November 16, 2011
Because banging once is never enough!
Why bang once when you can bang twice or thrice and on and on? The first banging session is a warm up, a mulligan if you will. Sure it’s like the first ascent of a famed mountain peak, but sometimes you are too exhausted to really take in the view. Now that you’re onto round two you can savor it. You’ve been here before, so you are appreciating new aspects like the pubic foliage. I hope that the arduous journey (cooking) was worth the destination (banging). It would have to be if you are coming back for a sequel. If Godfather II, Empire Strikes Back and Evil Dead 2 taught us anything, it’s that the second time can be sweeter than the first. So warm that shit back up for late night spooning. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
August 23, 2011
Forget the little blue pill. Try the big green melon!
Are you feeling weak-willed, pathetic and flaccid? You no longer have an excuse with this outstanding summer soup recipe. Studies have proven that the citrulline in WATERMELON triggers arginine, the chemical in Viagra that gets male pistons pumping. This soup will turbo charge your libido so you can take plenty of prisoners in the bedroom who won’t want to be released. Stockholm Syndrome will be in effect with the amount of good loving you will be dishing out in a soup bowl. Did I mention how refreshing chilled watermelon soup tastes, especially when you go for seconds after a particularly exhausting banging session? Now get yourself to the market and then blow your dates mind, body and soul. Boom-chicka-wah-wah! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, libation lubrication, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alcohol, aphrodisiac, arginine, bang, beta-carotene, butter, cancer-fighting, chilled, cialis, citrulline, club soda, delicious, DIY, easy, erectile dysfunction, flaccid, food, fruit, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, hot, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, limejuice, lycopene, melon, mint, naked, recipe, refreshing, sauté, seduce, seedless, sex, Stockholm syndrome, sugar, summer soup, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, Viagra, vodka, Watermelon soup recipe, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 15, 2011
Ginger ale never tasted so damn innapproprate!
I’m the first to admit that I’ve had relations with a fire crotch. Actually more than one. More than…uh, never mind! I may have a problem. All I see is red. I probably should see a shrink about this. The red menace of the Cold War ain’t got nothing on my compulsion for banging red heads. Maybe it’s something primal like I was a bull killed by a matador in a past life. Ole my ass! At least now I get that red instead of being teased and tormented before being slaughtered for the crowd’s delight. This refreshing and APHRODISIAC bombshell hits the spot and lures those gingers right in. Be warned that it’s a bitch cleaning up all the red hairs gingers leave behind. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
March 7, 2011
A ha! The Ahi Salad has granted me powers heretofore unattainable!
Congratulations! You have graduated to a higher plane of salad making. Now you refuse to settle for iceberg lettuce smothered in ranch dressing. There is nothing nutritious nor sexy about that blasphemous culinary combination. No, you are a sophisticated salad eater that wants great taste with enough nutrients to allow you to survive a nuclear famine in style. Hopefully the date you have chosen to share this with is on the same page because this salad requires 110% commitment. I have faith that as a reader of COOK TO BANG you are in fact ready to blow them away and get blown in the process. So get down to business and take this radical new approach to salad making. When you become a superhero that can hear a mosquito fart in another state you won’t have to question how this came to be. Just go with it. I’m so <wipes away tear> proud of you! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
February 14, 2011
Get blazing with an amazing glazing.
The only way to be a true player is to wow your date into submission. It needs to be clear that not banging you is their loss. That requires excellence in all that you do. Cooking is an obvious extension of the pursuit of perfection. Nail one or two recipes and you have a repertoire perfect for attracting and seducing new play pals. It’s those little things they will remember and recount to their friends when they are gabbing over coffee or cosmos. So you want to be the centerpiece of conversation singing your accolades rather than picking apart your extension flaws. A good first impression on their mouth can outshine even your ruthless lothario instincts. So be amazing at all times. Glaze some scallops with tangy temptation, and then kick back and let their attraction boil over. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: accolades, aphrodisiac, attraction, bang, banging, Be amazed glazed scallops, calivirgin, coffee, cosmos, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, glazed, glazed scallops recipe, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, honey lemon glazed scallops, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, lothario, marinate, naked, olive oil, onion, player, recipe, repertoire, salt, sauté, scallops, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, submission, sweet, tangy, tasty, temptation, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 17, 2011
There's polenty of room for two, but we'll make room for your cute friend.
What are you worrying about? We have plenty of room. So what if my place is small? I ain’t rich…yet. Besides, Cozy = Cosmic Connection. Our auras will be touching. Aura friction is just what you need to cheer up over the state of the economy. Just think of me as the spark to jolt you back into positivity. Now come on into my cramp little slice of heaven and make yourself comfy. Enjoy this little something I whipped up to show you, there is indeed Polenty of Room or Two. My bedroom is just down the hall. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, aura friction, bang, banging, black pepper, cosmic connection, delicious, DIY, easy, economy, finger food, first, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grapes, green onion, guarantee, heaven, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, maple syrup, naked, olive oil, polenta, polenta with spinach and grapes, polenty of room for two recipe, positivity, recipe, salt, sauté, sautéed polenta recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!
The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen. This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness. The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right? Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold. The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble. It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts. A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health. Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast. Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, biblical, bra, calivirgin, cancer, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, feta cheese, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, health, healthy, heart disease, homemade, intercourse, juggernauts, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, pay it forward, pear, pomegranate, pomegranate pear feta salad recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, roughage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexually satisfied, shake your pom pomegranate salad recipe, super food, tasty, ugliness, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 17, 2010
Behold the tower of porn...flakes.
Cue the 70’s porn funk as you stroll into the room. You got that sexy someone in one arm, an armful of cornflake magic in the other. The only thing holding you back is your fragile sense of morals. Toss them aside onto the shag carpeting and become the porn star you always wanted to be. Remember on career day in middle school when everyone announced plans to be doctors, firemen and an account like my dad? Not you. You announced to your aghast teacher and clueless classmates that you would be delivering money shots on cue from 5 different angles while stroking your mustache. So what if that didn’t technically work out? No harm in pretending so long as you have a willing partner. But that’s why you have the Porn-Flake Friskees, to lure in your co-star. Lights, camera, BANG! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: 70’s porn, amateur, bang, butter, career day, cookie, cornflake, cornflake krispie recipe, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, food, fruit, fruity cornflake krispie, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, marshmallow, money shot, morals, mustache, naked, porn, Porn-flake friskees recipe, porno, pornography, pornstar, recipe, seduce, sex, shag carpeting, strawberries, sugary, sweets, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 1, 2010
That's the musty smell of a quickie, not the fishy scent of the sandwich.
Who says quickies can’t be romantic, satisfying and straight up sexy? Clearly these pantywaists have never gone home on a lunch break to bang like a jackhammer fast, furious and effective. Those who do know relish that all-too-familiar feeling of awesomeness when you get back to the office, grinning ear to ear. Your coworkers will assume that you ate a great sandwich, which is technically true. The fact that you made sandwiches between the sheets is beside the point. Between driving home, banging like a thoroughbred and then driving back to work, time to eat is limited. Lucky for you there are fast, simple, refreshing meals like this sandwich to recharge your battery for the long afternoon that lies ahead. Plus you are putting leftovers from last night to work. Pat yourself on the back for being so resourceful. You are an inspiration to us all! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Cajun, fusion, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, seafood, SINWICHES, southern, spicy | Tagged: afternoon quickie, aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, blackened catfish, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, fish sandwich recipe, fish wrap, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, jackhammer, kitchen, leftover fish, lettuce, libido, lunch break, naked, on the go, pantywaist, papaya salsa, pita, quickie fishy sinwich recipe, recharge, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, thoroughbred, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 8, 2010
You jam straight I want to bang some more
So I admit freely that my knowledge of New Zealand is limited to the Lord of the Rings, Flight of the Conchords, and a family friend who renounced his Kiwi citizenship. None of this was going to help the fact that I brazenly invited a cute New Zealand girl I met randomly at a bowling alley bar over for dinner. She believed me when drunkenly I claimed that New Zealand cuisine had inspired my culinary palette. So the gauntlet was thrown down for me to WOW this hopefully kinky kiwi. All my research has turned up was in detail reports about the oppression of the Mauri people, which didn’t strike me as light dinner conversation. So I just bought a bag of kiwi fruit and winged it. After great debate with myself, and with timing running out before she showed up, I decided to make a jam of sorts. I served it with bread, Brie cheese and a New Zealand wine. This winning combination led to a winning combination of positions in the bedroom, invented by the same people that brought us bungee jumping. After that night I vowed never to never confuse Kiwi and Aussie girls again. They hate that. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | condom-ment, fusion, gift, healthy, MORNING WOOD, new zealand, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, bang, brie cheese, bungee jumping, butter, caramelize, cool, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, flight of the conchords, flour, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harden, homemade, honey, intercourse, international, jam recipe, jelly, kitchen, kiwi chick, Kiwi jam recipe, lime, lord of the rings, mauri, naked, new zealand, new Zealander, Oceana, pectin, recipe, romantic, seduce, sex, spread, sugar, tasty, vodka, wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 