January 5, 2015
You are capable of anything and everything. I believe in you!
Achieving goals comes down realizing you are capable of anything with enough effort, planning and luck. That is especially true when it comes to banging. Too many suckers assume they are incapable of pulling some prime tail because they’re not rich or handsome or funny. Those are all excuses that make you part of the beta majority. Be bold! I approach everything from my career to my food to my women with bravado and swagger. Fuck the critics (I have many) who say it’s better to give up and accept the 2nd place fruit basket! Take this recipe. I felt like I hit my culinary creativity wall the other night. A new girl was en route to my house and I hadn’t figured out yet how to knock her socks (and panties) off with my grub. I’m not about to let me rep as Mr. Cook To Bang suffer so I went big. I grabbed random ingredients to create what my instincts were telling me would be outstanding. It was the right call. My date had never eaten anything like it. The spicy, sweet combination got her sweating long before I closed the deal. She was incapable of saying no. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
December 17, 2014
Sexy commies gone vegan! Don’t tell Stalin…
Hello, comrades! I speak of course to the Russian women I have had the pleasure of. There is something about that accent that brings up all my childhood Cold War fears and translates them into lust. No doubt, their Soviet bloc childhoods taught them how to survive so they are as tough as they are hot. Not a wilting flower in the bunch. Banging someone tougher than you are can challenge your ego. But I welcome the challenge since the payoff makes my babushka spin. What better way to lure them in than the classic Russian dish, borscht? This Commie red soup hits the spot and nourishes the people. Even if your culinary conquest isn’t Russian, make them your comrade for the night. I’m back in the USSR! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, russian, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beets, carrots, cold war, commie, communism, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, parsley, potatoes, puree, recipe, red cabbage, rosemary, Russia, russian, salt, sauté, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, sour cream, soviet, tasty, ussr, vegan, vegan borscht recipe, vegetable stock, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 5, 2014
Reap the harvest you sow in your date’s loins!
Or was that destruction? These toasted pumpkin seeds will no doubt help get your seduction going; any resistance to your charms will be obliterated. Crunchy, spicy, and totally thrilling. What a perfect use for ingredients most folks toss away with less concern than for a used condom. Tis unfortunate because pumpkin seeds can provide a great nibble while you whip up the rest of your feast. That way you won’t leave your culinary conquest chomping at the bit. They will be satisfied from the get go with your amazing kitchen feats. So long as you follow them up with a little razzle-dazzle on a plate, you will have succeeded at planting the seeds of seduction that will sprout from their mouth all the way down to their loins. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, southern, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, bar food, boil, Cajun seasoning, calivirgin, crunchy, culinary conquest, delicious, destruction, DIY, easy, finger food, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin seeds of seduction, razzle dazzle, recipe, salad topping, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, spicy, spicy pumpkin seeds, starter, tasty, toast, toasted pumpkin seeds recipe, topping, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 19, 2014
Do I wanna? You damn skippy!
Do I wanna Havana? It’s been a dream of mine since I was a small child. Seriously, I picture myself in the long long ago era of Havana’s heyday drinking mojitos on the street and puffing on fat cigars. Cuban girls, a preferred pastime of mine, my version of baseball, bring out the happy happy in me. So yes, absolutely I wanna Havana. Too bad I’m an American with that 50 year-old embargo cock-blocking my Havana cabana-existence. So I must resort to other means. Namely serving Cuban style avocado salad to the Cuban girls and hoping to not piss off Castro brothers in the process. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cuban, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, castro brothers, cherry tomatoes, cock-blocking, cuba, Cuban avocado salad recipe, Cuban cigars, delicious, DIY, easy, embargo, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, Havana, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, latin, lemon, libido, light, mojitos, naked, olive oil, pastime, quick, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, toss, vegan, vegetarian, wanna Havana salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 10, 2014
I'm fixin' for a vixen!
I should have known better. Vegan girls are always trouble. And it’s not just because they are a pain in the ass to feed. There’s something kooky in anyone who limits their culinary possibilities so severely. Maybe they need to take a few classes at an online cooking school to learn that food is not the enemy. But the upside is the rarity of obese vegans. Harmony was certainly no exception. She’s yoga master flex, hence me taking an interest. Picking up one’s yoga instructor is a delicate dance. The last thing you want to do is crash and burn, too humiliated to return to a class you enjoyed. I overheard Harmony gab on about her vegan diet and the explosive orgasms she enjoyed as a result, so I rocked the vegan angle. Post-yoga vegan soup on a cold Sunday evening? Harmony was on it, and on me after she sucked down my soup. Home girl demonstrated yoga possibilities I had never even wet-dreamed of. Now we have a regular Sunday Cirque du Vegan: I cook; she defies and gratifies gravity. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, hippie, HOT LIQUID LOVE, irish, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, cirque du soleil, delicious, DIY, easy, explosive orgasms, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gravity, guarantee, harmony, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, kooky, libido, naked, obese, olive oil, onion, possibilities, potato, puree, radish, recipe, saffron, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, tasty, vegan, vegan soup, vegan vixen soup recipe, vegetable stock, vegetarian, vixen, white wine vinegar, winter, yoga instructor, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 3, 2014
Butterball butternut bust-a-nut
Cook To Bang is nothing without its readership. If a recipe helps someone bang in the woods and no one is there to film it, does it make a moaning sound? I’ll leave that to the philosophers far wiser than me to answer. A massive shout out is due to my man DJ JD of Ottawa, Canada for this recipe. Homeboy came through with a unique and outstanding recipe when I needed it most. I make a point of not dating vegans since they severely limit my palette. But this particular vegan’s beauty is outclassed only by her cheeky personality. Naturally, a classy specimen of humanity deserves a little leeway. So after racking my sex-addled brain for a vegan recipe, I found JD’s email and took it for a test drive. Hot damn! This butternut squash soup made both our heads spin with glee. The vegan vixen was more than pleased. If Cooking To Bang was an Olympic event, JD just won the gold. CUE “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, black pepper, butter-my-nuts squash soup, butternut squash, butternut squash soup recipe, calivirgin, Canada, classy, coconut milk, curry powder, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gold medal, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, homeboy, homemade, HOT LIQUID LOVE, humanity, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, oh Canada, olive oil, Olympics, onion, Ottawa, palette, personality, philosophers, readership, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex-addled, soup, specimen, tasty, Vancouver, vegan, vegetable stock, vegetarian, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 17, 2014
Even prissy vegans can indulge in this walk on the wild side.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. At least that is what nutritionists keep telling me. Perhaps these know-it-alls with their charts and lab coats and rosy cheeks are right. Filling your gullet with kickass nutrients prepares you for any crazy $%&@ thrown your way. Eat a solid breakfast and you will be able to catch a blimp on fire hurtling down to the earth with your pinkie finger. Sounds about right. So here’s an uber-healthy recipe with protein to the extreme with plenty of fiber and lycopene without that Fatty McGee you get with scrambling eggs. You will be prepared to stop a flamingo stampede heading straight for a bus full of kindergartners, or at the very least, Cook and Bang your date from last night like a superhero. Now you just have to work on your secret identity, you Sex Crazy Mofo! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, healthy, Japanese, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, blimp, breakfast, delicious, DIY, easy, firm tofu, flamingo, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, low fat, lycopene, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, nutritionist, nutritious, onion, protein, recipe, seduce, sex, sex crazy mofo, superhero, tasty, Tofu scramble recipe, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 27, 2014
Slap some sugar, lemon, balsamic, then put them balls on it!
DESSERT is the time when a Cook usually turns into Bang. Many final courses like cheesecake that take over a day to make, like a slow, patient seduction. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to holler at the moon so long as you do in fact holler. But we live in a culture that wants everything yesterday. In fairness to the instant gratification crowd, here’s an instant dessert that is healthy, tasty, and quick on the go. Do not fear the balsamic vinegar for it is your friend. The fusion of the powdered sugar, fructose from the berries and the vinegar is like some mystical alchemy that preps your tongue ready for more adventuresome travels. Be sure to hand-feed these to your date, thus fostering the intimacy you will no doubt exploit for your own perverted gains. I have made this outstanding standout for more dates than I can remember and not once have I been refused. Won’t you join our merry band of culinary pranksters? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, Mediterranean, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Balsamic strawberry recipe, balsamic vinegar, bang, berries, citrus, delicious, dessert, easy, fast, fructose, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hand feed, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, strawberries, strawberry dessert recipe, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 17, 2014
Salsa your way across the dancefloor to the snack table for more salsa!
This recipe comes courtesy of Derek in Denver, CO. This badass tomatillo salsa recipe has been scoring him smoking hot granola girls by the bakers dozen. Derek writes:
Salsa salsa salsa! Nothing like a simple a perfect combination of Mexican spices, flavors, and cajones to inspire some sexy time. We got the right amount of flavor and heat without sending anyone home crying for their mommies. And this will come in handy as you lay out your finest game. I find that this recipe is all that and a bag of chips. Tortilla chips. I hope your readers enjoy as much I have enjoyed the fairer sex of Colorado! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bakers dozen, bang, banging, boil, cilantro, Colorado, delicious, denver, Derek, DIY, easy, fairer sex, flavorful, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, granola girls, green onions, guarantee, heat, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, limes, mexican, mexico, mix, mommies, naked, puree, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, spicy, tasty, tomatillo salsa recipe, tomatillos, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 24, 2014
Miso ready to get randy with these radishes!
Not to sound like a braggart, but I am so rad and shit. At least that’s what my neighbors’ teenage son told me when I explained the Cook To Bang method. This poor misguided kid figured wearing moppy hair and hipster pants that cut off circulation to his free will would get him chicks. ‘Fraid not, Fredo! The only thing that will make girls notice you is indifference and brash confidence. Once you have that, allow them to come over to your house, and wow the shit out of them with some food you happened to throw together. This kid has grown up watching my dinner guests leave the next the morning in the same clothes figured I might know what I’m talking about. So my young protégé has been putting my methods to the test. Now I’m starting to notice a series of girls coming in and out of his place after school while his parents are working. I might have created a monster. Hopefully his parents won’t blame me if he knocks one of these princesses up. One thing’s for sure, these radishes went from meh to rad and shit. Read the rest of this entry »
6 Comments | asian, fusion, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, braggart, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fredo, game changer, get laid, gourmet, granulated sugar, guarantee, homemade, indifference, intercourse, kitchen, libido, marinate, mirin, miso paste, miso radish recipe, naked, protégé, recipe, sake, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, teenager, vegan, vegetarian, white radish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 