January 1, 2016
Detox so you can always get your rocks off
Cooking to Bang can often lead to some nasty habits like drinking, fornicating and eating after midnight. Some scientists claim that indulging your every whim can be harmful to your health. Bully to that. But just in case you are seek a cleansing, Cook To Bang has something silky smooth for the sinner in all of us. Think of this soup as an elixir that can grant you eternal innocence. Every unspeakable carnal act you performed in the heat of the moment shall be absolved by the soup’s all-forgiving nutrients. Allow the garlic and cayenne pepper to clear your sinuses and conscience. The broccoli and cauliflower will mainline you with calcium and scoop out cancer-causing gunk holding your prowess back. Lastly the lemon will wash away the sins leaving your body and soul shiny like it went through the car wash. You’re good to go. Have fun abusing yourself and we’ll see you again soon. Next! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
December 24, 2015
"Where the ho ho ho's at?" - Santa Clause, December 25, 2009
Santa has been a dirty dog. Getting all up in people’s chimneys, drinking their eggnog and kissing mommy. That fat bastard has quite the racket going on. He pretends to be a jolly fat man spreading toys and joys around. But that’s just a cover so he can bang every MILF he can get his sick sausage fingers on. Homeboy gets right into your house, chimney or no, throws some chintzy toys his worker elves made in the North Pole AKA a Chinese sweatshop, and is banging your momma underneath the Christmas tree your family so innocently decorated. And what does he leave behind as a calling card? Cookie crumbs and a half-drank glass of eggnog. But now’s your chance to show the holly jolly sex-fiend who’s boss. Sure he banged your mom in your own house. But that doesn’t mean you can’t use the leftover eggnog to make French toast on Christmas morning. Think of it as a way for your family to bounce back and avoid becoming yet another home broken by Santa Clause. And if Santa just banged your girlfriend or wife instead, take heart that she was probably star-struck, like banging a Backstreet Boy in their hey day. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, holidays, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: backstreet boys, bang, banging, batter, bread, butter, chimney, Chinese sweatshop, chintzy, Christmas tree, delicious, DIY, easy, fat bastard, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, ho ho ho, holly jolly, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, maple syrup, milf, momma, mommy, mother, naked, Naughty eggnog, north pole, nutmeg, raisins, recipe, santa clause, santa’s revenge French toast, sausage fingers, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex-fiend, tasty, xmas, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 23, 2015
So it’s Christmas time. You may need to bring something to your (or your significant other’s) family holiday party or perhaps you and a sexy someone have decided to do your own Christmas thang. It’s about that time to bust something homemade out to leave an outstanding impression. Make this homemade eggnog recipe you will just do that. If all goes to plan everyone will be too tanked to think of you as anything but a champ. Encourage the lot of them to drink up, be merry. Not merry yet? Have another glass of this naughty nog. After enough glasses of this creamy cocktail and they’d forgive you for banging the dog (do us all a favor and abstain from this). My first experiment with this drink happened during a frightening visit to the ex-Navy colonel father of a girl I was dating after college. She told me about his medals of valor, not to mention his collection of antique guns. This was a delicate situation that was easily defused by strong eggnog I threw together on a whim. By the end of the night Colonel Kill You In Your Sleep was crooning along to Bing Crosby Christmas carols and calling me “son.” The eggnog was like Kevlar and I was the drunken Baby Jesus. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, holidays, libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, winter | Tagged: Alcoholic eggnog, bang, banging, beverage, brandy, Christmas, cold, cream, creamy, decadent, delicious, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, eggnog recipe, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, holidays, homemade, homemade eggnog, intercourse, kitchen, libido, milk, naked, recipe, romance, rum, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soothing, tasty, wet, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 22, 2015
I roasted these peppers just for you, baby!
The economy has had a swift kick in the nuts for every consumer rich and poor. The holidays are here and gifts need to be exchanged. Your lovers are no exception. The holidays are a great time to clean house of the more shameful members of your roster. Give them nothing but a booty text with a holiday reference like “How’s my ho ho ho?” But you may have one or two (or three or thirty) that you’d like to see more of in the New Year. You gotta pony up sometimes, which doesn’t necessarily have to cost money. Purchasing jewelry, lingerie or a personalized bowling ball can easily land you in trouble, especially if your give Tina the panties meant for Rochelle. That’s why a culinary DIY project can bring a nice personal touch that reminds them once again what a phenomenal cook and lover you are. Making some transportable food sends just the right message. You won’t set up grand expectations or be considered stingy, just a matter of fact, “I think you are terrific and hope to bang you in the new year.”
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Leave a Comment » | gift, holidays, RECIPES, SEDUCTION, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, bell, cheap, Christmas, classy, delicious, DIY, easy, game changer, get laid, gift, gourmet, guarantee, Hanukah, ho ho ho, holiday, intercourse, jarred, kinky, kitchen, lover, naked, pepper, present, red, roast, Roasted bell peppers, romance, Santa, save money, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, vegan, vegetable, vegetarian, yellow | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 21, 2015
- Put down the crackberry. Try the Chipotle Blackberry.
So now you’re down to the wire now. You blew all your cash on gifts for the family and forgot about that certain someone who’s been keeping your bed warm at night. Whoops! Soon you will be going your separate ways giving each of you time to think and reflect. This could be a very bad thing if you leave on a inconsiderate cheapskate note. Giving them nothing likely will result in not getting some for a while if not ever. Considering the holiday rush at the stores for anything worth a damn, why not skip all that noise? Save time and money by getting DIY with some jarring, player. HOLY BLACKBERRY CHIPOTLE SAUCE offers an aphrodisiac double threat with the chipotle chili kick and blackberry antioxidant money shot. It’s spicy, it’s sweet, it’s versatile. Spread it on a sandwich, marinate meat and fish and grill, turn it into a sexy salad dressing with some vinegar. Hand all your special someones a jar to remember you by, with luck a part of you will be in their mouth even months later (if you pressure seal the jars). Let jarring begin!
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Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, gift, holidays, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: adobo, bang, blackberry, Blackberry chipotle sauce, cheap, chipotle, Christmas, classy, condiment, delicious, DIY, easy, family, game changer, garlic, get laid, gift, gourmet, guarantee, Hanukah, ho ho ho, honey, intercourse, jam, jar, jarring, jelly, kinky, kitchen, lover, marinade, naked, pectin, present, red wine vinegar, romance, salad dressing, sandwich, Santa, save money, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, smoky, spicy, sugar, sweet | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 18, 2015
There's room for one more, three's never a crowd.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a hard time saying no to a three-way. Even if that just means three-sided tofu treats, I’m down. So many good things come in threes. Comedy gold is done in trifecta. My favorite nights of carnal connections involved a third party. Clearly three is company and never a crowd. And what better way to ignite such an evening of exploration and fornication than with some edible treats? These tofu triangles are classy, sassy and won’t leave you gassy. Plus you can appeal to the free loving hippie in all of us by serving tofu. A little curiosity never hurt no one no how! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, hippie, Japanese, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bi-curious, carnal connections, classy, delicious, DIY, easy, exploration, fish sauce, food, free-loving, fried tofu recipe, fry, game changer, gassy, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hippie, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, libido, lime, marinate, ménage à trois, naked, orgy, recipe, sassy, sauce, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, tasty, three-way, threesome, tofu, trifecta, vegan, vegetable oil, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 16, 2015
We’ve only just begun, but I’m down to take my sweet sweet time.
Seduction is all about finesse. You can’t just meet someone, ram your tongue down their throat and expect to enjoy full penetration within 10 minutes. Perhaps if your life is a porno…but the rest of us need to play it cool, even after we break the banging seal. This applies especially to anyone who spends the night that you want to keep around for a little while. If you decide not to fake a family emergency to force them out of your bed, you might as well make them breakfast. Busting out the caviar to sprinkle over your lobster FRITTATA might be overkill. Try something a little simpler that makes an impression like a well-positioned tongue. The parfait is the perfect vehicle for morning foreplay because it takes seconds to hook up something refreshing, healthy and damn tasty. With the morning lubricated by the Parfait Foreplay, proceed with blowing off your plans to bang well into the afternoon. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, Mediterranean, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, breakfast, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, family emergency, food, foreplay, frittata, game changer, get laid, gourmet, granola, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lubricated, morning, naked, overkill, parfait recipe, recipe, refreshing, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberry, tasty, tongue, yogurt, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 14, 2015
Man goes where the mangos flow and the seafood knows
You can almost hear the steel drums and kinky Reggae when you slurp this sexy take on a Caribbean classic. It takes a little work to harness the flavors, but trust me when I say it’s well worth the time (hint hint). Shrimp mango bisque is both nutritious and loaded with aphrodisiacs that will put you on the path to gratification. The sweet taste of mango compliments the spices; the shrimp are just begging to soak in the sweet and spicy flavor bursts. My first encounter with this dish was at Club Med in Turks and Caicos as a child rather clueless as to why the adults danced so closely together after a downing a bowl. Perversity and ingenuity have since led me to honing the recipe to what you see before you. SMACK MY BISQUE UP has become a reliable go to dish that brings that Caribbean sunshine to my kitchen and bedroom even in the dead of winter. Go on, make Bob Marley proud!
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6 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Caribbean, fusion, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bisque, bob Marley, Caribbean, chili, cilantro, delicious, easy, flavor, from scratch, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, island, kinky, kitchen, mango, naked, onion, paprika, peppers, plantain, post-coital, romance, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, Shrimp mango bisque, soup, spicy, turmeric, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 11, 2015
Naughty hot chocolate for the hottie in your life.
It’s colder than Ann Coulter’s heart outside. You’re date is no doubt keen to stay warm during these cruel winter months. Luckily you are generous with sharing your body warmth. Tis the season to be giving indeed. This alcoholic hot chocolate recipe should help you mark a few extra notches until spring fever kicks in like rabbits in heat. You get the comfort of a hot chocolate that warms the bones while the cocoa aphrodisiac sets the loins ablaze. The minty alcohol will follow up as a double threat that will lower inhibitions and freshen your breath. The two of you should be rolling around in the snow butt-naked in no time. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: alcoholic, bang, bittersweet, chocolate, classy, cocoa, delicious, easy, from scratch, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, home made, hot chocolate, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, milk, minty, naked, Peppermint patty, peppermint schnapps, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, sweet, warm, Whipped cream, winter | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 9, 2015
Grab ass graciously.
How about a little game of grab ass? With an ass that fine I imagine you’ll be doing a shit ton of grabbing. But how do you grab a handful of cheek without coming off like a perv? First off, you shouldn’t care if they assume you’re perv. The Cook To Bang readership is all pervs and I love you all for your debauchery. But in the effort to maintain a non-creepy mystique, here’s my suggestion: serve this salad. Then blame the grapefruit. All that vitamin C is going straight to your head and making you perform irrationally. Taking a firm hold of their bum is the only natural reaction one could expect with all those healthy ingredients. Chances are that your date will be just as randy since they too indulged. So go with it and grab ass! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, brown sugar, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grab ass grapefruit salad recipe, grapefruit, grapefruit cabbage avocado salad, grapefruit salad recipe, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, perverts, pervs, recipe, red cabbage, salad dressing, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, toss your salad, tossed salad, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 