August 1, 2014
Morgina? Aye yi, el capitan!
I discovered this drink purely by accident. While visiting New York, a friend brought me to one of the last games played in Yankee Stadium. Responsible members of society that we are, we pre-gamed in the subway. Serendipity inspired my friend to get a bottle of Captain Morgan’s while I was thirsty for a little Eurotrash soda and went with Orangina. As a lark, we combined forces and something magical happened. Two derelicts boozing on the subway caught their own lightning in a bottle! As the booze kicked in, we became spokesmen for our new beverage. I’m sure we frightened most of our fellow subway riders, but if we inspired only one other person, it was worth it. The game itself was uneventful. Truth be told, I don’t remember most of it. But after the game we caught up with some girls we me out at a bar the other night. The ladies did agree that we reinvented the wheel with our new beverage. We got muy intoxicado and carried on like pirates into the wee hours sans clothing. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
Caribbean, libation lubrication, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, baseball, beverage, booze, captain morgans, cocktail, delicious, derelict, DIY, drunk, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, libation, libido, lime, liquor, mint leaves, mix, naked, new york, orangina, pirates, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, serendipity, sex, spiced rum, spokesmen, subway, tasty, Yankees, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
July 30, 2014
I wrapped these tasty morsels up in lettuce and God said it was good.
You read that right. These lettuce wraps are no joke. Dr. Atkins is saluting them from his cloud in heaven. How could this much flavor be packed into such a low carb treat? Is it a miracle? Did God communicate this recipe to me from atop the mountain like Moses on Mount Sinai? The answer to all these questions is “You damn skippy!” This creation has absolutely nothing to do with the fact there was no bread in my house. Poppycock to those heretics who suggest otherwise. And the crowd of one I served it was certainly happy and surprised by the result. She too doubted that it would work. But I converted her into a believer. Can I get an amen? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, dairy, healthy, poultry, RECIPES, SINWICHES | Tagged: amen, atkins, bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq sauce, believer, calivirgin, cheese, chicken, chicken lettuce wrap, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, grilled, guarantee, healthy, heretic, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, libido, low-carb, mayonnaise, moses, mount Sinai, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, onion, pear, poppycock, recipe, sandwich, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tomato, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 23, 2014
They serve this fried delight at the Heartbreak Hotel
Elvis has left the building…in a body bag. Too many fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches I suppose. I can’t explain it, but hipsters love them some Elvis. Must be the irony associated with his gold lamé suit, mutual love of pills and consumption of odd foods sure to leave you bloated and possibly dead on the shitter. Cook To Bang does not endorse this behavior nor the hipster lifestyle. But this sandwich is a delicious lark to share with your hipster lover after an ironic banging session. Just be sure to crank some Elvis tunes, you hunk a hunk of burning love. (That burning is Chlamydia, by the way.) Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: banana, bang, delicious, dessert, easy, elvis, elvis presley, elvis sandwich, fancy, fast, fattening, fried, fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lunch, naked, peanut butter, presley, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, Sexier than elvis sinwich, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 17, 2014
Salsa your way across the dancefloor to the snack table for more salsa!
This recipe comes courtesy of Derek in Denver, CO. This badass tomatillo salsa recipe has been scoring him smoking hot granola girls by the bakers dozen. Derek writes:
Salsa salsa salsa! Nothing like a simple a perfect combination of Mexican spices, flavors, and cajones to inspire some sexy time. We got the right amount of flavor and heat without sending anyone home crying for their mommies. And this will come in handy as you lay out your finest game. I find that this recipe is all that and a bag of chips. Tortilla chips. I hope your readers enjoy as much I have enjoyed the fairer sex of Colorado! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bakers dozen, bang, banging, boil, cilantro, Colorado, delicious, denver, Derek, DIY, easy, fairer sex, flavorful, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, granola girls, green onions, guarantee, heat, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, limes, mexican, mexico, mix, mommies, naked, puree, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, spicy, tasty, tomatillo salsa recipe, tomatillos, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 13, 2014
You got to lick it before you potstick it!
Innovation generally is born out of desperation, or so I learned creating this appetizer. I returned home briefly after an extended absence and didn’t even bother to take my luggage out of the car. Off to a birthday party I went, eager to connect with old friends, and make a few new ones. My reputation at the party for being a great cook preceded me. One of the guests was especially keen to find out just how much I know about food. We spent most of the night discussing food, our bodies inching closer and closer as we spoke with passion and lust for fine cuisine. I’m not sure exactly how it went down, but we bailed on the party before the cake was served (the food was uninspiring anyway) to whip something up at my house. Only problem was my fridge was empty except for some frozen potstickers, condiments galore and the three strawberries my roommate had leftover. With my cooking game’s reputation on the line, I threw down the gauntlet and made this random piece of awesomeness. My new friend was impressed and gave me props for efforts once that night and twice in the morning. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, challenge, delicious, DIY, easy, empty fridge, food, fusion, game changer, gauntlet, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, Potstick your spicy strawberries, potstickers, random, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, spicy, spicy sweet, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, strawberries, tasty, traveling, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 9, 2014
Jane says, “I’m gonna kick tomorrow.” Yeah right! These summertime rolls are too damn good!
With much respect to Jane’s Addiction. Better music to bang to there could not be. Nothing beats a summertime roll in the hay. Summer sex is sweaty, sticky, and sumptuous. When all have been said and done properly, some light fare is in order. The summer appetite is for something light and refreshing. Heavy, saucy things just don’t do a body warmed by the sun good. That was my conclusion after hiking through the Angkor Wat and Thom ruins all day in the blazing Cambodian heat. The Canadian backpacking aspiring anthropologist/stone cold hottie I met by the tree growing out of the cracks of a crumbled temple and I collapsed into a booth at an empty restaurant when we got back to Siem Riep. Ms. Canada held up two fingers up and we were brought two Angkor beers and two shrimp spring rolls. The nibbles recharged my aching body and overwhelmed sense of wonder. It also got the ball rolling on a beautiful evening performing a clothing optional duet of “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, cambodian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, summer | Tagged: Angkor, Angkor thom, Angkor wat, anthropologist, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beer, Canada, Canadian, cold stone hottie, delicious, DIY, duet, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, jane's addiction, kitchen, libido, mint, naked, oh Canada, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp summer rolls, siem riep, southeast asia, summer, summer rolls, summertime rolls, sweet chili sauce, tasty, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 4, 2014
Stuff those creamy green treats with some mad flavor!
Straight out of a fancy country club near you is this stuffed avocado recipe with a twist. The catch is we are adding some much needed flavor, spice and additional aphrodisiacs of course. The avocado already works wonders for your libido, but combine it with some spicy chili and shrimp you have the Guns of the Navarone firing in your mouth. This dish is sweet, tangy, spicy and creamy in one fell swoop. It’s like having a lover with split personality: from the crazy bisexual stripper to the meek librarian cum closet sexpot. This salad is all good and rather enjoyable. It should work like a champ in getting you the desired randy results. No doubt, somewhere a prude country club member is exclaiming, “I never!” Read the rest of this entry »
9 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: avocado, bang, celery, chili, country club, delicious, easy, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, lunch, luncheon, naked, onion, radish, recipe, red pepper, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp stuffed avocado, stuffed, Stuffed avocado | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 26, 2014
Ants are crawling all over my log…and I like it!
The ants! They’re crawling all over me! It’s so terr-…no wait. It’s actually rather awesome. All those little legs tickling my unmentionables. It’s a like an orgy with hundreds of participants, except they don’t talk, won’t get preggers and most likely don’t have full body herpes. If you get over the whole gross aspect of getting freaky with insects, than you got yourself a party. And should it ever get a little weird and awkward, you can always bail and squash those six-legged lovers of yours. Or better yet, just simulate it by recreating a classic childhood snack for a program intended for a mature audience. Who is the audience you ask? The ants of course! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: Ants on a log recipe, ants on my log, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, celery, childhood snack, cute, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, food, full body herpes, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, insects, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mature audience, naked, orgy, peanut butter, preggers, raisin, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sweet, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, tasty, treat, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 15, 2014
Prescription-strength delicious
It’s party time! The night is full of possibilities. You have your date lined up. You are pretty sure things are good to go. So don’t leave the cocktails to chance. Class wherever you’re going up with some watermelon ice cubes. You can turn a boring vodka soda into a superbly subtle recipe for delectable debauchery. Watermelon is a bonafide aphrodisiac that has the same compounds that Viagra offers to get guys’ pistons firing at full speed. The juicy melon is mostly water, with a refreshing flavor that does your body right. Allow the cube to melt and the watermelon particles break away, turbo-charging your drink for the night ahead. If an erection lasts for more than four hours…go with it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, bang, booze, chilly, cocktail, cold, cube, delicious, drunk, easy, fancy, frozen, fruity, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, ice, intercourse, kitchen, mixer, naked, natural, new years eve, party, recipe, refreshing, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sweet, Viagra, watermelon, Watermelon ice cubes, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 14, 2014
- Experimenting in the kitchen leads to experimenting in the bedroom.
Experimentation makes the world go round. Where would we be without Ben Franklin accidentally barbecuing himself with a kite? I approach cooking with the same punk rock philosophy. My instincts usually lead to success, but every once in a while I crash a burn. My culinary experiments usually take place behind closed doors, the windows drawn, and a former Mossad security team keeping out the paparazzi. I can’t have my cooking rep suffer should I create a black hole of shame in my kitchen. There were these peanut butter cookies I made without sugar that were so bad they will follow me to into grave and end up stuffed in my suit pocket. Every once in a while a new recipe needs to be attempted on the spot. This skeptical lawyer whose ass still looks banging under her pantsuit was concerned when she saw me peel a tangerine and shell shrimp. “You’re putting that in my eggs?” I calmed down this sexpot lawyer that dominates in the courtroom and bedroom by pouring coffee into one of my beloved PHOTO MUGS. She drank the java, then ate her words, and entire plate, even forking away one of my shrimp! my lawyer lover ended up being late to her deposition because she subpoenaed me between the sheets. CTB 1 – LAW 0. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beat, black hole, black pepper, bodyguard, calivirgin, cilantro, delicious, deposition, DIY, easy, eggs, electricity, experiment, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, inventor, kitchen, lawyer, libido, low-carb, mossad, naked, olive oil, peanut butter cookies, protein, recipe, salt, sauté, scramble, security team, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp tangerine scramble, skeptical, sweet, tangerine, tangy, tangy bangy shrimpy scramble, tasty, vitamin c, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 