November 4, 2009
Your box of tasty wet dreams awaits!
Community Supported Agriculture boxes make all my cooking and banging possible. More importantly, it makes it affordable. This is in no ways sponsored. Payola is not going on, although to tell you the truth, selling out so I can fill a hot tub full of vodka-infused Jell-O sounds pretty good right about now. I just want to get the word out to all you food lovers looking to avoid auctioning off your organs to afford shopping at Whole Foods. That place is a food strip club with a “don’t touch the girls” vibe. I’ve dropped more ducats in that store than I have on strippers, booze and other illicit contraband combined. As a food whore, it was totally worth it. But I’ve found an alternative:
http://www.localharvest.org/csa/
I pay online ahead of time for a magical box that gets delivered to my local market. When I pick it up and take it home, I act like a giddy 80’s schoolgirl who finally got her autographed New Kids on the Block poster. What’s in the box varies week to week and never disappoints. It’s all local organic, seasonal, top-shelf produce that challenges me to create new recipes I throw on the site. Creating up with 5 new recipes every week can be= challenging. Luckily the CSA box makes decisions for me. I dropped $15 on this box and here’s what I found in it:
1. 1 pumpkin
2. 1 spaghetti squash
3. 2 eggplants
4. 1 cilantro bunch
5. 1 BASIL bunch
6. 1 kale bunch
7. 1 chard bunch
8. 3 petit pan squash
9. 2 summer squash
10. 2 yellow squash
11. 4 globe squash
12. 2 zucchini
13. 1 BEET bunch
14. 1 sugar snap pea pile
Your kidney and half your liver would be allocated to a wealthy Swiss industrialist if you bought the same goods at Whole Foods. But now you have a heap of amazing produce to turn into magnificent meals to seduce any number of sexy prospects. You’re already saving cash not taking your dates to restaurants. Imagine how much more you could save and then spend on booze and lube!
Below are some COOK TO BANG recipes directly inspired by what I found in this Foodie’s Pandora Box:
Leave a Comment » | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, hippie, holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, SEDUCTION, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, beet, box, challenge, chard, cheap, cilantro, community supported agriculture, CSA, csa box, delicious, DIY, drug dealer, easy, eggplant, food, food whore, game changer, get laid, globe squash, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hot tub, industrialist, intercourse, Jell-O, kale, kidney, kitchen, libido, local, naked, organic, petit pan squash, produce, pumpkin, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spaghetti squash, strip club, sugar snap pea, summer squash, surprise, swiss, tasty, top-shelf, vodka, whole foods, yellow squash, yummy, zucchini | 
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Posted by cooktobang
November 2, 2009
Unleash the fury, with some banging curry!
For me, banging comes in waves. Sometimes I’m banging everything sexy in a 10-mile radius. Other times I am sitting alone in the dark wondering why not even my D-List booty calls aren’t returning my texts. Peaks and valleys, strikes and gutters, dude. My advice for dealing with this is to capitalize on those moments when you can bang the hottest piece of ass even wearing filthy sweatpants and crocs. Savor these times as if they were your last and by god man, bang them good and proper so they don’t vanish and tarnish your reputation as a lousy lay. Winter can be a lonely mistress. The best solution is to warm yourself back up with the spice of life. Nothing gets that done quite like spicy food and a hot snuggle buddy or three. When the snow flurries keep you inside, be sure to have something warm and sexy to flurry on.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $20
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a mango lassi
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. ½ cup plain yogurt
3. 1 tsp ground cumin
4. 1 tbsp curry powder
5. 1 handful chopped cilantro
6. 1 onion chopped coarsely
7. 1 large eggplant
8. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
9. 1 small handful GINGER finely chopped
10. 2 garlic cloves finely chopped
11. CHILI PEPPERS at your discretion
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 450°F/230°C. Throw the eggplant in the oven and roast until the eggplant softens (approx 30 min). Remove from the oven, allow to cool, peel away the skin, and then cut the meat into bite-sized cubes.
Step 2
Sauté the onions with the cumin, garlic and ginger until they soften (approx 3 min). Throw in the tomatoes and cook until they stew (approx 2 min)
Step 3
Throw in the eggplant, spice with the curry powder and chili pepper and cook in the flavor (approx 3 min). Add the yogurt and cook until it all becomes creamy curry goodness (approx 2 min). Throw in the cilantro and you are good to go.
Serve this curry dish with your favorite RICE DISH or some delicious naan.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, indian, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, banging flurry eggplant curry recipe, boot call, capitalize, chili pepper, cilantro, cold, crocs, cumin, curry, curry powder, d-list, delicious, DIY, easy, eggplant, eggplant curry recipe, food, frigid, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, India, indian, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lonely mistress, naked, new delhi, olive oil, onion, recipe, roast, sauté, savor, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snuggle buddy, spicy, sweatpants, tasty, tomato, vegan, vegetarian, winter, yogurt, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 13, 2009
If they ask "Should I stay or should I go?", just shrug.
Sometimes the f@$%-it-all attitude is the best approach to life. Whether we’re talking dating, cooking or anything that involves sheer pleasure, take a backseat and let it be whatever it will be. I know that may sound difficult when you want something badly. Trust me, I’ve been there and learned late in life the importance of not sweating the details. Heed my advice and settle down, tiger. The eager beaver gnaws on wood and not much else. This breakfast is a perfect metaphor. The previous night I grilled my best SPANK MY HALIBUT yet along with some BOAST THE MOST ASS-PARAGUS for a date in who enjoyed it enough to let me sleep over. Come morning time after my second round of banging the cobwebs out of my eyes, I stumbled casually into the kitchen and made this dish in a matter of minutes. We dined, we banged and I slipped out the door, all at a leisurely pace, yet made it to work…only 15 minutes late!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $3 (plus whatever it cost to make leftovers)
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 dash black pepper
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 tbsp olive oil
4. 3 eggs
5. 4 tbsp SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
6. 2 slices cheddar cheese
7. Leftover GRILLED FISH
8. Leftover ASPARAGUS
Step 1
Beat the salt and peppered eggs.
Step 2
Sauté the chopped leftover asparagus and fish with the olive oil (approx 2 min). Pour in the eggs, but don’t scramble, just let the egg form around the leftovers like a pancake. When the eggs cook through (approx 3 min), chop up the cheddar cheese and toss them on top, turn off the heat and cover, and allow it to melt. Split eggs in half, serve up on plates and throw down some salsa.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: @$%-it-all, asparagus, attitude, bang, banging, bbq, black pepper, breakfast, casual, cheddar cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, fish, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, halibut, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leftover eggs, leftovers, leisurely, libido, morning, morning sex, naked, olive oil, pancake, recipe, salsa, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, settle down, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 23, 2009
Raw and raunchy is was better than being blah and paunchy!
It has indeed been an oyster filled wonderland here at COOK TO BANG these last few weeks. I would apologize and offer some sort of assurance that something like this will never happen again. But I’m not some sucker embarrassed by the fact that I have a strong passion for sexy foods and sexier times. Oyster are among my favorite ingredients not only for that unique taste and texture, but because you rarely see aphrodisiacs effects demonstrated quite so obviously. You know that when you serve a plate of raw oysters, raunchy things are sure to follow. It’s almost like an unspoken contract two people enter into when the plate of raw goodness arrives at the table. You both accept that any frolicking that follows is not only appropriate, but expected. A word to the unwilling: refuse to eat or order them if you are going to be a prude buzzkill. For the rest of you lovelies, shuck and jive all the way to bed!
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: White wine or just about any LIBATION LUBRICATION
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ dozen raw OYSTERS
2. 2 tbsp red wine vinegar
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. ¼ lemon
5. 1 pinch BASIL finely chopped
6. 1 pinch onion finely chopped
7. 1 pinch GINGER finely chopped
8. 1 micro pinch CHILI finely chopped
Step 1
Create the oyster dip by mixing the red wine vinegar, onion, ginger, basil, lemon juice, black pepper and chili. Serve up with the raw oysters and let the naughty games begin!
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, RECIPES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, buzzkill, chili, delicious, DIY, easy, food, frolicking, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, New Orleans, onion, oyster sauce recipe, Raw & raunchy oysters recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, southern, tart, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 22, 2009
Oh boy, steamed bok choy!
In an effort to make up for my excess of blaspheming in yesterday’s post, please accept this most healthy atonement. I never run out of praise for the Japanese culture for the joy they bring to my life from ninjas to bukake. Above all other things, I worship their healthy, yet delicious food. To make things taste that good without turning you into a sumo wrestler takes millenniums of practice. I have bedded my share of geishas using their dishes. Most of my recipes are at least influenced by Japanese low-fat cooking methods. One could say I have a Japanese fetish. But if loving a culture that create sushi, ninjas and hentai porn is wrong, than I will join the majority of the male population in screaming: Thank you oh so very very much! Now heat up some water because it’s about to get steamy up in here!
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer, sake or Sake Bombs!
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp soy sauce
2. 3 baby bok choy
3. ½ lemon
Step 1
Steam the baby bok choy until the leaves wilt and become bright green (approx 25-30 min). Remove from the steam, squeeze lemon over them add the soy sauce. You now have one of the most sexy, simple side dishes ever conceived by man…or samurai!
Leave a Comment » | asian, healthy, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: Asia, asian, atonement, baby bok choy, bang, banging, blaspheme, bukake, delicious, DIY, Don’t be coy book choy, easy, fetish, food, game changer, geisha, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hentai, homemade, intercourse, japan, Japanese, kitchen, lemon, libido, millenniums, naked, ninja, porn, recipe, sake bombs, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soy sauce, steamed bok choy recipe, steamy, sumo wrestler, sushi, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 21, 2009
Can you fig it? Yes you can! Can we fig it? Yes we will!
As long as you can fig it, we can dig it! At least that’s what Eve told me when I crashed a party at the Garden of Eden. It was a pretty epic throw down with animals of paradise serving up all manner of hors d’oeuvres from the bountiful fruit found in the garden. God was DJ’ing, digging in his crate of music not-yet-invented to keep the party hopping. The best part was that everyone was naked, unaware that their hot bodies were meant to cause them shame. Adam was too busy discussing his odd mass of body hair around his pubic region with my wingman the snake to notice that I had led Eve away to fix her up some food of biblical awesomeness. I gathered all the goods throughout the garden and slapped it together. Did you know English muffins grew on trees before Original Sin? Eve was all about it and more than down to commit sins not yet documented. Post-coital, totally out of breath, Eve was hungry once more. I was on my way out, but my man the snake that just whooped Adam’s ass in a nectar-drinking contest, tossed her an apple as we vanished into history once more.
Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: SAN-GRAB-YA SANGRIA or holy water (just add vodka)
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. Mayonnaise (or your favorite condom-ment)
2. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
3. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
4. 1 English muffin
5. 1 tomatoes sliced thinly
6. 4 FIGS sliced thinly
7. 1 small handful fresh BASIL
Step 1
Split the English muffin in half and toast it. Spread a little mayo or the condom-ment that gets you the wettest. Add green onion, tomato, avocado and crown it all with some kick ass figs.
Serve it up to your date and commence with some original sin!
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, RECIPES, SINWICHES, vegetarian | Tagged: adam & eve, avocado, awesomeness, bang, banging, basil, bible, biblical, can you dig it?, delicious, DIY, dj, drinking contest, easy, English muffin, fig, Fig sandwich recipe, food, forbidden fruit, fruit, game changer, garden of Eden, get laid, god, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, hors d'oeuvres, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mayonnaise, naked, nectar, original sin, pubic hair, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sinwich, snake, tasty, toast, tomato, veggies, wingman, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 3, 2009
Pity Party table for one?
No, it’s not your pity party and you can’t cry if you want unless you like public ridicule. So you struck out last night. In spite of your best efforts to woo, you still slept alone last night. Don’t be so mopey. It happens to all of us. A little slump now and again will make you appreciate your mojo all the more. Still, you deserve a little romance. We all deserve to feel special. In sexual bear markets, cook to bang yourself. You know that at least you will put out to you. Cook yourself a fine ass breakfast after a passionate night with that sexy bastard in the mirror. Who loves you?
Total time: approximately 6 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 large pita
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. 3 eggs
6. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
7. 1 small handful feta cheese
8. 1 small handful chopped parsley
9. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
10. 1 onion chopped coarsely
Step 1
Beat the eggs with salt, pepper and parsley.
Step 2
Sauté the onion in olive oil (approx 2 min). Dump the eggs into the pan and scramble (approx 3 min), crowning it with the feta cheese.
Step 3
Split the pita in half and open up the middle. Stuff half the eggs into each, followed by the tomato and avocado.
Serve these with a side of SALSA if you’re feeling a little caliente.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, greek, healthy, Middle Eastern, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, bear market, breakfast, cry if I want to, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, masturbation, mojo, morning, naked, pita breakfast sandwich, pity party pita breakfast recipe, recipe, romance, seduce, SEDUCTION, self pity, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 2, 2009
If you eat-a my pita, I'll gladly reciprocate.
That’s right, you read that right. Eat-a my goddamn pita! I don’t care if it sounds rude. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I’m trying to make sure you eat something nutritious…for a change. Don’t harp on me just because I’m looking out for you. No one else has the courage to set your dumb ass straight. You should be thanking me not only for my kindness, but for this sandwich that’s likely the only calories you consume this week that are nonalcoholic. But now that we got the pleasantries out of the way, bitch, let’s get down the hate-fucking each other before work. Passive aggressive sex with pita sandwiches on the go coming right up!
Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Sauvignon blanc or beer
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 thyme pita pizza
2. 2 tbsp HUMMUS
3. 2 handfuls leftover FISH (salmon in pics)
4. 2 large handfuls romaine chopped coarsely
5. 1 small handful kalamata olives
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 200°F/90°C so you can warm the pita pizza up. Spread hummus over half the pita. Scatter the fish, lettuce and pitted olives evenly. Fold the pita over in half and cut them into two sandwiches.
Serve these as a light dinner or when you’re rushing out the door for a meeting because you dillydallied too long with the hot piece of ass in your bed.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, fusion, healthy, Middle Eastern, SINWICHES | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, easy, eat-a my pita sinwich, fast, fish, fold, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hummus, intercourse, kalamata olives, kitchen, leftovers. romaine, libido, naked, nonalcoholic, nutritious, on the go, pita pizza, pita sandwich recipe, recipe, salmon, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 27, 2009
Cook To Bang is coming at you with the breakfast re-re-re-re-re-remix!
A good COOK TO BANG groove deserves to be remixed. In the age of recycling chic, why wouldn’t you turn one outstanding meal into another equally memorable meal? Think of this thriftiness the way you would an old lover who used to be an overweight hippie harlot and now is a svelte yummy yuppie. Sure there is some familiarity when you bang them again, but for the most part it’s like banging someone completely fresh and new. Salad is like a condom; it doesn’t keep long after it’s been opened. So you need to be fast with reconfiguring the leftovers before they become a pathetic pile of wilted goop. Breakfast seems the most appropriate and expedited opportunity for you to bring leftover salad back to life like Frankenstein’s monster. Mix it up with bagel, eggs and sauce and IT’S ALIVE!!!
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 3 tbsp of Pindjur (Turkish roasted red pepper spread)
2. 1 tbsp olive oil
3. Leftover salad
4. 1 dash salt
5. 1 dash pepper
6. 2 eggs
7. 1 bagel
8. ½ onion chopped coarsely
Step 1
Beat the eggs with salt and pepper.
Step 2
Sauté the onion with olive oil. Pick all the goodies from your salad (e.g. tomatoes, olives, radish, etc.) and sauté them as well. Pour in the egg mixture and scramble your little heart out.
Step 3
Cut the bagel in ½ and toast. Scoop the Pindjur on the bagel, scoop on some scrambled eggs and throw the lettuce from the salad on top.
Serve up this breakfast salad sandwich in bed to your good morning companion.
1 Comment | fusion, healthy, Middle Eastern, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: bagel, bang, banging, breakfast, Breakfast salad sinwich remix, condom, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, Frankenstein, game changer, get laid, gourmet, groove, guarantee, hippie harlot, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leftovers, libido, MORNING WOOD, naked, olive oil, onion, pepper, pindjur, recipe, remix, salad, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, svelte, tasty, thriftiness, toast, yummy, yummy yuppie | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 4, 2009
Squish squash, let's get sauced!
This side dish is soft to the touch, yet crunchy in all the right places. As described, this does not sound like the hard-body of summer vegetable concoctions. But this dish could help you get that hard beach body all the cool kids seem to be having these days. This casserole is light, full of flavor and pack a wallop of flavor-filled fungasms. This particular dish was an experiment in how to cook summer squash besides on the grill. A tough act to follow. It provided great company for the grilled chicken I served to this annoying date. The date was a bust, but luckily I got my jollies from this casserole. The silver lining never tasted so good.
Total time: approximately 55 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Nice cold beer or white wine
Ingredients:
1. 1 tbsp breadcrumbs
2. 2 tbsp olive oil
3. 1 dash paprika
4. 1 dash salt
5. 1 onion chopped coarsely
6. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
7. 4 globe squash
8. 2-ounces goat cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a baking pan or deep wide pie-pan with olive oil. Chop the squash into ½ inch rounds. Line the pan with a layer of squash rounds, throw the onions over and crown with half of the goat cheese. Set down another layer, use the rest of the goat cheese and crown with green onions. Pour the remaining olive oil, season with paprika and salt, and evenly distribute the breadcrumbs over the top.
Step 2
Throw the squash in the oven and bake until the veggies soften and the top browns (approx 45 min). Serve up on plates as a lunch or to compliment an ENTRÉE.
2 Comments | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baked squash, bang, banging, breadcrumbs, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fungasm, game changer, get laid, globe squash, globe squash casserole recipe, goat cheese, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, paprika, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, squishy squashy casserole recipe, summer, tasty, vegetables, vegetarian, veggies, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
1. 1 pumpkin
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 