February 16, 2010
This ginger beverage has been approved by the ginger council run by the ginger people.
We all get sick sometimes. Odds are that if you’re reading this, you are sick in the head. Welcome to the club. But the sick I speak of is where your body has broken down from your hedonist existence and let in something yucky. Time to take care of yourself so you can return to being a culinary Casanova. Whether you are taking care of yourself, or that hot number you’ve been banging, this tea will nurse you back to health with nutrients galore. The fact that it’s aphrodisiac-laden and delicious will only aid your quest. Sometimes you just need to bang away the nasty. Here’s to your health, you sicko!
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Eating Buddy: Fresh fruit
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp HONEY
2. 1 handful fresh chopped GINGER
3. 1 lemon quartered
4. 1 handful fresh mint leaves
5. 2 splashes brandy (optional, not pictured)
Step 1
Fill up a pot with 3 cups of water. Throw in the ginger, lemon, and half the mint leaves. Bring to a roaring boil, then lower the heat, and simmer until the flavor absorbs (approx 10 min).
Step 2
Pour the tea through a strainer into your cups of choice. Add the honey, mint leaves, and brand if you so desire and mix up.
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, libation lubrication, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, boil, brandy, Casanova, culinary, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, ginger tea recipe, gingerbanger tea, gourmet, guarantee, hedonist, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mint, naked, nutrients, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sick, sicko, simmer, tasty, tea, winter, yucky, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
February 11, 2010
Behold the green love machine bio-diesel (and quite delicious) fuel
I’m not sure what it is about bok choy; I always seem to taste sweet satisfaction when I serve it to the ladies. Perhaps it’s a purely coincidental, somewhat random constant in my life. But I’m not so sure. It could be that it’s classy and reeks of sophistication. The girls I serve it to may sense that I am indeed a well-traveled man of the world. No doubt I was probably an envoy or junior UN ambassador traveling in my own motorcade complete with a bodyguard with an Austrian accent. But my gut tells me it’s a more physiological. Whether it’s the healthy chloroform, delicious taste, or the lovely green color, something magical is happening each time I grab a bok choy off the shelf. Maybe it’s best not to understand one of nature’s best-kept secrets (until now, you’re welcome!). It’s just as well so long as you enjoy the benefits of steamed magic.
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or champagne
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp sesame seeds
2. 1 tbsp HONEY
3. 1 bunch bok choy
Step 1
Chop off the base of the boy choy stalk to separate the leaves. Steam until the leaves begin to wilt and turn bright green.
Step 2
Lay the steamed bok choy leaves out wide and separate from each other. Drizzle the honey evenly over the boy choy and then scatter the sesame seeds so they stick to the honey.
Serve this fine veggie side with any number of fish or meat ENTRÉES.
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, fusion, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Austrian, bang, banging, benefits, bodyguard, bok choy, chloroform, coincidental, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, motorcade, naked, physiological, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, sex to me, sophistication, steam, steamed, sweet, tasty, UN, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 16, 2009
Date shakes make booties quake
After your hot date gets hotter and steamier, cool off with a refreshing date shake. There is nothing like the taste of ancient lands to flavor the already classic crowd-pleasing milkshake. The Mesoptamian and Egyptian culinary culture grew from dates, which flavored just about every meal. Considering the plethora of kinky among the originators of civilization, it’s a safe bet that using dates will help you evoke ancient sex gods. Just imagine the power of Ra pulsing through your body as you indulge in all manner of ethereal pleasures. Sip on that shake of yours, and get back to work!
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Eating Buddy: HOT DUMB BLONDIES
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 cups milk
2. 3 scoop vanilla ice cream
3. 2 tbsp HONEY
4. 1 handful of dates
Step 1
Removed the pits from the dates and then thoroughly puree them with vanilla ice cream, honey, and milk until your ready to shake that booty. Garnish with an extra date on each glass if you want to look extra cool.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: ancient history, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, culinary culture, date, date milkshake, date shake recipe, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, egypt, Egyptians, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, hot date shake, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, libido, mesopotamia, Mesopotamians, milk, naked, ra, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2009
They host, you boast...to your friends after the act.
The COOK TO BANG has been proven by the superstring theory via that supercollider in the Swiss Alps. Effective as CTB may be, every once in a while you want to take your sexy cooking show on the road. Why not take your wares to your dates pad? It’ll seem spontaneous and romantic, even if you just don’t feel like cleaning up the mess after your done banging. The plot is to show up to their place with a bag of groceries and commandeer their kitchen like some hungry pirate. Soon you will be swashbuckling about with their pots and pans and will eventually end up without shirts or pants, just an eye patch and a dirty-talking parrot. Sure your date may be technically hosting, but you will both know who’s in control. This salad will be a great first mate as you pillage and plunder your date’s booty.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup balsamic vinegar
2. 2 tbsp HONEY
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 dash salt
5. ½ tbsp olive oil
6. 2 large handfuls fresh spinach
7. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
8. 2 heirloom tomatoes
9. 4 fresh BASIL leaves
10. ¼ lemon
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Slice each heirloom tomato in half and set them in a baking pan. Drizzle the tomatoes with olive oil, sprinkle them with salt and pepper, place a basil leaf on each and crown them with mozzarella. Toss them in the oven and roast until the tomato softens and cheese melts (approx 35 min).
Step 2
Make the balsamic reduction dressing by turning stove onto medium heat and adding the honey and balsamic vinegar, stirring vigorously. Cook the liquid down to 1/3 of its original volume. Pour the dressing into a container and allow it to cool.
Step 3
Split the spinach between plates. Place two roasted heirloom tomatoes on each bed of spinach and pour over the balsamic reduction. Squeeze some lemon juice over if your craving some sour.
Serve up as a perfect lunch after a quickie (hint, bang while the heirloom tomatoes roast) or as a starter for an ENTRÉE.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, booty, commandeer, delicious, dirty-talking, DIY, easy, eye patch, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heirloom tomato, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, parrot, pillage, pirate, plunder, recipe, roast heirloom tomato salad recipe, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, spontaneous, supercollider, superstring theory, swashbuckling, swiss alps, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 26, 2009
Wake and Bake!
My honey’s got it going on. She knows just how to handle my fruit. Ooh, baby! You know just how to peel ‘em naked, rub ‘em down with your sticky icky, and then heat ‘em up. Dessert will never be the same. Every bite is crazy healthy and bursting with flavor G spots. Hot damn! We can indulge all our flavor fantasies guilt-free. No one can judge us because we are technically playing by the rules. The calorie police don’t have to know how much pleasure we’re soaking up. It’s none of their taste-hating business what we bake behind closed doors. So enjoy with reckless abandon just because you can. It will be our little secret.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: HOT COCOA or a HOT TODDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 3 tablespoons of HONEY
2. ½ a lemon of juice
3. 4 Fuji apples
4. 1 cinnamon stick
5. 1 pinch of cloves
6. Plain yogurt to pour on top of apples (not pictured)*
*Optional
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Peel the apples and cut halves off each side, leaving the cores intact. Cut the smaller slivers off each core. Add all the apple meat to a small baking pan with the cut sides up.
Step 2
Warm up a pan on medium heat. Squeeze in the lemon, and then add the cinnamon stick, cloves and honey. Mix it together and allow the spices to soak into the liquid. Once the mixture bubbles up, remove it from the heat and pour the honey evenly over the apples in the baking pan.
Step 3
Throw the apples in the oven and cook until they soften (approx 20 minutes), and then flip them and bake the other side through (approx 10 minutes), pouring sauce scooped from the baking sheet over the topside. Serve up on plate with a little yogurt if you are so inclined.
Leave a Comment » | british, fusion, greek, healthy, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: apples, baked, bang, calorie police, cinnamon, clove, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, flavor fantasies, g spot, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, healthy baked apples, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, low fat, naked, plain yogurt, recipe, rub down, secret, seduce, sex, Spice baked apples recipe, spicy, sweet, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 25, 2009
There's a nympho mermaid off the starboard bow!
Hop into my endive boat and we can sail away to an island far far away. The boat is fully loaded with all manner of extravagances. A team of attentive monkey butlers who are never too busy making us fresh fruit SMOOTHEES to rub our bunions staffs the boat. Did I mention we have a smiling octopus captaining the ship? Seven tentacles control every aspect of the ship, leaving the last tentacle to sip MOJITOS. We can shuffleboard the afternoon away against our robotic arm competition. A chorus of endangered and extinct songbirds will serenade us while we dance the night away on the deck with lightning bugs setting the mood. I bet you never thought all this could be possible from a little finger food. Ye of little faith! Accept that this appetizer shall get your date in the mood to sail away to Pleasure Island this night. Ahoy there!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: MO MOJO MOJITO or a RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tablespoon of HONEY
2. 1 pear
3. 1 handful of raw walnuts
4. Small handful of Roquefort cheese
5. 1 large red endive
Step 1
Wash the endive thoroughly. Chop the stalk off and separate out the intact leafs to fill like boats. Cut off narrow pear strips that can fit inside the endive boats.
Step 2
Use a butter knife to fill each endive boat with Roquefort cheese. Place pieces of walnut over the cheese, followed by a slice of pear. Once they are all assembled, drizzle the honey evenly over the filled endive boats and serve.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, SEDUCTION | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizers, bang, bend over, bleu cheese, captain, delicious, DIY, easy, endangered, endive, Endive appetizer recipe, endive boat party, endive finger food recipe, extinct, finger food, fruit smoothees, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, island, kitchen, lightning bugs, monkey butlers, naked, nibbles, nipplers, octopus, pear, pleasure island, recipe, robots, Roquefort cheese, seduce, sex, shuffleboard, shuffleboard. Robots, songbirds, tasty, tentacles, walnut, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 28, 2009
Do wop babaloo bop do wop BANG BOOM!
Just imagine yourself a young, horny kid in the 50’s. Too bad societal pressures would keep you from indulging your every whim like James Dean. No, you would be expected to settle for some awesome chrome car and a letterman jacket or pressed Donna Reed blouse. Sounds good in their theory, but do you really want to wait until marriage to bang to your hearts content? Chances are you would be locked in to a loveless marriage fueled by Dean Martin, scotch, and keys in the punchbowl parties. Luckily, 50+ years and a sexual revolution later, we can indulge our carnal desire milkshake without having to buy the whole rancid cow. Bear in mind that back then the concept of lactose intolerance was not even a glimmer in the milkman banging the bored housewife’s eye. But we can thank the 50’s for the malt shop culture. Back then they couldn’t bang so they consumed high calorie treats. Now we can do both. So sip your milkshake while you lift up that poodle skirt and doo wop to your heart’s content.
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: If you are hardcore you could pour in some vodka
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream
2. 2 cups of milk
3. 2 tablespoons of honey
4. 1 banana
5. 1 handful of pistachios
Step 1
Break the banana in half and drop it in the blender along with the ice cream, honey, pistachios and milk and blend it to perfection. Serve it up cold before things get really hot!
1 Comment | libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: 50’s, awesome, banana, Banana milkshake recipe, bang, blend, creamy, dean martin, delicious, dessert, DIY, donna reed, easy, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet banana milkshake, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, james dean, kitchen, lactose intolerant, letterman jacket, libation, lubrication, malt shop, milk, milk man, naked, nuts, pistachio, poodle skirt, puree, recipe, scotch, seduce, sex, sexual revolution, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vanilla, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 5, 2009
- Sesame equals sex-to-me
So you’re game for a healthy aphrodisiac that is fast, easy and aesthetically pleasing? Look no further than this fine sesame asparagus recipe. Not only do you have the natural Viagra benefits of the asparagus, but the sweet, sticky honey will ramp up your date’s libido. You might score extra points for the dish being vegetarian and amazingly nutritional, as all aphrodisiacs are. Duh! This side dish will legitimize even the most pathetic attempts at an entrée because it is so damn pretty. Did I mention it was tasty too? The Chinese know what they were doing. My first dance with sesame asparagus happened during a trip to Hong Kong. I was eating at an upscale eatery in Kowloon overlooking the Hong Kong cityscape exploding in choreographed colors. The real lightshow was going on in my mouth, which eventually set my feet dancing like the white devil maniac that I am. Luckily I found a kind local girl to correct my foolish ways and show me around the city, including the magnificent view from her bedroom.
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends on what entrée you serve with it, CTB recommends a smooth red wine
Ingredients:
1. 2 tablespoons of dried sesame seeds
2. 1 tablespoon of soy sauce
3. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
4. 1 tablespoon of honey
5. 1 pound of fresh asparagus
6. ½ a lemon worth of juice
Step 1
Mix the soy sauce, olive oil, honey and lemon into a sticky sauce that would glisten in the noonday sun.
Step 2
Steam the asparagus until you can easily pierce them with a fork (approx 5 minutes). Toss the steamed asparagus with the sauce. Place the drenched asparagus in a baking pan with room between each stalk. Sprinkle the sesame seeds evenly over the asparagus.
Step 3
Set the oven to a high broil. Throw the baking sheet with asparagus on the highest rack. Allow the sesame seeds to toast and stick firmly to the asparagus stalks. (Approx 6 minutes) Serve each stalk carefully by grabbing them with tongs to avoid messing up the sesame seeds. Presentation is important.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, asparagus, bang, broil, Chinese, delicious, easy, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, naked, olive oil, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sesame, sesame asparagus, Sesame asparagus recipe, sex, side dish, soy sauce, steam, tasty, toss, vegetarian | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 25, 2008
The mystique of aphrodisiacs have been cock-blocked by science. But genuine physiological effects that made these ingredients magical in the Ancient World still yield results today. Below is an overview of these gifts from the love gods:
• ARTICHOKES were reserved only for men in 16th Century Europe because of the sexual power they presumably granted. Thanks to modern, science we know they merely freshen your breath and detoxify your liver thanks to the cornucopia of vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals packed into every bite.
• ASPARAGUS is a natural Viagra. 17th Century UK naturalist Nicholas Culpepper hailed asparagus for “stir(ring) up lust in man and woman.” The magical vegetable is loaded with potassium and Vitamin A that boost sex drives and the folic acid produces histamines that increase the power of an orgasm.
• AVOCADOS contains fiber, folate, vitamins B6, C and E, beta-sitosterol and glutathione, which can enhance feelings of love and romance. The Aztecs used avocados as a cholesterol-free, sodium-free, sexual stimulant, which just so happens to make most meals from salad to sandwiches taste way sexier.
• BASIL aids circulation, which can stimulate sex drives and increase fertility in women. The scent drives men bat-shit insane so women in ancient times dusted their breasts with powdered basil when they were on the prowl. Hey now!
• BEETS have been used since Roman times to increase male virility due to their high boron content. “Take favors in the beetroot fields” was a popular early 20th Century euphemism for visiting prostitutes.
• BLACK BEANS contain enough protein, fiber and folic acid to get our blood going, plus plenty of the amino acid tryptophan to relax us and get us in the mood.
• CHILES increase your heart rate that can enhance your pleasure receptors and releases endorphins that can make you feel energized or like you’re floating (or banging). No wonder Montezuma drank it in his hot cocoa before paying a visit to his harem.
• CHOCOLATE gets the heart rate up, increases blood flow and creates a natural feeling of well-being, euphoria, and with any luck, wanton lust. Ancient Aztec’s thought it invigorated men and made women less inhibited and they consumed it before battle or intense rounds of sexual activity.
• COFFEE has similar physiological effects in women that oysters cause in men: it turns them on. The female libido can be supercharged for second and thirds with some caffeinated beans and sensual words. Another cup of Joe, babe?
• FIGS are a killer source of flavonoids, polyphenols, and antioxidants that help you go long and strong. They look like a woman’s unmentionables, symbolized fertility in Ancient Greece and drove Cleopatra randy. Many biblical historians wager that the fig originated in the Garden of Eden. Talk about a forbidden fruit!
• GINGER has turned on most civilizations including the Chinese, Greek, Roman and Indian where it was hailed in the Kama Sutra. The root’s arousing scent and health benefits does a male body good, increasing heart rate and perspiration (like in sex) and gets the blood flowing to your extremities, naughty parts included.
• GRAPES were getting people off way before records were ever kept. Just ask the Egyptians or Greeks or Romans who can attest to the effectiveness of feeding this anti-oxidant finger food to their lovers. And we haven’t even touched on the subject of wine yet!
• HONEY is rich in Vitamin B (root of testosterone) and boron (helps body process estrogen) so both sexes are covered. It was the nectar of Aphrodite and medieval couples would channel their inner Barry White by drinking mead. Why do you think they call it a honeymoon?
• OYSTERS contain high levels of zinc that increase male potency, along with D-aspartic acid and NMDA compounds that can release hormones like testosterone and estrogen. The fact that oysters resemble female genitalia is beside the point.
• PINE NUTS are rich in zinc like oysters and have a long history as a natural Viagra. These magical nuts have been used in medieval European love potions and the beds of Arabian lovers.
• ROSEMARY is high in iron, calcium, and Vitamin B6, which can increase blood circulation to the skin and increase one’s sensitivity to touch. It’s powerful scent plays on our scent memories, the strongest tie to emotional and sexual experience.
• SEAFOOD of any variety has long been considered aphrodisiacs since Ancient Greece because Aphrodite was born of the sea. Beyond tasting amazing, fish and shellfish are rich in protein and omega-3 fatty acids that kick cancer’s ass so surely they can help defeat a little erectile dysfunction.
• STRAWBERRIES are not technically aphrodisiacs, but they are edible valentines shaped like hearts. They were a symbol of the Roman Goddess of love Venus and when dipped in chocolate they legitimately become aphrodisiac city.
• WATERMELON have quantities of citrulline that trigger arginine, quite literally the Viagra chemical that causes blood to flow and libidos to pump. No doubt, the fact that this refreshing fruit contains cancer-fighting nutrients like lycopene and beta-carotene will be lost on most.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, artichoke, asparagus, avocado, bang, basil, beet, black beans, chiles, chocolate, circulation, coffee, delicious, easy, fig, fruit, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, grape, healthy, heart, honey, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, naked, oyster, pine nuts, protein, romance, rosemary, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, strawberries, watermelon | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 