, naked, nourish, olive oil, onion, pack with the devil, pish posh, raw chicken, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sick, soup, swine flu, tasty, thyme, wholesome, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 9, 2014
Dig on down to the underground. There are treasures to be found.
All kinds of exciting things happen below the ground. Ever hear of a gopher gala? What about a mole massive? Groundhog grind? Do you know what fuels all these critters crazy times? Root vegetables! Potatoes, beets, radishes, and oh so many more. Bully to the fancy pants food that grows above ground. No self-respecting tunnel-digging creature would ever admit to preferring a tomato to a carrot. So in honor of the subterranean happenings that I had the pleasure of attending, I whipped up an uber-healthy salad using only goods from down below. I had all the underground creatures sitting around my table like a Mad Hatter style tea party. It was messy, but oh so delicious. And then the queen of the mole people invited me into her boudoir for a private show you would never see on the Disney Channel. We were to be betrothed, but I escaped through a tunnel that led me back to my bed where I woke up confused and a little hungry.
Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: alice in wonderland, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beets, betrothed, boil, calivirgin, chop, delicious, Disney channel, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get down in the ground veggie salad, get laid, goat cheese, gopher, gourmet, groundhog, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mad Hatter, mole, mole people, naked, olive oil, peel, potato, radishes, recipe, root vegetables, root veggie salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, subterranean, tasty, tea party, toss, toss your salad, underground party, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 9, 2013
We're talking bloody in a good way.
“This salad is bloody fantastic!” These are the words of my limey friend who sampled this salad I threw together. And no, I did not cook to bang my mate. He’s been striking out with the birds as of late so I gave him a quick cooking tutorial. I believe the geezer has his sea legs now since he’s used my recipes to bed a few strumpets already. The problem is he keeps making the same few recipes I’ve taught him. Sounds like we’re just about ready for another lesson. Perhaps he can repay me by teaching me the finer points of football (as in soccer for the uninitiated). With World Cup coming up, I need good talking points to pick up Brazilians. In the mean time, enjoy this uber-healthy salad with me new favorite fruit, the blood orange, which is bloody orangtastic. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: avocado, blood orange salad recipe, blood oranges, Bloody fantastic, bloody orangtastic salad, Brazilians, british, citrus, dijon mustard, English, food, football, game changer, geezer, get laid, green onion, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, libido, limey, mate, olive oil, recipe, red wine vinegar, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, soccer, spinach, strumpet, tasty, UK, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, world cup, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 