May 14, 2014
- Experimenting in the kitchen leads to experimenting in the bedroom.
Experimentation makes the world go round. Where would we be without Ben Franklin accidentally barbecuing himself with a kite? I approach cooking with the same punk rock philosophy. My instincts usually lead to success, but every once in a while I crash a burn. My culinary experiments usually take place behind closed doors, the windows drawn, and a former Mossad security team keeping out the paparazzi. I can’t have my cooking rep suffer should I create a black hole of shame in my kitchen. There were these peanut butter cookies I made without sugar that were so bad they will follow me to into grave and end up stuffed in my suit pocket. Every once in a while a new recipe needs to be attempted on the spot. This skeptical lawyer whose ass still looks banging under her pantsuit was concerned when she saw me peel a tangerine and shell shrimp. “You’re putting that in my eggs?” I calmed down this sexpot lawyer that dominates in the courtroom and bedroom by pouring coffee into one of my beloved PHOTO MUGS. She drank the java, then ate her words, and entire plate, even forking away one of my shrimp! my lawyer lover ended up being late to her deposition because she subpoenaed me between the sheets. CTB 1 – LAW 0. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beat, black hole, black pepper, bodyguard, calivirgin, cilantro, delicious, deposition, DIY, easy, eggs, electricity, experiment, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, inventor, kitchen, lawyer, libido, low-carb, mossad, naked, olive oil, peanut butter cookies, protein, recipe, salt, sauté, scramble, security team, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp tangerine scramble, skeptical, sweet, tangerine, tangy, tangy bangy shrimpy scramble, tasty, vitamin c, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
May 12, 2014
Tequila to kill ya inhibitions and ability to tell right from wrong.
Tequila makes you crazy. No one who’s ever spent a night in college trying to bang an empty keg will argue with that. But that is what we love about it. Any and all sordid and possibly illegal acts we perform can be blamed on the mysterious Mexican firewater. I blame tequila even when I’m sober, usually when apologizing for banging someone I shouldn’t like my brother’s “off limits” friends. So this drink gives you carte blanche to act like a total madman/woman. And while you’re at it, you get a healthy dose of vitamin C from fresh squeezed OJ (there is no substitute for fresh squeezed; concentrate is totally whack). And if your health and taste aren’t enough, just think about that purty sunrise you can watch at any time of day or night. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | libation lubrication, mexican, RECIPES | Tagged: alcohol, bang, banging, bevvy, booze, carte blanche, cocktail, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fresh-squeezed, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grenadine, guarantee, homemade, illegal, intercourse, kitchen, libido, madman, maraschino cherry, Mexican firewater, mexico, naked, off limits, oj, oranges, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sober, sunset, tasty, tequila, tequila sunrise recipe, tequila temptation sunrise, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 7, 2014
What did one ball say to the other? "Who's the prik king in the middle?"
I know what they’ve been saying. All that negativity and name-calling! I can dismiss it as petty jealousy, a result of being this awesome. But even though you can interpret it as a compliment, it still hurts. You know? Packing heat is a blessing, but goddamn! Even the most gifted culinary Casanovas have feelings that get bruised when mean things are said. So what if someone calls me the Prik King? Clearly they are jealous of my royal status and largess of dowry. All the red curry and green beans in the world won’t change the fact that I am living the dream, while they can only dream. It’s a start. But why can’t we compromise? Perhaps the haters could learn from me instead and in turn use their new skills to create a better life. OR they can keep smack talking and in turn make me look even cooler and more dangerous to the opposite sex. Either way, I win. But there’s room for more winners on the podium. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | asian, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, thai | Tagged: bang, banging, chicken, classic, culinary Casanova, delicious, DIY, dowry, dream, easy, food, game changer, get laid, goddamn, gourmet, green beans, guarantee, haters, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, largess, libido, meat, naked, name-calling, negativity, onion, packing heat, podium, poultry, prik king recipe, recipe, red curry, royal, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smack talking, spicy, sugar, tasty, thai, thai food, Thailand, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 2, 2014
Cous cous makes my libido go toot toot
Attention to detail is essential in all aspects of life. You can’t nail the big picture until the small picture gleams. Take your time to familiarize yourself with any new playground you trollop around in. The last thing you want to do is roughhouse where you should be graceful like a pirouetting ballerina. Diddle with care and you will go far. That is how this cous cous dish went from a mundane readymade staple to an incendiary side that will diddle your date’s taste buds. Hear that? That is the sound of your date’s reluctance to bang you fizzling right out the window. You may now diddle freely. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: attention to detail, ballerina, bang, banging, boil, butter, carbohydrates, carboluscious, carbs, caution, dates, delicious, diddle, diddle that cous cous, DIY, easy, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Israeli, kitchen, libido, Middle east, naked, onion, orange, Palestinian, pirouetting, playground, readymade, recipe, roasted almonds, saffron, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, staple, tasty, trollop, vegetarian, whole wheat cous cous, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 28, 2014
Toss it, toss it, TOSS THAT SALAD!
“Sometimes you gotta get your apple cleaned!” says my friend working overseas in Hong Kong. I don’t know what that means, but sure. I suppose you could say the same for getting your salad tossed. I’m still unclear on what exactly that means, but I know it’s filthy so get down with the get down. But rather than get lost in semantics, why don’t I tell you a little about this recipe? This dish is sure to get what ever you want tossed. Just don’t toss your cookies, unless you’re into that kinky German shit. Pour me another hefeweizen if that’s your bag. The era of the wrap may be waning, but quick healthy nibbles never go out of style. Portable salad can bring the nasty noise wherever you want to go. A horny hike? Yes! Sex on the beach? Big time! On the International Space Station? Cum in, Houston! The Toss Your Salad Wrap can also be served on a platter to a party where you can pick up a few phone numbers. This SINWICH is just that versatile. You should be too. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | Mediterranean, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: avocado, baked chicken, bang, burrito, Caesar dressing, chicken breast, delicious, dijon mustard, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grilled chicken, guarantee, healthy, healthy salad, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, lunch, naked, portable, recipe, romance, Salad wrap recipe, sandwich, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, tortilla, toss your salad, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 25, 2014
This dish's sexy quotient runs deeper than the Rio Grand
Hola, muchachos! So it’s breakfast once again. You’re ready for enough sustenance to satisfy the biggest machismo tough guy, but delicate enough to seduce the daintiest of conquests. Good thing you have juevos grande…rancheros of course! This classic Mexican desayuno is packed to the brim with black bean APHRODISIAC goodness, loaded with protein egg power and filled with veggie delights to keep you banging for years to come. Your date’s health can only improve with you in their life because making a dish like this is incredibly thoughtful. Well played! I prepared this meal for a senorita of my own who was surprised that a gringo was able to serve up authentic juevos rancheros. They were nearly as tasty as the siesta we took after breakfast. Adios, mi amigos! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, mexican, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, black beans, breakfast, cilantro, corn tortilla, delicious, desayuno, easy, eggs, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jack cheese, Juevos grande rancheros recipe, juevos rancheros, juevos rancheros recipe, kitchen, manana, mexican, mexico, morning, naked, onion, recipe, romance, salsa, SEDUCTION, sex, Texas, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 21, 2014
Slap a bunch of awesome things together and it's bound to be banging!
Sometimes I indulge myself in culinary experiments with various items that I know taste good on their own. Logic might dictate that combining random bits of awesome could rob each of them of what makes them great. I say bully to that! When in doubt, trust your instinct. This motto was reinforced when I threw together this conglomeration of goodies laying around my fridge into a mass of delicious decadence. Sure it wasn’t the prettiest concoction in my armory of awesome. But you know what? Each bite was a kaleidoscope of flavor that took me to the happy places I have enjoyed eating each of these sumptuous sundries. The lucky lady who observed with keen skepticism as I threw this all together ate her words after she ate this party in her mouth. What’s the lesson in all this? Nothing except that taste is in the tongue of the beholder. Now behold this, suckas! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: A few of my favorite things salad recipe, aphrodisiac, avocado, bacon, bang, banging, Boursin cheese, delicious, delicious decadence, DIY, easy, experiment, fig, fig avocado bacon salad recipe, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kaleidoscope, kitchen, libido, naked, recipe, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sumptuous, sundries, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 18, 2014
Bangeroon, buckeroo!
Cookies are more than just a sweet distraction from life’s miseries. The crumbs we discover months later embedded in our couch’s fibers are a reminder of the moments of elation they bring. The Girl Scouts have come and gone, but we still want out cookies! And coconut brings out thoughts of the tropics and sun-bathed bodies. So get marooned on a desert island with a plate of bangaroons. Use these cookies as a peace offering for the sexy island girls or boys. Hopefully they aren’t headhunters. If they are, use this magnificent confection to convince them you are a god that should be worshipped. The secret ingredient (hint: rhymes with fineapple) will woo even the most skeptical savage. These cookies are also are unleavened for any of you chosen Cook-To-Bangers attending a Seder. Mazel Tov for being so goddamn sexy! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | holidays, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, bangaroons, coconut milk, cookies, delicious, dessert, DIY, easter, easy, egg whites, game changer, get laid, girl scout cookies, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, jewish, kitchen, Macaroon recipe, mazel tov, naked, Passover, pineapple, powdered sugar, recipe, seder, seduce, sex, shredded coconut, simple, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, treat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 7, 2014
Polenta them down, all the way to the ground.
Sometimes you have to take decisive action to get your freak on. That means going all in like in a high stakes game of poker and laying it all on the line. Well, perhaps that analogy is wrong. In fact, this recipe makes the art of culinary seduction seem easy. Polenta screams out classy and sophisticated. Just accept the compliment and go with it. Let the aphrodisiac double threat (black beans & avocado) and rich collection of textures speak for you. Don’t fret. The pants will come off like some freaky scientific mystery. I’ll give you a hint about the science: good food = great sex. And critics say this site is not educational! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, black beans, black pepper, cornmeal, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homemade, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, limejuice, mango salsa, Mediterranean, naked, olive oil, pants off, polenta, pre-made, recipe, seduce, sex, sophisticated, starter, tasty, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 7, 2014
Open your mouth and take it all in...
Happy 2010 to my beloved readers! Here’s to another year full of dirty dishes and used condoms. You deserve to pour yourself a cocktail to celebrate. Go ahead. Don’t be shy. Take it all in. Suck it all the way down and then ask for more. Taste it? That’s the flavor of a mimosa supped up with all kinds of sexy. Sure you could have poured orange juice from concentrate, but we both know you are your date deserve better. Nothing but the goods for you, superstar. Get right up in it and take ownership over this non-cock-blocking cocktail. You are starting the day off with a bang. Hopefully more than one bang considering you are the embodiment of hot sex on a platter. Gulp-to-gulp, kitchen-to-bed, enjoy some fine morning head. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | holidays, libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: 2010, alcohol, anti-oxidant, bang, banging, booze, champagne, cock-blocking, cocktail, concentrate, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, food, fresh-squeezed, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hot sex on a platter, intercourse, kitchen, libation lubrication, libido, mimosa, mimosuck it, naked, new years, nye, orange juice, pomegranate juice, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sparkling wine, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 