October 8, 2014
Trap her with some red snapper
A red snapper walked into the social club wearing a three-piece suit, a pocket watch sticking out of his waistcoat. All the ladies heads turned, enthralled by this sexy piece of manfish. Who was he to deny the unwavering lust of the cougars that scratched and pulled each others’ hair to get a taste? When the dust settled, every lady was smoking a post-coital cigarette. The red snapper was nowhere to be seen, but would not soon be forgotten. ìWhat’s the lesson?î you ask. Make an impression, own the room, and you too will be devoured with the right amount of umph. Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, calivirgin, cougar, crushed red chili flakes, dapper, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lemon red snapper recipe, libido, manfish, naked, olive oil, pan-fry, pocket watch, post-coital, recipe, red snapper, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, so dapper red snapper, tasty, three-piece suit, umph, waistcoat, yummy, zest | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 9, 2014
Just say no to crack. But say yes to smacking that sea bass!
Did you hear that crack? That’s the sound of my hand against flesh? You know you love it. Denying it is as believable as a crackhead swearing the car stereo in his hand was a birthday gift. So just enjoy the pleasure this gives you like you would a massage with a happy ending. There’s no shame in indulging in life’s simple pleasures. Your date will no doubt agree when you let them taste a little of your thunder. That is, after they catch their breath. So bring the noise and don’t hesitate to smack this dish loud and proud. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, awesome, basil, DIY, filet, fish, gourmet, green onion, grill, grilled sea bass, healthy, homemade, juice, lemon, low fat, marinate, nuts, olive oil, Pistachio encrusted sea bass recipe, pistachio meats, protein, pulverized, salt, seafood, smack that ass, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 30, 2013
You a pimp or a shrimp?
This recipe comes courtesy of Pete in Brooklyn, NY. Great title, great combination of things I love. Pete writes:
When that Portobello just won’t do as its told, shrimp slap it. Yank at it, scrape it up, stuff it good and proper. There will be no more of that disrespecting your taste buds. You will get yours with this recipe. If you fail with this dish, you fail at living the good life. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, contests, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, thai | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baked, bang, banging, Brooklyn, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, gills, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, ny, nyc, olive oil, pimp slap, Portobello mushrooms, raw shrimp, recipe, scrape, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, shower, shrimp slap the portobell-ho, shrimp stuffed Portobello mushrooms recipe, shrooms, spicy, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, stuff, taste buds, tasty, thai, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 16, 2013
Wrap it, wrap it, WRAP IT up tight!
Culinary seduction is a delicate dance. One can never seem too eager or lackadaisical. Walk the tightrope. It’s all about putting as much passion into your cooking as you do into your banging. Like in the sack, you want them begging for more of your food. This can yield repeat visits from a sex kitten or wild stallion. They might just tell their friends about the hottest night of their adult life, your future CTB candidates. There is no better publicity than an outstanding performance. Hence, this fine dish. It all started while I was house-sitting a family friend’s home in Key West. I took a booze cruise along the Florida Bay where I met a college girl staying with her eccentric aunt. We laughed and drank and were both ravenous when we stepped off the SS Drunken Fools. I bought freshly shucked jumbo scallops from a fisherman on the docks and lured her to my abode with promises of the “best meal ever”. When I got to the pad I found a fridge loaded with only condiments and frozen bacon in the freezer. Desperation leads to innovation and in this case fornication. The bacon was crisp, the scallops succulent, the flavor in full effect. After eating my food, this college girl was down for just about anything. She did in fact beg for more and more and more. Only a cold-hearted bastard would deny her. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bacon, Bacon wrapped scallop recipe, bacon wrapped scallops, bang, booze cruise, college girl, crushed red pepper, delicious, easy, fisherman, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jumbo scallops, kitchen, lime, mayonnaise, naked, recipe, romance, salt, scallops, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, southern, succulent, sun dried tomato, tasty, turkey bacon, veggie bacon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 5, 2013
Fellas, say this when you serve it up, “Soy Senor Grande Magnifico!”
After you CTB for a while, you get immune to the awe-inspired praise. Deliver the two primal pleasures in large quantities and you will have them brainwashed. Wielding the culinary seduction skills of a wizard has its advantages. You are in control, literally dishing out doses of delight turns you into the banging equivalent of a crack dealer. Intense rushes of ìoohsî and ìahsî are dealt like vials of culinary crack on the playground. Your chosen playpal(s) will be unable to resist you whenever you lead them by the hand into your kitchen. Culinary crack hos they will soon become. This aphrodisiac triple-threat is the perfect first taste that will leave them begging for their next fix. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: ah, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, black pepper, brainwash, calivirgin, culinary crack ho, culinary seduction, delicious, DIY, easy, fig jam, fix, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, it’s so fig! shrimp, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, ooh, pine nuts, recipe, red onion, salt, sauce, sauté, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp in fig sauce recipe, tasty, triple-threat, wizard, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 5, 2012
Chase down that wet dream of yours!
I’ll be totally unoriginal and admit that I am a white man that loves the Asian ladies. The way they smell, their svelte bodies, their graceful ageing, their wiry pu…I’ll stop there. But unlike the majority of clichéd white boys chasing something exotic they’ve never tried, I actually started off my banging career with an Asian girl. My first girlfriend, and subsequently the girl who took my V card, was Thai. She told me her mother was Thai royalty, which I want to believe, but don’t quit buy since she drove a Hyundai. But it’s funnier saying I lost my virginity to a Thai princess. Regardless of royal lineage and dowry, this girl taught me well. Every lover who followed has benefited from her tutelage. The sad part is I started off with such a bang that many of the white girls that followed were boring by comparison. I am an equal opportunity banger, and get down with all colors of the rainbow. But part of me is still chasing those first tender, somewhat innocent moments with some choice yellowtail. This choice sashimi plate loved up by the ponzu sauce and fired up from the jalapeño slices should seal just about any Cook To Bang deal. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: appetizer, asian fetish, asian girl, equal opportunity banger, finger food, food, game changer, guarantee, healthy, Hyundai, intercourse, jalapeño, Japanese, libido, light, ponzu sauce, princess, recipe, sea salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, spicy, starter, sushi-grade, thai, v card, virginity, yellowtail | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 25, 2012
Blackened Catfish, blacker heart
I like my catfish to match the color of my heart: black. At least that’s what every girl I just banged has said. Apparently sleeping with someone with no emotion beyond “boy that was fun, but the fact she hasn’t left yet is starting to annoy me” is not nice guy behavior. Who knew? I try to make up for my morally bankrupt existence through my culinary endeavors. Who’s to say that cooking a meal worthy of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed or Yoda can’t redeem oneself? This blackened catfish should at least temporarily make up for my blackened heart. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, southern, spicy | Tagged: bad boy, bang, banging, black pepper, blacked catfish recipe, blackeded heart catfish, butter, Cajun catfish recipe, catfish, cayenne pepper, creole, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jesus, kitchen, lemon aphrodisiac, libido, lousiana, marinate, mohammed, moses, naked, New Orleans, nice guy, pan-fry, paprika, recipe, red wine vinegar, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, southern, spicy, star wars, tasty, yoda, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 16, 2011
Leave 'em beggin' for bacon
In the immortal words of lady hip hop divas TLC, “I ain’t too proud to beg!” Good to know. Because that is the attitude you should inspire in your dates. The most effective way to do that is to blow their goddamn minds with mind-blowing nibbles. Between good eats and being a great lay, you will brainwash them. They will be begging you for another taste. It’s like a harem full of opium addicts. Only your fix will give them the satisfaction they require. Wrap it up tight in meaty goodness. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bacon, bacon-wrapped shrimp recipe, bang, banging, beggin’ wrapped shrimp, begging, brainwash, delicious, DIY, easy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harem, homemade, honey, I ain’t too proud to beg, intercourse, jumbo shrimp, kitchen, libido, naked, nibble, opium addicts, recipe, sea salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, tapas, tasty, tlc, turkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 27, 2010
Go Big Pimpin' or go home alone.
Sometimes you gotta big time your salads. Sure you could serve your date up a simple green salad. But unless you’re following it up with some bodacious entrée, that date of yours will lose interest long before dessert. And that’s if they don’t fall asleep face-first in your uninspired salad. That is why I went all big pimpin’ with this salad. The hot Chiquita bonita I had over wanted something slamming that would not be expanding her sexy backside. Aye yi, la Capitan! The result: our expectations (her appetite; my libido) were surpassed. I might as well have been drinking Chardonnay out of a pimp chalice with the Cook To Bang logo written in diamonds. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, Cajun, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, barbecue, bbq sauce, bbq seasoning, bbq shrimp salad recipe, big pimpin’ bbq shrimp salad, big pimping, big time, bodacious, calivirgin, chardonnay, Chiquita bonita, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, naked, olive oil, pimp chalice, recipe, red wine vinegar, salad, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 14, 2010
Just a dab will diddle-ya!
Quesadillas are an endless parade of potential. You can’t help but get creative with that classic cheese and tortilla combo. What cheese with what extra goodness is about as varied as positions in the Kama Sutra. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, fusion, mexican, RECIPES | Tagged: 19th century, apple, bang, banging, brie, brie lox apple quesadillas, cheese, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, English manor, fancy quesadilla recipe, flour tortilla, food, french, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gravity defying, guarantee, homemade, indian, intercourse, kama sutra, kitchen, lady Mortimer, libido, lox, madam, mexican, miss, naked, recipe, schmancy quesa-diddle-ya, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smoked salmon, tasty, trousers, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 