February 14, 2011
Get blazing with an amazing glazing.
The only way to be a true player is to wow your date into submission. It needs to be clear that not banging you is their loss. That requires excellence in all that you do. Cooking is an obvious extension of the pursuit of perfection. Nail one or two recipes and you have a repertoire perfect for attracting and seducing new play pals. It’s those little things they will remember and recount to their friends when they are gabbing over coffee or cosmos. So you want to be the centerpiece of conversation singing your accolades rather than picking apart your extension flaws. A good first impression on their mouth can outshine even your ruthless lothario instincts. So be amazing at all times. Glaze some scallops with tangy temptation, and then kick back and let their attraction boil over. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: accolades, aphrodisiac, attraction, bang, banging, Be amazed glazed scallops, calivirgin, coffee, cosmos, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, glazed, glazed scallops recipe, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, honey lemon glazed scallops, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, lothario, marinate, naked, olive oil, onion, player, recipe, repertoire, salt, sauté, scallops, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, submission, sweet, tangy, tasty, temptation, yummy, zest | 
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Posted by cooktobang
February 2, 2011
Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.
This salad will rock her world. It will also rock his world. And its world should your dog eat it before you can. It’s like a techno dance party in your mouth. Each complimentary flavor will have the chance to bust a move on your tongue’s dance floor. The tart of the lemon will give a shout out to the creamy Roquefort who kicks it over to the endive ditty on out to the crispety crunchety apple who tips its hat to the tangy cranberry bossa nova. No one is immune to the uncontrollable taste bud tango. This is a great way to warm the evening up with a little bit of this and whole lot of that. Warning: those allergic to edible orgasms should steer clear if you know what’s good for you. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, bang, bleu cheese, bust a move, cherry tomatoes, delicious, DIY, dried cranberries, easy, edible orgasm, endives, France, french, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, naked, olive oil, recipe, Roquefort cheese, Roquefort cheese endive salad, seduce, sex, spinach, taste bud tango, tasty, techno dance party, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 24, 2010
This Bellini for me? Ain't you a pureed peach!
Most of us can’t claim to have a 100-foot yacht, 10 personal assistants, and our own private island. That privilege belongs to me. These lavish riches are made possible by blogging about cooking and banging in my drafty garage. Sorry, suckers. But fear not, for you can simulate this dilettante existence with a few simple adjustments: Cook with real potatoes rather than microwave tater tots you bought with food stamps; light your dining room table with candles instead of your Winnie the Pooh nightlight; make a classy drink from scratch rather than drink 3 bottles of Night Train in front of the Home Depot. Easy enough even if you don’t light your Cuban cigars with $100 bills like me. May I introduce this bubbly taste of class known to the civilized world as the Bellini? It’s like a Mimosa remix that keeps them coming back for seconds, thirds and their tenth glass. And what perfect timing with Valentines Day around the corner! Serve this with dessert or the morning after following a night of carnal consummation. You could also just pour it all over your naked body and invite your sweetie to lick you clean. Regardless, know that you are in fact a peach. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, alcoholic, bang, bellini, Bellini recipe, breakfast, brunch, bubbly, carbonated, champagne, classy, delicious, dessert, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, naked, party, peach, peach bellini recipe, puree, recipe, romantic, sauce, saucy, seduce, sex, strawberry, tasty, valentines day, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 30, 2010
That no good tart tastes too good
What a filthy, no good tart! Strutting itself around unpeeled and sweet to a fault. You’d think this tart would have more manners being of European stock. But clearly all it wants to do is lay about and put itself in any mouth it can find. No doubt, this apple has fallen very far from the tree. But I suppose you think I should just cut it some slack, right? Just let it go while it tarts around on any available plate, being passed around like a marijuana joint at some hippie love orgy? I say hell no! The only solution I have is to cool its jets. I’ll use the only thing I have in my arsenal. Ice cream! That’ll teach it to be so sweet, seductive and bad for me. Just to prove to you I am the bigger man, I’ll take one bite to show the rest of you how to be disciplined. See? One bite and I can say no…all right two bites. Three. Screw it! I’m taking the rest of the tart into my bedroom. But I’m not going to enjoy it! Seriously. I’m eating the rest for it’s own good. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | french, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: a la mode, addictive, apple pie, bang, butter, caramelized apples, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, European, flavor, France, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice cream, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, marijuana joint, naked, orgy, pastry puff, recipe, seduce, sex, slut, sugar, sugary, sweet, Tart tartin recipe, tasty, tawdry tart tartin, tree, yellow apples, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 14, 2010
Just a dab will diddle-ya!
Quesadillas are an endless parade of potential. You can’t help but get creative with that classic cheese and tortilla combo. What cheese with what extra goodness is about as varied as positions in the Kama Sutra. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, fusion, mexican, RECIPES | Tagged: 19th century, apple, bang, banging, brie, brie lox apple quesadillas, cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, English manor, fancy quesadilla recipe, flour tortilla, food, french, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gravity defying, guarantee, homemade, indian, intercourse, kama sutra, kitchen, lady Mortimer, libido, lox, madam, mexican, miss, naked, recipe, schmancy quesa-diddle-ya, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smoked salmon, tasty, trousers, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 4, 2010
Where's the beef? Check my pantaloons.
This final edition in the 2010 CTB Recipe Challenge comes from Karin in Ft. Collins, CO. Here’s to bringing on the foux da fafa French connection. Karin writes:
I satisfy my man with a hearty meal and with his pleasure fulfilled I can be pleased in return. This recipe may seem daunting but believe me it is well worth the foreplay. With the right prep the ‘oven’ does the majority of the work and gives the strength the to keeps everything up all night long and keep the au jus flowing. This recipe is surely is femme fatale. Ooh la la! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | beef, french, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: au jus, bacon, bang, banging, bay leaf, beef bangin’on recipe, beef bourguignon recipe, black pepper, blanch, calivirgin, carrots, Colorado, contest entry, delicious, DIY, easy, femme fatale, flour, food, foreplay, foux da fafa, France, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Karin, kitchen, libido, ménage a trios, mushrooms, naked, olive oil, onions, protein, recipe, recipe challenge, red meat, red wine, rich, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slow cook, stewing beef, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 6, 2010
He/she shoots...he/she scores!!!
That goalie is one cock-blocking bastard! They are intent on keeping you both from experiencing Shangi la. You better be clever if you’re going to score. My trick is to act like I never intend to shoot for glory until their guard is down. Nonchalance and heaping bowl of sarcasm usually accomplish this. When that isn’t enough, I revert to my Cook To Bang practices and end up scoring a weekend hat trick. Aioli does not qualify as sexy on its own. For some reason mayonnaise never caught on like whipped cream in the art of culinarylingus. But alas, you can use it as a FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY dip, a spread for SINWICHES, or eat this CONDOM-MENT with a spoon. In the immortal words of a soccer/football announcer GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!
Total time: 3 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking buddy: All depends on what you serve with it
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 4 tbsp mayonnaise
2. 1 dash sea salt
3. 1 small handful fresh BASIL
4. 1/2 lemon
5. 1 small handful sun-dried tomatoes
Step 1
Fill up a food processor or blender with the mayonnaise, sun-dried tomatoes, basil, sea salt, and squeeze in the lemon juice. Puree it into a gorgeous orange hue and serve, garnishing it with a basil leaf and sun-dried tomato.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, french, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, bastard, blend, cock-blocking, condiment, condom-ment, culinarylingus, delicious, DIY, easy, food, football, game changer, get laid, gourmet, hat trick, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mayonnaise, naked, nonchalance, recipe, sarcasm, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shangi la, sneak past the goalie aoili, soccer, sun dried tomato, sun-dried tomato aioli recipe, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 14, 2010
A sinwich in paradise is oh so very nice!
The Cook To Bang method makes getting your freaky-deak on so simple that must really try to blow it. The simple, effective method is beyond question. A millennium from now when alien explorers discover the remains of our extinct culture, they will come to one simple conclusion: we forgot how to CTB. My hope is that I can keep the human race going another half-century or so with my teachings. All bets are off after that. So with that in mind, try out this simple recipe I made while on vacation. The Latina that slept over after a killer dinner party I threw was certainly not expecting CTB in reverse. After a rowdy session of morning sex, I presented her with this sinwich. We devoured them quickly, and got back to the task at hand…banging each other senseless.
Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. ½ a baguette
2. Mayonnaise at your discretion (can substitute with mustard)
3. 2 handfuls rotisserie chicken pulled
4. 1 handful lettuce chopped
5. ½ AVOCADO sliced
6. ½ tomato sliced thinly
7. ½ apple sliced thinly
Step 1
Slice the baguette lengthwise and spread mayonnaise as you wish. Lay out the apple and tomato slices, evenly add the pulled chicken, stuff the lettuce and avocado, and force it all shut. Cut in half and you are ready for just about anything.
This SINWICH works just as well as a BREAKFAST as a lunch or DINNER.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: alien explorers, aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, baguette, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, human race, intercourse, kitchen, Latina, lettuce, libido, mayonnaise, millennium, naked, poultry, recipe, rotisserie chicken, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sinwich, tasty, tomato, vacation, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 21, 2009
Get stuffed? Don't mind if I do!
Be ready to feel overshadowed unless you are packing serious heat (in your oven). That ain’t necessarily a bad thing. This banana oozes with chocolate gooeyness. You’re golden so long as you regard this APHRODISIAC overdose as a friend and not foe. You will be hard-pressed not to sing cult-like praises once you take your first bite, or second or third where you stuff it all into your mouth and wish you had made a few extra. There’s a high probability you may forget your date is even there once the gorging begins. But fear not for they will be reacting in a similarly compromising manner so you will be in good company. You will both be locked into an alternate chocolaty universe where you frolic among the folds of strawberry and banana. Unless you ascend to the heavens, you can then ravage each other until the euphoria wears off. Win-win, if you ask me.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Milk or a SMOKING HOT PEPPERMINT FATTY
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 2 bananas
2. 5 STRAWBERRIES
3. 1 handful dark CHOCOLATE chips or shards
4. Powdered sugar (optional and not pictured)
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F/175°C. Slice open the top of the banana all the way through to split the meat. Slice the strawberries thinly and stuff into the banana. Stuff the chocolate evenly with the strawberries.
Step 2
Throw the stuffed bananas into the oven and bake until the chocolate melts (approx 40 min). Remove from the oven and sprinkle some powdered sugar if you’re feeling it. Serve up with a spoon. Vanilla ice cream might go nicely with it.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alternate universe, aphrodisiac, bake, baked chocolate banana recipe, banana, bang, banging, chocolate, cocoa, cult, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, euphoria, foe, food, friend, game changer, get laid, gooeyness, gorging, gourmet, guarantee, heavens, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, overdose, powdered sugar, ravage, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, split, sprinkle, strawberry, stuff, stuff that chocolate banana recipe, sweet, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, win-win, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 6, 2009
Stuffing your talkative guest's mouth is a Brie-liant move!
Are they still talking? Sheesh! You haven’t said a word in the last five minutes. Don’t they need to breathe at some point? I’ve spent long periods of time with ramblers who keep blabbering about topics I stopped commenting on hours ago. Being crazy passionate about something is sexy, but at a certain point you should hand the conch off to someone else to talk. This rambling generally occurs after a night of unscrupulous dalliances when you are ready to sleep soundly. You banged someone physically hot enough, but mentally a little on the dim side. Don’t worry for they will eventually get the hint when the sound of your snoring pierces their conversation bubble. But sure as the sun rises, the ramble train will keep rolling come morning. You’re best stuff something into that mouth stat. You can go many different routes, many of which are perverted, kinky or slightly illegal. But in this case, try filling those unwavering noise boxes with some delicious food. At least the conversation will move towards the topic of food, your food. At that point you can steer the conversation from your food to your bed.
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp olive oil*
2. 2 bacon strips (*if using turkey or veggie bacon)
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
6, 4 eggs
7. 2 handfuls sliced mushrooms
8. I small handful of Brie chunks
Step 1
Crack the eggs, salt and pepper them, and then beat vigorously.
Step 2
Cut the bacon up into small slices and fry them until they brown. Add olive oil if you need and then sauté the mushrooms until they soften (approx 3 min)
Step 3
Add the egg mixture and scramble them dry (approx 3 min). Turn off the heat, toss the Brie pieces on top of the eggs, and then cover with a lid, letting the trapped heat melt the cheese.
Serve up with some BED & BREAKFAST POTATOES or SWEET ASS-BROWNS.
1 Comment | french, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bacon, bang, banging, black pepper, breakfast, brie, cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, illegal, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, libido, morning, mushrooms, naked, noise box, olive oil, passionate, perverted, ramblin’ man, Rambling, recipe, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sheesh, shroom, snoring, tasty, unscrupulous, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 