August 4, 2011
Lox to do, lox-a-million
There comes a time in your life where you need to stake your claim. Lox it down! Usually we do it on top of mountains or when you buy a new house. But what about staking a claim in someone’s heart (or pants)? You have to flip their script to make that happen. That’s where the CTB method becomes in essential. Whipping up a gourmet classic will win the hearts and loins. Create the right dish for the right person at right time and you have a devotee on your hand. Be careful because they might get hooked on you. Then you might have a Stage-5 clinger who would rob a armored car for you. This slice of Yiddish awesome is one such dish. Your luck with Israelis in particular will go up 1000% when you bring this classic Jewish dish into the mix. With that many beautiful nationals, you’d be well served to whip some up stat! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
July 15, 2011
Ginger ale never tasted so damn innapproprate!
I’m the first to admit that I’ve had relations with a fire crotch. Actually more than one. More than…uh, never mind! I may have a problem. All I see is red. I probably should see a shrink about this. The red menace of the Cold War ain’t got nothing on my compulsion for banging red heads. Maybe it’s something primal like I was a bull killed by a matador in a past life. Ole my ass! At least now I get that red instead of being teased and tormented before being slaughtered for the crowd’s delight. This refreshing and APHRODISIAC bombshell hits the spot and lures those gingers right in. Be warned that it’s a bitch cleaning up all the red hairs gingers leave behind. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
May 31, 2011
Eat enough of this salad and you'll be like Popeye, banging Olive Oil until Wimpy hits you up for more burger money.
The object to any CTB meal is to wow your date into submitting to your carnal cravings. Their heads’ gotta spin like a GI Joe helicoptering after you twist him around until the rubber band almost snaps. Serve something forgettable, and you can forget any extracurricular activities. I don’t even waste my time with anything that might as well have been nuked from a Hungry Man Dinner. You shouldn’t either unless you prefer servicing yourself rather than have a smoking hot bombshell do it for you. Take this spinach salad. Sure I could have assembled a pre-made package in the time it would take to prematurely ejaculate (at least you’d get off). But a spinach salad that tastes like an angel floated down, fed you, and then gave you a reach around is more my speed. I wager those of you who enjoy similar celestial satisfaction will agree. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: angelic, angels, bacon, bang, banging, black pepper, bombshell, carnal cravings, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, feta cheese, food, game changer, get laid, gi joe, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, helicopter, homemade, hungry man dinner, intercourse, kitchen, libido, makes head spinach salad, memorable, microwave, mushrooms, naked, premature ejaculation, recipe, rogerings, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach salad recipe, tasty, toss your salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 16, 2011
Leave 'em beggin' for bacon
In the immortal words of lady hip hop divas TLC, “I ain’t too proud to beg!” Good to know. Because that is the attitude you should inspire in your dates. The most effective way to do that is to blow their goddamn minds with mind-blowing nibbles. Between good eats and being a great lay, you will brainwash them. They will be begging you for another taste. It’s like a harem full of opium addicts. Only your fix will give them the satisfaction they require. Wrap it up tight in meaty goodness. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bacon, bacon-wrapped shrimp recipe, bang, banging, beggin’ wrapped shrimp, begging, brainwash, delicious, DIY, easy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harem, homemade, honey, I ain’t too proud to beg, intercourse, jumbo shrimp, kitchen, libido, naked, nibble, opium addicts, recipe, sea salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, tapas, tasty, tlc, turkey, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 25, 2011
Oodles of naughty noodles
This salad’s got everything you need for simple satisfaction. I’m talking the whole tit and caboodle. Sure it looks simple, but the flavor shall dance on your tongue and tickle your balls/girly parts. This is a new member of my salad repertoire, but goddamn does it bring out the smiles! Refreshing, light, and totally tasty. Come summertime, you will be glad you have this in your arsenal. Few dishes will refuel as cleanly after sweaty summer sex. You’re welcome! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, chili, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kit and caboodle, kitchen, leafy, lettuce, libido, light, naked, nuoc cham recipe, orange, recipe, refreshing, repertoire, rice noodles, rice vinegar, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sugar, summer, sweaty summer sex, tasty, tickle your balls, tit and caboodle noodle salad, toss your salad, Vietnam, Vietnamese dipping sauce, Vietnamese noodle salad recipe, water, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 7, 2011
A ha! The Ahi Salad has granted me powers heretofore unattainable!
Congratulations! You have graduated to a higher plane of salad making. Now you refuse to settle for iceberg lettuce smothered in ranch dressing. There is nothing nutritious nor sexy about that blasphemous culinary combination. No, you are a sophisticated salad eater that wants great taste with enough nutrients to allow you to survive a nuclear famine in style. Hopefully the date you have chosen to share this with is on the same page because this salad requires 110% commitment. I have faith that as a reader of COOK TO BANG you are in fact ready to blow them away and get blown in the process. So get down to business and take this radical new approach to salad making. When you become a superhero that can hear a mosquito fart in another state you won’t have to question how this came to be. Just go with it. I’m so <wipes away tear> proud of you! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
February 14, 2011
Get blazing with an amazing glazing.
The only way to be a true player is to wow your date into submission. It needs to be clear that not banging you is their loss. That requires excellence in all that you do. Cooking is an obvious extension of the pursuit of perfection. Nail one or two recipes and you have a repertoire perfect for attracting and seducing new play pals. It’s those little things they will remember and recount to their friends when they are gabbing over coffee or cosmos. So you want to be the centerpiece of conversation singing your accolades rather than picking apart your extension flaws. A good first impression on their mouth can outshine even your ruthless lothario instincts. So be amazing at all times. Glaze some scallops with tangy temptation, and then kick back and let their attraction boil over. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: accolades, aphrodisiac, attraction, bang, banging, Be amazed glazed scallops, calivirgin, coffee, cosmos, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, glazed, glazed scallops recipe, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, honey lemon glazed scallops, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, lothario, marinate, naked, olive oil, onion, player, recipe, repertoire, salt, sauté, scallops, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, submission, sweet, tangy, tasty, temptation, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 2, 2011
Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.
This salad will rock her world. It will also rock his world. And its world should your dog eat it before you can. It’s like a techno dance party in your mouth. Each complimentary flavor will have the chance to bust a move on your tongue’s dance floor. The tart of the lemon will give a shout out to the creamy Roquefort who kicks it over to the endive ditty on out to the crispety crunchety apple who tips its hat to the tangy cranberry bossa nova. No one is immune to the uncontrollable taste bud tango. This is a great way to warm the evening up with a little bit of this and whole lot of that. Warning: those allergic to edible orgasms should steer clear if you know what’s good for you. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple, avocado, bang, bleu cheese, bust a move, cherry tomatoes, delicious, DIY, dried cranberries, easy, edible orgasm, endives, France, french, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, naked, olive oil, recipe, Roquefort cheese, Roquefort cheese endive salad, seduce, sex, spinach, taste bud tango, tasty, techno dance party, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 28, 2011
This is one type of blood you would never fear.
Blood oranges are bulbous citrus-filled orgasms. They bring me more joy than I can possibly articulate with earthly language. Suffice to say that everything they touch gets better and classier. The fact you don’t have any in your kitchen makes me question your commitment to your libido. Now’s your chance to earn my respect back: truck on over to the store to get what’s yours. Got some now? Good. We may proceed with mixing up a sexsational cocktail that will leaving your date begging for more. I fully expect you to take credit for inventing this drink. Your date will be all the more impressed that you are a master mixologist in addition to being a cunning linguist with your cunnilingus. Now make it rainy, you bloody bastard! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: alcohol, bang, banging, blood orangasmic martini, blood orange, blood orange martini, booze, citrus, cocktail, cunning linguist, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, earthly language, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gin, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, libation lubrication, libido, lime, martini, mixologist, naked, orgasm, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexsational, tasty, tonic water, vitamin c, vodka, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 17, 2011
There's polenty of room for two, but we'll make room for your cute friend.
What are you worrying about? We have plenty of room. So what if my place is small? I ain’t rich…yet. Besides, Cozy = Cosmic Connection. Our auras will be touching. Aura friction is just what you need to cheer up over the state of the economy. Just think of me as the spark to jolt you back into positivity. Now come on into my cramp little slice of heaven and make yourself comfy. Enjoy this little something I whipped up to show you, there is indeed Polenty of Room or Two. My bedroom is just down the hall. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, aura friction, bang, banging, black pepper, cosmic connection, delicious, DIY, easy, economy, finger food, first, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grapes, green onion, guarantee, heaven, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, maple syrup, naked, olive oil, polenta, polenta with spinach and grapes, polenty of room for two recipe, positivity, recipe, salt, sauté, sautéed polenta recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 