September 27, 2010
Go Big Pimpin' or go home alone.
Sometimes you gotta big time your salads. Sure you could serve your date up a simple green salad. But unless you’re following it up with some bodacious entrée, that date of yours will lose interest long before dessert. And that’s if they don’t fall asleep face-first in your uninspired salad. That is why I went all big pimpin’ with this salad. The hot Chiquita bonita I had over wanted something slamming that would not be expanding her sexy backside. Aye yi, la Capitan! The result: our expectations (her appetite; my libido) were surpassed. I might as well have been drinking Chardonnay out of a pimp chalice with the Cook To Bang logo written in diamonds. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, Cajun, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, barbecue, bbq sauce, bbq seasoning, bbq shrimp salad recipe, big pimpin’ bbq shrimp salad, big pimping, big time, bodacious, calivirgin, chardonnay, Chiquita bonita, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, naked, olive oil, pimp chalice, recipe, red wine vinegar, salad, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 8, 2010
Sock my sockeye salmon!
Grilled salmon sandwiches WILL get the attention of just about anyone you care to engage in hanky panky. Give them the unexpected and they shall swoon. At least that is what I find every time I try something new or unusual. Even if you crash and burn, brownie points will be yours. But alas, I vouch for this recipe as “a friend of mine” in the mob tradition. This recipe is worthy of putting my life on the line. I have no quarrels with saying, “Yes, you may shoot me in the face if you don’t like it”. Sock-it-to-me! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, seafood, SINWICHES, summer | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, bbq, black pepper, brownie points, calivirgin, carbs, classy, crash and burn, delicious, dill, DIY, easy, food, friend of mine, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled salmon sandwich recipe, grilling, guarantee, hanky panky, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, mayonnaise, mob, naked, olive oil, on the go, orange tomato, portable, recipe, romaine lettuce, salmon steaks, sandwich, sandwich rolls, sauce, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sock it to me, sock-it-to-me salmon sandwich, summer, swoon, tasty, vouch, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 14, 2010
Naughty nursery rhyme time!
This little figgy went to the market (to buy ingredients and condoms)
This little figgy stayed home (and Cooked to Bang)
This little figgy had roast beef (curtains)
This little figgy had none (because he was cooking for a vegan)
And this little figgy went “Wee! Wee! Wee!” all the way home (bragging about the latest CTB conquest).
Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: akins, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, beat, breakfast, calivirgin, cook, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, figs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, nursery rhyme, olive oil, recipe, sausage, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, this little figgy eggs, this little piggy, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 23, 2010
Frisee makes them easy peasy, but never sleazy
The easy route isn’t always the sleazy route. It can be downright classy if you do it up right. Few lettuce varieties scream sophistication and debonair style like frisee. You might as well be wearing a monocle and waistcoat when you serve it up. And easy doesn’t just apply to the simplicity of this salad’s assembly. Your date will certainly be up for it, whatever “it” may be. So get with it while the getting is good and easy. Take it frisee!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Chardonnay, like a classy suburban housewife
Ingredients (serves 6)
1. 1 bunch frisee lettuce
2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
3. 1 tbsp rice vinegar
4. 1/2 tbsp HONEY
5. 1 pear sliced thinly
6. 1/2 AVOCADO in bite-sized pieces
7. 1 lemon wedge
Step 1
Create the dressing by mixing the olive oil, lemon juice, rice wine vinegar, and honey.
Step 2
Rinse the frisee, cut off the stems, and chop coarsely into pieces you can stuff in your mouth. Throw in the pear and avocado. Toss it all with the dressing and hot damn do you have yourself a salad.
This is the perfect warm up for a hearty main like PORTOBELLO BORDELLO or DATEY CHICKEN CHA CHA.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, calivirgin, debonair, delicious, DIY, dressing, easy, food, frisee, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, libido, naked, olive oil, pear, recipe, rice vinegar, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sleazy, so easy, so easy frisee salad, sophistication, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy, yuppie salad | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 18, 2010
Why choke your chicken when you can artichoke and poke?
Sometimes a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a bag of stale Cheetos just don’t do the job when it comes to seduction. My apologies to the corner store Casanovas. Sometimes a little elbow grease can oil the joints keeping your date’s legs stuck together. And what better way to do that then a familiar bar food favorite that happens to be loaded with APHRODISIAC power? In case the artichoke wasn’t enough sex appeal, we threw in the silky avocado to guide deliver you a foolproof contingency plan. You’re welcome. This became a last minute creation needed for an impromptu Super Bowl date with a pack of three football-loving ladies. These girls clearly knew their shit when it came to pig skin and potato skins. Making a good impression was crucial for the touchdown that followed with my girl there. There was most certainly necessary roughness. The extra point was the phone number her sexy friend wearing the Steelers jersey slipped me.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $11
Drinking Buddy: A MO MOJO MOJITO or RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves a party or 2 hungry people for days):
1. 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise
2. 1 8-ounce can of artichoke hearts in water
3. 1 round roll of foccacia bread
4. 4 ounces of cream cheese
5. 2 ROASTED RED PEPPERS
6.½ an avocado sliced
7. ½ a lemon worth of juice
8. ½ cup of parmesan cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Chop up the artichoke hearts and roasted red peppers and toss them into a bowl with the avocado, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, cream cheese and mayonnaise. Work out your pent up sexual frustration by mashing up the ingredients.
Step 2
Cut the top of the focaccia roll and set aside. Pull out the center breading, leaving the sides and bottom in tact. If need be, use your right and left hooks and pound the sides in. Crown the bread top with some parmesan cheese, toast it brown, then cut it up in slices to serve with the dip.
Step 3
Pour in the mashed up raw dip into an oven safe bowl and heat through (approx 20 minutes). Remove the heated dip from the oven and dump in evenly into the bread bowl you have created. Crown it with some parmesan cheese and throw it back in the oven and heat up the bread and melt cheese on top (approx 10 minutes). Serve it up with those toasted slices and tortilla chips. Super job! I knew you had it in you.
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac artichoke dip, appetizer, artichoke, artichoke bread bowl recipe, Artichoke dip recipe, avocado, bang, bar food, cream cheese, delicious, dip, easy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, focaccia bread, game changer, game day, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, mayonnaise, naked, parmesan cheese, recipe, roasted red peppers, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, sports bar, spread, tasty, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 18, 2010
Bango my mango? Yes please!
This Caribbean nod to all things breakfasty brought a smile to my face and the lucky recipient who was awoken by the smell. It was like an old Tom & Jerry cartoons where the scent literally drags sleeping Jerry out of safe slumbering mouse-hole. But instead of a cartoon mouse, picture a hot young thing dressed in nothing but her pride. Breakfast was served, Cook To Bang style. I swear I could hear the faint sound of steel drums as morning became afternoon in the comfort of my own bed.
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: MIMOSUCK IT
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 dash paprika
4. 3 eggs
5. 1/4 lb chicken minced
6. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
7. 1/2 mango cubed
8. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
Step 1
Beat the eggs with green onions and salt.
Step 2
Season the chicken with paprika. Heat up the oil on medium heat and brown the chicken.
Step 3
Throw in the mango chunks and pour in the beaten eggs. Scramble to your liking.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Caribbean, MORNING WOOD, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, beat, breakfast, calivirgin, carribean, cartoons, chicken, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Jamaican, kitchen, libido, mango, mango chicken scramble recipe, minced, morning sex, mouse-hole, naked, paprika, recipe, salt, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, steel drums, tasty, tom & jerry, vintage cartoon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 15, 2010
Get in, get out, get back to the task at hand.
Are you keen on getting your date to stare at you with slack-jawed
amazement? Time is a wasting if you¹re awaiting my answer. Sometimes the
slow deliberate seduction isn¹t right for the ones keen on the quickie. Sure
it¹s rushed, but you still want to rock that shit and leave them wanting
more. The same goes for a quick on-the-go delight. Here you have a treat so
tasty, so quick, it will seem like a wet dream. At least that is the
discovery I made on tour. There I was in some hot Chiquita bonita¹s bed
hungry as can be. Leaving her pad would mean dressing, which would mean
undressing again, something not necessarily guaranteed with the girl I only
met 48 hours prior. So I had to be quick on my feet. This is what I made
from the goods in her fridge. I¹m guessing it worked since we didn¹t leave
her place again until days later when my friends did a search and rescue
mission. At that point, she almost didn¹t let go. Perhaps it¹s best I got
out before she started naming our kids. At least she¹ll always have the
misty water-colored Cook To Bang memories.
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: BANGARITA
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 taco-sized corn tortillas
2. 1Ž2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
3. 1 tbsp butter
4. 1 tomato sliced thinly
5. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
6. 2 fat handfuls Gouda cheese chunks
Step 1
First assemble the quesadillas by laying a small layer of cheese, tomatoes,
green onions, avocado, and another layer of cheese.
Step 2
Use half the butter to grease a small pan cooking on medium heat. Add the
first quesadilla, cover it with the pot top, and cook until the cheese melts
(approx 3 min). Repeat with the second quesadilla and serve Œem up, champ!
This appetizer goes great with a little SIMPLY SEXY SALSA or GUAPO GRINGO GUACAMOLE.
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: 48 hours, amazement, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, bonita, butter, Chiquita, corn tortillas, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, get laid, gouda cheese, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, open-faced, open-mouthed quesadilla, quesadilla, quickie, recipe, search and rescue, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, tour, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 14, 2010
A sinwich in paradise is oh so very nice!
The Cook To Bang method makes getting your freaky-deak on so simple that must really try to blow it. The simple, effective method is beyond question. A millennium from now when alien explorers discover the remains of our extinct culture, they will come to one simple conclusion: we forgot how to CTB. My hope is that I can keep the human race going another half-century or so with my teachings. All bets are off after that. So with that in mind, try out this simple recipe I made while on vacation. The Latina that slept over after a killer dinner party I threw was certainly not expecting CTB in reverse. After a rowdy session of morning sex, I presented her with this sinwich. We devoured them quickly, and got back to the task at hand…banging each other senseless.
Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. ½ a baguette
2. Mayonnaise at your discretion (can substitute with mustard)
3. 2 handfuls rotisserie chicken pulled
4. 1 handful lettuce chopped
5. ½ AVOCADO sliced
6. ½ tomato sliced thinly
7. ½ apple sliced thinly
Step 1
Slice the baguette lengthwise and spread mayonnaise as you wish. Lay out the apple and tomato slices, evenly add the pulled chicken, stuff the lettuce and avocado, and force it all shut. Cut in half and you are ready for just about anything.
This SINWICH works just as well as a BREAKFAST as a lunch or DINNER.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: alien explorers, aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, baguette, bang, banging, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, human race, intercourse, kitchen, Latina, lettuce, libido, mayonnaise, millennium, naked, poultry, recipe, rotisserie chicken, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sinwich, tasty, tomato, vacation, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 4, 2010
Why is not as important as when.
Quit with the questions already! I experiment with recipes sometimes to discover new and exciting methods to prepare banging food. Oftentimes I crash and burn with my noble attempts at cooking something groundbreaking. You have to stumble before you can walk; kiss before you bang. But there are times where I rock the living crap out of the ingredients I’m working for and then…BAM! It’s like being the first man to discover the clitoris. You always assumed there was something there, but it took some serious creative spelunking to get there. So that is what I offer you now. This is a little ditty made out of boredom for the standard breakfast fare. I knew there was some clever way to take the best parts of Middle Eastern and Western to create a fusion that all us infidels can enjoy. My date agreed after getting over her skepticism of the unfamiliar. She did not ask why I led her immediately back to bed after we were done eating. My perverted intent was implied.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: MIMOSUCK IT
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp vegetable oil
2. 3 dashes sea salt
3. 4 tomato slices
4. 1/2 onion sliced in strips
5. 2 eggs
6. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
7. 1 small handful queso fresco (Mexican cheese)
8. 1/2 large pita (one pictured infused with thyme)
Step 1
Heat up the oil in a skillet. Throw in the onions and fry until they caramelize (approx 3 min). Fry up the tomatoes next, salting them and flipping once (approx 2 min). Finally make room in pan to fry up pita.
Step 2
Scoop the fried onions and tomato onto the pita. Crack the eggs in the space now available, salt them, and fry sunny side up (approx 3 min). Split the eggs in two and serve over each half of the pita. Surround the egg yolk with avocado like a halo and crumble some queso fresco on top.
Split the pita in two and serve them up on separate plates with BED & BREAKFAST POTATOES.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Middle Eastern, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, boredom, breakfast, caramelize, clitoris, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, food, fry, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, groundbreaking, guarantee, homemade, infidel, intercourse, kitchen, libido, Middle Eastern, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, onion, pita, queso fresco, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, skepticism, spelunking, tasty, tomato, vegetable oil, Western, Why ask why fry breakfast, why asky why?, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 21, 2009
Run like a cheetah to tap that booty
There are some people out there too fine for their own good. You know the type I’m talking about. It’s as if they are cursed to roam the earth surrounded by an unsightly subspecies, the rest of us. That’s how I feel every time I’m around someone so stunning, I wonder if perhaps my sins were not too great to exclude me from a heaven membership. Fat chance of that. The beta person would not dare try to engage the near-mythical sexual creature for fear of abject humiliation. But I always take the “fake it ‘til you make it” approach, which sometimes pays back in decadent dividends. When you do step up to the plate, be ready to knock it out of the park by having a plan. I’m cocky about my cooking skills. So with swagger and spitfire I invite the sexier-than-thou and let them know not coming to my place for some grub will be their loss. No cheetah will deny the rarefied opportunity to sample your fajita sandwich.
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy:BANGARITA
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. Mayonnaise to taste
2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
3. 4 dashes fajita seasoning
4. 2 sandwich rolls
5. 2 GREENSBURY MARKET organic chicken breasts
6. 1 onion sliced in long strips
7. 1 red bell pepper sliced in long strips
8. 1 lime wedge
9. 1 small handful cilantro chopped coarsely
10. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
11. 1 tomato sliced thinly.
Step 1
Slice the chicken breasts into long thin strips and marinate in limejuice and 1/2 the fajita
seasoning (approx 15 min).
Step 2
Sauté the onion, bell pepper and cilantro in olive oil until they soften (approx 4 min). Create room in the pan and sauté the chicken next to but separate from the veggies (approx 3 min).
Step 3
Assemble the sandwich. First split the rolls down the top, and then spread mayo as needed. Stuff each roll with veggies, chicken, tomato and avocado.
Serve this gringo twist on a Mexican classic with a some GARLICKABLE FRIES.
4 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, mexican, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES, spicy | Tagged: abject humiliation, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, calivirgin, chicken breasts, Chicken fajita sandwich recipe, cilantro, decadent dividends, delicious, DIY, easy, fajita seasoning, fake it ‘til you make it, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greensbury market, guarantee, heaven, homemade, hot like a cheetah, hot like a cheetah fajita sinwich, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, marinate, mayo, mayonnaise, mexican, naked, olive oil, onion, organic, recipe, red bell pepper, sandwich, sandwich roll, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexier-than-thou, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 
