August 3, 2015
Brie-lieve in yourself, and your date will believe any BS you tell them.
Your idea of fine wine and cheese may be a box of Franzia and cheese whiz on a Ritz. But that road will lead you down a date with your own reflection, or possibly your mom’s bridge club treasurer. You would be much better served taking a few minutes to razzle dazzle your sexy someone with some tricks of the oven. Serving Brie cheese screams out, “I am indeed sophisticated and quite possibly speak French…when I’m not freelancing as an art appraiser for the Royal Family that is.” I concocted this delight after seeing something similar dish at a dinner party. The chef responsible was forced to endure pointed questions about how and what from the cutest girl at the table. Naturally, I took note of both the chef in question’s game and his rock star recipe. Some tweaks were in order to turn it into kryptonite for the most frigid of lust interests. Walnuts make everything better, particularly when brown sugar caramelizes them into a dish heretofore unstoppable. If baked Brie served with bread and a bottle of cabernet won’t get the job done, I suggest a trip to the vet to get neutered.
Ingredients:
1. 1/8 stick of butter
2. 1 handful of crushed walnuts
3. 2 tablespoons of brown sugar
4. 5 thin slices of a pear
5. 1 pie piece of Brie cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Grease a baking pan with a little butter. Use the pear slices as a bed for the brie to sit on top of. Use the rest of the butter and spread over the brie. Spread the brown sugar evenly over the brie/butter. Finally crown it all with the walnuts like the royalty that it is.
Step 2
Throw your culinary creation into the oven and bake for 30 minutes. The brown sugar will be caramelized and the cheese supple as a Vestal Virgin. Serve on plate with slices of French bread or crackers and let the wanton lust take control of the mighty impressed object of your affection.
1 Comment | 
FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, baked, baked brie, brown sugar, caramelized, cheese, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, pear, simple, sliced French bread, walnuts | 
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Posted by cooktobang
June 8, 2015
Summer rolling with the homies
Summertime calls for lighter fare so we can hone our buns, abs and groins of steel. Gone are the big coats that hide our blubbery bits. If you want to bang you gotta look bangable. So it’s time to put the dairy and beef products aside and get healthy. Vegan food can be boring if you let it. But how many obese vegans do you know? My advice is to embrace the Asian fusion hippie party time. Be sure your date notices how cultured and sensitive you are. Play it off like you’ve gone green, instead of just greedy for more banging. If you want to roll in the hay, you better start rolling. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Asia, asian, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, East, easy, flavorful, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger onion, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, mint, mushrooms, naked, orient, recipe, rice paper wraps, roll in the hay, seduce, sex, shredded coconut, spring rolls, summer rolls, tasty, tofu, tofu summer rolls recipe, vegan, vegetarian, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 5, 2015
“It takes 2 to make a thing go right. It takes 2 to make it out of sight.” – Rob Base
You gotta love appetizer and wine dates. Combine these perfect companions and the two of you will be combined soon enough. If one of you brings the wine and the other the appetizer, you’ll need to figure out who’s bringing the condoms. These miniature caprese salads on a stick are easy to make, easy to take on the go, plus you can hand feed each other. It doesn’t get more sensual and primitive than that. Who loves you? Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bang, banging, basil, buffalo mozzarella, caprese salad recipe, cherry tomatoes, condoms, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, homemade, hor d’oeuvres, intercourse, it takes two, kitchen, libido, mini-capreses, naked, olive oil, primitive, recipe, rob base, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sensual, sex, starter, tasty, toothpicks, undress me, vegetarian, wine, wine appetizer date, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 1, 2015
Why spend another Friday night at home pissed off at yet another flake?
My number one frustration in the dating scene is flakes. Nothing pisses me off more than having a date lined up for the night and getting a call, or worse, a text message with some half-baked excuse about a forgotten lobotomy appointment. I erase their phone numbers on the spot and wipe their existence from my memory banks. This happens to all of us, especially with those you pick up without the benefit of an acquaintance’s introduction. Thems the breaks of being on the prowl. So what’s a player to do to avoid becoming a victim of the better offer? Wow the living shit out of them with a memorable meal. Granted these flaky whores and douches need to sample your cuisine first. But once they do, flaking will be the last thing on their mind. Their concern will be staying in your good graces so they never miss one of your epic meals. Crab cakes send a clear message that you are a keeper and deserve the utmost respect and courtesy. There are millions of sexy singles who would gladly take their place at your dinner table and boudoir. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, asian, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, seafood, SEDUCTION, southern | Tagged: appetizer, bang, banging, better offer, boudoir, breadcrumbs, Chesapeake bay, cilantro, crab cake recipe, delicious, DIY, douches, dust, easy, egg, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fish sauce, flake, flaky, flour, food, fry, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, half-baked, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, lobotomy, lump crab meat, mango, Maryland, memorable, mix, naked, never flakes crab cakes, on the prowl, recipe, red bell pepper, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, singles, tasty, text message, vegetable oil, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 26, 2015
Hummus = Hummer, simple as that
Bing bang boom! When you hear that sound, you know it’s on. It’s pretty much on as soon as your date sees you make homemade hummus. They will be puzzled at the simplicity, your mastery of the food blender, and this uncanny ability to serve them exactly what they want. Don’t question the logic. Go with it giving your most defiant stare of FUCK YEAH! There’s no need to say anything. The creamy, flavor-packed Middle Eastern condom-ment will say it for you. Your date will innately understand that they have a goddamn legend-in-the-making on their hands and acquiesce to your most perverted demands. See you in the Elysian Fields! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, Arabic, bang, banging, basil, delicious, DIY, easy, elysian fields, fast, finger food, food, game changer, garbanzo beans, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hummunna hummunna hummus recipe, intercourse, Israeli, kitchen, lemon, libido, Middle Eastern, naked, olive oil, Palestinian, pita bread, puree, recipe, red pepper hummus recipe, roasted red peppers, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 20, 2015
Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn. Say what? Cook To Bang at your pad would be WAY easier.
Some food makes you go “Yum!” Other food inspires “Yuk!” Every once in a while you’ll do a “Say what?” double take. This is the reaction you want when you Cook to Bang. Otherwise you’re wasting everybody’s time, especially your own. Make an impression or make love to yourself at the end of the date. The only way to inspire (nakedness) is to be inspired yourself. I approach each date with giddiness reserved for teenage girls who spot a vampire heartthrob brooding in his own special emo way. That way “Say what?” reaction to banging cuisine is quickly followed by, “The bedroom is this way.” Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Caribbean, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bang, banging, beer, bread crumbs, coconut shrimp recipe, deep-fried, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, food, foreplay, game changer, get laid, giddiness, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, inspire, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, panko, recipe, say what?, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shredded coconut, shrimp, sweet chili sauce, tasty, teenage girls, vampire heartthrob, vegetable oil, yuk, yum, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 5, 2014
Reap the harvest you sow in your date’s loins!
Or was that destruction? These toasted pumpkin seeds will no doubt help get your seduction going; any resistance to your charms will be obliterated. Crunchy, spicy, and totally thrilling. What a perfect use for ingredients most folks toss away with less concern than for a used condom. Tis unfortunate because pumpkin seeds can provide a great nibble while you whip up the rest of your feast. That way you won’t leave your culinary conquest chomping at the bit. They will be satisfied from the get go with your amazing kitchen feats. So long as you follow them up with a little razzle-dazzle on a plate, you will have succeeded at planting the seeds of seduction that will sprout from their mouth all the way down to their loins. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, southern, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, bar food, boil, Cajun seasoning, calivirgin, crunchy, culinary conquest, delicious, destruction, DIY, easy, finger food, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin seeds of seduction, razzle dazzle, recipe, salad topping, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, spicy, spicy pumpkin seeds, starter, tasty, toast, toasted pumpkin seeds recipe, topping, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 20, 2014
Let’s play a little game called Just the Stuffed Mushroom Tip.
That’s how it all starts. An innocent maiden voyage evolves into an exploration deep into the unknown. Justify it any way you want to. We can pretend it’s a game. Start with the tip and see how it feels. If it’s no bueno, fair enough. But then again, we’ve already gone this far. What’s a few more steps into the abyss? I mean the collateral damage has already been sustained. So why not enjoy it for what it’s worth? We can write it off as youthful indiscretion. An official OOPSIE! Let’s blame the extra bottle of wine. We both should have known better. But we’re all adults and mature enough to move on. I’m glad we had this discussion. I feel better. Don’t you? Oh by the way, have you tried these killer stuffed mushrooms? Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bacon, baked, bang, breadcrumbs, brie cheese, collateral damage, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, finger food, food, fungus, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, honey, hors d'oeuvres, intercourse, just the tip in, kitchen, maiden voyage, mushroom, naked, oopsie, passed appetizer, quick, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, simple, spinach, Spinach bacon stuffed mushroom caps recipe, stuffed mushrooms, tasty, youthful indiscretion, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 17, 2014
Unlike TLC, I am too proud to beg.
You should know better than to beg. There is clear a disconnect with your mastery of the CTB philosophy. When you serve that special someone amazing food than you won’t have to beg. It is your date who will beg you for more whether that is a second helping of bagel pizzas or another screaming orgasm. Groveling doesn’t suit you. That’s for the people who can’t close the deal in good faith. Be grateful there are chumps out there on their knees looking pathetic and sexually frustrated. They suffer so you don’t have to. Just do the voodoo that you do in the kitchen and the bedroom. This recipe is so fast and impressive that you can’t help but reap the rewards. Reap away, reaper. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bagel, bagel melt, Bagel pizza recipe, bagel sandwich, bang, basil, butter, cheap. Easy, chump, delicious, dinner, DIY, don’t make me bagel pizza recipe, don’t make me beg, easy, fast, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, groveling, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, mozzarella cheese, mushroom, naked, recipe, screaming orgasms, seduce, sex, sexually frustrated, snack, spinach, tasty, toasted, toaster, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 11, 2014
Act like a Rockefeller with Oysters Bang-a-Feller.
Ladies, there’s nothing wrong with banging a feller. Speaking from the POV of a feller, banging is the only thing that makes us feel special. All the fancy cars and diamond encrusted Rolexes are just means to get banged. So make like a goddamn Rockefeller and indulge in the rich oyster power. The aphrodisiac supernovas of the sea will get your loins revving like a golf cart run on plutonium. Slurping them down will make you feel momentarily like the richest feller on the planet. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bacon, bang, banging, breadcrumbs, broil, brown, butter, Cajun, delicious, diamond, DIY, easy, fancy, feller, fill, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, golf cart, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, indulge, intercourse, John d. Rockefeller, kitchen, lemon, libido, Louisiana, naked, New Orleans, onion, oysters, oysters bang-a-feller recipe, oysters Rockefeller recipe, parsley, plutonium, recipe, rich, rolex, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, spinach, supernova, tasty, wealthy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients:
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 