July 28, 2011
One good dip deserves another!
Few desserts guarantee fornication like chocolate-dipped strawberries. You have the chocolate/strawberry APHRODISIAC element right off the bat. But there is so much more to this seductively simple dessert. These berries take champagne to places you usually experience behind closed doors. All the better for setting the stage for seduction. Be sure to follow the unwritten rule that you never stuff a chocolate-dipped strawberry in your own mouth. Let your date feed you and return the favor. Play your cards right and the berries will be the first of many things you put in your date’s moth. My first dance with chocolate-dipped strawberries took place in a hotel room with my college girlfriend at the time. I found it odd that her sorority sister was there too. But when the girls started feeding each other I knew this was my anniversary gift. I savored every last morsel of sweet satisfaction. The strawberries were also quite good. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
July 15, 2011
Ginger ale never tasted so damn innapproprate!
I’m the first to admit that I’ve had relations with a fire crotch. Actually more than one. More than…uh, never mind! I may have a problem. All I see is red. I probably should see a shrink about this. The red menace of the Cold War ain’t got nothing on my compulsion for banging red heads. Maybe it’s something primal like I was a bull killed by a matador in a past life. Ole my ass! At least now I get that red instead of being teased and tormented before being slaughtered for the crowd’s delight. This refreshing and APHRODISIAC bombshell hits the spot and lures those gingers right in. Be warned that it’s a bitch cleaning up all the red hairs gingers leave behind. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
February 2, 2011
Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.
This salad will rock her world. It will also rock his world. And its world should your dog eat it before you can. It’s like a techno dance party in your mouth. Each complimentary flavor will have the chance to bust a move on your tongue’s dance floor. The tart of the lemon will give a shout out to the creamy Roquefort who kicks it over to the endive ditty on out to the crispety crunchety apple who tips its hat to the tangy cranberry bossa nova. No one is immune to the uncontrollable taste bud tango. This is a great way to warm the evening up with a little bit of this and whole lot of that. Warning: those allergic to edible orgasms should steer clear if you know what’s good for you. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
January 17, 2011
There's polenty of room for two, but we'll make room for your cute friend.
What are you worrying about? We have plenty of room. So what if my place is small? I ain’t rich…yet. Besides, Cozy = Cosmic Connection. Our auras will be touching. Aura friction is just what you need to cheer up over the state of the economy. Just think of me as the spark to jolt you back into positivity. Now come on into my cramp little slice of heaven and make yourself comfy. Enjoy this little something I whipped up to show you, there is indeed Polenty of Room or Two. My bedroom is just down the hall. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!
The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen. This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness. The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right? Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold. The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble. It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts. A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health. Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast. Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
December 17, 2010
Behold the tower of porn...flakes.
Cue the 70’s porn funk as you stroll into the room. You got that sexy someone in one arm, an armful of cornflake magic in the other. The only thing holding you back is your fragile sense of morals. Toss them aside onto the shag carpeting and become the porn star you always wanted to be. Remember on career day in middle school when everyone announced plans to be doctors, firemen and an account like my dad? Not you. You announced to your aghast teacher and clueless classmates that you would be delivering money shots on cue from 5 different angles while stroking your mustache. So what if that didn’t technically work out? No harm in pretending so long as you have a willing partner. But that’s why you have the Porn-Flake Friskees, to lure in your co-star. Lights, camera, BANG! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
November 17, 2010
Salivate or Salvation?
Just looking at pictures of this salad makes me salivate. Good god was this an orgasmic freaking salad. Everything in here screams healthy, happy and horny. You could run a goddamn marathon or at least have some killer marathon sex after eating a plate of this bad boy. My date didn’t know what to say when I served her this masterpiece. I’m pretty sure she said YUM! But it was hard to tell since her mouth was full of salad, shortly followed by my tongue. It’s pretty safe to say that anyone who throws together something this awesome will surely get laid, if not inducted into the COOK TO BANG hall of fame. Swing for the fences, my friends! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: amazing, avocado, awesome, balsamic vinegar, bang, beets, cherry tomatoes, cranberry, delicious, DIY, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, hall of fame, happy, healthy, heart healthy, homemade, horny, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, marathon, masterpiece, naked, olive oil, pecan, pepper, recipe, romantic, salad, Salad recipe, saladacious, salivate, seduce, sex, tasty, tongue, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 12, 2010
Sex & The City? More like Sex In The City!
This one goes out to all you ladies having Sex & The City parties or just having sex in the city. We all know that you sophisticated women of the world like to relax and gab out their lives with a cocktail in hand. Sure the Cosmo is the uniform drink, but me thinks there’s a room for a new contender. The Sour Apple Martini is way to tart and a regular James Bond-style martini is way too boozy and requires you to have a watch that shoots lasers. Surely there’s a happy medium that is classy, refined and the “just right” like the Little Red Riding Hood in Jimmy Choos seeks. Ladies, I present to you a simple, fast and “just right” cocktail that has made every woman I served it to just a bit classier, not to mention friskier. So whether it makes you Charlottes into Samanthas or the Mirandas into a Carries (feel free to correct me as I watched the show only once with my mother who insisted that the key to understanding women was watching Sex & The City), COOK TO BANG has you covered. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
September 24, 2010
This Bellini for me? Ain't you a pureed peach!
Most of us can’t claim to have a 100-foot yacht, 10 personal assistants, and our own private island. That privilege belongs to me. These lavish riches are made possible by blogging about cooking and banging in my drafty garage. Sorry, suckers. But fear not, for you can simulate this dilettante existence with a few simple adjustments: Cook with real potatoes rather than microwave tater tots you bought with food stamps; light your dining room table with candles instead of your Winnie the Pooh nightlight; make a classy drink from scratch rather than drink 3 bottles of Night Train in front of the Home Depot. Easy enough even if you don’t light your Cuban cigars with $100 bills like me. May I introduce this bubbly taste of class known to the civilized world as the Bellini? It’s like a Mimosa remix that keeps them coming back for seconds, thirds and their tenth glass. And what perfect timing with Valentines Day around the corner! Serve this with dessert or the morning after following a night of carnal consummation. You could also just pour it all over your naked body and invite your sweetie to lick you clean. Regardless, know that you are in fact a peach. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, alcoholic, bang, bellini, Bellini recipe, breakfast, brunch, bubbly, carbonated, champagne, classy, delicious, dessert, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, naked, party, peach, peach bellini recipe, puree, recipe, romantic, sauce, saucy, seduce, sex, strawberry, tasty, valentines day, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 30, 2010
That no good tart tastes too good
What a filthy, no good tart! Strutting itself around unpeeled and sweet to a fault. You’d think this tart would have more manners being of European stock. But clearly all it wants to do is lay about and put itself in any mouth it can find. No doubt, this apple has fallen very far from the tree. But I suppose you think I should just cut it some slack, right? Just let it go while it tarts around on any available plate, being passed around like a marijuana joint at some hippie love orgy? I say hell no! The only solution I have is to cool its jets. I’ll use the only thing I have in my arsenal. Ice cream! That’ll teach it to be so sweet, seductive and bad for me. Just to prove to you I am the bigger man, I’ll take one bite to show the rest of you how to be disciplined. See? One bite and I can say no…all right two bites. Three. Screw it! I’m taking the rest of the tart into my bedroom. But I’m not going to enjoy it! Seriously. I’m eating the rest for it’s own good. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | french, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: a la mode, addictive, apple pie, bang, butter, caramelized apples, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, European, flavor, France, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice cream, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, marijuana joint, naked, orgy, pastry puff, recipe, seduce, sex, slut, sugar, sugary, sweet, Tart tartin recipe, tasty, tawdry tart tartin, tree, yellow apples, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 