September 18, 2015
Ram that graham and until your lover say, "Dammmmn!"
Much props goes out to PRISCILLA in Charlotte, NC for this confection concoction. I first made this dessert while I was doing a CTB Home Invasion at her pad. Homegirl had so much great food to work with it was embarrassment of riches. The ladies atteneding all did agree that it was pretty damn delicious. Whodathunk such a random commingling of goods would kick such ass? The graham rammed itself down everybody’s throats with not a complaint in the mix. It’s as if it came to life, wooed each and every one of us individually, and then banged us sweetly. I want to say I was taken advantage of, perhaps violated. But that would be a lie. All witnesses can attest that I was flirting with my dessert all night. Every few minutes I’d be checking it out in the oven, fondling it, cooing sweet nothings about how banging it looked. I woke up in an empty bed with nothing but graham and coconut crumbs and a note that read: Thanks for the memories! Read the rest of this entry »
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dairy, RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, butter, charlotte, crumbs, ctb, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, golden grahams, gourmet, graham krispies, guarantee, home invasion, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, marshmallows, naked, north Carolina, Priscilla, ram that graham, random, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shredded coconut, sweet nothings, sweet temptation, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
August 21, 2015
The Lady and the Trampy Scampi
I used to stamp my little feet as a child when someone called me a shrimp. It drove me batty that I wasn’t a “big kid”. Time changes everything. Call me a shrimp as an adult and I’ll thank you, and then fantasize about buttery, garlicky goodness. I am the first to admit that I’ll get trampy for shrimp scampi. A note to the ladies: you too can put a man like myself under your spell with this dish. There’s something amazing about cooking shellfish in this velvet sauce that grants the chef the power of mind control. It’s been that way ever since I stole the recipe from a heavily guarded underground vault in Switzerland. Sure I am wanted by Interpol, but I did it all for you, dear reader. Who loves ya? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, butter, buttery, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, fast, fish market, flavor, flavorful, game changer, garlic, garlicky, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, lemon, naked, parsley, recipe, salt, seafood, seduce, sex, shrimp, Shrimp scampi recipe, simple, slut, tasty, tramp, trampy, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 1, 2015
When your date says “Oh!” you say “Yeah!”
Oh boy! Oh man! Oh god! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (to NKTOB groove)! These are just some of the many reactions I have heard to making oatmeal CTB style. We’ve all eaten instant oatmeal, mostly during childhood, although some of us (my friends know who I speak of) still gobble that shit up. But what about the rest of whose taste buds haven’t matured beyond a 6-year-old, their fingers stained with Kool-Aid? Oatmeal can be something other than a bland exercise in self-restraint. But why not have the best of both worlds? Nutrition and flavor can still give each other lap dances with the right amount of TLC. And that’s what this recipe is all about. Here’s to the one sleeping in your bed who’s waking up to a big surprise. Expect them to be smiling like a donut. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bananas, bang, banging, boil, brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, delicious, DIY, easy, flavor, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet oatmeal, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, instant oatmeal, intercourse, kitchen, kool-aid, lap dances, libido, melt, milk, mix, naked, new kids on the block, nktob, nutrition, o-face, o-faced oatmeal recipe, oats, oh-faced, raisins, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, smile like a donut, syrup, tasty, tlc, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 12, 2015
Grilled Nectarines reign supreme in the BBQ scene.
This is as close as you can get to grilling up sex appeal. Most grilling consists of men cooking meat for the pleasure of other men. That’s not gay. Right? But this little side dish/DESSERT breaks all the machismo boundaries and labels associated with backyard barbecues. You have the fire for the cavemen, the fruity fun for the ladies, and the sweetness for the kid in all of us. Plus these nectarines are so simple to make that you could develop quantum physic formulas simultaneously. You are running out of excuses not to make these sweet satisfactions for someone your sweet on. Best get down to the produce aisle then. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, southern, summer, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: backyard barbecue, bang, banging, barbecue, bbq, brown sugar, butter, caveman, cavemen, cinnamon, coals, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, fire, food, game changer, gay, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled fruit, grilled nectarine recipe, grilled sextarines recipe, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, machismo, naked, nectarine, quantum physics, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex appeal, side dish, summer, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 29, 2015
Pancake poonany perfection
So you’ve just wrapped up a sexual escapade that lasted all morning. Your date is ravenous and is threatening mutiny if you don’t fill their gullets stat. You can do nothing and risk never hearing from them again, which may be the right choice if it’s some skank or bozo. But chances are you wouldn’t have allowed them to stay the night if they weren’t worth making a little effort to feed. If all goes to plan, the afternoon can be a sequel to the morning’s kinky adventures between the sheets. This recipe originated from a severe lack of ingredients. I had only one egg, frozen blackberries and a very hungry girl in my bed. So I improvised and made the morning carry on into the evening, flaking on set plans to have dinner with my mother. Sorry, mom! She forgave me and my date did not erase me from her phonebook. One last thought, why settle for bisquik and water, when the from scratch method takes two extra seconds and yields randy results? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, blackberries, Blackberry pancakes, bread, breakfast, butter, classic, delicious, easy, eggs, flour, from scratch, game changer, get laid, gourmet, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, milk, morning, naked, pancakes, post-coital, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, syrup | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 27, 2015
These are lemon bar none the best way to make somone sweet into a tart
Lemon bars are a fairly innocuous sweet treat favored by WASPy church ladies and the uptight men that don’t get to bang them. Even I can appreciate the wholesome nature of these lovely lemon luxuries. But that doesn’t mean we must have undying reverence for the sacred lemon bar. Make them right and lemon bars can be a citrus-soaked ticket to Boom-Shaka-Laka-Land. Praise be to the dessert treat that can lure in the do-gooder with the do-great ass using sweetness, then convince them to get naked with sour tart. Think of these lemon bars as the bait on a trap, a decoy if you will. Plant a seed with that sexy new coworker, naughty neighbor, or coffee shop acquaintance. Hand them a bar, allow them to experience the orgasmic indulgence in private and wait. Compliments and praise for your culinary prowess will surely follow. This is the part where you invite them over to your place for more of the same, but in a more intimate setting. Game, set and match! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bait, bake, baking powder, bang, bar, boom shaka laka, butter, church lady, coconut, conservative, delicious, dessert, easy, eggs, flour, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, Lemon bar recipe, lemony, lunch, lure, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy lemon bars, snack, Sour, sugar, sugary, sundry, sweet, tart, tasty, trap, treat, vanilla, vegetarian, WASP, wholesome, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 25, 2015
Make sure they’re on their knees begging before serving them what they want.
They’ll beg and beg and beg. Let them. It’s only natural. They want what you got. Basic law of supply and demand. Make like OPEC fixing the price of your commodities. Make outrageous demands they have no choice but to meet. It’s not like they can go elsewhere. Right? You’re wondering about alternative sources of sexual energy? Ha! There is no substitute for the man tested, woman approved real thing. 4 billion years of Earthlings banging can’t be wrong. So embrace the goods granted to you by God, evolution or your preferred “Where did we come from?” dogma. Now make them beg long and HARD. Afterwards, serve them breakfast as a reward for the respect shown. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bacon, bang, banging, basil, beg a dick, breakfast, butter, cayenne pepper, dairy, delicious, dijon mustard, DIY, dogma, early, earthlings, easy, eggs, eggs beg-a-dick, eggs benedict recipe, English muffin, evolution, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, gourmet eggs benedict, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, morning, MORNING WOOD, naked, oil, opec, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sunrise, supply and demand, tasty, turkey bacon, veggie bacon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 16, 2015
This recipe will self-destruct in 10 seconds…after you bang like a champ!
These potatoes are not unlike Inspector Gadget’s self-destructing mission assignments. But instead of them blowing up and you get saliva across your face instead of soot. These bad boys pack a walloping 1-2-3 punch of tasty, decadent flavor. They are not for the pantywaists concerned about too much flavor overwhelming the subtlety of the evening. Not on my watch! Like Inspector Gadget, and really his dog Brain who did everything, I am working with a shadowy government organization seeking to rid the world of flavor. That is where these potatoes come in. It’s our secret weapon against those who would remove any remnants of toe-curling pleasure you could eke out of dining. If we let them win now, who’s to say what they could next. Soon enough they’ll be taking away our love of banging! Glenn Beck should be all up in their tits. Who’s the real American hero now, crybaby? Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, irish, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, black pepper, Brain, butter, cheese, crybaby, dairy, delicious, DIY, dr. claw, easy, explosion, flavor, food, fox news, game changer, garlic, get laid, glenn beck, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, Inspector Gadget, intercourse, kaboom, kitchen, libido, milk, mini potatoes, mission, naked, oral, oral tater-splosions, parmesan, pleasure, real American hero, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, self-destruct, sex, shadowy government organization, soot, tasty, toe-curling, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 9, 2015
He will massage your mornings and satiate your soul.
Your mornings will never be the same once Mr. Morning Magic Hour takes control. He is sure to wow and might even sing opera classics if you ask nicely. The date you hosted is catching up on asleep after an exhausting night of physical activity. You wore ‘em out being incendiary in the sack. Your plan is to keep it going all afternoon and into the evening, but you both need fuel for that triumph. So bring the delectable lunatic lothario out of retirement and serve him up on a plate. Sure you could serve the same ingredients on a plate without the face, but why? You might as well become a eunuch and expire watching CSPAN. Bring some flare back to breakfast and let Mr. Magic out of his cage. AVE MARIA!!! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES | Tagged: avocado, bacon, bacon mustache, bang, bread, breakfast, breakfast face, butter, cspan, delicious, DIY, early, easy, eggs, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, immature, intercourse, kitchen, kiwi, lothario, morning, Mr. morning magic hour, naked, parsley, recipe, seduce, sex, silly, sustenance, tasty, toast, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 17, 2014
Unlike TLC, I am too proud to beg.
You should know better than to beg. There is clear a disconnect with your mastery of the CTB philosophy. When you serve that special someone amazing food than you won’t have to beg. It is your date who will beg you for more whether that is a second helping of bagel pizzas or another screaming orgasm. Groveling doesn’t suit you. That’s for the people who can’t close the deal in good faith. Be grateful there are chumps out there on their knees looking pathetic and sexually frustrated. They suffer so you don’t have to. Just do the voodoo that you do in the kitchen and the bedroom. This recipe is so fast and impressive that you can’t help but reap the rewards. Reap away, reaper. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, italian, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bagel, bagel melt, Bagel pizza recipe, bagel sandwich, bang, basil, butter, cheap. Easy, chump, delicious, dinner, DIY, don’t make me bagel pizza recipe, don’t make me beg, easy, fast, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, groveling, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, mozzarella cheese, mushroom, naked, recipe, screaming orgasms, seduce, sex, sexually frustrated, snack, spinach, tasty, toasted, toaster, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 