June 12, 2015
Grilled Nectarines reign supreme in the BBQ scene.
This is as close as you can get to grilling up sex appeal. Most grilling consists of men cooking meat for the pleasure of other men. That’s not gay. Right? But this little side dish/DESSERT breaks all the machismo boundaries and labels associated with backyard barbecues. You have the fire for the cavemen, the fruity fun for the ladies, and the sweetness for the kid in all of us. Plus these nectarines are so simple to make that you could develop quantum physic formulas simultaneously. You are running out of excuses not to make these sweet satisfactions for someone your sweet on. Best get down to the produce aisle then. Read the rest of this entry »
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APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, southern, summer, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: backyard barbecue, bang, banging, barbecue, bbq, brown sugar, butter, caveman, cavemen, cinnamon, coals, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, fire, food, game changer, gay, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled fruit, grilled nectarine recipe, grilled sextarines recipe, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, machismo, naked, nectarine, quantum physics, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex appeal, side dish, summer, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 27, 2015
These are lemon bar none the best way to make somone sweet into a tart
Lemon bars are a fairly innocuous sweet treat favored by WASPy church ladies and the uptight men that don’t get to bang them. Even I can appreciate the wholesome nature of these lovely lemon luxuries. But that doesn’t mean we must have undying reverence for the sacred lemon bar. Make them right and lemon bars can be a citrus-soaked ticket to Boom-Shaka-Laka-Land. Praise be to the dessert treat that can lure in the do-gooder with the do-great ass using sweetness, then convince them to get naked with sour tart. Think of these lemon bars as the bait on a trap, a decoy if you will. Plant a seed with that sexy new coworker, naughty neighbor, or coffee shop acquaintance. Hand them a bar, allow them to experience the orgasmic indulgence in private and wait. Compliments and praise for your culinary prowess will surely follow. This is the part where you invite them over to your place for more of the same, but in a more intimate setting. Game, set and match! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bait, bake, baking powder, bang, bar, boom shaka laka, butter, church lady, coconut, conservative, delicious, dessert, easy, eggs, flour, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, Lemon bar recipe, lemony, lunch, lure, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy lemon bars, snack, Sour, sugar, sugary, sundry, sweet, tart, tasty, trap, treat, vanilla, vegetarian, WASP, wholesome, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 27, 2015
This dessert was NOT approved by the Girl Scouts of America.
Sometimes the way to lure in a hottie is to appeal to their inner fatty. Don’t make a habit out of it or the fatty will take over like the Dark Side took over Darth Vader. But indulging every once in a while, or more than that if you’re like me, is what life is all about. Balance those small doses of decadence with a few hours of calorie-burning screaming orgasms. Burn enough fat and you deserve another round of Thin Mint Fatties. They are delicious, refreshing, and quick to assemble so you’ll be back to the tainted task at hand in no time. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | dairy, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: balance, bang, banging, butterscotch, calorie-burning, caramel, cookies, darth vader, decadence, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fattie, food, game changer, get laid, girl scout cookies, gourmet, guarantee, haagen daz, homemade, hottie, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, quick, recipe, refreshing, screaming orgasms, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, star wars, sweets, tasty, thin mint fatties, thin mints, vanilla ice crea, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 25, 2015
This waffle party is like the firework grand finale in your mouth.
Celebrate American Independence from those tax-collecting limeys. Those redcoats just took and took and never bothered to give their colonists a reach around. King George shouldn’t have been surprised when they stopped sucking him off with a smile. Perhaps if the British were more inclined to reciprocate with the oral gratification Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, and the rest of their posse wouldn’t object to being colonial fluffers. But alas, history unfolded and now the yanks are free from British money shots splattering their bespectacled, wig-wearing faces. If not the taxes and tariffs, chances are the Yankees would have rebelled against the piss poor British cuisine. So celebrate Independence Day with a distinctly American dessert. Oh say can you see? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: America, American, aphrodisiac, bake, baked chocolate strawberry waffle, bang, banging, bespectacled, british, colonial, colony, cuisine, dark chocolate, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, eggo, fluffer, food, fourth of july, franklin, frozen waffles, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, heavy whipping cream, history, homemade, independence day, intercourse, Jefferson, july 4th, king george, kitchen, libido, limeys, money shot, naked, oral gratification, powdered sugar, reach around, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberries, sweet, tariffs, tasty, taxes, vanilla, waffle party usa recipe, Washington, Whipped cream, Yankees, yanks, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 27, 2014
Slap some sugar, lemon, balsamic, then put them balls on it!
DESSERT is the time when a Cook usually turns into Bang. Many final courses like cheesecake that take over a day to make, like a slow, patient seduction. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to holler at the moon so long as you do in fact holler. But we live in a culture that wants everything yesterday. In fairness to the instant gratification crowd, here’s an instant dessert that is healthy, tasty, and quick on the go. Do not fear the balsamic vinegar for it is your friend. The fusion of the powdered sugar, fructose from the berries and the vinegar is like some mystical alchemy that preps your tongue ready for more adventuresome travels. Be sure to hand-feed these to your date, thus fostering the intimacy you will no doubt exploit for your own perverted gains. I have made this outstanding standout for more dates than I can remember and not once have I been refused. Won’t you join our merry band of culinary pranksters? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Mediterranean, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Balsamic strawberry recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, berries, citrus, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, fructose, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, strawberries, strawberry dessert recipe, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 23, 2014
They serve this fried delight at the Heartbreak Hotel
Elvis has left the building…in a body bag. Too many fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches I suppose. I can’t explain it, but hipsters love them some Elvis. Must be the irony associated with his gold lamé suit, mutual love of pills and consumption of odd foods sure to leave you bloated and possibly dead on the shitter. Cook To Bang does not endorse this behavior nor the hipster lifestyle. But this sandwich is a delicious lark to share with your hipster lover after an ironic banging session. Just be sure to crank some Elvis tunes, you hunk a hunk of burning love. (That burning is Chlamydia, by the way.) Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: banana, bang, delicious, dessert, easy, elvis, elvis presley, elvis sandwich, fancy, fast, fattening, fried, fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lunch, naked, peanut butter, presley, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, Sexier than elvis sinwich, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 26, 2014
Ants are crawling all over my log…and I like it!
The ants! They’re crawling all over me! It’s so terr-…no wait. It’s actually rather awesome. All those little legs tickling my unmentionables. It’s a like an orgy with hundreds of participants, except they don’t talk, won’t get preggers and most likely don’t have full body herpes. If you get over the whole gross aspect of getting freaky with insects, than you got yourself a party. And should it ever get a little weird and awkward, you can always bail and squash those six-legged lovers of yours. Or better yet, just simulate it by recreating a classic childhood snack for a program intended for a mature audience. Who is the audience you ask? The ants of course! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: Ants on a log recipe, ants on my log, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, celery, childhood snack, cute, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, food, full body herpes, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, insects, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mature audience, naked, orgy, peanut butter, preggers, raisin, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sweet, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, treat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 18, 2014
Bangeroon, buckeroo!
Cookies are more than just a sweet distraction from life’s miseries. The crumbs we discover months later embedded in our couch’s fibers are a reminder of the moments of elation they bring. The Girl Scouts have come and gone, but we still want out cookies! And coconut brings out thoughts of the tropics and sun-bathed bodies. So get marooned on a desert island with a plate of bangaroons. Use these cookies as a peace offering for the sexy island girls or boys. Hopefully they aren’t headhunters. If they are, use this magnificent confection to convince them you are a god that should be worshipped. The secret ingredient (hint: rhymes with fineapple) will woo even the most skeptical savage. These cookies are also are unleavened for any of you chosen Cook-To-Bangers attending a Seder. Mazel Tov for being so goddamn sexy! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | holidays, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, bangaroons, coconut milk, cookies, delicious, dessert, DIY, easter, easy, egg whites, game changer, get laid, girl scout cookies, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, jewish, kitchen, Macaroon recipe, mazel tov, naked, Passover, pineapple, powdered sugar, recipe, seder, seduce, sex, shredded coconut, simple, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, treat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 3, 2014
Make your date want S’more and more and more
So you long for the days of your youth sitting around the campfire telling ghost stories and roasting marshmallows over an open flame. The smell of the crackling fire mixed with the subtle sounds of nature. You slept under the stars and imagined what it would be like to finally do some banging. Fast forward to current times. You can’t go camping because it’s winter time, you can’t take the time off of work, and the person you are banging hates the outdoors. No problemo! You can bring back those memories in the comfort of your home with practically no money and little mess. All you need is a toaster. A girl or guy to make it for would also help. It certainly helped last night when I made this lazy-man’s dessert to great effect. My conquest…I mean date was taken back to one of her best childhood memories singing silly songs around the campfire during Girl Scout camping trips. What a perfect opportunity to pounce. I didn’t even have to experience a guilt-trip telling an adorable Girl Scout, “No, I don’t want any of your goddamn over-priced, but crazy addictive cookies. Now get off my property!” Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, boy scouts, campfire, camping, childhood, chocolate, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, game changer, get laid, girl scouts, gourmet, graham cracker, guarantee, homemade s’mores, intercourse, kitchen, marshmallow, naked, open fire, recipe, romance, romantic, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, smores, sweet, tasty, Toasted s’more recipe, toaster, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 13, 2013
Sugar mamas are also welcomed to slang cookies a la Cook To Bang
Calling all dudes! Here’s your chance to be a sugar daddy without tapping out your bank account. There’s no need to drop mortgage payments at clubs on bottle service, 10-course French dinners, or the shoe store. Instead steal their hearts and undergarments with your creativity and resourcefulness. Isn’t that why we Cook To Bang? I’m a sugar daddy that slangs sweet treats. Pass these out to one or all twelve of your sweetums. Each will be touched by your thoughtfulness and darling gesture. Who’s your daddy now, ladies? Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baking powder, baking soda, bang, banging, bottle service, butter, cookies, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, egg, flour, food, game changer, get laid, gift, gourmet, grease, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, recipe, resourcefulness, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slanging, strawberries, sugar cookie recipe, sugar daddy, sugar daddy cookies, sweets, tasty, thoughtfulness, vanilla extract, vegetable oil, white sugar, who’s your daddy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 