November 17, 2010
Salivate or Salvation?
Just looking at pictures of this salad makes me salivate. Good god was this an orgasmic freaking salad. Everything in here screams healthy, happy and horny. You could run a goddamn marathon or at least have some killer marathon sex after eating a plate of this bad boy. My date didn’t know what to say when I served her this masterpiece. I’m pretty sure she said YUM! But it was hard to tell since her mouth was full of salad, shortly followed by my tongue. It’s pretty safe to say that anyone who throws together something this awesome will surely get laid, if not inducted into the COOK TO BANG hall of fame. Swing for the fences, my friends! Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: amazing, avocado, awesome, balsamic vinegar, bang, beets, cherry tomatoes, cranberry, delicious, DIY, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, hall of fame, happy, healthy, heart healthy, homemade, horny, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lettuce, marathon, masterpiece, naked, olive oil, pecan, pepper, recipe, romantic, salad, Salad recipe, saladacious, salivate, seduce, sex, tasty, tongue, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
September 27, 2010
Go Big Pimpin' or go home alone.
Sometimes you gotta big time your salads. Sure you could serve your date up a simple green salad. But unless you’re following it up with some bodacious entrée, that date of yours will lose interest long before dessert. And that’s if they don’t fall asleep face-first in your uninspired salad. That is why I went all big pimpin’ with this salad. The hot Chiquita bonita I had over wanted something slamming that would not be expanding her sexy backside. Aye yi, la Capitan! The result: our expectations (her appetite; my libido) were surpassed. I might as well have been drinking Chardonnay out of a pimp chalice with the Cook To Bang logo written in diamonds. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, Cajun, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, barbecue, bbq sauce, bbq seasoning, bbq shrimp salad recipe, big pimpin’ bbq shrimp salad, big pimping, big time, bodacious, calivirgin, chardonnay, Chiquita bonita, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, greens, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, naked, olive oil, pimp chalice, recipe, red wine vinegar, salad, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 10, 2010
Das unt good? Das is banging!
I love me some fraus. German women inspire both lust and terror in me. Perhaps it’s the fractional Jewish blood that runs through my veins, like some twisted Eva Braun fantasy. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, german, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beets, captain’s hat, casual whippings, delicious, DIY, easy, eva braun, feta cheese, food, frau, game changer, garnish, german, german beet salad recipe, germany, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, horse crop, intercourse, jewish, kitchen, lederhosen, libido, naked, papers, parsley, recipe, red onion, red wine vinegar, role-playing, salad, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shiza, shiza film, Stockholm syndrome, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 19, 2010
Hey Bonita, glad to meet ya!
Food is the great equalizer. No matter how rich, poor, hot, or totally busted you are, we all gotta eat. That’s why the CTB method works so well. Unless you are some enlightened monk impervious to hunger pangs and lascivious loins, we all need to cook and bang. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, mexican, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, cook, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, glad to meetya, gourmet, great equalizer, greens, guarantee, hail mary, healthy, herpes harpies, homemade, hunger pangs, kitchen, lascivious, lemon, libido, Lindsay lohan, low-carb, mexican, mexico, monk, naked, pears, poach, recipe, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 14, 2010
Naughty nursery rhyme time!
This little figgy went to the market (to buy ingredients and condoms)
This little figgy stayed home (and Cooked to Bang)
This little figgy had roast beef (curtains)
This little figgy had none (because he was cooking for a vegan)
And this little figgy went “Wee! Wee! Wee!” all the way home (bragging about the latest CTB conquest).
Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
March 25, 2010
Broc is a lock 'cuz the ladies do flock
When your pad starts to seem like a whorehouse with all the coming and going and more coming, it’s best to treat your body right. At least once in a while anyway. I’m all for the rock ‘n roll indulgences with fatty foods, barrels of booze, and flocks of freaks. But the monk that resides deep within my soul occasionally takes control and screams “Enough, ya heathen!” So I indulge him by taking a night off from the excitement and excess. And then, like Charlie Sheen at Bolivian whorehouse, I’m back to my usual tomfoolery harder and heavier than ever. Now go on and do yourself right before you do someone else right.
Total time: approximately 6 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: All depends on what you serve with it
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 bunch broccoli
2. 2 tbsp oyster sauce
Step 1
Chop off the bottom of the broccoli stalks so the trees separate. Throw them in boiling water and cook through so they are bright green (approx 3 min). Remove from the broccoli water and toss with oyster sauce. Serve up this mighty fine, healthy side dish with a meaty ENTREE.
Leave a Comment » | asian, Chinese, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: asian, bang, banging, boil, bordello, broccoli, brothel, brothel broccoli break, Charlie sheen, Chinese, Chinese broccoli recipe, Columbian, delicious, DIY, easy, excess, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, heathen, homemade, indulgences, intercourse, kitchen, libido, monk, naked, oyster sauce, recipe, rock and roll, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, tasty, tomfoolery, toss, whorehouse, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 25, 2010
Friends don't let friends fake orgasms.
Ladies, there are few things more humiliating than you faking an orgasm. It’s like being told that Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny are all imaginary, but compound that with dismissing your entire shoe collection as wiggety whack. Cruel and unusual. I suppose if you are going to fake it, be convincing like an Oscar-winning actor pretending to have OCD. Granted, many dudes’ performances are hardly worthy of a golf-clap, let alone giving yourself laryngitis screaming his name while you dig nails in their back. Lucky for all parties involved, there’s a salad that should make the need to fake an O obsolete. Bacon is something that even vegans can agree is totally awesome. Crispy, meaty, and freaky. A simple salad that wouldn’t even be worthy of Gordon Ramsay deeming demanding you remove the gum from his A. Testoni loafers can suddenly become a contender. Be bold with your bacon and quit that fakin’!
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: MAIL ORDER WHITE RUSSIAN BRIDE
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 massive handfuls field greens
2. 1 tbsp maple syrup
3. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
4. 4 strips bacon (piggie, turkey, or veggie)
5. 2 tomatoes sliced thinly
6. Queso fresco
Step 1
Fry the bacon nice and crispy, and then cut in strips.
Step 2
Create the dressing by combining the maple syrup and olive oil. Combine the field greens, tomatoes, bacons strips, crumbled queso fresco, and toss with the dressing.
Leave a Comment » | LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: a. testoni loafers, bacon, bang, banging, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easter bunny, easy, fake orgasm, field greens, food, game changer, get laid, golf-clap, Gordon ramsay, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, laryngitis, libido, maple bacon salad recipe, maple syrup, meat, naked, no orgasm fakin’ bacon salad, ocd, olive oil, oscar-winning actor, queso fresco, recipe, santa clause, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomatoes, tooth fairy, wiggety whack, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 11, 2010
Behold the green love machine bio-diesel (and quite delicious) fuel
I’m not sure what it is about bok choy; I always seem to taste sweet satisfaction when I serve it to the ladies. Perhaps it’s a purely coincidental, somewhat random constant in my life. But I’m not so sure. It could be that it’s classy and reeks of sophistication. The girls I serve it to may sense that I am indeed a well-traveled man of the world. No doubt I was probably an envoy or junior UN ambassador traveling in my own motorcade complete with a bodyguard with an Austrian accent. But my gut tells me it’s a more physiological. Whether it’s the healthy chloroform, delicious taste, or the lovely green color, something magical is happening each time I grab a bok choy off the shelf. Maybe it’s best not to understand one of nature’s best-kept secrets (until now, you’re welcome!). It’s just as well so long as you enjoy the benefits of steamed magic.
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or champagne
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp sesame seeds
2. 1 tbsp HONEY
3. 1 bunch bok choy
Step 1
Chop off the base of the boy choy stalk to separate the leaves. Steam until the leaves begin to wilt and turn bright green.
Step 2
Lay the steamed bok choy leaves out wide and separate from each other. Drizzle the honey evenly over the boy choy and then scatter the sesame seeds so they stick to the honey.
Serve this fine veggie side with any number of fish or meat ENTRÉES.
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, fusion, Japanese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Austrian, bang, banging, benefits, bodyguard, bok choy, chloroform, coincidental, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, motorcade, naked, physiological, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, sex to me, sophistication, steam, steamed, sweet, tasty, UN, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 12, 2010
Stuff with care
This main dish is meant for your main squeeze. Don’t prepare this outstanding entrée for one of your breezies on the side. The effort and effect are not worth it unless you want them to get hooked on you. It goes back to the essence of the Cook To Bang philosophy. Eat amazing food; have amazing sex. This hearty dish is perfect for a winter evening in. Why would you go out when you have the two essentials for a perfect night of carnal lust and consumption? At least that’s what I discovered when I laid this culinary mack down on a girl I’m seeing. She hasn’t stopped calling, texting, sexting, and facebooking since. Homegirl is officially addicted…to me. Ever since, I’ve been getting stuffed and busting nuts all over the place. Use this dish cautiously, unless you are eager to build your own harem.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red red wine
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 3 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
3. 1 butternut squash
4. 2 dashes black pepper
5. 3 dashes sea salt
6. 2 GREENSBURY MARKET organic chicken breasts
7. 1 pear
8. 2 large carrots
9. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
10. 1 lime wedge
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350∞F/175∞C. Slice the squash lengthwise and scoop out the guts, leaving a nice cavity. Rub olive oil into each half, and then salt and pepper them and roast until the squash meat is soft (approx 30 min).
Step 2
While the squash roasts, cube the chicken and marinate in limejuice, cayenne pepper, and sea salt (approx 10 min).
Step 3
Peel the carrots and chop into bite-sized pieces. Slice the pears thinly. SautÈ the carrots and pears until they soften (approx 5 min). Add the chicken and sautÈ thoroughly.
Step 4
Finally scoop the sautÈed chicken and veggies into the cavities of the squash (once soft) and throw back in the oven and roast until it’s all heated through (approx 5 min). Crown each with green onions and serve.
This ENTRÉE kills it on it’s own, but a simple SALAD could shoot your date’s lust into the stratosphere.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, winter | Tagged: addicted, bang, banging, black pepper, breezies, bust a nut, butternut squash, carnal lust, carrot, cayenne pepper, chicken breasts, consumption, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, get hooked, get laid, get stuffed, gourmet, green onions, greensbury market, guarantee, harem, healthy, hearty, homemade, hooked, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, main dish, main squeeze, marinate, naked, olive oil, organic, pear, recipe, roast, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 29, 2009
I am the Cook To Bang Chef, and I am an aphrodisaddict.
Any alcoholic or drug addict will tell you that the first step in battling an addiction is to admit you have a problem. So let’s start there. I am addicted to aphrodisiacs. No judgments, right? The problem has become severe enough that I cannot function like a normal human being. Everything I cook seems to have one of these mood-altering, loin-enticing ingredients. The other day I made boring old scrambled eggs and I still had to smother it all in hot sauce and avocados. The girl I made it for who insisted I didn’t “sex it up as usual” was disappointed that I couldn’t just make something simple. She left shortly after explaining things weren’t going to work out. Good riddance to her. Granted she was trying to help me see my flaws, but damn it, it’s going to be on my terms. There has to be a happy medium where my every meal isn’t loaded with flavorful and healthy ingredients that cause chemical reactions leading to bigger libidos and more explosive orgasms. This breakfast is yet another example of me not being able to make a meal simple and earnest like something you would consume on an Amish farm. It’s a work in progress people so please tolerate the aphrodisiac overload in the meantime.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 can BLACK BEANS
3. 2 dashes sea salt
4. 3 eggs
5. 1 can TUNA
6. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
7. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
8. 1 sprig ROSEMARY
Step 1
Drain the black beans and tuna cans. Sauté the beans and fish in olive oil, adding rosemary, cayenne pepper, and sea salt.
Step 2
Crack the eggs over the mixture and cover with a pot top so they will cook from steam rising (approx 3 min). Add extra salt if you desire and crown with the green onions.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: alcoholic, amish, aphrodisiacs, Aphrodisiaddicts breakfast, atkins, bang, banging, black beans, breakfast, cayenne pepper, chemical reactions, delicious, DIY, drug addict, easy, eggs, explosive orgasm, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, judgment, kitchen, libido, loin-enticing, mood-altering, morning, naked, olive oil, overload, recipe, rosemary, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spicy, tasty, tuna, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 